Finding What Is Lost
by Bunnylass
Summary: Multiple POV's. Suze Simon is back in Carmel to reconnect with the family and find something she's lost; if only she knew just what it is. But she never counted on meeting single father, Jesse De Silva and his beautiful little girl! Chapter 25 up! UPDATED!
1. Finding What Is Lost

_**Disclaimer**_: The Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot.

_**Rating**_: M - Mature themes and scenes.

_**Summary**_: Multiple POV's. Suze Simon is back in Carmel to reconnect with the family and find something she's lost; if only she just what it is. But she never counted on meeting single father, Jesse De Silva and his beautiful little girl. Soon a new plan is set into motion with no end in sight.

_**A/N**_: Hi everyone! Well, this story is just something I've had floating around my mind for some time, so I figured I'd do it as a small break away from _Moments In Time_ and between writing a sequel for another story. So I hope you enjoy it. Please review, any feedback and love is always appreciated. :)

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_**Finding What Is Lost**_

"Oh come on, Gina! You know it wasn't going to work out. There was too much baggage there," I wheedled to my best friend in the whole world since I was a kid. Also the biggest pain in my ass when she got her panties in a knot about something. Just, 'looking out' for me as she likes to put it when we get onto a conversation about my latest squeeze that didn't turn out to be 'the one'. "Besides, it was time to come back. I was going too eventually, we have a plan we still got to follow through, remember?" I pressed, grinning slyly at her quietness on the other end of the phone line. "You going to chicken out on me?"

"No!" She cried indignantly. I got the image of her pulling the phone away and scowling daggers at it. "Don't try and pull that crap on me, Simon, I'm better at it," She replied, getting her edge back. I laughed and turned onto my road, heading up the long hill to my mom's house. "But if we're going to do this, you need to spend less time out in the clubs and looking for a place of our own. Comprende?"

"Oh chill down, Gina, I have to scope out the local competition don't I?" I laughed, rolling across the gravel of the driveway and pulling up next to one of those trucks men seem to adore. "I've got an appointment with the estate agent tomorrow, I'm already on it. So calm down and let me do what I came back here to do." I soothed as I shut off the car and climbed out. I leant up against the closed door, holding my phone in my hand and observing the car in front of me. "When are you due in anyway?" I asked, steering the conversation away.

"Nice try at changing the subject, and if I wasn't in a rush to get ready for a date then I would be bitching at you more right now," She said, the sounds of shuffling feet and muttered curses coming over the line. "Anyway, I should be in Thursday, you still okay to come pick me up? Sure you won't be distracted by old school friends and stuff?" She jibed, knowing it wasn't likely. I was staying away from that area. For now anyway.

"Of course I can come pick you up, no worries about that. Look I'll let you go, I want to go see who owns a truck and is taking up my parking space," I narrowed my eyes at the car like that would give some answers. "I'll call soon, have fun tonight. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I said with a grin. She snorted and I rang off. I pulled my hands free ear piece out of my ear and walked up to the porch steps, jogging up them with a burst of energy.

I was just pulling open my bag to put my phone and keys back in it when the door opened and the light was blocked by a tall, wide muscular figure taking up the entire doorway. I slowly raised my eyes from where they were stuck on his tan boots and up his long jean clad legs. Dusking over his strong looking chest and wide broad shoulders. I blinked, snapping my eyes up to his face, taking a step back with how dangerously handsome he was. From his inky black hair and dark, dark eyes staring down at me in curiosity. He raised a black eyebrow, his thin lips parting to say something.

And _wow_! I felt the breath go still in my chest, my jaw slackening. And no matter how much I was telling myself I was gaping at the tall, mysterious and sexy as hell man in front of me, I just couldn't rip my eyes away from him. His olive skin tones and the way the white t-shirt was setting off his tan _strong_ forearms and - yep, there was _definitely_ some powerful biceps underneath those straining sleeves. I know there are some good-looking guys in Carmel, my old school friend, Adam is one of them. But this guy. _This_ one was in a league of his own. I had no idea they bred them like that here.

When I finally made the decision to leave New York behind again and come back to where my mom dragged me when I was sixteen, I wasn't planning on getting into anything that would just end up with me having the same conversation I was just having with Gina. No relationships. Not since Paul who was just a big fat mistake. I came back to open a business. A bar/club with Gina. Something away from the city. I wanted to reconnect with my mom and step-siblings. To get to know Andy better and find something I haven't found in New York. This would of course help if I actually knew what I was looking for. But I didn't slide into my agenda, meeting a tall, handsome stranger and going weak at the knees instantly.

Until this tall handsome stranger of course.

But the magic moment between us was broken instantly when the sounds of small feet came running up to the door through the house.

"Daddy, come _on_! We have to _go_! I'll be late for the party," A little girl with dark curly hair and natural streaks of honey gold weaving through it said; appearing around from behind the man standing in my way. She reached up and tugged hard at his large hand hanging at his side. "_Daddy_!"

Instantly his eyes switched down to the cute little girl bubbling with excitement as her curly hair bounced around her shoulders. She turned to look at me with startling blue grey eyes before looking back up at him. He smiled seeing her excitement and I had the oddest feeling it was a sight you only ever saw directed to the little ball of energy standing on tiptoes dressed in a pretty red dress that set off her equally tanned skin tones dramatically. She was as beautiful as her dad was dangerous. He flicked one of her curls, tweaked her nose and reached out for her to take his hand.

"Okay, princesa, let's go," He boomed, his voice deep, lilting and with a hint of an accent I couldn't place until he turned to my mother coming up behind him. "Thank you for having her Mrs. Ackerman. I really appreciate all the help you have given me. Say goodbye, Alisa. You'll see her tomorrow," He drawled, his Spanish deepening with affection when he spoke to his little girl. "See you later. Ma'am," He nodded to me as he stepped around me, listening to his daughter as she chatted away to him carefully going down the steps. I was still standing there watching while he strapped her into her booster seat in the car and climbed behind the wheel.

Not once looking back up at me on the porch, my jaw only just snapping shut.

It wasn't until he reversed out of the driveway and driven away, leaving me to watch the tail of his truck go down the road did I release my breath in one full whoosh. "_Wow_ . . ." I finally sighed dreamily, blinking away the image I had of him. The _vivid_ image my mind instantly brought up. His arms wrapped around me. His eyes darkened with something strictly for me. "Who, is _that_?" I asked, spinning on my heel to stare at my mother with wide-eyed disbelief. She was leaning against the doorjamb, grinning at my expression.

"That is one of our local doctors," She said, highly amused with my flushed gooey expression. He was enough to make any red-hot blooded women's head turn a few times. "But he's also a single father who is happy with his status quo, so leave him alone." She said succinctly, narrowing her eyes at me, putting a point, I'm not sure what, across to me. Before turning to walk into the house where I walked in after her.

"I didn't know they grow them like that around here," I said, shutting the door behind us and following her down into the kitchen. "But then again, I distinctly thought I heard some Spanish in his voice. Seriously, Mom, you could have warned me there's a man like _that_ walking around Carmel! If his little girl hadn't have appeared, I think I might have proposed to him then and there! What's his name?" I pressed, jumping onto a bar stool in the kitchen. "A man like that has to have an equally hot name to go with his dangerously hot appearance." I carried on, winding her up. I knew she was holding back a laugh, which just encouraged me more.

"His name is Hector," She said, turning to place a cup of coffee in front of me, smirking as she leaned back against the kitchen side.

"_Hector_? You have to be kidding?" I cried slumping in my seat a little. My mom's laugh went right over my head and I just pouted some more. "That was an anti-climax. I was expecting something like a little more . . . I don't know, sexy. To go with his drop dead gorgeous looks and killer body." I trailed off, fantasying about him a little more. I wasn't being serious, but it was fun to play it out. Okay, so I was being serious about the killer body. That definitely had my blood pumping. But as soon as she said single father, my views changed of him a little. Not in a bad way of course.

"Jesse." My mom said, interrupting my thoughts.

"What?"

"His real name is Hector; the name he gives to people closest to him is Jesse." She smiled, sipping at her hot coffee and looking at me over the rim of the cup. While I was left to take that name in, a slow grin surfacing while I rolled it around in my mind, my mom got some biscuits down from the cupboard and placed them in front of me, taking a stood herself. "Not so much of an anti-climax then, huh?" She gave me that meaningful look and took a biscuit. "I can tell from your expression, honey."

"I'm an open book," I grinned, wrapping my hands around the hot cup. "It's a nice name though. And Hector means tenacious anyway, so it wasn't _all_ bad," I swiped a biscuit too, making a plan to go for a run first thing in the morning. "So what kind of doctor is he?" I mumbled around a mouthful of crumbs, ignoring my mom's chastising look. I was only around her, I didn't care about manners. At least I wasn't as disgusting about eating as my step-brothers anyway. "I mean does he work down at the hospital or what. What's his story?" I wiped my mouth with the piece of kitchen towel my mom handed to me with a roll of the eyes.

"He's a G.P. It's better hours for him and allows him to spend more time with, Alisa. She's his world," She answered, sobering a bit and sitting forward in her seat. "So don't go and try making a move on him, Suze. I've seen too many women try and get to him through his daughter, not caring that they might hurt her in the process. It's not fair on either of them. He's been on his own with her since she was born and her mother run off. He's happy the way he is. Keep out of his way."

"Give me some credit mom, I wouldn't do that to them. Especially his little girl. I do have some respect and dignity thank you," I replied easily. I know she was only looking out for Jesse and more importantly, Alisa. And I wasn't planning on rocking the boat anyway. I can be his friend and help him relax those tense shoulders. But I wouldn't go through his daughter to get to him. And I felt a stirring of anger at any women who _had _tried. "I'm just admiring him from afar."

My mom looked at me closely for a few seconds before finally nodding her head, happy with what she found. "Well, so long as that's _all _you do," She smiled eventually. "Anyway, I thought you were still trying to get over what's-his-name in New York. That is partly why you're here, isn't it?"

I sighed internally and levelled an even stare on her. "His name is Paul, mom. And no, I'm not here to get over him. I did that the minute I found him shacking up with that bimbo. Surprisingly, I wasn't all that bothered. But I'm not hiding away if that's what you think. I told you I'm here to stay. To reconnect with the family. New York is great and I'll miss it. But, I need a touch of hometown comfort. And it's the perfect place for Gina and me to start our business. I won't be staying here for long. I'm already looking into renting an apartment. But I'm not planning on leaving Carmel anytime soon."

"That's good to know, honey," She said, her voice thick with emotion. She reached out to take my hand and gave it a squeeze. "And you know you can stay here for as long as you need. It'll be good to have another female around the house that isn't four years old." She laughed.

I got up off my stool and walked around to give her a hug. "It's good to be home, mom," I murmured, before stepping back and giving her a smile. "And Gina will be here by the end of the week. Between the three of us, we can put them in their place," I grinned, picking up my phone and bag and walking out of the kitchen with my mom's light laugh floating after me. I breathed in a huge breath when I got to the stairs, glancing back at the window overlooking the driveway. Before they turned to the door getting the faint image of Jesse standing there, filling it with his presence.

"Now I just have to find what I'm looking for." I muttered before climbing the stairs, humming a song.


	2. Chapter Two

**_A/N_**: I had to write this chapter out, because I have been itching to update this story almost straight after posting the first, flimsy chapter. So I hope you like this longer one. Thank you for the great response to the first chapter. I love this story already. And I think I may have fallen in love with single Daddy, Jesse. Hehe. Thanks for reading, please review. :)

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**_Chapter Two_**

I looked down at my daughter sitting on a stool beside me at the counter of the _Coffee Clutch_, when she made a deliberate act of trying to decide what drink she would have today. And I smiled, because I already knew what drink it would be. The same she has every time we come into the diner as is our weekly tradition since we moved to Carmel, California. And away from the old life we left behind with the sympathetic eyes and clucking of the tongue. It's just Alisa and me. All I need. Or all I keep _telling_ myself I need. But I knew what my _princesa_'s choice would be. A strawberry milkshake with extra ice-cream she could scoop out. But I stood patiently beside her anyway and waited for her to tell me what I already knew.

"Umm," She hummed, her finger tipping her chin this way and that. "Umm . . . "

"It's not a hard decision to make, Alisa," I chuckled, leaning up against the steeled counter. She shot me a disbelieving glance and went back to look at the board. "Maybe it is then."

"It has to be _perfect_, Daddy!" She explained, imploring me with her wide blue eyes sparkling with mischief. "I might order the wrong thing and then I'll have to come up here and choose something diff'frent. And it's a vicous hoop, Daddy," She told me with earnest, blinking at me with complete seriousness before turning back to look at her options. "Oh! Can I have a coffee like you? I'm old enough to drink it now." She smiled sweetly trying to sway me.

But I'm immune to it now. Or so I try.

"You mean vicious circle and no you may not have a coffee. Little ladies don't drink the horrible vile beverage," I answered, trying to smother a look of horror that she would ask. Once again, startled by my own child. I was soon muttering below my breath, "That's for overly-stressed adults who are too weak to stop drinking it." Alisa didn't hear me and we went back to patiently waiting for her to choose. When the bell above the door chimed, I turned on instinct to see who had entered the diner. And when I saw the woman from the day before, who looked flushed and startled standing on the welcome mat of Helen Ackerman's door, I straightened up from my leaning pose.

She didn't see me as she stepped through the door, just seemed to look along the row of booths with a slightly anxious appearance. She wasn't looking for someone per-se. More as though looking for someone she could _avoid_. She looked casual and business like in her black pin-stripped trousers and blouse. Not a flowery overly ruffled one I've seen other woman wear. Just a simple shirt that clung to her figure and made her curves extenuate in all the right places. Her skin alight and kissed from the sun. Her hair was sitting around her shoulders as though she'd arranged it that way. Even though I doubted it, knowing how strong the wind was when I first stepped out of my front door.

But for my entire subtle glance at what she was wearing, my eyes soon went to hers and remembered the look in them when she came face to face with me yesterday. The way her Sage green eyes slid from my feet up my body and into my own eyes. I was as shocked by my reaction to her then as I was now. Attraction. Pure and simple. And I fell into her gaze with her quick flash of desire before she hid it and snapped back to reality with a tug. I don't even know her name! Not for certain anyway. Helen mentioned her daughter coming back to Carmel. But I wasn't really paying attention at the time. And more I looked, the more I could see some of her Mother in her.

"Daddy I'm ready to order now," Alisa said innocently, wrenching my mind and libido away from the woman standing inside the door.

Away from the way she was running her hand through her rich hair and fluffing it with her fingers before she steeled her shoulders and took a seat in an empty booth close to the door. And for the second time in two days, I was reminded _why_ I could look at a woman, but only from the sidelines. Where's its safe for both Alisa and me. Unfortunately, it's hard to admit it has been a long time since I felt such a strong and instant attraction to a woman. Since Alisa's Mother actually. I've been on dates, some even going so far as to call it a minor relationship. Fulfilling the natural need in me for a while. Quenching the ache and loneliness.

But there wasn't such a strong pull as I had with this unique stranger.

Maybe it was the deep endless look in her eyes that I was willing to revel in when we couldn't look away that I was drawing that assumption from. Basking in the array of wonder other than pure lust I am sometimes met with. But whatever it was, it was as though something had stirred within me. Something I have tamped down for the past couple of years for protection of Alisa and me. I didn't even realize I was outwardly showing it until Alisa suddenly alerted me to it.

"Why are you smiling, Daddy?" She asked, peering up at me with one of her own.

I looked away from the woman, just like I should have done the moment I dropped back into the known universe when Alisa cut into my wild and abandoned thoughts like a knife. And my smile turned into my special one for my special daughter. "I'm smiling because I bet I can guess what you've chosen," I chuckled, tugging lightly at one of her braids I've been getting better at. She lifted a hand to smother her giggle and I turned back to the nice elderly lady, Ada, who was more than used to Alisa's slow order. "She'll have the usual please. And I think I'll have one today, too."

She winked at Alisa. "Coming right up, honey."

My daughter spun around on her stool to face me, making it a lot easier for me to prevent my eyes from rising and looking at the lone woman in the booth who had just made her order, keeping her head down as much as possible. "Can I carry my own drink over to the table, today? I won't drop it, I pwomise, Daddy," She asked, her grin making the dimple in her right cheek deepen. I felt a rush of love for her and felt the thoughts of the lone woman skate even further out of my mind. "I'm a big girl now, I can do it."

I tried not to envision Alisa spilling half of it down herself and on the floor, nodding my consent. "Yah!"

"But you have to be really careful, Alisa, okay?" I bent down to be eye-level with her. "I don't want someone tripping over you by accident. It's quiet now, but that might change," She nodded and I picked her up to settle her on the floor. I knew she could get down by herself like she rightly pointed out to me often. But any opportunity I get to hold her, even for seconds, I leap at. She's growing up so fast, I'm afraid if I blink I'll miss something vital. "Here you go, _princesa,_" I handed her milkshake down to her, making sure she had full hold of it before I let go. "Drink some of it so it doesn't spill over."

She did as I suggested and smiled up at me. "Meet you over there!"

I held my breath for seconds, watching her careful steps before I managed to pull my sight away from her. As my _Madre_ keeps pointing out, I can't keep watching after her all her life. No matter how much I wish I could. Turning back to Ada with a rueful smile, dropping my eyes from her own understanding look, I pulled out my wallet and laid some bills out on her open hand. I was just about to pick up my own shake when I heard the most horrifying, ear-splitting screech from somewhere filled with angry curses and yells. I spun on my heel and looked around for the commotion, catching sight of Alisa standing with wide tear filled eyes up at a blonde, slim woman. Who was trying to brush off the milkshake spilt all over her, what looked to be expensive clothes.

I felt my heart leap to my throat when Alisa's bottom lip stuck out, her chin trembling.

Ignoring my own shake, I took two steps towards my upset daughter, when movement from the lone woman caught my attention. And I stopped, transfixed where she dropped to Alisa's side and spoke to her in hushed, reassuring words. Somehow making her smile through her tears and sniffles. She reached out and stroked a hand down Alisa's hair before standing to her full height and glaring at the woman still seething and muttering to herself. Not even seeming to realize she was doing it, the beautiful stranger I'd be thinking about for the past few minutes pushed Alisa back behind her, taking her out of line of sight and fury of the blonde.

I finally snapped into action then. I walked up to them quickly, bending down to scoop Alisa up and into my arms, her thumb going straight to her mouth and her head burying in my neck. I turned back to the two women and caught up with their conversation.

"She did it on purpose!" The blonde exclaimed angrily, flinging a hand out at where Alisa was just standing. Not noticing, or uncaring that she was no longer in front of her. I felt my lips press tight together, holding my own disgust back. Her anger directed at Alisa's rescuer. "Do you _know_ how much this outfit _cost_, _Suze_. Oh, what am I saying, of _course_you don't. You'll never get it. But now it's ruined! Completely unsalvageable! I got this top from _Paris_! If the little _brat_ - "

"Hey! Watch it, Kelly," '_Suze_' growled, narrowing her eyes at the blonde she obviously knew. "She's only a kid. She tripped, it happens. I saw it for myself, it was a complete accident. It serves you right for wearing over-priced clothes to a coffee shop. But that doesn't give you the right to freak out at her. She's upset enough, you're not making it any better for her," She took a deep breath and stood back. "And I know for a fact that top can be dry-cleaned. You're just being a drama queen."

"I am _not_ - !" Kelly went to take a step forward, but my own cutting voice broke her off.

"My daughter would never have dropped or spilt her drink over you on purpose, Ms," I said as calmly as possible. Both women jumped and spun to look at me, finally realizing I was standing there, so caught up in their argument they were. '_Suze_' standing closest to me visible relaxed. And Kelly went straight to flicking her hair and sending me a sultry surprised glance. I rebuffed that look instantly. Alisa raised her head to look around all three of us, her sniffles subsiding, but her thumb still in her mouth.

"Your daughter?" Kelly asked, laying a hand to her chest, as a way to draw my attention to her over-exposed cleavage. But also to make it seem as though she was cherished by the fact I had a child. I know some men bask in the attention it garners them. I couldn't care less for the extra attention. I've seen far too many women do it over the past four years. And it gets old very quickly. "Oh, she's - "

"Four-years-old," I cut her off, taking a step back from her. "And I don't take kindly to you speaking to her the way you did. She's a child, not someone beneath you, Ms. Like it has been said, it was an accident. And I'm sure if the lady says your top can be cleaned, then it can. I was going to offer to pay for it as an apology. But I'm going to withhold that offer on account of the way you treated my daughter. No-one deserves what you said, especially not a child." And I walked off back to the counter where my own shake was still waiting for me. Before I said something just as insulting and hurtful to her. Two-wrongs don't make a right. I told Alisa that only a couple of weeks ago.

How would that look if I did the complete opposite? No matter how much I wanted to.

"You okay, _princesa_?" I softly asked, sitting her down on the stool she'd vacated minutes before. She gave me a sad nod, her thumb still in her mouth. I tucked an errant strand of hair back behind her ear and slid my milkshake along the counter and closer to her. "Want my milkshake instead?" I looked at her closely, waiting for a reaction. All I got was a shake of her head, her bottom lip jutting out. I closed my eyes and silently cursed the woman for knocking her confidence down to nothing. "Come on, _princesa_, there's lots of ice-cream in my one too. You can scoop it out. Or we can have sprinkles and chocolate sauce added to it!"

But still I got nothing.

"Is she okay?" Someone suddenly asked from behind me. And when I turned around, I came face to face with the woman that had defended Alisa. My breath went still in my chest and for a second, I didn't say anything. Her eyes were a little darker than they were yesterday, the annoyance still clear in them. But concern for Alisa too. She blinked once and the moment was broken. Her gaze switching to Alisa. "Aww, don't listen to anything that mean lady said, sweetie. She's just embarrassed because you made her outfit look even uglier than it already was." And much to my surprise, Alisa giggled. Looking up at '_Suze_' with bright amused eyes.

"Yes! I got a laugh out of her! Score one to me," She joked, winking at my little girl. I could feel my own smile try and surface. But something held me back and just watched the interplay instead. "I'm Susannah Simon, by the way; Helen's daughter. But you can call me Suze if you want, everyone else does. Sorry I'm only just introducing myself. You took me by surprise yesterday. It's nice to meet you though." She said turning to me with a casual and easy smile.

One I returned without trying.

"It's nice to meet you too, Susannah. I'm Jesse De Silva and this is my daughter, Alisa. I'm sure your mother has already told you about us," I replied, barely noticing the slip of giving her my family nickname until it was too late. But the last part ended with derision and weariness. Waiting for Susannah's sympathetic glance at our history and my status as a single-father. But I never received any of it. Susannah didn't bat an eyelash at my quip.

"Yeah she has. And your Daddy's definitely doing a great job of raising a little Angel like you, isn't he?" She grinned to Alisa, whose thumb was gone from her mouth and watching us both intently. Knowing that, I took a step back from Susannah and closer to Alisa. "Bit inexperienced at braiding though I'm guessing?" She laughed, lifting one of Alisa's and letting it slide through her slender and graceful fingers. When she looked back up at me, there was humor and mischief in her eyes.

"I'm learning," I shot back, shrugging lightly.

"Daddy talks to himself when he does them," Alisa piped up grinning up at Susannah. "He tells me to cover my ears in case he says something naughty and I'm not allowed to hear or repeat it. But I heard him say _Mierda_ this morning. It means a bad word in Spanish, doesn't it, Daddy?" She beamed up at me innocently. Oblivious to the way I had my hand scrubbing down my face and along my jaw. _Mierda_ indeed, I thought. "I get told off when I say it. But my friends don't know what it means so I get to say it all I want at kinter'garten." And she looked as proud of herself as she said it.

I cringed catching Susannah's eye.

"Is that so?" She drawled, amusement heavy in her tone.

"Yep!" Alisa smiled, reaching out to suck down a good portion of the milkshake I'd offered but she'd denied. But I couldn't stay mad at her. The fact Susannah had so effortlessly pulled her out of her sadness and returned my bubbly positive little girl again was enough for me. And I didn't have the heart to reprimand Alisa for her cussing. "D'you wants some, Daddy?" She offered once she pulled away from the shake with an audible smack of her lips. I shook my head and watched while she offered it to Susannah. "Sooze want some?"

"No thank you, sweetie," Susannah replied, looking down at the watch on her wrist, muttering a curse under her breath Alisa was too absorbed in her drink to hear. "I've got to run, I'm late for a meeting. It was nice to meet you properly, Jesse," She smiled, disarming me. I smiled back instantly and wondered if it reached my eyes. "And it was very nice to meet the little girl that keeps my Mom on her toes. Keep up the good work, she loves it." She winked.

"Bye, Sooze!" Alisa chirped, waving to her as she turned around and headed for the door after stopping by her booth to lay money down and pick up her bag. She turned to wave one last time before she left the diner. And when I turned back to look at Alisa, she was staring at me. "She's pretty, isn't she Daddy?"

_Yes she is_!

My first thought was. "But not as pretty as you!" I chuckled, tickling her and hopefully getting rid of anymore questions about Susannah Simon she might throw at me. I had a feeling it didn't matter how prepared I was, those questions would still take me by surprise. Just like when she asked when she was going to get a Mommy like everyone else in her class. They always seized my heart and made my loathing and resentment to her Mother increase each time. When I pulled away from tickling her, I waved Ada over. "I think I'll have that coffee now, please, Ada," I said, sitting back and muttering to myself.

"I need it after that encounter."

xXx

I am not going to whine. I am _not_, going to whine, I told myself walking into the open, dilapidated space with aching feet stuck in stupid high heels. Having been to at least four different spaces I was checking out for the club/bar Gina and I want to open in Carmel, I was more than ready to leave the nice, if not a little none-too-subtle estate agent behind. Not only have I been walking into places that make me want to wipe my feet on the way out and that haven't really given me much of an idea for a club, I've been searching out apartments too. That's been easier. I'm not fussed if I have a big place or just something enough for me. But after such a great start to the morning, followed by a slow treacherous day, I was more than ready to kick off the heels and open a bottle of wine.

Instead, I just kept my head up, ignored the fact my feet were crying for respite and walked further into the run-down place. Not as bad as the others and definitely with a lot more potential. A basement kind of club. An area for a stage that we can have live acts as much as possible. Open mike night and D.J's. A large area for dancing, the bar needs extending and shaping up to how we want it. And there's enough room to have areas for sitting so you can make a quiet night of it. It needed work. And lots of it. But it was possible. And Gina and I already knew we'd get a better profit for it by buying it cheap and building on it. We've got the money to do the extras already.

While the estate agent, Warren, wandered around, I quickly whipped out my phone, taking as many pictures as possible and sending them in a steady stream to Gina.

I'd been doing it with the other four places, all she'd instantly gone, _NO_! too.

I gave Warren a quick smile when he turned, catching me slipping my phone into my bag. "Let's have a look around, shall we?" I asked nicely, walking past him and pretending I didn't feel his leer on me. After the whole day, you'd think I'd have been used to it. Apparently not. When he finally came up to me I could see the interest in his expression. I just sighed and trailed behind him as he showed me around. He's a good looking guy, around my age, has a good job and is probably really sweet if I gave him a chance. Even though my inner voice was scoffing at me and pointing out the _keen_ interest he was showing. But he's not . . . He's not . . . Well, _Jesse_.

I slipped into thoughts of him _again_.

I had no idea I would bump into him and Alisa in the _Coffee Clutch_. I was hoping I wouldn't bump into anyone actually. Old school friend wise anyway. But when I saw Alisa's familiar dark hair walk past me gripping a strawberry shake tight in her hands, looking so confident about handling it, I instantly looked up and around me for her Dad. Spotting his equally dark hair at the counter. With his broad, wide shoulders and strong masculine shape. But I was soon whipping back around to Alisa when I heard something, just catching sight of her tripping and making her drink fall into Kelly Prescott's lap.

I would have laughed my ass off if she didn't suddenly freak out at the poor frightened little girl.

I don't know what took over in me, but before I knew it, I was out of my red vinyl booth and marching over to them. Reassuring Alisa before I turned my eyes onto the once most popular girl at the Junipero Serra Mission Academy, eight years ago. She still had pristine blonde hair, perfect make-up, flawless skin, expensive clothes, jewellery and perfume. The only thing that had changed was her attitude. It's gotten _worse_. And the way she scolded Alisa for the accident, was well out of line. And I damn well told her so. I don't even know why. I've seen kids make mistakes loads of times, but I've never jumped to their rescue. I didn't even think about this time. Maybe it was the way she lifted her thumb to her mouth and looked on with tears filling her eyes.

But the way Jesse handled it after me . . . I know I was looking up at him with puppy-dog eyes, in awe at the way he put Kelly right. He was riddled with tension and so angry, I was surprised he didn't snap harder. But he didn't. He just carried Alisa away and tried to cheer her up. Mom had mentioned to me after our first talk about him of what a great father he is. And it was definitely one of those have to see it, to believe it moments. Alisa adores her Daddy, and Jesse obviously feels the same way.

It kind of reminds me of my Dad, before he died.

Who knows. But when I walked up to them at the counter and saw how sad Alisa looked, I would have done anything to see that dimple again. And the relief on Jesse's face to see his daughter responding. I saw it in his eyes when they clashed with mine again. And then wouldn't pull away. Those unbearable eyes that made me feel hotter than I should have been in an air-conditioned diner. Eyes that showed something I couldn't begin to identify. But I saw attraction. I know I did. And the acknowledgment that it was mutual. But I went and broke the moment. I blinked once and his guards were back in place. Which was good, because - it was just good. That's what I've been telling myself all day.

And I'll keep saying it until I believe it.

I didn't want to leave them at the diner. I wanted to cancel the showings today and hang out with them and listen to Alisa tell me more about her dad accidentally teaching her cuss words and how he can't plait her hair. God, just the image of him brushing it out and trying to work out the sequence had me laughing spontaneously more than once. I've met him twice, once if you don't count the blistering first meeting. And I'm thinking of him already. I put it down to seeing things in Jesse, I've not seen in any other guy I've come across before.

And it's nothing to do with his deep, sexy Spanish baritone when he said my full-name.

But each time my traitorous mind went down that alley, I quickly pulled it away. It could be really easy to look at Jesse with infatuation and just fall at his feet. Or into his arms if he'd let me. I'm open about it if I'm attracted to a guy. Why beat around the bush? I have no reason to hide from them. But I was more, or I hoped, reserved with Jesse. Maybe because he leaves me feeling a little off balance. Or because he's a single father and not exactly open to a relationship, my mind reminded me. And that is a sobering thought. Lookie, but no touchy. I can do that. I might have fallen into his charms since the day before when he didn't even speak to me. But I can pull myself out of them and be what I said I'd be from the beginning.

A friend to him and his little girl.

"Miss Simon?" Warren stepped into my line of vision, talking to me. "Miss Simon are you okay? You look a little, distracted." He commented, sweeping his 'concerned' gaze over me. Oh boy. I suppressed rolling my eyes and took a step away from him. He'd been chatting to me all day. Where was I from originally? What made me want to come back to Carmel? The usual questions a guy asked trying to find out more information on you and to see if he's got a chance. As soon as I said I moved back from New York, I saw even more interest spark him. But my answer was quick and blunt. And he took a breather from prodding me for private information.

The fact is, opening the club/bar is something that will help me stay rooted in Carmel. I've always been close to my Mom. Maybe not distance wise. But we have a great mother/daughter relationship, that's had to be put on the back-burner for the last couple of years. I've been trying to make a life in New York. And ,mom's been building her new one in Carmel. We talked on the phone a lot and there had been visits back and forth. But I missed her. And although she didn't say it, she missed me too. She just didn't want to add guilt when I was trying to make it back where I always thought was Home. Being back in Carmel for the past two weeks, we've already slipped into that friendship we had before. I've treated her to a pampering day out together. We've done the shopping thing we used to love to do. Trying to avoid the Mall for my sake.

And for the first time in years, I feel _really_ good again. The kind of good you want to sprinkle and touch other people's lives, as corny as it sounds.

Plus the ganging up on my brothers has been great fun. I miss sparring with Brad. It just wasn't the same with Gina's.

I didn't resent mom for meeting Andy, getting married and shipping me across the country. Okay, so maybe I did a little. But once I saw how happy she was, it was pretty easy to slip into the new mode too. Sun every day, beach ten minutes away, a quiet school where I could start all over again . . . I had it good and I knew it. But I still went back to New York after high school. Moved in with Gina and stayed there for the past seven years. Until boredom set in and Home called again. So the dream to open a club with Gina started forming and we finally said, why not? And although the last place Warren was taking me around looked like crap; I could picture it in my mind. How Gina and I want it. How's it going to be.

How we're going to make it happen.

"Sorry, I'm just distracted," I said to Warren when I got his face in my direct line of sight again. "But I have a good feeling about this one. It needs a lot of work, but I already expected that," I took another good look around, a slow smile forming seeing it in my mind's eye again. "I want to come and check it out a couple more times before I make a decision. My partner is due in on Thursday, so if possible then or Friday would be great." I turned, aiming my smile at him.

He furrowed his brows. "Your partner?" He asked, as casually as he could.

I rolled my eyes at last. "Yeah, as in my business partner. She's going to want to check it out too. And any other places you've got that might come up between now and then. We're buying this together, her sway is as important as mine." I said as professionally as I could. I could have done with Gina being there with me. She's the one that doesn't take any crap and has her head on straight about getting everything organized and in line. But I won't deny the rush of the responsibility was kind of thrilling.

Warren nodded and his expression lightened. "No problem, Miss Simon. I'll have all that arranged for you as soon as possible. I'll be in touch with you within the next day or two."

I reached out and shook his offered hand, giving him a tight smile before retreating out of there as quick as I could. When I stepped out into the fresh air, I breathed it in gratefully. And only _then_, did I whine. "Damn, damn, damn!" I cried, hobbling over to my car and sinking into the soft seat with a sigh. The clock on the dash said it was coming up to four and my feet complained just how long I'd been on them. I pulled my legs in and closed the door. Cranking up the radio and relaxing to the soft voice of_ Sarah McLachlan,_ setting off for home. Reminding me I needed to make a decision on the apartment hunting thing.

And soon.

The ride home was quick and uneventful. I slipped back into navigating the traffic and crazy tourists easily and was soon pulling up next to Jesse's truck again. Just seeing it made my sore feet turn numb and my palms tingle with expectancy. It was about the usual time for him to drop Alisa off. She didn't have kindergarten today, some no-pupil day or something. But Jesse has a conference to go to, so Mom was looking after her again. She usually gets dropped off around four, but by the bus that takes the kids with working parents, home safely. Seeing as mom finishes work around 3pm anyway, the timing works out fine for everyone.

I stepped through the front door and instantly felt the tense and frantic atmosphere. I stepped down into the living room where they were talking. Mom was looking frazzled and nervous and was pacing a lot. Jesse was trying to calm her down and get through to her.

"What's going on?" I asked, stopping them both.

Alisa jumped up from where she was sitting on the coffee table and waved to me. "Hi, Sooze! Remember me?"

I laughed and stepped further into the room. "Of course I do, sweetie. You're the Angel that accidentally spilt strawberry milkshake over the wicked witch! I was hoping she'd melt, you know? Maybe next time though," I whispered conspiring with her, but more than loud enough for Jesse and my Mom to hear. "So what's going on? You look like you'll snap you're so tense Mom." I commented, dropping my bag onto the armchair.

"There's been some kind of accident with Andy at work and he's in the hospital," She said, running her hand through her hair. "It's nothing severe or life threatening, Suze, don't worry," She hastened to reassure me. And my heart started up all over again. Of course it wasn't anything major, Mom would have been out of here like a shot if it was. And that fear of losing another Dad dissipated again. "But he's unconscious and I can't get hold of Jake or Brad so there's no-one else to go to the hospital. But I promised Jesse I'd have Alisa and its one big mess!" She huffed, sitting down on the sofa almost defeated. "I've told him numerous times to be careful. But does he ever listen, no!"

"And I have been trying to tell your Mother it's not a problem and she should go," Jesse picked up, looking to me. "I can find someone else to look after Alisa, or cancel going. Going to see Andy is more important, Helen. You should go there."

"But I know this conference is important and that you need to go," Mom fought back. I shook my head at Alisa and gave her an exaggerated funny look. She burst out into giggles and quickly clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle them. I could see why Jesse adores her so much. She's too cute for words! "I know how hard it is to get a babysitter at such short notice and I hate having to cancel on you so suddenly - "

"For crying out loud, I'll do it," I said, breaking into her tirade. She obviously wanted to go to Andy but didn't want to let Jesse down. They both looked at me with blank expressions, before Mom laughed long and hard. At me, that is. "Okay, I know I'm not the best role model in the world, but I'm not completely bad news, Mom! I can do it. We'll have lots of fun together. But it's up to you, Jesse." I aimed at him, unable to read his expression. Could he trust me with his daughter barely knowing me? Would Alisa be comfortable with me once her Daddy was out of the door?

Yes to both, apparently.

"If you're completely sure, Susannah . . . " Jesse trailed off, turning to crouch at Alisa's side. "_Princesa_, Helen can't look after you today, she has an emergency. But Susannah has offered to stay with you for a while. Until I can come back and pick you up. Do you want to stay with Susannah?" He asked soothingly. I saw my Mom relax listening to him talk to affectionately with her. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't melt at listening to it too.

Alisa looked up at me and back to her Dad. Repeating it twice more before she nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, I want to stay with Sooze! Can we play with my Barbies? And brush each other's hair? And paint our nails? And watch _Beauty and the Beast_?" She rambled on quick and fast. All I did was laugh and agree, only catching a few of the questions firing at me. She clapped and jumped up and down. "Don't worry, Daddy, I'll be OK. Sooze will take care of me, won't you, Sooze?"

"Of course I will sweetie. But you'll have to tell me who all the people are in _Beauty and the Beast_ because I've forgot." I smiled, earning a terrible look of shame from her.

Three minutes later, we were standing at the front door, waving my Mom off and waiting for Jesse to leave. He asked me again if I would be alright with her and confirmed with Alisa she did want to stay. Eventually, he dropped down to give her a kiss and a cuddle, for the first time making me envious of a child. Before standing to his full height towering over me even in my heels. For a second it looked as if he wanted to kiss me too and I waited for him to do it. But then he seemed to remember himself and turned to leave. I know my expression fell, until I reminded myself I was supposed to be warming up to be his friend. Not his friend _and_ lover.

No matter how much it seemed we both wouldn't mind it.

"Bye! _Te amo, Papi_!_"_Alisa called after him. He waved to her before climbing in behind the wheel of his truck. Catching the kiss she blew him. She tugged down on my hand. "You do it too, Sooze! Blow my Daddy a kiss to keep him safe!" She said, not having any clue to what she was asking me to do. But when she widened her startling blue eyes, I gave in. Not really putting up the fight I should have done in the beginning. I lifted my hand, pressed my fingers to my lips and blew him a kiss.

And he caught it with a grin.

I bit back on my own smile and watched him reverse out of his space, waving one last time before he drove off down the road. I should have known then that spending time with Alisa was going to be trouble. But I was powerless to give in to her four-year-old charms. So I ignored how tired I was and the bottle of wine crying to be opened in the rack. I just let her hand slip into mind without prompting and sat down for a couple of hours of Princess overload.

I loved every moment of it.


	3. Chapter Three

_**A/N**_: I apologise now for the shoddiness of this chapter. I've been having real trouble with it. But the next one will be better, I promise. But thank you UBER much for the great response! It means a lot to me. :) Thanks for reading, please review.

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_**Chapter Three**_

When we finally closed the door and I looked down to see a little girl with dark curly hair and big luminous blue eyes, staring up at me like I was the best thing since sliced bread; I wanted to re-open the door and go chasing Jesse's car down the road. '_What the hell am I_ _thinking_?' screeched through my mind instantly and the two Summers of working at the Pebble Beach Hotel Resort as a babysitter flew out of my mind and I was left looking like a complete loser with terror in my eyes. I don't even know what made me offer to have her for a couple of hours! What the heck do I know about four year olds? The charges I had when I was a teenager were older than four.

But Alisa soon took my hand and pulled me into the living room, talking a hundred miles an hour with a lisp. And suddenly I didn't have time to wonder what to do with a very girly little sweetheart; because she completely took over!

I didn't have the chance to fuss over what could go wrong, when I was so taken with her excitement. I don't know whether she picked up on my sudden, _Oh shit_! attitude, or was just genuinely happy to hang out with me. I've heard children are supposed to be sensitive to these things; sensing fear and a loss of control in an adult I mean. But whatever it was, I was soon kicking back and letting her paint my toenails. She wanted to do my hand, but I haven't got any nail polish remover. So I figured it'd be better if she did it where no-one can see. And judging by the finished job, it was lucky I didn't give in and let her loose on my hand. I was also saluting my quick intelligence when she looked up at me at to say something, nail polish brush full of paint in one hand and poised in mid-air; where a large blob of blue hit the paper underneath my foot.

I couldn't handle the wrath of my Mom finding that on her kitchen table.

But Alisa talked in earnest with me the whole time. Asking me questions; was I married? Why not? Have I got kids? Why not? Do I have a best friend? Who? And surprisingly, it didn't get boring. I loved to watch her and catch a couple of mannerisms I've picked up on, the few occasions I've bumped into her Dad. Who, distractedly, was plaguing my thoughts the whole time. I almost asked about him a couple of times before my brain finally engaged and kicked me hard enough to give me a headache. I wouldn't ever do that to her. So I just tortured myself with the constant images of Jesse I kept getting each time she smiled at me with one dimple, her dark hair falling over her shoulders. Until she said something that made my heart still in my chest and the air rush out of me.

"Are you going to be my Daddy's new friend?" She asked as innocently as a four-year-old can. But, I still thought I sensed something . . . _older_ in her while she said it.

I looked up at her from where I was painting _her_ toenails and stared in shock. I quickled cleared my expression though and thought about how I was going to answer that. I'm not saying she was implying anything about me being _more_ than a friend. But it didn't seem like 'friend' either. "Are you sure your daddy won't be mad we're painting your toenails?" I asked, trying to change the subject and steer it in a different direction. Because frankly, I'm not sure Jesse _wanted_ to be my friend. He might have grinned at me blowing him a kiss. But he also seemed a little more, distant too. And I don't think he was entirely aware he was doing it. Maybe it was like some kind of sub-conscious thing.

"My aunties paint my nails without Daddy knowing all the time when we go visit," She replied instantly. Obviously completely non-plussed if her Dad disapproved or not. Although, it wasn't as though I was getting her ears pierced or anything, so he wouldn't be that mad when he finally notices them. I hope. "So are you going to be Daddy's new friend? Because my Daddy really needs one. I see him all sad sometimes when he thinks I've gone to bed. And my friend, Kody makes _me_ happy, so maybe you can make Daddy happy? _Abuela_, my Gran, says he's needs someone in his life. I've heard them talking about Daddy and that before."

Oh crap.

I was so blown-away by what she said, I didn't have the words or the experience to say anything. But the sincere way she said it, the fact she was doing it _for_ her Daddy was . . . mind-blowing! She's so innocent but so much older than she should be at the same time, it almost reminds me of myself. And right then, I think I saw Alisa and Jesse in a whole new light. His loneliness he fights to keep hidden from his daughter while at the same time, unintentionally worrying her. And Alisa! There was no childish wistfulness to her voice that maybe a friend will make her Daddy all better. She knows that's what he needs, without fully understanding it. She knows her Daddy needs something, and being four years old, the two things to make a child happy is a pet or a best friend. And apparently, she saw the potential for that in me.

I released the breath I was holding and screwed the cap on the pink nail polish, turning to give Alisa my full attention.

"I'm sure your Dad has lots of friends, sweetie. I don't think – "

"He does have lots of friends. But not a _best_ friend. His friend he used to play with when he was little, Uncle Caden, doesn't live here. So Daddy needs a new one. A girl one."

I steeled myself for more stubbornness, even though I was internally grinning. "Does Daddy know you heard your Gran talking about that, sweetie?" I asked gently, trying to keep my voice as light as possible. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it to her; she's pretty perceptive enough for someone so young and who should be enjoying her childhood. Not worrying her Dad's lonely. "Have you told her that's what you think your Daddy needs? A new friend?" I gave her a little wink and tugged on one of her curls making her giggle before I blew on her toenails to dry them quicker while I waited for her sheepish and giggly answer.

She squirmed. "That tickles!" She laughed, wriggling her little bright pink toes. I stopped and listened. "No, I didn't want to get into trouble. I wasn't supposed to listen. But I do! I know what they say about Daddy. I don't understand much of it. But I hear a lot. You're the first person I've told, Soose, because I want _you _to be Daddy's new friend. He smiled at you! Daddy doesn't smile much now. So will you? Will you be my Daddy's new bestest friend like I have Kody?!" Her eyes were glistening by the time she finished. And then her chin started wobbling like it did in the Coffee Clutch when she spilt milkshake all over Kelly.

I instantly reached out for her, drawing her into a cuddle I hoped would make her feel better. "You won't tell my Daddy I asked you to, will you? You won't tell him what I said?" She sniffled, pulling away from my shoulder to look up at me.

"Sweetie, of course I won't say a thing, if that's what you want. That's just between you and me. If you don't want me to tell him that's fine. But don't cry, okay? You're far too pretty," I cooed, tucking a curl behind her ear and tweaking her nose. She giggled again and I hoped her tears would dry up. It feels wrong having a secret with a four year old. But, what could I say to her Dad? Nothing! She needed someone to talk to and I just happened to be it. But I made the decision to tell him if I got too worried. Or tell my Mom and get some help. It's all foreign to me and I squirmed uncomfortable at the thought.

"So, do you want to help me make some cookies?" I asked, making a grab for a distraction. And her instant YES cleared the air and I only thought of what she said every ten seconds. She seemed to forget about it though, so I didn't bring it up again.

My brainwave of making cookies luckily didn't fall apart when I found a ready-made-mix packet stashed away in the back of the cupboard and got set to making them with her. I was on damage control, which meant trying to make sure she stayed as cookie dough free as possible. The huge man-size apron did the trick a little. I let her have a couple with a glass of warm milk when they cooled down. And finally got to sitting down to watch Belle and the Beast fall in love. But by the time Belle's dad had been taken by the Beast, Alisa was sound asleep with her head in my lap and I was left crying at the film until Jesse arrived to pick her up.

Because Alisa was so comfortably zoned out on my lap, I couldn't get up to answer the door to Jesse without disturbing her. And I didn't want to shout out either. So I just sat there watching the emotional ending where they thought they'd killed the Beast and waited for Jesse to get the hint, turning the handle and pop his dark head of hair around the door. My heart nearly stilled in my chest for the second time when he looked straight at me, his expression unguarded. "Hello," He said, not bothering to lower his voice as he stepped into the house, closing the door behind him. I raised my finger to my lips telling him to be quiet and he snuck down from the foyer into the living room with a questioning look on his handsome face.

"She crashed out on me fifteen minutes into the film," I explained in a hushed voice. I wasn't sure whether to wake her up or not, so I kept to whispers. Which only seemed to create an even more gentle and romantically charged feel to the air and us. The low setting from the lamp in the corner and the flicker of the TV setting the lights to a cosy, comfortable level. The way the shadows danced across his face when he stepped up to the end of the sofa, looking down on his daughter curled up on my lap and almost looming over me was powerful. But his expression was unreadable by this point and I was starting to think I'd done something wrong somewhere. "I didn't know whether to wake her . . . or . . . not – Are you okay?" I asked eventually.

He seemed to snap out of whatever he was thinking because he shot his eyes up to mine. And I felt like I had to confess something!

"I painted her toenails!" I blurted out suddenly, biting my lip and mentally slapping myself for sounding so _stupid_! But for some reason, not telling him that was bothering me. Or was that because of the secret I agreed to keep? When he blinked past the sudden rush of words that almost sounded like one, he smiled. Smiled! And there didn't seem anything forced or questioning behind it either. And I relaxed back into the moment. "I didn't know whether you'd be mad at me or anything. I know she's young, but I didn't think it'd do any harm to do her toes."

"My sisters do it every opportunity they get," He remarked quietly, crouching down in front of me and gently running his hand over Alisa's soft hair. "They think I don't notice, but I do. I just leave them to it now. I'm not exactly experienced with playing dress-up and tea-parties with Alisa. That's why I let her go to Ballet and play-dates. So she can still have her princess experiences without being hindered by me. I do all I can, but I know that will only last for so long and she'll need more than what just I can give he. Far more . . ." He trailed off, a frown coming to his weary, five o'clock shadowed face.

My intent stare on him must have tipped him off, because he soon snapped his eyes back on me, almost forgetting I was even there. Before I thought about it, I reached out a hand and slowly and gently smoothed the crease between his brows, removing the frown. And before I made a move to pull away, I traced the scar through his left eyebrow like I'd wanted to do when I saw him in the Coffee Clutch. The imperfection on his dangerously roguish features was knee-jerking.

But when I finally surrendered and dropped my hand, he didn't give me the chance to pull away completely. His large tanned hand gripped my fingers in a loose but pressured hold, pulling them to his lips to place a soft kiss there holding my hand in place, his eyes never leaving mine. I got the feeling that if his daughter wasn't laid across my lap right then, or even in the house that the soft touches and light kiss would have been completely different and not as tender but, _frantic._ That's how I felt. Like my heart was going to race out of my chest from the charged awareness between us. I was breathing more heavily than normal as it was! I've had strong reactions to men before. But _never_, like with Jesse. There's something . . . _otherworldly _about him almost. And the look in his eyes said he wanted _something_ too. But the war he was having with himself made it hard to read what. I know my eyes were wide, unguarded and showed how I felt. And right then, I was almost overwhelmed. But in a good, I could ride this wave until the crashing end, kind of way.

Finally he let go of my hand and broke our eye contact. The air was thick and heavy between us and I wanted to lift the hair off the back of my neck again, just to cool me down.

"I should get her home," He commented, already making a move to effortlessly pick Alisa up, her arms and legs wrapping around his neck and his waist, her head falling to his shoulder, still sparked out. He rubbed his hand up and down her back in soothing motions and whispered something in her ear. Once I managed to peel myself up off the sofa and feel like I could walk in a steady line, I got her coat and bag, moving over to the front door and holding it open for him. "Thank you for sitting with her tonight. I hope she wasn't too much of a handful?"

"No she was fine, we had fun. Thank you for trusting her with me," I shrugged, walking down the porch steps with him and over to his car, sucking in the cool air like I was starved. It sure felt like I was! I waited for Jesse to put Alisa in her booster seat, before I gave him her bag and coat. When he turned back around to face me, his walls were back in place and anything I'd seen in the house between us before was gone. Doused, like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water on us. I bit down on my lip before I spoke. "Be careful driving home." I finished lamely, getting a curt nod from him before he got behind the wheel of the car. I didn't bother to stick around and watch him drive off this time, I was too disorientated. So I just turned around and went back up to the house. Kicking myself with every step!

Jesse sat idling in the driveway longer than I thought he would. But when I got to the door, as much as I told myself I wouldn't turn to look at him, I did. I couldn't see him through his windshield, but I knew he was watching me. I could_feel_it. So I gave a small wave and closed the door without another glance.

Everything felt – strange. That feeling where it doesn't quite feel like I'm in touch with reality, but it all seems so _real_. I ran a tired hand through my hair and walked back over to the couch, sinking in to it with a heavy sigh and putting the movie on again. But I wasn't watching it. I was thinking of Jesse and Alisa. And what she asked me. A simple, easy, request like it was no big deal. Be Jesse's friend. I said the same thing to my Mom the first day I met him. But yesterday, I didn't have the feeling breathing across me, like Jesse had placed his mark on me somehow. Like he'd done and said _more _than the simple kiss on the hand and his silent look. It was both unnerving and exciting.

But, how can I be his friend when what I really want to do, _be_, is more? That's undeniable with the sexual tension between us already. But then how can I deny a child's request for her Dad? How can I potentially fall for a man who's a single father and with more baggage then Paul ever had?!

I sighed and fell onto my side, pulling the blanket off the back and over my shoulders where I curled up. First things first, I already knew it wasn't going to be anything more between me and Jesse. His distance made that painfully clear if his indecision didn't. For whatever reason he has, it's hard to ignore. This solved the third question too. If nothing happens, how can I potentially fall for him? Even though I knew deep down nothing had to happen for that to be made real. But when it came down to it, I already knew what the real answer was. What I always knew it would be. I would make the effort and offer to be some kind of friend to Jesse if he wanted it. Not just because Jesse needs someone that isn't pandering to him.

But because Alisa needs that stability too. Maybe even more than Jesse does. I can be a friend to them both, if they'll let me.

Alisa I knew wouldn't be a problem. She's young but stubborn to boot and knows what she does and doesn't want. It's Jesse with the huge deal he's carrying around and turning into a bigger problem than it has to be. I got up heading for the kitchen with the blanket still wrapped around me. Wondering if that forest like chip on his shoulder is something to do with his ex-wife? Probably, I figured. But when I stepped in to the darkish room and saw the tub of cookies Alisa and I had made earlier, sitting on the side, I suddenly knew the perfect solution to finding out if that was it. The perfect excuse to go and see him again and get some kind of answer. After all, home-made cookies will totally win a guy over!

Or so I thought.

xXx

I sat idling in the Ackerman's driveway, surprised by the disappointment and shame for myself as I watched Susannah climb the steps and disappear into the house. Minus the friendly open smile she's had every other time I've seen her. And I knew that was in all part to me and the way I automatically slammed my shields into place without really trying. I barely even know Susannah and I'm already pushing her away. Is it because she makes it so easy to be myself around? Or because she appears to be so good with Alisa? I don't know how they got on alone tonight, whether my daughter had Susannah wrapped around her little finger or not. But from where I found them and the un-conscious way Susannah was stroking her hair, it hit me square in the chest and made emotions I've longed to feel again and something to see spring forth.

They looked like a family. And it felt like I was walking into a fantasy as I stepped through the door. The house was dark with just the soft ambiance of a lamp in one corner and the soft, muted colours of the TV. The whiff of baking on the air made it feel like a domestic situation. And it made me want to take Alisa and run. But even while I thought it, I carried on walking into the house as if being led. I dropped to crouch before Susannah's, my worries and fears sliding from my tongue without conscious thought. Not until I heard Susannah breathes in a shaken breath and looked up into my eyes. But I didn't see what I thought I would.

I didn't see pity for me or my daughter and our situation. Just a seemingly deep understanding. Or at least, something close to it. And I wrapped it around me like a security blanket.

The gentleness of her touch as she smoothed out my frown sent warm pricks of electricity through me. My hair stood on end and my spine tingled with almost anticipation. The reverence in the way we looked at each other wasn't lost on me either. And her eyes didn't hold anything back either. I saw her interest there and her curiosity. And I felt it spark something bumping into her only yesterday had created. And then she traced her finger through my scarred brow. Affectionately, her eyes twinkling a little more once she did it. But when she went to pull away I couldn't bear it! Gripping her fingers and bringing them to press against my lips seemed the right thing to do. What I _wanted_ to do. And I saw then, if my daughter hadn't have been lying on her lap, I probably would have zeroed in to see if she tastes as beautiful as she looks.

But that was where the dream ended. When reality dropped back into place around me with an almighty roar that very nearly made me jump and I broke Susannah's gaze and took Alisa into my arms. Almost as a way to ward off any more possible – _t__emptations_ from Susannah.

I stopped at a red-light and thumped my fists onto the leather steering wheel with a soft curse. How could I be assaulted with all this sudden emotion, when I haven't even known her forty-eight hours?! How can I see something in Susannah I want and need, without knowing that myself? What makes her any different to any other women who are and could be a risk to my daughter? The answers weren't coming easily and I already feared Susannah had made more of an impression in our lives then I care to admit. Glancing in the rear-view mirror my eyes fell on my silent and sleeping daughter. One who is already too grown-up for her age and who craves a mother's love. Susannah had unwittingly and unintentionally started a process with Alisa I fear will hurt her.

Susannah was something akin to a hero in Alisa's eyes for what she did when that woman turned on Alisa in the Coffee Clutch earlier on in the morning. And spending time alone with Susannah will have only aggravated that. I ran a hand through my hair and blew out a long weary sigh. Why does it feel I'm already losing the fight?

I pulled into the driveway of my house and cut off the engine, reaching across to the passenger seat to pick up Alisa's coat and bag Susannah had handed to me. Glad for the interruption in my thoughts, I got Alisa out of the car, barely disturbing her and made my way up to the house. I've become quite adept at juggling my daughter, her belongings and my keys in one go. When I finally managed to get the door open I headed straight for the stairs and Alisa's room. By the time I had her sitting on her bed, she was semi-awake and rubbing at her eyes tiredly.

"Sorry _Princesa_, but you have to clean your teeth and get into your pyjamas," I softly said, helping her change clothes and get into her flannel 'Hello Kitty' pair with matching slippers. I led the way into the bathroom and brushed back her hair while she cleaned her teeth, her eyes seeming to droop even as she stood on her little stool to reach the porcelain sink. "Come here, you," I chuckled when she rinsed her mouth out and swayed on her feet. I carried her back into her bedroom and settled her beneath the comforter, handing over her favorite Minnie Mouse teddy bear. "Need anything else?" I asked, brushing her errant hair back off her face.

She nodded and sunk beneath the covers. "Can you check for monsters?" She asked timidly, clutching her teddy closer. "I don't want to be eaten in my sleep."

I held back my laughter, surprised she had asked. It had been a while since she had. But I diligently got up to check for nightmare monsters under the bed for her. "Nope, none under the bed," I said, creeping over to the closest, making a big show of gradually opening the door inch by inch. "Hello? Mr Monsters?" I called, grinning when Alisa giggled from her bed. I opened the door wider and looked carefully. "Your closet's clear," I reassured her, checking behind the door just to be sure. "I think your bedroom is completely monster free, _Princesa_. But I'll put on your night light just to be sure, okay?"

She nodded again and relaxed. "Daddy? Can we see Soose, tomorrow? I had lots of fun with her tonight and we made cookies. Oh! Did she give them to you?" She exclaimed, reeling off her excitement, her tiredness put aside for the moment. I tried to keep my expression neutral. I've gotten a knack for it over the past couple of years. But it's made difficult when she says something unexpected that throws me for a loop and causes my heart to seize. "I like Soose, Daddy, she's fun! She painted my toenails but - _Oops_! I wasn't s'posed to say anything. Don't tell her I told you Daddy, 'kay? And we watched _Beauty and the Beast_! But I think I fell asleep. I didn't get to say goodbye to her," Alisa pouted. "So can we see her tomorrow?"

I sucked in a breath and stood up to stand by the side of her bed, absently tucking her in a little more.

"Alisa, Susannah is a very busy woman and we don't know her very well. She might not appreciate having us encroach on her time. Maybe another time, _Princesa_, okay?" I forced a smile at her disappointed expression and leaned down to kiss her before she could protest, which she is remarkable quick at doing. "Now go to sleep, you have kindergarten tomorrow, you don't want to be too sleepy do you?" I asked teasingly. She shook her head, too tired to object now. She blew me a kiss, reminding me of the one she and Susannah sent me earlier on in the evening. "Sweet dreams, _Princesa_. I love you."

"Love you too, Daddy." She yawned, snuggling down into her pillow.

I stayed watching her for a few minutes before I snapped myself out of it and left her room pulling the door ajar. I felt weary and mentally exhausted as I went down the stairs and headed for the den. Collapsing into the worn but comfortable couch and kicking my uncomfortable suit shoes off. What I said to Alisa sparked something in me I hadn't really thought of before, because I was too blinded by the raw intensity and suddenness of my attraction to Susannah. A realization that would hopefully make all the difference between letting Susannah in and being able to remain detached and unaffected by her.

The fact I don't know her at all.

She may be Helen's daughter, but she is still a stranger to me and Alisa. And I foolishly left my daughter alone with her without questioning it. It was a very dangerous move to have pulled and the more I thought about it, the more I felt my defences strengthening their resolve to never let them falter like that again. How could I let either my daughter or I get potentially hurt, if I didn't know anything about Susannah for her to become closer? It isn't fool-proof but it would work until she left Carmel and I could go back to my semblance of comfort again. Where my head remains straight and my libido doesn't want to run in head-first to something I've been lacking for over four years.

Sinking back into the couch, I released another sigh. I was relieved to not that it sounded more relaxed and at ease than the other weary sighs lately. I let my head fall back against the cushions and closed my eyes in the hope of forgetting about the day and starting afresh tomorrow.

It would have worked if it felt as though I was really fooling myself.

_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Jess – **_Hey hun! First of all, my DEEPEST apologies for still not replying to your review for MIT! Every-time I've thought I'd have the chance to spend some much deserved time doing it, something else has come up. I think part of the reason this one wasn't working for me is because I'm so tired. But I'm going to do it now, straight after I post this chapter. :) Speaking of, THANK YOU SO MUCH for checking this one out! It's just a little something to keep me going while I write MIT and CD's sequel. Oh, I actually have a title for it at last! Now it feels like I can really crack on with that. But I'm getting off track, hehe. I'm really excited that you like this story! You think this is good, just wait until you read what I got in store for the sequel. :D But I really appreciate your love, hun! This story has worked into my heart quickly and Alisa really IS adorable! :) I hope you continue to enjoy it and thank you so much for checking it out! Take care. *Huggles and loves* x


	4. Chapter Four

_**A/N**_ - Well, I intended to have this chapter a little more . . . explosive! But when I sat down and started writing, my muse pretty much took control and I had just had to sit back and let her do her thing. I hope it turned out okay, lol. I can't thank you all enough for all your kind, amazing and love filled reviews for the past chapter! I nearly fell out of my chair with each comment! It's like a sugar rush, I was a total high from each one! You are ALL so fantastic! Thank you a hundred times over and more. :) Anonymous review replies will be up on my profile as soon as possible. Sorry for the inconvenience. :Glomps you all: :D

* * *

_**Chapter Four**_

When I got up the next day, I was feeling good. Better than good, actually; I was feeling great! I got out of bed the right side and couldn't wipe the smile off my face even after I splashed cold water all over me from turning the tap on in my private bathroom too high. After having a great night's sleep and a dream I can't quite remember but know was damn good, it was hard not to be in a brilliant mood. I had some kind of plan for the day. A mission set from a little girl. So after I bounced down the stairs and made myself a coffee to take up to my room with me, I started choosing what to wear. Something casual but not _too_ understated. But then, not like I was trying to impress either.

After all, I'm going to see Jesse to offer a friendship, nothing more.

So I settled on some skinny jeans and a fitted tank top. Throw it with some casual and comfortable heels and I was all set. By the time I'd climbed out of the shower, dried my hair and got ready, I started to realize the house was quieter than normal. The few days I've been in Carmel, I've come to realize that it's just like being a teenager again. And that I need my own place, fast! Because getting woken to the sounds of an electric drill or hammer isn't something I miss from New York. And I sure didn't miss it when I left DIY guru Andy behind either. And then my brain finally caught up with my good mood and reminded me _why_ Andy hadn't given me such a great wake-up call.

Grabbing a small jacket and my bag, I headed down the stairs. After first glance out of the foyer window, I found that my Moms car wasn't in the drive-way. Meaning Andy was stuck alone and probably bored. Not such a good thing when it comes to a man who is used to be able to work his boredom and free time out on something handy. Like carving a children's toy box, or cooking a gourmet meal from scratch. So I made a pit stop before I went to my parents room, nabbing the chocolate my mom stashes away from everyone else but me. When I got to their room, the door was wide open and Andy was sitting up on top of the bed, dressed and ready for the day. And scratching at the cast stuck on his arm. I propped myself up against the doorjamb and watched him.

"Infuriating itchiness!" He muttered, cursing and grabbing the nail file next to him and sticking it down his cast to scratch at the annoying spot he couldn't reach.

"Maybe a knitting needle would be better, Andy," I spoke up surprising him. And making him let go of the nail file he had down his broken arm and losing it down there. I winced and stepped into the room, stopping at the end of the bed. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Can you get that thing out?" I asked, nodding towards his arm. I kept the chocolate I was holding behind my back and watched him mutter and pat around the bed looking for something. I really had to wonder if he hit his head when he had that accident at work yesterday. He didn't really seem all that with it.

"You didn't scare me, I knew you were there," He defended himself eventually, holding up a pair of tweezers in triumph. "A-ha! It's the fourth time I've dropped the file down there this morning, I'm getting used to it," He said, part chagrined part smug. He spoke to me as he manoeuvred the metal tweezers down his cast, looking for my Mom's nail file. "You have another meeting with your Estate Agent today? You don't look dressed for it. Oh, by the way, your Mom asked if you could do some shopping for her if you're not too busy. She's had to run off somewhere. The list is stuck to the fridge."

"Sure, I guess. I'll do it on the way back from going to see Jesse. Anything you need before I go?" I asked, scanning his face and looking for any sign of pain. But he just looked bored. Stuck alone with bed rest and an itchy arm. But very bored.

"Jesse De Silva, huh?" He smiled, his dark blue eyes twinkling at me. I fought to hold back my own at his different reaction to my Mom. "No I'm fine. Go, do what you need to do. But you can tell me what you got hiding behind your back first," He narrowed his eyes, watching me closely. I grinned, stepped forward and presented the chocolate with a flourish. "Oh!" His eyes widened and his hand greedily took it from me when I offered it out. "Your Mother is not going to be happy when she finds out what you gave me."

Not that he sounded too worried about that.

"So you better eat it before she finds out. I'll replace it before she goes look for it anyway," I replied, shrugging it off. Like my Mom could deny her husband anything. They're just as gooey happy now as they were the day they got married. "I'm going, try not to get too bored alone!" I laughed, leaving him to master the art of opening a large bar of chocolate.

With my good mood still in place and one quick pit-stop to the kitchen to pick up my Mom's shopping list and the tub of cookies Alisa helped me make the night before, I left the house and stepped out into the bright sunshine. The fog was starting to clear already and I could feel the kiss of the sun on my face when I upturned it to the sky. But I slipped on my jacket anyway. I'd done a bit of sneaky research the night before, as in flipped through Mom's address book to find Jesse's work place. Pulling out of the drive, I headed off in the direction of the practice he works for and letting my mind wander along the way. Like finding myself an apartment and calling Gina to make sure she's still set for coming down in two days.

And making sure the plans the architect has sketched up are just what we want. Maybe with a few tweaks here and there.

If all goes to plan and Gina likes the space I found, the deposit can be set, the keys in our hand and the builders can get in there and gut the place. Renovate, transform, make it a space worthy of the plans Gina and I have got for our bar. It's a wild idea and probably crazy branching out into doing something hectic, busy and time-consuming. But then, it wouldn't be me and Gina if it wasn't all those things. Bringing a touch of New York to Carmel in the guise of a bar/club was what we planned years ago. And it's only because Paul was a cheating bastard and made me want to nose-dive back to Carmel and my family that made that possible now.

No going back.

That thought hit me just as I was pulling into a free space in the car park of the private practice Jesse works for. For a second the memory of Jesse's almost hostile behaviour the night before hit me and threatened my good mood. But it didn't last long before I shoved it aside and climbed out of the car, tub of cookies in my bag. I sauntered up to the door with all the confidence and bravado I woke up with. And when the woman behind the desk looked up at me as I stepped in to reception, I spoke with all the confidence I had too.

"I'd like to see Dr. De Silva, please?" I asked politely.

"You'll need to make an appointment. He's fully booked today and doesn't see walk-in's." The stuffy receptionist said, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest.

I leaned forward, giving her a hard look. "I'm not a patient, I just need to talk to him," I stated, just as unmoving. I glanced behind me pointedly and turned back to look at her. "I don't see any other person here waiting for a doctor, which means he must be free. If you'll just tell him Susannah Simon is here, I'm sure he'll let me in no problem." Unfortunately, that wasn't the right thing to say. Her eyes instantly clouded over and she narrowed them at me. I got the feeling it was because of who I said I was. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on just who she was. And her name badge wasn't helping either.

"Like I'm going to go out of my way just to let you see him," She scoffed, sitting upright in her seat again. "He doesn't take patients in the mornings, every day because he's too busy. This means, he's too busy for you. So why don't - _Hey_! Where do you think you're going?!" She exclaimed.

I got bored of listening to her bitch at me, so once I looked around and spotted where his office was, I just started walking towards it and leaving her to babble away to herself. "I'm going to see Dr De Silva," I answered easily, strolling up to his door. I knocked once, waited for his '_Come in_,' and pulled on the handle. Bitchy receptionist was on my ass at that point and all but hissing at me. So when I tumbled into his office - not one of my best entrances - it was with her yapping away at me. Jesse looked up at the commotion before rising out of his chair. I bit back on checking him out when he walked around his desk in dark, black trousers and a crisp white shirt. God, he looked too devilishly handsome in something so simple it should be a crime!

It was pretty easy to turn away from such a great looking man when you have someone going on about throwing me out in my ear though. I rolled my eyes and gave Jesse a meaningful eyebrow raise. Hoping he'd get the hint and call his employee off. He got it thankfully.

"Its okay, Angela, Susannah can stay," He said, his voice cutting her off abruptly and making her whip around to Jesse as if just realizing he was there. "Thank you," He prodded, making her give him a stilted nod and glare at me when she had her back to him and stormed out of his office, leaving the door wide open. Jesse moved to close it letting me get a hint of his after-shave that was pretty damn good. He walked away from the door, standing awkwardly by his desk before he finally raised his eyes to me. Awkward would be a good word to describe the atmosphere between us.

A serious change to the night before.

"I think she was a bit pissed," I started, cringing slightly before stepping into his office a bit more. Jesse gave me a slight eyebrow raise, but that was it saying nothing. I looked around his domain and took in his certificates and awards mounted on the walls. It was a comfortable room. Somewhere a patient could be relaxed and at ease. It's probably what helped me ignore the fact Jesse really didn't seem all that impressed I was invading his territory. "This is a nice place you got here. It's really comfortable."

"Thank you. What can I do for you, Miss Simon?" He formally asked, like I was one of his patients. I did the eyebrow raising thing then, surprised by the tone of his voice.

But I was soon wiping that from my face and opening my bag to pull out the tub of cookies. "I just came by to give you these. Alisa helped me make them last night, but I forgot to give them to you before you left. It's probably because you looked like you couldn't escape quickly enough. Bit like how uncomfortable you seem right now." I prodded, getting straight to the point. I tried to keep my voice as unbothered as possible, but my good mood was quickly evaporating and Jesse's cool attitude was only making that worse. I'm not one to beat around the bush. Especially when it seems like something stupid.

For the first time since stepping into his office, I studied him. His clothes gave a professional air about him, without making him seem superior or something. His hair looked a little disarrayed, waves running through it. But his expression and the tired look in his eyes was what had me really wondering. And the firm set of his jaw and tense straightening of his shoulders when I stated the obvious.

"I'm not uncomfortable Miss - "

"Will you please not call me that?" I cut him off.

"Susannah then," He sighed. But it sounded more resigned then annoyed. And I soon found out why.

"I appreciate you bringing the cookies, Alisa asked about them last night. But . . . I don't think it would be a good idea if you spend any more time with her," He stated, completely flooring me in an instant. I stared at him for a second before I burst out laughing. When I saw his expression grow even stormier, I pressed my lips together to hold it back. "I don't think this is a funny matter. I mean what I say, Susannah. Alisa has already taken to you in a way I wasn't expecting and to be honest that terrifies me. I don't want her becoming too attached to you just for you to get bored in the long run and dismiss her. She doesn't deserve that and I refuse to watch her get hurt again." His clipped tone emphasized he meant what he said.

All laughter I had at that point deserted me along with my good mood. I was speechless. Shocked. And honestly, just a _tad_ bit pissed.

"Is it such a bad thing if she looks up to me or not?" I asked; one question of many that spilled off my tongue in a flow fuelled by what he said to me. "She's close to my Mom, are you going to start saying _she_ can't look after her anymore too? Come _on_, Jesse, be realistic! I'm not offering anything more to you and Alisa other than a friendship. Or do you have so many friends that you can't use another one? I don't suppose you tell your other lady friends you don't want them around Alisa too, do you? Scared she'll become attached to them? Are you that selfish that you can't see what the hell you're doing to her and yourself?" I threw at him.

"Your friendship? That's what you're offering to me and my daughter. Is this in-between your reasons for being back in Carmel? You fun-loving attitude to life?" He threw back. He walked around behind his desk and I stepped up to the front of it. "Because if that _is_ the case, Susannah, then you have no more to offer to me than what I already have from other 'well meaning' individuals. Friends that all want to help, add their point of view to the way I raise my daughter. '_Maybe you should do this, what if you did that_?' It's been me and my daughter for four years and we have been fine. I don't see a reason for that to change now."

"I'm tired of seeing the pity in people's eyes when they hear I'm a single Dad with a little girl. I don't want their offers to help me out when I'm in a jam or to step in place of a motherly figure when certain situations arise. I can be a decent and attentive Father to Alisa. And I can be a doctor to my patients. I have no problems juggling the two parts of my life." He ran a hand through his hair before scrubbing it down his face. His agitation coming off him in waves.

"_Nombre De Dios_," He said, sounding a lot like a Spanish curse.

I sighed internally and softened my voice as well as my expression. Poor guy. The impression that he needed a hug and that I wanted to give him one almost made me walk around his desk and do just that. I didn't though. I just said exactly what was on my mind.

"When have I looked at you and your single-fatherhood with pity, Jesse? I _know _you're a great Father, your little girl raved about you enough last night for that to be the truth. A blind person can see how great you are with her and how much she adores you. But something tells me Alisa isn't the complete reason you don't want me having anything to do with you or her. If it's because of this . . . mutual attraction between us, then you're making a big mistake in thinking I'm trying to get to you through Alisa. I would _never_ do that to you or her."

When I finished and he raised his head to look at me, I could see everything I'd just said had gone in, but he had accepted them. Jesse's shoulders had just tensed even further. A typical male only seeing what he wants to see. Hearing what he wants to hear.

Anger bubbled beneath the surface the longer he stayed quiet and gave me a hard to dissect look. And the fact hit me, I was pretty much wasting my time with him right then. He'd tuned out to me. Clenching my teeth, I put the cookies I'd brought him down on the desk and _did_ shoot him a pitying look this time. "You know what, Jesse; you can think what you like. You're going to anyway, right? I'm not going to bother. If you don't want me to see Alisa; fine. If you don't want to talk to me, that's your decision. But ask yourself this, Jesse. Who is the one really hurting Alisa by denying yourself and your daughter something as simple as a friend? See you around, Dr. De Silva."

And I marched out of his office, slamming the door shut as hard as possible behind me on the way out.

Damn pig-headed males always having to make things more complicated than they've got to be!

xXx

"_Maldita mujer,_" I growled when I was sure Susannah was far enough away from my office after slamming the door, not to hear me. I sat down heavily in my chair and stared at the gift of cookies in front of me. Or rather, the reason for a guilty conscience than a gift. She didn't have to bring them to me to pass along to Alisa. She didn't have to offer to be a friend to us both the way she did. She didn't have to throw something as harsh and cruel as that in my face either. Maybe she wasn't trying to get to me through Alisa like it has to be known to happen. Maybe she really does genuinely want to be our friend.

But it could all also go horribly wrong and again, my daughter could get caught in the crossfire. It's too big a risk I'm unwilling to take.

I propped my elbows on my desk and dropped my head to rest in my hands. I knew last night, when I made the decision to cut Susannah out of our life as quickly and simply as possible before Alisa becomes too attached, was going to be difficult. I just didn't realize how much so until she came barrelling into my office. When she first came in, her eyes were shining. When she left, they were as hard as rock. And the guilt and anger at me for causing that is just as heavy as my anger at her for throwing questions at me I had no answers for. If I could have known she had intentions of coming to talk to me, I would have been more prepared. But I wasn't expecting her to. I thought it would be a clean and curt ending to only knowing her for a day.

Apparently that wasn't the case.

I had been feeling on edge all morning due to Alisa's renewed questions of when we could see Susannah again. Coupled with my restless night and clouded dreams, I wasn't at my best. And I'm sure that was part of my cold detachment to Susannah when she first walked into my office. I could have been more amicable. I could have offered some kind of easy transition and been more 'friendly' about it. But I didn't. I just plunged straight in there and the words shot from my mouth before I could think about them. The only thing halting me from going out after her is that within a couple of hours, a day or two at the most, Susannah will only be a fading memory. A hiccup in my week. And Alisa will have got the idea of spending more time with Susannah out of her mind in favour of something else to grasp her interest.

It's having the patience to wait for that I'm more concerned with.

The tap at my door interrupted me from opening the tub of cookies sitting on my desk. I called for whoever was on the other side, almost expecting Susannah to walk in again. But when I saw Angela standing there again, I just carried on pulling the lid off and letting the chocolate chip scent carry to me almost soothingly. Would Alisa's Mother have baked cookies with her? Or let her paint her toenails? I knew the answer was a definitive _no_ before I even squashed the intrusive thought. I gave Angela a cool smile that was more like a grimace and beckoned her in. I held back the sigh I wanted to release at having my time interrupted again.

"I just wanted to apologize for the way that woman barged in here, Dr." She started. I had a feeling she was more than a little curious as to what happened behind the closed door and for Susannah's reaction when she slammed it on the way out. But I wasn't planning on saying anything about it. Not to fuel her already gossiping nature. "I tried to hold her back and threatened to have her thrown out, but she didn't pay any attention to me."

"No apology needed, Angela," I answered. "Next time, just call through to me and I'll come out though. I'd rather I stepped away for second to deal with the problem than have a raucous and commotion again." When she got the subtle reprimand in my voice, she blushed and nodded. Turning to leave quicker than she probably thought she would be in here for.

I rolled my eyes as she closed the door and looked back down at the tempting cookies. My hand reaching in to snag one before I put the lid firmly on top of it so temptation wouldn't win out again. Taking a bite of the delicious cookie, I sat back against the chair and savoured it. Knowing I wouldn't be getting anymore like this anytime soon. When I was finished I put the cookies to one side and pulled more paperwork over to go through and sign-off on.

All in the hopes that it would banish the parting question Susannah left me with.

xXx

I ignored the third look I got from someone as I walked past them in the supermarket and threw another thing from my Mom's list off the shelf and in to the trolley. Probably with more force than was necessary. But I was pissed off and it was therapeutic! How could the day go from _so_ great to so crap within less than half an hour? I know it's possible, but it's still annoying. I really wasn't fully expecting Jesse to shoot me down so quickly. Sure, I knew he had some kind of issue from the night before. But, to turn around and say he doesn't want me around his daughter. Too basically say he doesn't want to see me if possible. How am I supposed to respond to that?

Or the fact there seems something he's not telling me.

I picked up the can of tomatoes and threw it in with everything else, hearing something get hit and fall somewhere in its depths of food. Part of me wants to throw my hands in the air and walk away with the philosophy,_I tried_. But I'm just too stubborn for that. And I hate that I can't walk away from it unaffected. What Alisa said to me the night before really struck a chord in me. Made my resolve to help the two person family more than I wanted to at first. Jesse doesn't seem the vain type of guy. Everything he does, he does for Alisa. And I know, past my annoyance with him, that he thinks he's doing that now.

And that's up to him.

But it's still so frustrating! How can men be so blind and oblivious? It doesn't seem natural sometimes. And I got the sneaky suspicion he didn't mean to say to me all that he did either. He let his mouth run off with him again, just like the night before. Maybe that was why he was quiet and didn't say anything afterwards. Maybe he was too scared in case he said something else? "Damn men!" I muttered, gripping the bar of the trolley so tightly my knuckles were turning white. Maybe I just need to accept the fact there is nothing I can do and just leave him to it. Like he said, it's been him and Alisa for the past four years. If he thinks he can carry on that way, who am I not to let him?

"Suze?!"

I stopped abruptly in the middle of the aisle and cringed. The voice that is kind of hard to ignore even after ten years of not having to hear it. I get to bump into one of the Dolce and Gabbana gang yesterday and another one today. _Floor, open up and swallow me now_! I thought pleadingly. I dropped my head for a second, taking a deep breath and realizing my day had just gone from horrible to insufferable. But when I heard her shoes coming closer to me I raised my head again and pasted on the best fake smile I could before turning around to greet Debbie Mancuso. Kelly's best friend, as far as I know.

"Suze! It _is_ you! I thought it was! I mean, your brother said you're back in town, but I didn't think - Oh you look so great!" She exclaimed, grabbing my hands and giving my outfit a once over. I was so shell-shocked by her nice attitude, I stood there gaping like a fish for seconds; trying to think of something to say. I think thanks slipped out eventually before I went back into speechless mode again. "So is it true, are you back in Carmel again? I didn't think you'd ever move back here!"

"Ugh, yeah, I'm back. I needed a change. Um, you look great too, Debbie," I replied, finally looking at her. Her hair was longer than she had it in school, just a rich dark shade of brown. And her make-up was minimal to how she used to have it. She had more weight on her than when I last saw her, and her clothes didn't look as expensive as she used to have them. And then I saw her wedding ring and grabbed _her_ hand this time. "You're married!" I all but shouted.

"Yep, five years this winter," She smiled, letting me release her hand. "I have two boys two. Todd is four and Aron is two. What about you, married?"

I shook my head disbelievingly. No to her question and in shock to what I was seeing. She always was easier to talk to without Kelly. But I wasn't expecting such a complete reversal! "I haven't even been close. Congratulations, though. I bet your kids are a handful," I smiled at last. She laughed and shrugged; clearly happy with the way her life is at the moment. "I take it Kelly didn't tell you I bumped into her at the Coffee Clutch yesterday then?" I asked, tired of waiting for her to comment on it if Kelly did.

"I haven't spoken to Kelly since I left for College. I've grown up a lot since then. I stopped being a rich little daddy's girl not long after High School. It sure makes you grow up in more ways than one," She surprised me again. But I relaxed once I took it in properly. It answered why I was so comfortable around her. "So what's this about you opening a club around here? I saw Jake a few days ago; he filled me in. Sorry, are you trying to keep it hush, hush?"

"No it's not a secret. I'm doing it with my best friend, Gina. It's something we talked about years ago and now we're finally going through with it. It's still really early in the details, she's flying in on Thursday to check out a location. Hopefully the ball will be rolling soon after. Like I said, I just needed a change."

"I think it's great!" She exclaimed again. A call from her cell stopped anything else she was going to say. She checked the dialler before saying, "Shoot! I'm running late. I'm sorry to cut this short, Suze. But it was so great to see you! We should meet up and go for lunch soon. Oh, and go shopping for an outfit for the school reunion! You're staying at your Mom's right?" Before I had a chance to say sure, what, yes, she lurched forward to hug me tight. "You really look so great, Suze! I'll call you soon!" And she was off going back down to where her trolley was waiting and disappearing around a corner with a wave.

"What the hell?" I muttered. For the second time, I was bowled over and left completely speechless. Anything I was bitching about before I saw Debbie when it comes to Jesse; what we talked about and her leaving were kicked away when one thing she said came back to me. And made me groan and slump across the bar of the trolley. "School reunion? Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me!" How could I have skipped something like that?

Just what I needed to complete such an already _great_ day.


	5. Chapter Five

_**A/N – **_Well I wasn't expecting to have this chapter written out as quickly as I have, but I'm not going to complain, lol. This is more like a filler chapter. So I'm sorry if it's a bit boring. :D I can't thank you all enough for the wave of reviews, faves and alerts I've had come in for this story! I'm surprised it's gone down so well. I hope you all keep a continued interest in it. *Hugs, love and peace for all* :) Enjoy, please review. :)

BTW, anonymous review replies for chapters 3 and 4 are now up on my profile page. Sorry for the delay. ^^; And I'll be updating '_Crashed Into You_' soon too. Long over-due, I know. :)

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_**Chapter Five**_

Weaving my way through the crowd of passengers getting off the same flight as me, I kept my eyes open for my best friend, business partner and soon-to-be, roommate. I was half expecting her to have some kind of huge sign sticking up saying; _Welcome to Carmel Gina_! Suze told me what her family did when she first arrived and I wouldn't have put it past her to do it too, just for nostalgias sake. Luckily, when I spotted her, she was alone and not holding anything but an extra cup of coffee and a bag with a chocolate chip cookie. When she saw me and the direction of my stare, she grinned.

'_You are a life-saver_.' I mouthed, trying to get around everyone and over to her.

"I know," She shrugged when I finally reached her. Taking the cup from her hand, I inhaled a huge breath of the scent and gulped down a mouthful. Ahh, _heaven_! When I finally got my fix I pulled Suze in for a hug. "Don't tell me you missed me in the week and a half I've been gone?" She laughed, pulling away. "Because you might want to re-think that. You'll be itching to fly home in a couple of weeks." She joked. But I waved the comment off anyway. I'll never get bored of Suze. We both know when we need our own space.

Looping an arm through hers, we strolled out to get my bags.

"Sorry, Suze, you're stuck with me for a while now. No getting out of it," I jibed back, standing beside a tall man and waiting for my case to come revolving around. As soon as I spotted mine I unhooked my arm and reached down to heft it off. I almost cringed at the weight of it, but soon pulled it down to my side. "Quick, grab my other one," I pointed before it could go past. Suze quick as lightening snatched the case and yanked it off too. "That's it; the other stuff should be brought in tomorrow. Let's get out of here, I need some Californian sun." I grinned, slipping out my designer sunglasses before we even got to the entrance.

Laughing along with me Suze pulled hers out too and guided me out of the airport and towards the entrance. Stepping out into the bright sunshine was like a drug and I soaked up the fresh air and cool breeze. "I'm not in Kansas anymore," I quipped with a smirk. It felt great on my face already. My six month break from work was going to be time well-spent, I thought.

"Come on, Dorothy, cars over here," Suze called already making her way to the pick-up zone where I'm pretty sure she wasn't supposed to park. Not one to complain when I don't have to walk too far in killer heels, I quickly caught up with her. And between the two of us, we managed to get my cases into the boot of her rental car without any manly help. "What did you pack every single shoe you've ever brought?" Suze panted, leaning against her door and mock glaring at me over the top of the hood.

"No, just a couple of pairs," I shrugged back easily. Suze shook her head and climbed behind the wheel, laughing the whole time. When I finally got settled and we were making our way from the airport, I looked over at her. Something seemed . . . _off_.

I narrowed my eyes and looked closer. She didn't look any different. And she wasn't acting any different, other than her lack of chattiness. "Okay, I know it's a pain coming to pick me up, but could you be a little more cheerful," I goaded, turning in my seat to look at her. She blinked and looked confused. "Okay, what's going on? And don't tell me nothing, I know you better than that, Suze. Talk, now." I pushed, only because I can. Anyone else and I would have got a harsh, but polite '_piss off_'. But I'm her best friend. We've known each other since kindergarten. And I have enough dirt on her to get her to talk if I need to.

She heaved a breath and concentrated on the road more than she'd been before.

"No hiding anything from you, is there?" She shot back. I tapped my fingers on my knee, waiting. "Fine. I bumped into an old school '_friend_' recently who nicely told me that my old High School is having a ten-year reunion. Of course, I'm standing there like a complete idiot because I have no idea what she was going on about. So when I got back to my Mom's and asked her she confirmed it. Brad got the invitation through a few months ago too. I don't remember getting mine, but Mom said I'd said I was going when she asked me last month. I don't remember getting it though, do you?" She asked, throwing a glance my way.

I knew that wasn't what was bothering her. It was more like just mind-less chatter in a bid to throw me off the scent. I know when Suze is worried or nervous about something not only does she rant, but she gestures a lot. Hands get waved in the air, that kind of thing. But there was none of that this time. And from the way she was casually throwing the conversation back to me, I guessed she was trying to cover up there was something else bugging her.

"Yeah, I remember when you got it. You said you'd go. You weren't jumping off the walls about it, but you weren't exactly bothered either. So now you've explained that, tell me what's _really_ going on. I know you well enough to figure out something as pathetic as a High School reunion don't faze you, Suze."

"What makes you think I'm not bothered about it?" She threw back to me, giving me a side-glance. She ran a hand through her loose hair and looked out her side window. I just shook my head and waited for it. Reminding myself I was dealing with one stubborn Leo. "If the nun that was Vice Principal is still there, then I'm screwed for sure. She hated me. I got on great with Father D, but the nun? Not a chance in hell. She thought I was the devil's spawn. She's like Miss Trunchball or something – "

"Okay, stop right there! It's just painful to listen," I cut her off, breaking into her rant. "What's gotten under your skin so quickly? You haven't even been in Carmel two weeks!"

She laughed nervously before releasing a pent-up sigh. "Jesse De Silva. He's who has gotten under my skin so quickly. Him and his damn annoying arrogance. Why are men so pig-headed? I can't work it out. I can't work, _Jesse_ out! He's like – an _enigma_ or something," She ranted again, seemingly oblivious to the fact I was sitting right there. "You try to be friends with a guy and he totally reverses it. He's such a – a –_ man_! Such a _man_," She trailed off on a sigh, sounding more wistful than I was expecting. Who the hell is Jesse and what has he done to my best friend? I thought. I cleared my throat and Suze blushed. "Sorry."

"Yeah well, apparently Jesse will do that to you. Want to start at the beginning and explain it to me. I didn't get a whole lot out of that explanation." I said, raising an eyebrow and swishing the last dredges of my coffee around the plastic container. Ignoring the urge to break out the cookie tempting me on the dashboard.

"From the beginning?"

"It helps, yeah." I humored her.

"Okay. I met Jesse a few days at my Mom's house. Turns out he's a local doctor at some private practice. Anyway, Mom's been looking after his little girl, Alisa a few days a week. Nothing much, just until Jesse gets off work or whatever. So anyway, I bumped into him and Alisa at the Coffee Clutch the next day and managed to save her from the wicked witch, Kelly Prescott – " She paused, meeting my stare and we both sneered. It's not hard to forget that girl. Queen Bitch from what I know of her. " – I didn't stick around to chat with them though because I had a meeting with the Estate Agent. But you know that accident at work with Andy? Well because Mom couldn't have Alisa, I did. And it was fun! We painted our nails, made cookies – "

"Sounds very domestic," I broke in carefully, stalling her for a few seconds. She had her hand waving in the air, but what I said made it pause and her expression to stay in a fixed, _Oh_.

"Ugh, yeah, I guess it was," She picked up, clearing her throat. "Anyway, Jesse came by to pick her up, but she'd fallen asleep with her head on my lap. Cutting to the chase, we had a . . . _moment_. By the time he'd left the house and got Alisa into her car-seat, he was distant. Like he was pulling back not just emotionally but physically too. He couldn't get out of there quick enough. So the next day I took the cookies to his office that I forgot to give him the night before. Then he actually told me he doesn't want me around Alisa anymore," She shot a glance my way again and shook her head. "I couldn't believe it! He said he doesn't want her getting attached just for me to get bored or whatever. I tried saying I only wanted to be friends, but he didn't even want that. So I just walked out of there. Damn pig-headed – "

"Sounds like he's scared, Suze," I piped up, taking it all in. "Unless there's something you're not telling me . . . ?"

She huffed and honked the horn at some poor driver who probably didn't even deserve it. "You mean the part where he's very good-looking and there was – _is_ – an instant attraction there, from both sides? Then yeah, I left something out. I know what he was thinking. He thought I'd use Alisa to get to him. He couldn't be more wrong though. I'd never do that to her or him. I barely know him and his little girl. But I wasn't offering anything more than to be a friend. To them both."

"Maybe he doesn't trust himself around you," I thought aloud. "If he felt the connection too, then maybe he doesn't trust himself not to follow that connection and do something. He's obviously putting his daughter first and running scared at the same time. But the question is what are you going to do about it?" She raised her brow with a questioning glance. "Well, it's definitely bugging you. And you're stubborn; I know you don't want to let it go just like that."

"You're right, I don't," She sighed. "On one hand, I want to do what he wants and just leave it alone. But on the other . . ."

"You want to be there for Alisa. Because she's ignited the maternal instinct in you. You can deny it all you want, Simon," I carried on over her instant refusal. "You might not have spent that much time with Alisa, but something about her reached out to you. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Just, be careful, Suze. Okay?"

"Since when did you turn into Dr Phil's side-kick?" She joked. But she was soon sobering up at weight of it all. Eventually she nodded and answered with a quiet, "I know."

I didn't want to tell her to back off completely, because it sounds like their paths are going to cross whether they like it or not. But at the same time, it's not just Jesse and his daughter that can get hurt in the cross-fire. Suze can too. She's got a strong protective streak that's gotten her in trouble before. Nothing too heavy, just sticking up for her friends, helping someone when their down. But even as I thought it, something told me she'd be okay this time. I'm not a huge believer in Fate and all that. But if the connection between Jesse and Suze is as strong as she's making out, then I don't think either of them can deny it.

Or if they'll want to.

"Here we are," She said, bringing me round from my wayward thoughts. I stared across her and out the window to take in the run-down dilapidated location of our soon to be bar/club. My imagination picturing it all instantly in my mind's eye, changing, shaping and morphing it all to have we've envisioned it. And a slow grin started, catching Suze's attention and making her smile victoriously too. "Perfect, right? Wait until you see the inside. Your imagination will go _wild_!"

"Like it's not already," I laughed, jumping out of the car. I met her by the entrance and looked up at where the sign would be hanging, inviting all. It was hard not to get completely swept up in the moment. Anything I'd been worrying about before with Suze and the mysterious Jesse De Silva was pushed away and forgotten as I followed Suze down the steps into the huge basement like area. My mind doing exactly what Suze said; going wild!

Picturing our future business together; right here in Carmel.

xXx

When Suze and Gina came in through the door later than I was expecting them, they were laughing and talking. I took that to mean that the showing had gone well.

I turned the television off and stood to meet them. "Hey, Mom," Susie smiled, stepping down from the foyer to give me a hug I accepted. It's not a chore to admit having my daughter back, including her more tactile nature has been like a breath of fresh air for me. When she said she was going to move back to New York and attend College there after graduation, I was disappointed. But had been expecting it. I didn't ask her to stay in Carmel; I just gave her my blessing and let her go. But then she told me of her plans here in Carmel with Gina, to say I was over-the-moon would be putting it extremely mildly.

"Gina loves the place." She smiled triumphantly. She'd told me she was feeling quite confident about it herself. But the deciding factor was Gina, and she seemed just as happy.

Gina stepped forward and I gave her a welcome hug too. She's been friends with Suze so long; it's hard not to see her as a surrogate daughter. "Hi, Helen, it's great to see you. Sorry it's been so long since I came for a visit," She smiled as she pulled away, slipping her bag down from her arm and holding it loosely in her hand. "What Suze forgot to say is that we've made an offer, now we just have to wait for them to get back to us. But our agent said it's unlikely they _won't_ go for it, so we should be hearing back from him soon."

"That's great news!" I grinned, turning and gesturing for them both to follow me towards the kitchen where a fresh pot of coffee had just been put on.

"Yep," Susie answered, picking up the rest of the explanation as we all sat down around the table. Gina blew on her black coffee, staring at Susie's cell-phone laid on the table in front of them. "He said he'd call as soon as he gets a definite from him. Should be any minute now. I knew she'd love it. She stared spouting off ideas before she even properly set foot inside! I can't believe it, we're so close to actually doing this. Someone slap me, I feel like I'm dreaming." She laughed, getting a punch to the arm from Gina.

Suze mock glared at her for a second before they both shook it off and picked up the jovial mood again.

"I'm really pleased for you both. Sounds like you're on the go-ahead aright," I beamed, genuinely happy for them both. I know how much this means to them. How determined they are to see their plans through and make it the best they can. It's something they'll both gain from. And a great investment for them both. Gina is business savvy and Suze is the perfect choice to run it while Gina's away. Planning and prepping entertainment is always something Suze has relished in. And I want to support her every step of the way. "So I guess you must be tired, Gina after hours of flying."

She put down the cup of black coffee, waving her hand around. "Not really. I'm used to it by now, flying all over the place. I'll just sleep in as long as I want tomorrow. I'm too excited to now, anyway." She grinned proudly, intently watching the phone, no doubt willing it to ring.

"Actually, Gina sprung a surprise on me after I showed her the basement," Suze spoke up; picking up the phone to fiddle with it and making Gina break her gaze. "She'd already planned ahead and found us an apartment. It's about half hour from here, furbished, with good security. I'm going to move my stuff over there tomorrow, hopefully before the rest of her crap gets sent over. I didn't even know she'd rented it – "

"Because I knew she was dragging her heels on finding something and would take forever to choose." She finished for Suze, making me laugh at their banter.

"You're okay with that though, aren't you?" Susie asked me, anxiously waiting for my reaction.

"Of course I am, honey! I think it's a great idea. I didn't expect you both to be living here long-term. And as much as I love having you here, darling," I soothed, reaching across the table to lay a hand over my daughters. "Andy and I do enjoy our privacy. It'll be nice to have the house back to ourselves while we still can," I smiled. Suze nodded and relaxed back into her chair again. "So tell me more about this apartment. What are the views like? Where's it close to?" I asked, spurring the conversation on and away from the waiting they were both anxiously doing.

Between the two of them I got the story. That it was near the beach giving a beautiful ocean view that would be amazing at night and spectacular in the morning. They bantered over who would get which room. Until it was settled that Gina would have the en-suite and Suze would have the French doors and balcony. Compromise coming to them swiftly before they moved on. Susie mentioned being able to see the Dome of the Basilica in the distance, a bit like she can from her room here. And that the Carmel Plaza is only a fifteen minute walk from where they'll be renting. It all sounded amazing, perfect and comfortable enough for Suze and Gina. It wasn't extravagant, but neither young woman has ever been that type anyway.

"You'll have to come and see it for yourself, Helen," Gina continued. "It won't take us long to get settled in. We'll cook for you and Andy – " She stopped when Suze snorted very un-lady like, throwing her a disbelieving look." – Okay, we'll order_in_ or we'll get Andy to cook. Either way, you definitely have to come and see for yourself."

"Of course, I'd love to. I have – "

I was interrupted by the ringing of Susie's cell-phone vibrating in the middle of the table. They both froze and no-one moved. Shaking my head I snapped my fingers; bring them out of their trance. "Are you going to answer that or just let the suspense build?" I asked, nodding at the phone. Snapping into action, Suze grabbed up the still ringing phone and answered it politely. But when she went silent and just seemed to stare off into space, Gina reached out to grip my hand for support. Susannah said a couple of words back, more in agreement than anything else, thanked the person on the other end of the line and finished the call. Turning to us both. "_Well__?_" I prompted when she gave nothing away.

But I knew it was good news before she even said it. I could see the twinkle in her eyes.

"They accepted the offer!" She crowed, jumping up to hug Gina, rapidly talking over one another. When they pulled apart I stood up to get crushed by them both too, taking me by surprise. "He's going to call back in a few days, probably early next week when the paperwork's been drawn up and everything. But otherwise, it's a definite go! The owners just want to let it go as quickly as possible. So we need to speak to our lawyers to clear that and – We'll deal with that next week," She suddenly rushed out, her excitement getting the better of her again. "We need to go out and celebrate." She declared suddenly.

"Yes! All that nervous waiting has made me starving. Time to go grab dinner," Gina said, turning to look at me. "You'll come too won't you Helen? It won't be the same without you there." She pouted, giving me an identical innocent smile that my daughter was giving me. "Please?"

Laughing I shook my head at their dramatics. "Of course I will girls. Andy won't mind, he can have one of the boys over to keep him company. Just give me time to get ready and we can go. Half an hour okay?" I asked, watching them look from one to the other. "Maybe an hour?" I suggested, knowing just what they're like. Laughing and nodding, they agreed and quickly left the kitchen, talking hurriedly to one another as they went.

But it was only seconds later when Susannah came back to give me another hug; this one gentler and more encompassing. I didn't have the chance to ask her what it was for before she walked back out again. Gripping the back of my chair, I sank back down into it with a sigh, a little overwhelmed by everything that had happened within minutes.

To say I'm proud of my daughter would be an understatement. I have to admit I shared my doubts with her when she told me what she had planned coming back to Carmel. But now, sitting in the kitchen after just experiencing that excitement and pride they feel with themselves, I know I should never have doubted her before. Suze worked hard in New York. She went to College to study fashion design and art. And she did very well for herself, her confidence pushing her forward. But, I knew it wouldn't keep her happy forever. Not with something like their dream would. It's only been within the past year that they really started to plan and talk about it.

Gina has done just as equally well. Making a name for herself as a personal stylist. Not to anyone I've ever heard of, but more like people with more money than sense. Or rather, people who are too caught in their work life to pay much attention to themselves. She's got quite the clientele behind her. But as soon as Suze said she wanted to go ahead now with the plans, she never disagreed. Gina has been there for Susannah every step of the way now, just like she was then.

And to be included in their celebration is heart-warming.

Climbing up from the table I finally left the kitchen and got ready for our dinner. After telling Andy of the good news and our plans, I went for a shower and primped and readied myself for an evening out with Susie and Gina. I typically ended up being ready before they were. But when they did finally come down the stairs dressed just as casually smart as I was, I felt that pride take me over all over again. Andy stood beside me, greeting them both with as equally a proud smile as I was feeling.

"Congratulations, you two! I expect free-drinks for life." He joked just before seeing us off.

"Don't push your luck." I mocked, kissing him goodbye before stepping out into the cool evening with two of my favourite girls.

A lot calmer than they were after getting their phone call, we set out for the restaurant I soon found out they had already booked ahead for. Keen and hopeful in the outcome before they even heard back from them. And when we stepped up to the sophisticated but charming restaurant, I was suddenly taken with pulling them in for another embrace.

"I want you both to know how happy I am for you. And proud," I said, holding one of their hands in each of my own. When I could feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes, I quickly took in a deep breath and put on my best calm face, ignoring the shared look between. "Okay, no tears tonight, unless they're of laughter. Let's go." I beamed, making them both laugh and head towards the entrance, one on each side, flanking me. I felt Susie reach out and squeeze my hand quickly before she let it go. And I knew from that one gesture alone that she was grateful for my support.

"We have a table booked for three," Gina said to the host waiting at his podium. "Name is Augustin."

The host nodded and politely led us into the dining hall littered with small, big and reasonably quaint sized tables, most of them empty. The lamps hanging on the walls set off a comfortable and cosy atmosphere. It would be a good place to bring a party of friends. But I wouldn't recommend it for a romantic evening for a couple. We took our seats and looked around the space; the soft music relaxing and enchanting. The fire burning in a fireplace over the far end didn't give off any warmth, but it created the illusion of it. And just as I was about to thank them both for inviting and bringing me along, Susie's choking had me looking up and around to where she had just been staring.

My eyes meeting the warm brown ones of Jesse De Silva.

Surprised to see him, I raised a hand and waved at him. He smiled in return before averting his gaze and listening to his, what I could only call date, talking to him. When I turned back around I saw Susannah's face staring down at the wine list held tightly in her hands before she willed herself to relax her grip. "Everything okay, Susie?" I asked, reaching out a hand to touch her arm. When she raised her eyes they were clear and untroubled. Maybe I imagined her reaction, I thought.

"Are you alright?" I repeated, aware of Gina's curious stare. So I answered her question before she could speak it. "That's Hector De Silva. I look after his daughter a few days a week."

"_Oh_," She answered slowly, sounding as though she knew a lot more than she was letting on. I frowned at her, trying to read her expression, but she turned away from me and addressed Susannah instead. "Picked a wine yet, Suze?" She asked, deliberately changing the subject.

More than curious myself, I casually glanced over my shoulder and towards the direction of Jesse and his date's table. They seemed to be talking animatedly and in hushed voices, and I wondered who she was. But once I turned back to Susie and Gina, I caught my daughter glancing over in their direction more than once. She didn't seem particularly bothered about seeing them. But she wasn't openly curious like me and Gina either. But instead of analyzing it and no-doubt over thinking the situation, I decided to put the questions aside and concentrate on celebrating the good news with them both. Relieved that as the night went on, the mood hadn't been spoiled.

But I still had the sense of his gaze coming in our direction more than once. And not directed at me or Gina either.


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N** - Hi everyone! So as you can probably see for those who have me on Author alert, I've been doing a lot of updating recently. This is mainly because I'm going through a really tough time at the moment and I can't seem to stop my fingers from attaching themselves to the keyboard to vent. Which is and isn't working. I am getting into a good rythm with 'Conflicting Danger's' sequel. But I just want to say thank you for being patient with the sudden flood of updates recently and for the love flowing in from them. It's going a long way to making me feel good for a while. :) There isn't much point to this chapter, it's just a bit of light fun. Thank you for being patient with the pace of this fic too. It'll be picking up soon, honest!

Anonymous review replies are up on my profile for the last chapter. I was quicker this time. :D But I know I've been very slow with my other replies. I promise, those of you still waiting, you'll have it with you as soon as possible. :) I hope you enjoy y'all. Reviews are always welcomed. *Hugs and love*

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_**Chapter Six**_

I was woken up Saturday morning, by the prettiest girl in the world.

Who also likes to jump on my bed, me and my legs. To say I was surprised to be woken by something loud, squealing and crushing me would be an understatement. When I had the chance to roll over I did so. Looking up at my daughter with her scruffy un-brushed curls bouncing around her and her face smeared with what looked like chocolate icing. I groaned and lifted a pillow over my head, hoping that the reason for my impromptu wake-up call wasn't down to a sugar rush. All because I was too foolish to place the chocolate cake on a higher shelf in the refrigerator. Realizing it was my own fault; I took the pillow off and smiled up at Alisa's chocolate one.

"Mornin' Daddy! What we going to do today? Can we go to the beach? Oh! The zoo! We haven't been to the zoo in soooo, _soooo_, soooo long Daddy!" She rushed breathlessly still jumping around my mattress. "Can we invite Sooze? It's the weekend. _Everyone_ is free on the weekends!"

"Stop bouncing around or you'll bite your tongue. Or worse," I coerced, pulling her down while I sat up against the headboard. "What's that smeared across your face? Will I find the refrigerator open if I go into the kitchen with the chocolate cake missing a piece?" I reached out and tickled her making her giggle and squirm to get away from me. When she calmed down I finally answered her question. "Yes we can go to the zoo if that's what you want. Hmm, maybe I can exchange you for a better-behaved monkey? What do you think?"

"I'm not a monkey, Daddy!" She exclaimed, sitting up straight. "I'm a Princess, remember? Like Aroroa."

"Aurora," I automatically corrected her favourite Princess, before sitting back and giving it some serious consideration. She giggled again before she harrumphed and crossed her arms. "You sure you're not a monkey? I could have sworn I just saw one jumping around my bed a few minutes ago. And the chocolate icing around your mouth sure looks like something a monkey would do. No I'm not convinced. Maybe I should just hand you over to the zoo-keeper and tell them they let one loose."

She gasped, scrambling across my legs to get off the bed. "No!" She squealed, before I grabbed her up and brought her back on the bed, tickling her mercilessly. "Daddy!" She shouted, laughing and wriggling about. "I'm not - I'm not ticklish - " She giggled, trying to wriggle away. I roared and scooped her up, dropping her back to the mattress and making her laugh even harder. It's one of our favourite games. She loves to rough and tumble. But then have a pretend tea-party not two seconds later. "I have to go - get my - tiara! I _am_ a Princess!"

"Really? Oh. So who was that monkey that was bouncing around my bed?" I pondered, stopping for a second.

"That was _me_, silly," She rolled her eyes, planting her little hands on her waist and shaking her head at me. "Daddy, _really_."

Raising my eyebrows at her, surprised by how grown-up she sounded, I didn't know what to make of it. I know she's a perceptive child. Scarily so. But to see her gestures were startling. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I tickled her some more. I pulled her back when she tried to crawl away. I blew raspberries on her belly when she wriggled too much. And pretended to be taken down when she tackled and jumped on me. All in all, it was the best way to be woken in the morning in my world. No-one means more to me than my daughter. And to have her smiling, laughing and squealing loudly in the morning, was going to see no complaint from me. It's something I look forward to everyday.

"Come on, Daddy. You have to get up now, we have to go to the zoo, 'member?" She huffed, pushing on me to get me out of bed. "We have to go see if they lost a monkey. Can I feed the elphant's today? Their tunks tickle my hand," She giggled, bouncing in front of me once I swung my legs out of bed. "You can feed them too. You're not too old." She innocently smiled at me and skipped out of the room, ignoring my -

"Come back here, monkey!"

Shaking my head free of the last dredges of fogginess from waking I got up to stretch. My back cracking along with my shoulders; more than aware of how tense they had been over the past week. A day at the zoo is just what I prescribed myself. I shut and locked the door to my en-suite, more than aware of the fact Alisa could just stroll in if I didn't. That is a conversation I don't plan on having with my four-year old daughter until I can help it. I took advantage of my freedom and had a quick shower, ignoring the shave for later. It was supposed to be my day off with my daughter. Which meant foregoing anything like that. I dressed quickly and strolled out to the living-room, diner, feeling the cold breeze from the - as I guessed it - wide-open refrigerator. I went over to inspect the damage, thankfully only finding a tiny piece of the cake had been attacked by tiny fingers.

"Alisa what have I told you about conserving energy? Leaving the refrigerator door wide open is not it," I called across the breakfast bar, cleaning up the mess from our quick take-out dinner the night before. We have take-out one Friday a month as is our tradition. Thankfully, I'm lucky enough to have a child that actually likes her vegetables.

"Sorry, Daddy," She called back absently, absorbed in old re-runs of Sesame street.

Letting it go one more time too many, I chucked away the old Chinese containers and got out two breakfast bowls just as the phone rang. Getting to it before it broke Alisa out of her daze and answered it, I snatched up the cordless handset. "Hello?" I politely answered, moving across the floor to get down our favourite cereal, froot-loops. But I was soon wishing I had checked caller ID before picking it up and hearing the hopeful voice of my Mother on the end of the line.

"Hello, _Hiljo_," She pleasantly replied, acting as though I didn't already know why she was calling. Honestly, I was surprised she had left it so long to call in the first place. Usually it's the same night when she sets me up with a strange woman. "How is my beautiful _nieta_this morning? Behaving herself I hope. She has you wrapped around her – "

"Alisa is fine, _Madre_. Are you going to cut to the chase of the reason we both know you're calling?" I interrupted her, filling the bowls with the cereal. "Alisa, come and eat your breakfast please," I called out to my daughter, removing the phone for a second. She came scrambling over to the breakfast bar, climbing up onto one of the stools. I placed her bowl and spoon in-front of her before getting the milk. "_Madre_, are you still there? Come on, let's hear it." I coaxed, filling Alisa's bowl with milk before leaning against the counter watching her.

My Mother sighed dramatically before answering. "Oh if you insist. How did it go with, Chloe? She was a nice woman, no? Did you have a good evening? Are you going out again? Don't leave your _Madre_ in suspense, _Hiljo_, tell me everything." She said, sounding like she was getting comfortable.

"The evening was pleasant and no, I didn't ask her for a second date. There will be no more seeing Chloe. And, while I'm at it, there will be no more setting me up either," I put in while I still had the chance. "I know you mean well and I appreciate that, Ma. But Alisa and I are very happy on our own, thank you. If you keep this up you're going to end up causing a rift between us and it's not worth it. So please, enough okay?" I wearily sighed, giving Alisa a weak smile as she perked her ears and listened in on the conversation. I turned away from my daughter's curious stare and got ready to eat my own breakfast.

"Oh Jesse, Chloe was lovely! Why did you have to go and spoil something that could have been so nice?" She rhetorically asked, already knowing the answer. It's the same one I've been giving her for the past few arguments. "I know you say you're happy now but one-day – Okay, okay! I'll stop – " She gave-in when I made a sound to intervene again. " – Promise. I'll leave it up to Fate now. I just care about you both, Jesse," She sighed sounding as tired as I felt. "Now, let me speak to my beautiful _nieta_before I go and sulk."

Rolling my eyes at my Mother even though she couldn't see them, I stepped across the floor and handed the phone to Alisa. She took it eagerly. "_Abuela_? Hi! I miss you. When are you coming to visit next?" She quickly asked, leaving the rest of her breakfast. I finally poured the milk over mine, waiting for Alisa to start up her end of the conversation again.

I let my mind wander while Alisa told her about our plans for the day and I ate my breakfast. Picturing Chloe in my mind's eye, I tried not to cringe. The woman my Mother very quickly and sneakily set me up with is stunning. Tall with short red hair; very slim and very easy to talk too. A little, _too_ easy in my opinion. She made it quite clear she was interested but I couldn't have been further from it. I took her to the most non-romantic and friendly restaurant I could think of. And couldn't be more pleased when the time finally passed and I made my excuses about ending the evening. Having Susannah sitting across the room with another woman and her Mother was awkward enough considering the topic of conjecture between Susannah and I the last time we spoke.

It didn't stop my eyes from wandering over to her more than once though. Even dressed casually she looked fantastic. And Chloe picked up on it.

She asked me if I knew them and if I wanted to go and say hello when I said I did. But I quickly squashed that idea and thus giving Chloe the _wrong_ one. It was becoming more than annoying to find her bare foot creeping along my inner-thigh during our dessert and more than once I had to push it away. And her talk of how she loves children and asking what Alisa is like I found to be more than fake. She laughed at all the right moments of course, but there was no . . . spark there. Nothing like what I scarily and instantly found with Susannah. This just made my eyes wander to her again. The evening ended quickly after that. And I politely walked her up to her door, passing on the night-cap, kissed her cheek goodnight before I drove out of there as quickly as possible. She never even entered my thoughts until my Mother called, refreshing my memory.

"And I made a new friend too! Her names, Sooze. She let me paint her nails and we baked. Even Daddy liked our cookies," Alisa said, bringing me around quickly. I was cringing on the inside at the knowledge of my Mother finding out about Susannah. And the obvious new friend Alisa had made. I could hear my Mother's mind turning over already. "No her Mommy looks after me until Daddy picks me up. Mrs. Ackerman's _hija. _She's really funny too, _Abuela_. And she makes Daddy smile!" She grinned triumphantly.

I almost choked on my cereal when she said that! Dropping my spoon I sprung into action. "Time to get ready for the zoo, _Princesa_!" I loudly called even though she was still sitting at the breakfast bar. But it was loud enough so my Mother could hear it.

"Have to go, _Abuela_! I get's to feed the elphants today! Tell _abuelo _I miss him. Bye-bye!" And much to my relief, and true to what she's done before, Alisa put the phone down before my Mother could get a chance to speak to me. I made myself busy by putting our dishes in the sink before stepping around the breakfast bar and kissing my beautiful daughter on her glossy, scruffy head. "Who's Chloe, Daddy?" She asked, as I lifted her off her stool and set her on her feet. "Was she the lady you had dinner with?"

"Chloe is the daughter of one of _Abuela_'s friends. I was just taking her out to cheer her up. She's all better now though," I quickly side-stepped. This wiped the worry from Alisa's young face and relaced it with a smile. Concerned she was thinking the wrong thing; I pulled her to a stop in the hall when we got to the top of the stairs and crouched before her. "You know you are my favourite girl in the whole wide world, _Princesa_. There's no-one I love more, I promise.

She grinned widely and threw her arms around my neck in a strong bear hug; squeezing the life out of me. "_Te quiero, papá_," She whispered before pulling back to place a sloppy kiss on my cheek and running off to the bathroom. Grinning stupidly, I rose to my feet and jogged after her.

"Time for a wash and the zoo," I announced, walking into the bathroom to help her where she was standing on her pink stool at the sink.

For the next twenty minutes I helped her have a wash and get the stubborn hard to remove chocolate icing off her face. My attempt to get the tangles out of her hair without hurting her seemed to take the most time while convincing her to use her own toothpaste and not the adult's one. But eventually her hair was in order, placed in a plait and she was rummaging through her wardrobe for a special outfit to wear for the day. When she pulled out her fairy one I was powerless to suggest something else. She looked too beautiful once she had it on with her sparkly wand in hand and her garland head-band atop her curly hair. "You look very mischievous, _Princesa_." I chuckled.

"But where are your wings? You can't be a fairy without wings to help you fly!" I exclaimed, swooping down to swing her up into my arms and swing and fly her around her room. With complete trust in me, she threw her arms out wide at her sides and let me swoop her high and low just like, 'Peter-Pan' she said while she laughed and laughed. When I was starting to get dizzy I put her down, leaving both of us swaying on our feet. But she soon ran to her dress-up box, pulling out her netted wings.

"Here they are, I found them," She smiled handing them to me. I helped her slip them on, completing the outfit. "Take a picture Daddy! We can give it to _Abuela_."

"Okay, stay right there," I got up and went to get our digital camera. When I came back she'd moved all of her toys off her dress-up box and climbed up on top like it was a stage. "Light up your wand," I suggested. She did, leaving the bright different colours to shine across her shimmering dress. "Say Sugar-plum fairies!" I called, taking a couple of pictures.

"Thanks, Daddy!" She jumped down off her box and put her hands up to me to pick her up. Swinging her up into my arms efforlessly, I tweaked the end of her nose. "Are we going to the zoo now? I really want to see the elphants."

"We are indeed. Let's go my little _hada de azúcar de ciruela_." I winked, tugging lightly on the end of her braid.

"What does that mean?" She questioned curiously as I walked out of her room and down the stairs. I didn't answer her straight away, too distracted with picking up my wallet, car-keys and her Disney Princess bag sitting at the door. While trying to battle off hands attempting to style my hair.

"It means Sugar-plum fairy," I answered patiently, locking the door behind us and walked down to the car parked at the curb. "Maybe when you're older I will teach it to you. It's too much of a mouthful for you to learn now. We'll keep your Spanish to the easier words for now. Your _Abuela_ will be very proud of you though." I assured her, helping her into her booster seat, handing over her favourite stuffed toy she insists on having in the car at all times. For luck she said.

"You mean like _Mierda_?" She innocently asked, blinking her bright blue eyes at me clueless. I felt the colour drain from my face as she repeated it. If she ever told my Mother she knew that word I don't think I'd come out of it alive. I cringed at the thought, shaking my head. "Is that a bad word? What does it mean?"

"I'll tell you when you're old enough to know it," I smiled wanly, kissing her head before pulling out and closing her door. "If you remember it," I muttered when she couldn't hear me. I took my time walking around to my side of the car, giving her time to think of something else other than the bad word I use too much. When I climbed behind the wheel and glanced at her in the rear-view mirror she waved. "Ready for a fun day with the animals?" I asked, already knowing the answer from the grin and bright shine to her eyes. I laughed and started the car. "I thought so."

Even though I didn't say it, I was looking forward to it too. And grateful that out of all the questions she asked me as we drove to our destination for the day, that amongst her enquiries, she didn't mention Susannah's name. Or suddenly remember I hadn't answered the question about inviting her along. I would have answered if she asked again; I was becoming prepared for questions like that. So I finally relaxed when we made it there and her mind was instantly on different things and her excitement got in the way of her questions.

It was the most relaxed and happy start to my day I've had in what seems too long, even with Alisa there to wake me. And I used it to my full advantage. And if that meant giving in to ice-creams, stuffed animals and balloons from the gift shops, I didn't mind.

Alisa was smiling throughout it. There was nothing more I could have asked for.

xXx

Charging into Gina's room like she wasn't still asleep, I stood at the end of her bed and sang in a sing-song voice, "Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!" I chimed loud and piercing. She cringed where she was laid out in bed on her back with one of those gel-eye mask things on that always sting my eyes when I try. And her reaction just confirmed what I already knew. I won't be winning any karaoke contests anytime soon. But I did grin when the movement I got was her hand raising, flashing 'The Bird' in my general direction.

"I've had worse ways of getting told to shove off after waking someone in the morning, Gina. Hey, I've _given_ worse. So come on, get your size zero ass out of bed – " I prodded, thumping down on the mattress. Not that it did much good. " – and come hang out with me. I'm unpacked, I'm full of energy and I'm bored. You know that's never a good combination."

She growled at me. "I'm no walking-dead size-zero, Simon. And if you're that bored, go find Jesse. He can help you burn off the extra energy at the same time," She quipped, grinning even though she stayed where she was, trying to go back to sleep.

"Very funny; score one to Ms Augustin," I clapped, pulling open one of her floor length drapes before going and jumping on her huge bed. I dropped down to lay on my front leaning up on my elbows, waiting for her to budge. "But as much fun as that sounds, I'm not so sure I'd be welcome. Three's a crowd, right? He looked cozy enough with that fake wanna-be-red-head the other night. I'm sure he's getting his own good-morning wake-up call." I bitched, feeling crap even as I said it. I didn't mean it. But I was still smarting from seeing him with some woman when he told _me_ he didn't even want to be friends!

And men say _we're_ hard to understand. A little more talk from them and less riddles wouldn't go-a-miss.

"How long you gonna ride the bullshit train, Suze?" Gina groggily asked, lifting a hand to pull up one side of her mask to look at me. "You and I know there was nothing cozy about that dinner. She was sending out '_come-hither_' signals the whole time we were there. And obviously laying it on thick towards the end, and the guy completely fobbed her off. There's nothing going on there and _you_ know it. You can't be pissed at him forever for having a life."

"Whatever, I'm not pissed at him for that," I muttered, shrugging off the truth. "Anyway I don't care. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"_Sure_, you don't; whatever you say," She drawled, pulling the mask back into place. "Now you've said what's obviously been eating you alive all morning, can you either crash or let me get shut eye, and get out of my room? Some of us are trying to recover from a long-ass flight and not enough sleep within the last couple of days. I'm running on New York time still, remember?" She sighed, snuggling deeper beneath the covers with every intention of going to sleep.

"Oh excuses, excuses," I waved off, tugging on the covers.

"Jet-lag, jet-lag, Simon," She growled back. "What's got into you anyway? What'd you do, win a 100 million dollars overnight?" She smirked, giving in and pulling off the mask. She tossed it onto the nightstand and glanced over at me. "I haven't seen you this relaxed and '_bubbly_' in a while. What'd I miss?" I waited for her to stop yawning before I stared at her incredulously, arching my manicured eyebrows. "What?" She said obliviously.

"What do you mean _what_? Jesus, Gina, when was the last time you had a whole weekend to do absolutely _nothing_ at all? Not to mention our great news we got on Thursday. Are you that jet-lagged none of this got through?" I gawked, tempted to reach over and knock on her head saying in a dorky voice, '_Earth to Gina, Earth to Gina; come in please_.'

"What can I say, I'm a hard-working kind of girl," She shrugged, even though I knew what I said got to her. She stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes before she glanced back over at me curiously. "A whole weekend completely free with nothing to do? You sure?" She double checked, a slow grin coming to her expression. "Okay, so it's been a while since I had one of those. So what you got non-planned for us? Wait! Am I gonna need to join the gym after this weekend?" She narrowed her eyes, sitting up on her elbows.

I smirked and started counting off my fingers.

"First, pizza for breakfast, just like our College days. And ice-cream, preferably Ben & Jerry's for lunch. Topping it off with Chinese for dinner and chocolate cake in-between all that. That's after you get your cheap ass in the shower and no normal clothes. Its break out the most comfortable old P.J's you got, day. Then I'll make you up to look like a clown while we laugh at Adam Sandler and cry at young adorable Drew Barrymore. We'll wing the rest. Got it?" I grinned sweetly. Surprisingly, she didn't protest to any of it. "Good. Now move!" I crowed, jumping up to my feet and bouncing my way to the bottom.

"Hey, why do you have the biggest bed?" I suddenly thought, landing on the floor with a thud.

"Because I'm the oldest," She grinned.

I rolled my eyes and strolled out of her room pulling the door closed behind me. But I didn't go anywhere. I just stood on the other side with my ear-pressed to the hard-wooden door for a few minutes listening out for movement. When I still couldn't hear her moving around I threw the door open again and shouted, "_Gina_! P.J day! Now! Move it!"

"You suck, Simon! You know that!?" She shouted back, throwing a pillow at the door.

I'd pulled it closed just in time so missed the pillow hit. But I shouted back through the door instead of opening it, knowing she'd be armed with another one. "Love ya too, Gina!"

"Yeah, whatever," She grumbled back.

Laughing I finally walked away from her room and headed for the phone. Calling to order the pizza so it'd arrive in time for Gina dragging herself to the land of the living. I got the face-masks, nail polishes, DVD's, make-up and music all out ready for us and stuck it all on the coffee table while I waited for her. When I sat down, my mind started going back to what we were saying before. She was right of course; just like she usually is. There was nothing between Jesse and his date from what we all saw. Even my Mom looked sceptical about it. And I knew what was winding me up the most about seeing them was that he just completely shot down my offer of being friends. Even for Alisa.

But he still went out on a date with some wanna-be-read-head he obviously didn't know! He looked so uncomfortable I almost felt sorry for him. But not quite.

Luckily I didn't have much time to think about it yesterday. My day was too filled with moving my stuff from my Mom's to our new apartment and unpacking. And once we'd moved all the furniture to where Gina wanted it we had a conference call with our lawyers that went on a while. Gina always was the picky one about having our place just so. I just went along with it. And then last night we went out for a drink to toast our new home and our soon to be business. Scoping out the local competition while we were at it. I'd only had snatches of letting my mind go into Jesse territory; which was why I probably sounded so bitter.

Lucky I have my best friend to steer me back on to the right path when I stray. I do my part by reminding her to relax when she works too hard.

"Alright smart-ass, where's the pizza? Now you've dragged me out of my comfortable pit, I'm starving," She announced, walking in looking perky and ridiculous with her bear P.J's.

Seeing as its California, it's not exactly flannel P.J's weather. But she still had the trousers with bears and hearts all over them. I couldn't laugh though, mine weren't much better. I had Little Miss Sunshine ones on. I did laugh at her fluffy slippers though. Anyone looking at Gina wouldn't think she's the fluffy slipper type. But it's just one very well kept secret about her I have. I wriggled my bare toes, wondering if I should get some too.

As if on que to Gina's rumbling stomach as she dropped to the couch, the door-buzzer went and Gina was gone in a flash. When she came back, it was with a piping hot pepperoni pizza screaming of extra pounds. But we didn't care. It smelt too damn good to pass up! Diets have never really been our thing. We could never stick to them. Plus, it took us back to our first year of College where we hardly did anything and ate junk-food daily. After that, the memories started and the P.J day _truly_ kicked off. It took me half an hour to get her to stop laughing at some of the more embarrassing ones. But then again, I've got dirt on her too. And that shut her right up.

When we finished the pizza I sat back licking my fingers.

"So what's next?" She grinned, shoving the empty box across the table. "Oh wait, don't tell me. Ben & Jerry's? Simon, have I told you lately how awesome you are? I need a day like this. I almost forgot they exist," She sighed dropping back against the over-stuffed couch cushions.

"I know I am," I smirked, getting up to get two tubs of Cookie Dough. "And that, my friend, is why I'm awesome. Because without me, you'd never have a life outside of your busy schedule; _or_ P.J days." I grinned, jamming my spoon into the hard ice-cream. "Okay, enough with the sappy stuff; time for some laughs. Which one; _The Wedding Singer_ or _Big Daddy_?" I asked, holding up both DVD's. She pointed at _The Wedding Singer_. "Good choice. Adam and Drew."

For a good portion of the day, Gina forgot she was on leave from her busy life and remembered how much fun doing nothing was. While _I_ pretended seeing Jesse with another woman, platonic relationship or not, had hurt me so much. And together we both put aside the fact that in months, we'd be opening and running a business together. For just one day, we just sat back and did what best girlfriends do. Laughed, bitched and made ourselves look like clowns.

And watched Sex and the City of course. With good ol' faithful, Ben & Jerry's.

The calm before the weeks of chaos soon to come.


	7. Chapter Seven

**_A/N_** - I'm kinda and not liking this chapter. I dunno. Either way, I've already started on the next one that I DO love, so I hope this keeps you going until I can finish it and get it up. :) You've all been absolutely brilliant with this story, thank you so much everyone! I hope you like-ish this one. :) Reviews are always welcome. Love and huggles! x

Anonymous Review Replies will be up on my profile page ASAP!

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Chapter Seven

The weekend I spent with my daughter, I'm glad to say was uneventful.

The day trip to the zoo with Alisa, where I spent more than I should have done, was followed the next day with her helping me to wash the car and tidy up the garden. Although she spent more time playing than she did helping. But it was relaxing and peaceful. Something I was extremely grateful for. With no tantrums and no Mother's pestering me because she just wants me to be happy; and no bumping into Susannah; I was content when Sunday night came and I could relax in front of a football game I'd been wanting to watch for over a week, with a cold bottle of beer in my hand. Alisa was fast asleep curled up in bed ready for kindergarten the next day and dreaming of kittens. Which had been something she had been asking me whenever she got the chance too. I've only just managed to stave her off the subject.

But when I woke up Monday morning running later than usual, with the usual foggy landscape to be greeted by, I was surprised to find it raining. I knew the rest of the day wouldn't be like the weekend from therein and dealt with it as much as I could. Unfortunately this only seemed to make it worse. Trying to wake a groggy little girl who suddenly decided she didn't _want_ to go to kindergarten wasn't any help either. But I finally managed to get her dressed and to eat something, while I tried to brush her hair. She was only just on time for her bus. And then it was a mad dash to get myself shaven and finished dressing before _I_ was late for work. My first patient had to wait almost fifteen minutes, which set the rest of my finely tuned schedule of the day behind. Not to mention my rumbling stomach.

When the time finally rolled around to five o'clock, I was more than ready to leave my office behind and go pick up my hopefully more cheerful daughter.

But the tap at my office door halted that too. Suppressing an irritated sigh at the interruption and myself, I called for the person to enter and looked up to find Angela saunter into the room. "I'm just bringing your files, Doctor," She sweetly greeted, her tone and expression going straight over my oblivious head as she slowly placed them on my desk, her hand lingering before pulling away. "Is there anything else I can do for you before I leave for the day?" She continued, standing in front of my desk.

I raised a hand, waving off the offer. "No thank you I'm all set," I absently replied, picking up the files she handed to me, flicking through them briefly before walking around my desk to pull open my filing cabinet. When I finally noticed she was still standing there I turned with an enquiring look. "Was there something else?" I asked as patiently as I could. But I could tell from the way her expression faltered for a second that my impatience and frustration had leaked through into my tone. I instantly wanted to bite my words back and apologize. But I didn't; I just waited for her to regain herself and speak.

"Oh! Um, yes – I mean, no! I mean . . . never mind. Sorry to bother you. Have a good evening." She stuttered. And before I could make sense of what she said the first time, she was gone from my office and I was left with the after-effects of her flowery perfume. My nose wrinkled at the smell and I turned away.

Before anyone else could stall me from leaving my office and stop me from collecting, Alisa, I picked up my brief-case and left my office. I rolled my eyes and took an about-turn just as I was getting into the lobby of the practice, suddenly remembering my jacket I'd left behind. "_Dios_," I muttered, marching back into my office and sliding the heavy suit jacket off the back of my chair. All but racing to leave my suddenly too cramped office behind once I got it. "Have a good evening, Angela," I nodded as I walked past her reception, ignoring her ducked head trying to ignore me. She stuttered out another reply, but I was already on my way out of the doors and heading for the staff car-park. I nearly tripped on something along the way and could feel the first stirrings of rain again.

Deciding my day couldn't possibly get any worse, I slammed my truck door closed and spent a few minutes loosening my tie and undoing the first couple of buttons of my shirt, trying to breathe. The quiet was bliss to my hectic day and I absorbed as much of it as I could. Resting my head back against the head-rest, I asked the powers-that-be whom seemed to enjoy watching me chase around my daughter, be a partner in a private practice, withhold my Mother's badgering and have time to breathe, to give me some lee-way and let the rest of the day slide past. Eventually, after glancing at the dash clock and finding it later than I realized, I started my truck and made to reverse out.

And then my fuel light came on, disrupting the careful calm I'd built around myself.

Pausing, I deliberated if I would have enough to get me to Helen's, knowing already I wouldn't. "_Dios_, if this is some kind of test of patience, I give-in; you win," I muttered to myself, sending it out to the same powers-that-be I'd just been asking some lee-way from. "When will this day be over?" I groaned, heading for the nearest gas station. But even as I stood at my truck, filling it with gas, the one thought I had been grasping for all-day, that had been dancing just out of my reach finally hit me. And it took all my restraint not to thump my fist down on the hood of my truck and curse up a storm. That one thought I was trying to remember? Shopping. I'd meant to go the day before but got side-tracked by something.

After I paid for my gas and took the journey up to get my daughter, I let my mind wander.

It's not often I have days where I realize being a single father is a lot harder than people realize. I know there are single parents out there that have more than one child to take care of; and that in the long run I really shouldn't have anything to be frustrated about. But it makes the decision I made to move away from my family, that much more regretful. I love my family and I appreciate all the help they have given me over the years with Alisa. But . . . it had felt as though I was getting too comfortable. I didn't want to be too dependent on them being there. I was sure I could handle everything fine on my own. But days like today, when nothing goes to plan and everything seems to go wrong; it makes a bitter taste enter my mouth and the heavily buried anger with Alisa's Mother rise to the surface.

I could blame a lot of things on her, I know. I could also be bitter and angry with her for the rest of my life. But when it comes down to it, neither will do me any good. Nor, will they do Alisa any. She doesn't know about her Mother and I don't plan on telling her; because at the end of the day, I am the one that has the most precious gift of all. I'm the one that was there to see Alisa cut her first tooth, take her first step and speak her first word. I was the one that took her to her first day of kindergarten and dance class. I'm the one that will be there for her when she scrapes a knee and gets her – Heaven forbid – heart-broken over her first teenage crush. I love my daughter with every fibre of my being. There is no-one that can come in-between that.

And that is also the sobering thought that does eventually make me realize, the day could be so much _worse_. I have a healthy and exuberant child. I can put aside patient worries and paperwork; my Mother's own concerns for me and my daughter. And I can pick my daughter up, swing her around and just be a father. The best job of all.

And for a while, that thought was enough to finally make sunshine break through the cloudy thoughts of my mind and makes me smile for the first time all day.

That is until I pulled into Helen's driveway.

Susannah's car wasn't parked next to her Mother's, but I still felt a frisson of unease snake up my back and tickle my scalp. My hands clenched on the steering wheel without conscious thought and I choked down my nerves as I climbed out of my truck and ascended the stairs. Taking another look around behind me, almost expecting Susannah to appear to me as a beautiful figment of my imagination, but her presence felt as deeply as if she had always been. All with the threat of sending my once calm thoughts into a crazy mess again. Swallowing, I raised my tight fist and knocked on the hard wood of the door harder than normal. I didn't hear the sounds of small feet running to open it like they usually do. Causing the sudden image of her sitting with Susannah looking up at her as though she could see the Angelic aura around her _I_ envision, sprang to my mind.

"Hi, Jesse," Helen greeted me, opening the door before I could raise my hand to knock involuntarily. "Come on in, Alisa's just finishing up watching Wall-E." She continued, closing the door behind me. I looked down into the living room, finding Alisa sitting with her legs crossed underneath her on the couch, eyes transfixed to the screen. I released a silent breathe of relief.

I finally turned to Helen after seeing the coast clear. "Sorry I'm late, my appointments ran over later than normal," I excused, leaving out the fact I'd also ran out of gas. I followed Helen down from the foyer after her dismissive hand and smile, standing behind an arm-chair and waiting for my daughter to notice me. She didn't even glance in my direction, but her hair was tangle free and in a newly tied braid. "She hasn't been any trouble for you I hope." I asked, sparking a conversation while I waited for Alisa to finish her film. Before I could stop myself, I took a quick look towards the kitchen, hearing the sounds of movement filter out. The unease must have shown in my expression if the crease between Helen's eyebrows were anything to go by.

An expression that reminded me of Susannah far more than I was comfortable with realizing.

"She's been an Angel. Just like she always is for me," She smiled, her expression losing the small crease and a smile directed in Alisa's direction. She was quiet for a few seconds before she spoke again; making the air whoosh out of my lungs involuntarily. "She's not here by the way, if that's why you're looking so uncomfortable," Helen continued, turning back to look at me with a look I'm beginning to wonder if all Mother's have. The one that suggests they know everything.

"Who isn't here?" I asked dumbly, the instant reflexive question out before I could restrain myself. I gave myself a mental shove as soon as I realized how defensive I sounded. Helen picked up on it just like she did with my unease. Something I obviously hadn't hidden quite as well as I thought I had done. I know that was in part because I trust Helen. I'm comfortable around her. I trust her with Alisa. And for a few seconds, I didn't withstand my barriers as strongly as I normally do. But it also felt as though I had betrayed her in some way. Because of Susannah, maybe. I needn't have worried though.

"I'm talking about, Suze," Helen humoured me by answering, elegantly raising a slim eyebrow at me, the corners of her mouth tilting the slightest bit with a wry smile. "She moved out on Friday," Helen glanced in Alisa's direction, seeing her attention still riveted to the television. Helen stood up from the couch arm and walked away a few steps, leaving me to follow her. But she still kept her voice dropped. "I don't know what happened between you both and I don't want to. You're both adults, I'm sure you can solve it between you if you need to. But there's no need for you to feel uncomfortable while you're here, Jesse. You _or _Alisa." And the unspoken message underlying her words was very clear to hear.

If I continue to be on edge and uneasy when I come to pick my daughter up, Alisa will pick up on it and questions will be asked. And with a wry smile, I took her kind, Motherly message for what it was.

"Thank you," I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck before I finally relaxed and let go of an unnecessary concern.

Susannah wasn't just trying to placate me when she agreed that I didn't want her to be around Alisa if I could help it. I knew when she walked out of my office that she would do as I requested for Alisa. And even as I reminded myself of that, I felt even more ashamed of myself for being so rude. This is Susannah's Mother's house of course. She has every right to be here. And if she does happen to turn up while Alisa is here, than there's nothing I can do about that. First and foremost, Alisa likes to stay at Helen's until I can collect her. There's no reason to take that constant comfort away from her.

"Yes well, you are a man. Sometimes these things need to be pointed out to you," She replied, giving me a look I've seen many women wear. This time I chuckled unabashedly, which finally roused Alisa from her film and turn in my direction. I gave her a small wave and she beamed back at me. "Come on, honey, time for you to go," Helen spoke up, going to stand in front of the television. Alisa looked as though she was going to complain but she soon quietened down when she saw Helen's 'no-nonsense' look. "Come on young lady, you can finish the rest of the film next time. It's not going anywhere."

"_Okay_," Alisa sighed heavily, sliding herself off the couch. "Hi, Daddy," She grinned at me, running into my open arms. She placed a quick kiss on my cheek and wound her arms around my neck after I picked her up. "I did painting today. I did you a big picture of you and me and a kitten. Miss Poppy said it was really good, do you want to see it?"

"How about you show me when we get home, _Princesa_? We need to go; we still have to go shopping for dinner." I waited until I got a reluctant nod before I put her back down. "Thanks again for watching her. What do you say to Mrs. Ackerman?" I coaxed, watching her slip her shoes and coat on with Helen's help.

"Thank you, Helen," She smiled sincerely; wrapping her arms around her legs to her a hug before she came to my open and ready hand.

"You're welcome, honey. Be good for your Dad while you're at the supermarket okay? I don't want to hear any horror stories when I next see you," Helen winked, tapping Alisa's tiny button nose. She opened the door for us after I slid Alisa's bag up my arm. "Oh, you better be careful out there on the roads, Jesse. That doesn't look like it's going to let up." She said, nodding towards the heavy rain coming down hard and fast, smattering against the porch steps. "See you both soon."

"Bye, Helen!" Alisa called back, waving for the both of us as I held on to her tight and carefully made my way down the steps, aware of how slippery they could be. Alisa was giggling by the time I got her to the car. "It's all wet, Daddy!" She ruffled my hair, sending water droplets flying at her. She shrieked and laughed again.

"Yes well, generally rain _is_ wet, _Princesa_," I chuckled, helping her into her seat. I quickly closed her door and jumped into the front, running my hand through my thick wet hair, slicked to my face. "So, tell me what else you did at school today . . ." I started, heading for the supermarket in the rain and leaving the silence to be filled by Alisa's fast and excited talk of a very detailed description of her day. The more she talked, the more relaxed I became. And when she asked me how _my_ day was as an after-thought, I just told her it was fine, brushing aside the lateness, interruptions and delays that seemed a constant up until I got to pick Alisa up.

We made a mad dash for the entrance when we arrived. Alisa shrieked again when I shook my hair all over her. I confidently walked into the large open space with Alisa close to my side, running off a list of things she wanted to eat as we walked up to the salad bar. But when I finally took my smiling eyes away from my daughter and up, they landed on the warm gaze of someone standing a trolley's breath away, watching us closely.

xXx

When Suze asked me to pick up the shopping list while she was off doing whatever it was she was doing; I wasn't counting on her Doctor crush to me on the list. But watching him talk and joke with the little girl I took to be Alisa, and looking more than a little frayed around the edges, I couldn't take my eyes off him. I'd seen him in the restaurant with the 'wannabe red-head' Suze dubbed her, and saw my best friend's reaction. Across the room he was good-looking. But up close, I had to admit I could definitely see what all the fuss was about. _I_ wouldn't kick him out of bed, that's for sure. And his little girl, with her hair as dark as her dad's, but with startling blue eyes; was just as adorable as him.

Suze never called Jesse adorable of course. I wouldn't have done either if I wasn't looking at him in a platonic, scoping-out-for-Suze kind of way. He's hot. God_damn_ he's hot! But, not really someone I'd go for. I've been there with the bad-ass types and pretty boys. And although I know from what Helen has said, that Jesse's a gentleman; from first glance you wouldn't think it. He's got _silently brooding_ written all over him. At least, he did in the restaurant. Now he just looks like a man spending time with his daughter, like nothing else matters. With his dishevelled hair, un-done tie and shirt button; the tired look in his eye and tense bracing of his shoulders . . . I could see why something in him called out to Suze.

He looked like he could do with someone to help him carry the weight. Or to just have a shoulder to lean on. Shame he wouldn't let Suze be that person, I mused.

His laughing eyes dulled the instant he set his gaze on me. And I realized with a jolt that I'd be staring. Still, not one to be embarrassed by something like that, I strolled forward and introduced myself. There was no way I was walking out of this supermarket without talking to him. "Hi, I'm Gina Augustin," I smiled easily, holding out a hand. "I saw you the other night in the restaurant. I was with Suze and Helen. I wasn't sure if you'd remember me." I carried on; dropping my hand once he shook it. I wasn't going to let him off too easily. I could have let him pretend he hadn't seen us. But I knew better. And I wasn't the only one who felt his stare catch on us more than once that night.

"Hector De Silva," He said back, holding back on his nickname he'd given Suze. I put that little piece of information away for reference. He laid an unconscious hand on Alisa's shoulder, pulling her into his side. "I remember you Ms Augustin. It's nice to meet you. Helen has mentioned you coming along with her – Susannah." He almost winced as he said it. And I got _why_ a second later.

"You know, Sooze?!" Alisa asked with a bright friendly smile, stepping out from her Dad's side to peer up at me.

Throwing Jesse a careful smile again I bent down to be on Alisa's level, grinning on the inside at the way she said my best friend's name. "I do know, Suze. She's my best friend in fact." I said truthfully. I looked down at her doll hanging by a hand and pointed at it. "Do you and your doll have a name?" I gently asked, aware of Jesse shuffling his feet a little behind her. But he didn't step in to pull his daughter back or answer for her. I took that as a good sign and relaxed a little more.

"I'm Alisa and my dolly is called Tinks," She giggled, holding up the doll I could vaguely recognize as Tinkerbell. "Is Sooze here?" Alisa asked eagerly, looking around behind me like Suze would appear out of no-where. "Daddy said she's been busy. I haven't seen her in _ages_." She sighed exasperated. I sat back on my heels, blown-away by how smart she seemed. Her eyes twinkled with innocence and I felt something tug at my heart; but not as hard as it obviously had with Suze. And the more time that passed standing with Jesse and his daughter, the more I could understand Suze's problem. She always has been sensitive to other people, she just doesn't recognize it. I, on the other hand, do.

I licked my lips and prepared to tell a little white lie, well aware of Jesse getting ready to swoop in. "Your Daddy's right; Suze has been very busy, Alisa. You see, Suze and I are getting ready to do something really important and it's taking up a lot of our time. But I'll tell her you said hello, 'kay?" I got up to my feet before Alisa could answer. There was no way I could have carried on lying to her like that. I looked Jesse's stare head-on and saw the relief and guilt in his eyes. He didn't bother to cover it up. But I did have to wonder . . .

Was all that guilt _just_ for Alisa?

He gave me a small nod of thanks and all but sagged against his trolley. "Helen mentioned she'd moved out . . ." He trailed off, looking sheepish and uncomfortable about saying anything. I almost shook my head at him, realizing he wasn't doing the best job of trying to distance himself from Suze by saying something like _that_. Men! Totally clueless half the time. But he went on before I could say anything. Clearing his throat and looking for a quick exit. "Never mind, forget I said that. Err; we should be moving along now. It was nice to meet you, Ms Augustin." He nodded briskly again, taking Alisa's hand. But the kid was looking pretty reluctant about going. "Alisa, we need to – "

"Hold on, Daddy," She interrupted him, letting go of his hand and stepping towards me. She held up her doll, her eyes more solemn that before. "Can you give this to, Sooze please? I want her to have it. Please?" She implored, my heart thudding painfully in my chest with the way she said it. I looked up at Jesse panicked for the first time since bumping into them; silently begging him to do something.

"Alisa I don't think – "

"But you both said Sooze is busy. I want her to have this, so she don't forget about me. Please, Daddy? I won't miss it, I pwomise," She turned her big blue eyes on her Dad, and I knew he was as powerless to deny it as I was! After long agonizing seconds he gave her a soft yes and looked away. "Thank you! Tell Sooze not to forget. It's imp'_ortant_." She pressed the Tinkerbell doll into my hands making me take it before she stepped back. "It was nice to meet you. Come on, Daddy." She smiled all sweetness again. Unguarded, Jesse turned and walked away with her, after throwing one glance over his shoulder to me. Then I was left to stand by the salad bar holding an obviously much loved Tinkerbell doll in my hand.

"Oh _shit_," I muttered, sighing and dropping my arm with the doll.

Shaking my head with the feeling I'd just made everything worse somehow, I grabbed my trolley more roughly then I needed to and marched off to get the stuff on the crinkled list in my hand. I was on edge and looking around every corner aisle I took; listening, watching out for them. I saw Jesse wander down the end of one at some point. But otherwise, didn't run into him and Alisa again. So I paid for the goods and got out of there as quickly as possible. With the Tinkerbell doll staring up at me almost accusingly every time I glanced down at it.

"Oh shut up," I growled to it, slamming the boot of Suze's rental car on it. "It's not like I knew that was how it was going to go down," I said to myself, climbing behind the wheel. "How was I supposed to know what a little talking to him would do? Or the kid would turn _Puss In Boots_ eyes on me, for God's sake!" I ranted, well aware how Suze-like I sounded. Alisa's disarming, I realized. But that just brought on a tidal wave of sympathy for Suze. Jesse's got his head screwed on; even if he is a little blind. But Suze is my best friend. I didn't think I would do any harm by just introducing myself. I just wanted to see what his reaction would be. Who knew I'd get put on a guilt-trip by a four-year old?

I took a couple of calming breathes, just like I would do when dealing with a fashion-challenged, ornery client. By the time I'd counted to ten, I was feeling better.

It was raining pretty hard still when I got back to our apartment and struggled to get the groceries through the door. But I was feeling less guilty about the encounter and more confident. I realized that if Suze just carries on avoiding Jesse and Alisa like he asked, all will be fine. No harm, no foul. But I was still quieter than normal while I helped Suze put the goods away. I kept catching her throwing me weird looks. Especially when I unconsciously got a fork out of the drawer and took a huge piece of cake onto it to stuff in my mouth.

"Okay, who do you want me to kill for you?" She quipped, finally breaking the awkward silence, leaning against the counter-top giving me a sympathetic smile.

"How about me for a start," I shot back, jumping up onto the side, fiddling with the fork.

"_Oo-kay_, that wasn't the answer I was going for, but I'll bite. What's going on?" She frowned, crossing her arms. I sighed and pulled my bag closer to me. I wordlessly reached in and pulled out the Tinkerbell doll, holding it out to her. She took it with a wry grin. "You want me to kill you because you gave me a Tinkerbell doll?" She laughed, fingering Tinks' iridescent wings. But when I didn't say anything, choosing to wince instead, the humor left her eyes and she frowned again. "Ah Gina, what did you do?"

"I bumped into Jesse and Alisa at the supermarket. That doll isn't from me. It's from Alisa," I said truthfully, looking Suze straight in the eye. "I didn't think it'd do any harm to introduce myself. I knew he recognized me from the restaurant. And it was all fine until Alisa asked about you. So I told her what Jesse's obviously been telling her. That you're busy doing something important. The kid was fine with it. But before her Dad could lead her off she asked me to give you that; and to tell you not to forget. That it was important. Suze? Earth to Suze!" I called, snapping her out of her day-dream staring at the doll that she'd been doing a little ways into my explanation.

I was kind of expecting her to be pissed at _me_. Not herself.

"Shit!" She exclaimed, laying a hand to her head. "Crap, crap, crap!" She went on. When she sighed and finally looked up at me, seeing my curious expression, she filled me in. And then I understood what the curses were about. "Alisa pretty much asked me to make her a promise. And this doll is a way for her to remind me about it. Only now, I can't keep that _kinda_ promise I made her and I'm screwed. I've let her down. Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ Suze!"

I could see she was about two seconds away from verbally beating herself up, so I jumped down from the side and waved my arms about to clear the air and stop her half-way. "Okay, calm down. Start again; what was the _kinda_ promise? Maybe you can still – "

"She asked me to be her Dad's new best friend, Gina," She cut me off, her tone giving away how guilty she felt. I'm not stupid, I know that making a _kinda_ or real promise of any kind, to any age child, is big news. Suze never makes them unless she can keep them. And from the sounds of it, and with the little bit of experience I've had with Alisa, Suze got sucked right in to that one without realizing it. "You know what a best friend is to a four-year old? Someone who makes them smile and happy again. That's what she told me; that I make her Daddy smile again. What am I supposed to do now? Tell her; _'Sorry, no can do kid. Your Dad doesn't want me around you_.'? When the hell did this go from icky to FUBAR?"

Not saying a word I opened the refrigerator and took another forkful of cake. But I gave it to Suze this time. She took it with a wavering smile.

"Here's what you are going to do about it, Simon . . . Nothing. Not only will it give you wrinkles and go grey early from stressing about it," I joked, making her snort. "But there isn't anything you _can_ do. She's a kid, give it time and distance and she'll forget about it. Jesse's the one that's making the promise become impossible to keep, so don't beat yourself up! We've got an empty space to gutter and re-make into something sophisticated and amazing, Suze. We need to concentrate on that for awhile. On building the club we want. Think you can handle that?" I challenged.

"Gina, this is _me_ you're talking to. Of course I can!" She rolled her eyes, picking the doll back up. "She'll be okay. She's got Jesse, right? That's all she needs."

"Right," I echoed, mentally wondering if Suze really _could_ let it go. Her tone sounded more wistful than I liked. And I didn't mean that in a way that make me wonder if she could concentrate on our soon-to-be building business. I don't want her to get hurt because of all this more than anything. But I shook the thought off and pulled the whole cake out of the fridge as a distraction for us both. "Come on, you can help me finish this. No more serious talk tonight or _I'll_ be the one getting wrinkles!" We laughed, falling over the cake as dinner.

Jesse and Alisa aren't my problem, I knew. Suze on the other hand _is_. And I plan on keeping her as level-headed as I can.


	8. Chapter Eight

_**A/N**_ – Woohoo! I've wanted to get this chapter up for days. :D I'm _sooo_ glad I finally have. I hope you all like this one. And a little reminder; this _IS_ an M rated fic. 'Nuff said. ;) Thank you for all the love for the previous chapter! I never thought it would go down so well and I'm deeply humbled that it was liked. Please review; I can't wait to hear what you thought! Love for all! ^^;

Anonymous review replies are up on my profile. :)

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_**Chapter Eight**_

_My eyes fluttered closed as I tilted my head to give my lover better access to stroke his hot tongue along my throat._

_He was tasting my skin with the tip, savoring it with a contented growl that sent shivers throughout my body. I used his hand holding on to me to my advantage by wrapping my bare leg around his jean-clad one, pulling him closer. The bulge in his pants pressing against me in a way that made my hands fist on his open shirt and my body instinctively move against him. His hands gripped my hips, holding me in place and I laughed. Throwing my head back with a strangled rasp when his hand traced lower south and squeezed enticingly. I slipped my hands to his shoulders pushing his shirt down his arms. But slow enough that I could relish the feel on his burning, muscled flesh under my eager hands. My nails digging in when he breathed across my skin that was damp from his kisses._

_It didn't seem fair that I was already naked except for my underwear, and Jesse was still dressed in his jeans. And I tried to say something about it, but I couldn't form the right thing to say. Hell, I couldn't even say three simple words, let alone string a sentence together. But while he was kissing his way along my cheek to come back to my lips, I realized I couldn't care too much if he would just keep kissing me as thoroughly as he was. I just dropped his shirt to the floor and got to work on his belt stopping me from getting to what I wanted. What I wanted sheathed inside me._

_"Mi dulce bella mujer," He sighed against my swollen cherished lips before kissing me all over again._

_The belt buckle was trying to be a problem until Jesse's hands came down to help me. Once I had it loose they went back to pulling my naked chest up against his sending sparks through my body, my knees almost buckling if it wasn't for his strong arm wrapped around my waist keeping me upright. His free hand was left to roam up and down my back, dipping to skim the elastic of my panties before edging away again. I pulled away from the breathless kiss to dip my head to his shoulder, nipping at him every now and again. I un-popped the button on his jeans while slowly pulling down the zipper. Jesse tensed under my hands but let me go when I stepped back to tug his jeans down his long, muscular legs. And I had the absent wonder of how he managed to find the time to work out._

_"Oh my God . . ." I whispered._

_My earlier thought flew to the wind when I soon found myself kneeling before him, his passion ready and waiting for me at just the right level. My mouth watered and my tongue flicked out to lick my lips. My mind was on the fritz. All I could do was longingly drag my gaze up Jesse's body to land on his eyes that seemed to glow black in the low light of the room._

_I didn't register the fact the only thing in what I guessed was a room, was the bed that I instinctively knew was behind me. The only dominating presence was Jesse standing in front of me, letting me get my full of lapping in the picture of him. I blinked my eyes trying to get rid of the mist, throwing aside the absent thought of,_Why doesn't he look corporeal_? I just let him lean down to pull me up to my feet in one quick move, his mouth slamming down on mine, swallowing my gasp when his erection pressed up against me. He cupped my bottom and lifted me up so my legs could wrap around his lean waist, still kissing me like I always wanted to be kissed. Walking up to the bed where he set me down and watched me scoot backwards, my eyes calling for him._

_Sparks arched between us and cracked the air like lightening. Raw, intense sexual needs making the haze around us deepen and filter the soft ambient light even more. He stepped up to the end of the bed, his eyes tracing over me in a way that made me drop to the mattress and arch as though his hands were exploring me, even though he was no-where near me. "Jesse, come to me," I moaned with a pout, spurring him to climb on the bed and hover above me. I leaned up to meet his fervour kiss, loving the feel of his warm solid weight pressing down on me with the lightest pressure. I nipped at his lips. Drawing him closer to me._

_My senses were being deliciously over-powered and I didn't want it to end!_

_The sound of his ragged breathing in my ear; the feel of his strong sinewy arms tight around my waist and his heart beating an unsteady rhythm along with my own was more than I could stand. "Susannah," He rasped, gently lying me back down to the mattress before his lips went back to my throat, his weight and passion pressing down on me more than before while he bathed a line of wet, fevered kisses down my tingling skin. I was on fire. I could feel it stretching out to every part of my body, igniting ever nerve ending and my toes to curl. Tears swarmed my eyes at how gentle and delicate he was treating me as he kissed me wherever he wanted. Molten desire slithered down my stomach to my core. And I let loose my cries of need, digging my nails into the hard muscle of his back again, levering myself up and arching towards him._

_"More," I begged breathlessly. "Give me more." I twisted my head to roughly fuse my lips with my Spanish lovers. The kiss was raw, feral. My bare legs wrapped around his, pressing him down, closer to me. My exposed breasts, tauntingly up against Jesse's chest peaked and grazed against his course chest hair, sparking friction to rival the feel of his passion pressing against me. Nothing barring the way but for a flimsy pair of underwear I wanted him to tear off. I wanted him so badly I couldn't think! I grappled for some kind of grounding while my tongue stroked against his, my knees rising to clench onto him harder. He growled. Deeply. I felt it rumble through his chest and into me making my nails drag down his skin in warning. "Jesse, please . . ." I whimpered into his open mouth, wanting more than to be treated like a delicate China doll._

_I wanted the fire to engulf us and see how explosive our desire for each other could be! _

_His rough hands came up to grope and fondle my breasts again. Slow and teasingly. From his actions, I knew he wanted to take his time. And I was all about exploring him too. But not then. Right then I wanted him! It was slow torture as he kissed and flicked his tongue over my nipple. Grazing it with his teeth and chuckling when my hands fisted in his hair, curling and unfurling. I was going out of my mind with his touch. The reverence behind it. No man had every touched me with so much tenderness before. For a while I'd thought of it as making love; but I couldn't have been more wrong. It was never that way for them. And I came to expect that with later lovers. That it was always just going to be what it is. Sex, plain and simple._

_But Jesse . . . Jesse was methodical, kissing every inch of my breasts and my stomach. My skin was blazing with the how good it felt. How . . .__**right**__. His hand trailed the valley down to my stomach, splaying across the soft flesh. His eyes deep, dragging me under. __"Tell me what you want," He whispered hoarsely, his straining length heatedly throbbing against me. Slowly I slipped my hand to his chest, pressing the pads of my finger-tips, slipping down his body, further and further still. His eyes held mine fiercely. He knew what I wanted. I was showing him. "What do you __**need**__?"_

_"__**You**__." I breathed, just as I reached out for him._

_I didn't do anything but softly stroke him, urging him to give me what we both needed. His eyes bore dark into my mind and his hands slid down my sides to grip at my panties. Without saying a word, I loosened my legs around him and levered myself up to let him tug and pull my underwear down. His body heat left me feeling abandoned as he moved off me to pull them all the way down my legs. His rough palms caressed my legs, sliding higher and higher until his hand was softly stroking the side of my neck. But my whimper was cut off with a delicate kiss that made my cries turn into keening. And then he was there. His chest hovering above mine. His hand kneading my hip and guiding my legs to wrap back around his waist; his throbbing lust pressing against the apex of my thighs. Without hindrance this time._

_I pulled away from the kiss to take in the perspiration dotting his forehead, his hair slicked to his skin. I pressed a kiss to his temple and his cheek, letting his head fall to rest against my shoulder, the silence broken only by the sounds of our ragged breathing. I stared down his rippling back muscles flexing and taunting. My heart raced in my chest, my core pulsing and boiling with desire, begging to have Jesse there. I clung on to his shoulders to keep me grounded. But it was pointless. As he sat up from me, bracing his weight on his forearms, I had seconds to see the intention in his eyes and match it with my own. Our connection stronger than ever._

_And then in one quick, mind-numbing move, he thrust inside me. Wrenching a cry of pure, raw passion from the depths of the blissful abyss -_

"_**Good morning, Carmel! This is DJ Phill**_. . ."

I vaulted up in bed, barely stifling the cry of passion waiting to be screamed on the tip of my tongue.

Breathing so fast and heavily I could hear my blood pumping in my ears; I tried to blink away the fog. My arms felt like rubber and my skin was slicked with sweat. I pressed a shaken hand to my heart beating painfully in my chest, my wide eyes looking around my room half expecting to see Jesse standing somewhere in all his naked glory, watching me with a expression that told me he knew _just_ what he wanted from me. But even as I battled to get my breath, the dream was starting to pull away. Not going completely, but enough for me to feel less confused and realize just how cruel it was to have gotten pulled out of it the way I did. Of an erotic, intense dream of _Jesse_!

I groaned, flopping back against the pillows and running a hand down my sticky face. My fourth Jesse dream . . . My mind was seriously screwing with me.

I reached out blindly to thump the radio and shut it off from having to listen to some idiot talking about the weather. I couldn't stand to listen to it considering I could still imagine Jesse's ragged words whispered against my ear, heightening the pleasure even more. Asking me what I wanted; what _he_ wanted from me. And it felt so _good_!

I turned to look at the time, my eyes narrowing when I saw just how early it was.

"7.00 am? _Gina,_" I growled, smacking a hand to my head. It just _had_ to be her, didn't it?

I sat up to toss my covers back, but didn't get the chance to climb out of bed when a brisk knock at my door was followed by my best friend's trademark copper curls peeking around it with a not so subtle grin. "Mornin' grumpy," Gina smiled coming around the edge of my bed to hand me a steaming cup of coffee. As soon as the smell hit my nose I forgave her for waking me up so early and taking me from a pretty pleasant dream. "Jesus, Suze, who were you fighting with last night?" She quipped, eyeing my covers. When I finally looked for myself I could see what she meant. Apparently I'd been doing a fair amount of rolling around during the night, as well as in my dreams. Then I had to go and blush, clueing Gina in instantly.

She smirked with a simple, "_Oh_."

"Shut up," I half-heartedly threw back, blowing on my too hot coffee but taking a sip just so I wouldn't have to look at her. It burnt my mouth, but it wasn't as bad as my flaming face. Or how it got worse when I suddenly remembered some of my dream. With Jesse's clothes being tugged off him; his rough hands grazing across my sensitive skin; his tongue licking and tasting me - _And_ that's enough, I quickly told myself. Stamping on the memory and pushing it away. It'd been over three weeks since I last saw him. And yet, this is the fourth dream I've had of him. Maybe not as . . . _vivid_. But definitely enough to wake me feeling needy and frustrated.

"Dammit." I muttered, still trying to get all my senses to wake up. I know they definitely were in dream-land.

"That good was it?" Gina spoke up with a definite slyness to her voice, reminding me she was still in my room, watching me with narrowed eyes not doing such a good job of hiding her amusement. I might have let slip about them after the second dream. But I didn't tell her about the third one. And I obviously didn't need to about this one either. She openly laughed when I gave her a no-holds-barred death glare. "Wow . . . you poor woman."

I sighed and lost the glare. "You have no idea. If it wasn't for your stupid alarm - Actually no, I'm not even going to go there! What did you wake me up so early for anyway?" I groused, putting my cup down so I could stretch properly. Trying to uncoil my tightly wound muscles in my neck and back. My arms and legs felt like lead. I thought about going for a massage over a week ago. But right then, I was seriously giving it some more thought. Not just because of my painfully pleasurable dreams. But because the stress and hard-work of keeping an eye on what the builders are doing with our official new space, and meeting with the architect and designer has been about as exhausting as trying to get my life kick-started off here again.

But that's what comes with deciding to leave behind everything I've known for ten years to go soul-searching.

"We have to go check in with the site foreman today," Gina said, rousing me from my thoughts with a knowing look. "He'll only be there from a certain time; he's got other jobs to check on. So time to get your ass in gear, Simon," She bugged me, not even moving an inch herself. I peered up at her over the rim of my cup, raising my eyebrows in question. She had more to say, I could see it. "So . . . is he a giver or taker?" She grinned, unable to help herself. "Come on, it's obvious it's Jesse you've been sub-consciously rolling around with again. So, what is he?"

"I'm not answering that." I flatly said. I wasn't going to tell her it was a perfect balance that teetered to him being more of a giver. Sure I remember one particular dream I got to have my fun with him. But overall, he's always been about me. But then, that could just be my own wants considering most of the guys I've been with were more about themselves than me. But Jesse . . . no he was attentive and passionate. It doesn't mean he is in reality, I told myself, blowing out another breath.

"So I'm gonna judge from that sigh that so far, you've never got to the natural conclusion," Gina went on, ignoring the fact I wasn't answering any of her questions.

I stood up from my bed, feeling sticky and cold where the cool air touched my skin. I left the task of stripping it for later, when I wasn't feeling so tense and groggy. "All right miss-all-knowing, I'll bite. We were just getting to the fun part when your stupid alarm woke me up. Now I'm starting to feel like I'm being tortured _very_ slowly." I whined, heading towards my door, my feet dragging across the cold laminated floor. Gina whistled following behind me. If that was supposed to make me feel better, it didn't. Nothing would unless I stopped having the dreams. Or relieved my frustration. My sub-conscious is killing me!

"Okay, you go hit the shower and sort that serious case of bed-head you got going for you. And I'll treat you to a doughnut at The Coffee Clutch after I get to ogle hot hard-working men; got it?" She gave me a light shove in the direction of the bathroom. "We'll have you feeling back to your normal self in no time!" She chirped. I let her overly happy voice go over my head and just nodded along. Closing the door on the smirk I just knew she was wearing and embracing a hot, blissful shower.

An hour later I was dressed, hair dried, bed-stripped and waiting for Gina.

Of course in typical Miss. Augustin fashion, she took her sweet time. So I got down to checking the mail, emptying and re-filling the dish-washer. Flicking through our scrap-book designs and idea's for the Club/Bar and inspected my nails after I chipped a couple from drumming them on the coffee table. Eventually she breezed out looking all fresh-faced and in a pleasant mood, leading the way down to the personal car-park that comes with living in our complex. Again the reminder that I needed to go car-shopping as well as other things rang through my mind. As much fun as it is sharing a car as well as an apartment with Gina . . . we still need our space apart.

The morning drifted by easily from there.

Luckily the meeting with the site's head foreman, Beau Riley, went without a hitch. Except for Gina having a try at knocking down part of a wall; giving the men a chance to ogle _her_. She seemed to be knocking out some stress I didn't know she was carrying while she did it. So we all left her to it until she complained her hands hurt from holding the sledge hammer. She soon went back to reversing the leering. That left me to listen and nod along when Beau pointed out all the stuff that had been done so far and what's on the list. I couldn't stare at the sweaty muscularly men after last night's dream. So I battled tuning back in to Beau's plans to rip out the stair-case leading down to the second floor. Where the bar, dance floor and club area would be most populated. Just catching that it's going to set us back a week or so. Luckily we'd taken things like this into account to make our time-line more flexible.

Over-all, it didn't look like the same place I'd seen weeks ago. And as I walked through the dusty loud and echoing space, emptied of debris, I could start to picture our Bar more than ever. Visualising in my mind's eye how it would look once the bar and stage has been rebuilt, with a certain area for the DJ. The dark leather couches up stairs inviting comfort and a place to relax. Where the noise wouldn't be as deafening thanks to the half screen that will be put in. People can either choose to watch the fun downstairs or not. It's a place for both.

Gina could obviously see it too if her constant questions and nudges to my ribs as she pointed stuff out was anything to go by.

By the time we hung-up our hard-hats and stepped out into the cool, bright sunlight, I was feeling tons better than I did when I first woke up. Sure my mind still wandered back to my dreams, but not so much that they were being too big a distraction. So we headed off for The Coffee Clutch as promised, pitching more ideas that just got nuttier and crazier. It was like a battle, who could come up with the stupidest idea. Gina was winning. But when we pulled into the car-park, the only thing on our minds was something chocolaty and a day ahead free of stress where we could do nothing. It was so tempting I didn't think anything could spoil it.

I should have realized how stupid that was as soon as I thought it.

We walked through the door, taking in the rich smell and light atmosphere, laughing and joking still. The bell above the entrance tinkled around the open space; making anyone sitting at a table or booth raise their heads to see who it was. I wasn't paying attention to what was going on around me. Too intent on getting to the last chocolate doughnut Gina was after too. If I had been paying attention maybe I would have see her before I heard her cry out to me. A soft innocent shout that carried right across to me from where she'd been sitting with her Dad. Instantly my heart skipped a beat and my breath rushed out of me in surprise.

"Sooze!"

I pivoted on my foot recognizing her giggles and the way she said my name in a flash; catching a quick glimpse of a dark haired streak, dressed in pink run full pelt to where we stood. I only just had time to drop and catch Alisa in my arms when she threw herself at me. Her laughter was infectious, her little arms winding around my neck and squeezing tightly. I got the faint aroma of vanilla from her hair as it flew around me as untamed as her Dad's. And before I could stop myself or think, I hugged her just as tightly, making her laugh and mumble something in to my shoulder where she was reluctant to let me go.

Up until that moment, I didn't realize just _how much_ of an impact Jesse's little girl had made on me. In no time at all, she'd worked her way into my affections and I hadn't even _known_ it. I was an _idiot_ to think I could pretend she wouldn't remember my promise and would forget about me in no time at all. I knew from the get-go she isn't that kind of child. She's too . . . perceptive. Reluctantly I opened my eyes and set them straight on the dark hard gaze belonging to Jesse. I swallowed; the breath I was already lacking coming in ragged puffs while I stared at him across the floor. He looked good. No, he looked _better_ than good. He looked just as I had imagined him in my dream last night.

And I felt the burning ache start up again. _Why_ did I have to bump into him today of all days, I asked myself with a sigh.

Dropping his gaze I pulled away to put Alisa at arm's length. "Hi sweetie; it's so good to see you. Your hair is looking _wild_ today," I forced a smile, well aware of Jesse watching us.

"I've _missed_ you, Sooze! Daddy has too, but don't say I say that. Do you want to come and see him? Come on!" She exclaimed, already tugging me to my feet and pulling me over to Jesse. I shot a look at Gina asking for help. But all she could do was shrug and give me a helpless eyebrow raise.

Resigning myself to my Fate, I let Alisa pull me along until we stopped at their booth. "I told you it was, Sooze, Daddy!" Alisa giggled, holding on to my hand while she lightly chastised her Dad. She soon turned her bright azure eyes on me though. "Where have you been, Sooze? Are you still busy like Daddy and your friend said? Do you want to come to the beach with us today? You can help me make sand-castles and then Daddy can go surfing! He hasn't been in _soo_ long. Right, Daddy? Suze and her friend can come to the beach with us?" She rapidly fired off questions, making them all jumble together.

My head and my heart were spinning. Anything I could have said to ease the blow of letting her down had completely left me as soon as she started the questions. Her sweet voice and the way she smiled so easily . . . It was the night Gina gave me a doll from Alisa all over again. I had no idea what to do and Jesse looked just as helpless.

"Alisa I'm sure, Susannah and her friend have too much to do. Maybe another time," He coaxed, holding out his hand for her to join him again. I gave her hand a little squeeze encouraging her to go. But by the time she was sitting down in her seat, she looked troubled. And I started to get worried. "_Princesa_, it's not fair to expect Susannah to give up what she already has planned," Jesse tried to soothe her, rubbing a hand up and down her back. But no matter how lulling and affectionate he sounded, Alisa just shook her head; her beautiful sky blue eyes filling with tears, her chin wobbling and her bottom lip turning into a pout. I knew it wasn't a tantrum brought on because she couldn't get what she wanted though.

And it broke my heart to hear her say what she did next.

She turned her tearful eyes on me again like a sucker-punch I couldn't recover from. "You _promised_, Sooze," She whimpered, her little hands resting in her lap, wringing her little sundress into creases. The sadness in her voice had me dropping to kneel beside her on instinct, ignoring Gina standing behind me and Jesse tensing from what his daughter said. I took her small hands in mine, stilling her from creasing her dress even more and listened even though it was threatening to make me cry to hear it. "You said you'd help, but you haven't. Why did you break your promise? Don't you like me anymore?"

If I could have taken all the sudden sadness and confusion that Alisa was showing me right then, I would have. In an instant.

But it was that instinct to protect her that trigged something else. And suddenly I didn't see Jesse's coiled body so close I could smell his cologne. Or Gina behind me, shifting from foot to foot. It was just me and Alisa for those split seconds. And I knew what I had to do. And I didn't give _damn_ what Jesse thought anymore. I looked up at him, seeing the anger simmering in his eyes as he put two and two together, coming up with seven. Making a promise to a four-year old was a risk I was willing to take at the time. And even though it was before Jesse was being a thick-headed male, and I could follow through with that promise; it didn't mean I didn't _want_ to keep it. And I hated it took for Alisa to be so upset and lost; that I'd let her down for me to realize that it's not doing any one of us any good by doing what Jesse asked.

He wanted space, I gave it to him. But nothing's changed. And he damn well knew it too.

I shot Jesse a warning look before I softened my expression and turned back to Alisa. Tucking a curl of hair around her ear and potentially making the shit hit the fan even more than it already was. Since when does Suze Simon hold back, an inner voice chided me, sparking my stubbornness anew. And I did speak up. Because all I saw again was the little girl asking for someone to help her Daddy. And her too.

"I haven't forgotten about it, sweetie. But I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep it up until now. I really wanted to. But you have to understand that sometimes people and certain things get in the way of them and I couldn't do what you asked me. But I give you my word; I'm not going to break it, Alisa. I'm still going to keep it. Because now I _can_ do what you asked. But don't cry, 'kay" I winked and tweaked the end of her nose, making her giggle through her sniffles. Taking a deep breath and ignoring the images of my dream becoming more real than before, I stood back. "Why don't you go to the restroom with my friend, Gina and get washed up while Daddy and I have a little chat?"

She turned to look up at Jesse, getting his nod of approval before she climbed out of the booth to give me another hug, around my legs this time. "I'm really glad you're my friend, Sooze," She said against my legs before following Gina to the bathroom. She said something that made Alisa laugh and she was soon skipping along next to my best friend. As soon as they were out of sight I slipped into the booth opposite Jesse, staring his very dark glower down. Only made worse by what she said to me before she slipped off.

"What promise did you make to my daughter?" He said very slowly. His tone was dangerous, but I was past walking on egg-shells around him. "You do realize this is what I was talking about before? Of her getting too attached and hurt in the long run."

"Yes. And I'll explain if you get off your high horse and let me," I calmly replied, sitting forward to rest my hands on the table between us. Even with my own annoyance with him bubbling beneath the surface, I couldn't deny how good it felt to have his knee resting near mine under the table. Or how much I wanted to run my palm over the dark stubble lining his jaw adding to his charm. Or to just be sitting watching him control his anger. Every muscle jump of his jaw and twitch of his scarred eyebrow.

But what was more important at the moment was Alisa. I'd told her I wouldn't tell her Dad what she asked me to do. But I knew right then that if I didn't, then it was about to get real ugly, real fast. And that would just hurt Alisa even more than she already is.

"Jesse, Alisa asked me something the night I looked after her on my own. And for the record, I didn't say anything because she asked me _not_ to. And the only reason I'm telling you _now_, is because you have a face like thunder and because I'm tired of tip-toeing around you and confusing her even more. And confusing the shit out of myself too," I trailed off on a mutter, pausing to grab his cup of coffee to take a long sip before putting it down and giving myself a few seconds to think before I spoke again.

"Do you have _any_ idea how perceptive Alisa is?" I asked him, turning my voice into a soothing balm. Or what I hoped anyway. "Because she sees more than you know. She actually _asked _me to be your friend. She told me that she thinks you _need_ a best friend around here. Someone who makes you smile like her little friend, Koby does with her. To a four year old, the two main things to make them happy outside of family are a pet and a Koby. And Alisa asked me to make that promise for _you_. She was only thinking of _you_, when she said it. You have to know that."

I sat back not feeling as light as I thought I'd be after spilling that tale, and let the weight of what I was saying sink in. I could see from the flickering array of expressions going across his handsome face that he was shell-shocked by what I'd said. What he hadn't expected to hear. And for the second time my heart skipped a beat. Without thinking I reached out to lay a hand on his. The shock that went up my arm and boiled my blood wasn't unpleasant or unwelcome. It heightened the awareness between us like it did the first couple of times we met. Just in a more familiar and comfortable way.

I just hoped it didn't add fuel to my already over-active dreams.

"She has never said anything to me," He muttered, glancing up at me as lost as his daughter had been when she asked me to make the promise in the first place. But he was looking for some kind of truth in my eyes. When he saw I wasn't lying or trying to deliberately hurt him, he dropped my eyes again, removing his hand from under mine. I didn't move away. "Not that she would. She's like me when it comes to that. But I should have _known_. Maybe I did and just didn't want to see it . . ." He trailed off. It was obvious he was thinking out loud as he gazed out the window, getting himself back together.

"But you think I've made a mistake asking you to stay away from her don't you?" And there was no denying he had a mocking undertone to his gruff voice when he turned to look at me. I just shrugged, making him snort and shake his head. "Come on, Susannah. You've been blunt up until now, don't hold back on me. Please, do tell."

I narrowed my eyes at his tone, but knew I'd be the same if that was me sitting in his position.

"It wasn't my decision to make, okay? There's pro's and con's Jesse. If it wasn't me, it'd be someone else. But you can't protect her from everything. And the more you try, the more likely you are to hurt her. Eventually it'll catch up to you," I sighed, my breath blowing across the table and stirring a loose napkin. "Look, there is no right or wrong answer. I'm not a parent; I have no idea what it's like. But what you do from here is up to you. You can either tell me to get lost and just tell Alisa the truth that you don't want me around. _Or_, you can accept my offer of being a friend and stop fighting it. Like I said before, I'm not offering anything more than friendship." As much as it stung to say after my sordid dreams of him.

The silence between us was deafening after I said that. But the atmosphere was heavy. Weighed down with an electrical charge of sexual attraction I couldn't break away from.

He sat forward, not taking his gaze away. "You're a distraction, Susannah." He stated like a fact.

"You're not much better yourself, Doctor." I replied, knowing somewhere in a part of my mind that was screeching a warning, that I should shut up and look away. But Jesse didn't and neither did I. Especially when I finally got to see the slowly increasing smile that would have had me collapsing into a chair if I wasn't already sitting. As it was all it did was shallow my breathing and a buzz to come to my ears. I knew I was smiling back, I could feel it. And there was no denying how good it felt. _Too_ good. Just like I felt in my dreams kind of good. The more I sent back an equally heated reaction to what was sizzling between us, the more I lost myself to where I was. And _who_ I was with.

Luckily I finally snapped out of it and looked up when I heard a not-so-subtle cough coming towards us. It was just enough to give Jesse time to regroup before Gina and Alisa reached the booth again. Looking at him you wouldn't think anything had passed between us. Gina must have picked up on it, but Jesse's daughter didn't. I breathed out a silent sigh again, catching Alisa smile at me as she slipped in next to her Dad; looking more rosy-cheeked and bright-eyed again. I slipped out to stand beside Gina on wobbly legs, while Jesse distracted Alisa by dropping a kiss to her glossy curls. She was soon picking up her milkshake again.

"Are you going to come to the beach with us, Sooze? Please?" Alisa repeated, smiling up at me with a kilo-watt grin. This time I returned it with no force.

I flicked a glance to Jesse anyway, waiting for his Que.

"You're both more than welcome to join us." He answered gruffly, looked me straight in the eye, no wavering about it. And the cord that had been connecting us a second ago grew stronger. Understanding passed between us without a word. I have no delusions; I know it won't be easy. Jesse has his defences that won't be easy to over-come. And then of course there's that, what feels like blatantly obvious, sexual attraction there that has sparked my imagination to run wild and all but desert me to deal with the consequences. Just more intense than it was three weeks ago. Time and distance hadn't diluted that at all. Our interrupted moment proved that.

But Jesse had taken a step forward and I wasn't going to bite the hand that delivers.

"In that case, we'd love to come, sweetie," I finally answered Alisa, making her squeal and clap happily. I shot Gina a silent message she understood straight away. I need out; _now_. "How about we meet you by the life-guard tower in an hour?" I offered, chucking Alisa under the chin when Jesse agreed. "Don't forget your bucket and spade!" I winked at Alisa, leaving her to talk excitedly to her Dad while we made a quick walk for the door. By-passing the doughnuts. My stomach too twisted for food anymore.

But I couldn't resist looking back at them before I slipped out the open door. My heart doing weird little flip flops when I saw his eyes were fixed on me before I turned to look at them. But I yanked myself out of that one before I could get sucked into him and the suddenly very vivid and much remembered erotic dreams. I just stepped out into the bright sunlight, putting my sunglasses straight on, like that would stop Gina from saying what I knew she was dying to say.

She was standing by the open driver's door, waiting for me when I caught up with her. She stared at me over the roof with narrowed eyes. She'd not said a thing the whole time. Just coolly took it in with a calm presence. But she had something to say eventually. "I'm guessing you talked him round?" She asked, watching me closely. I nodded and stared out unseeingly over her shoulder, smelling the ocean across the breeze. "So why does it look like you've just lost then?" She pressed.

I snapped my eyes back to her with that good question. But the only answer I had for her was a light shrug and an answer that wasn't really an answer. "Maybe I have."


	9. Chapter Nine

_**A/N**_ – First of all, _thank you so much_ for the great response to the last chapter! I was hoping that opening scene would get a few pulses racing. ;) And second, I'm sorry if this chapter feels a little rushed. ^^; There are a two reasons. One; I had to sit at the most uncomfortable angle while writing this and my shoulder is paying for it. And two; because I got very absorbed in writing some work for a story sequel I'm doing and finally remembered this one. *_Cringes_* So I hope this is okay. And once again, thank you so much for the love from every single reader! It's _**awesome**_! :D Please enjoy and reviews are love. ^^;

D'oh, forgot to mention anonymous review replies are up on my profile. :)

* * *

_**Chapter Nine**_

I threw my beach bag into the trunk of the car and slammed the boot closed more forcefully then I needed to. But I didn't wince; I just went and climbed into the front beside Gina, ignoring her knowing look. The same knowing look she'd been giving me since we left _The Coffee Clutch_.

"You sure you want to do this?" She asked again waiting for my confirmation before we made off for the beach.

"Of course I am. Let's go, I don't want to keep Alisa waiting," I prodded, making myself relax and calm down. There weren't exactly any reason for me to be wound up. I got what I wanted. Jesse bowed and gave in at last, I should have been happy. And part of me was. But I couldn't shake off the feeling it might go wrong. And then I _will_ end up hurting Alisa and Jesse and . . . _What about me_? I asked myself. What if _I_ get hurt somehow? While another part of me asked _how_ that was likely to happen. I said to my mom the first day I met Jesse that it would only be friendship. And I meant it then like I meant it to Jesse. But will I be able to resist if it developed into something more?

It's not as if I haven't been imagining it or anything.

"Okay, you're putting me on edge, Suze. Are you going to talk to me and sort this out now before we get there? Or do you want me to just turn around and skip it all together?" Gina quipped, throwing me her best stubborn look no one can beat. Maybe with the exception of Jesse, anyway. He seems to have stubbornness down to an art-form.

"Want to know what I think?" She pressed; but she didn't give me the chance to say yes or no. "I think you're over-thinking this whole thing again. You're obviously got some pretty intense sexual tension vibing between you both. A blind-man could see that. And if that's what's bugging you, then you're being stupid. If something happens between you both, then so what. What harm could it do?" She asked rhetorically. "For now, you're just being a friend, right? So concentrate on _that_. The more you try and resist it, the more likely something _is_ going to happen. You're both consenting adults, Suze. Who's to say it's going to go wrong?"

I sat dumb-struck and stared at her as if she'd grown a second head. Which, almost felt like she had.

"Since when did you take over for Dr. Phil?" I joked, laughing weakly to cover up that she could read me so well. But that was just as stupid as the chaos going through my head about the whole friendship/bed-partner thing. She was right; _again_. She threw me another side-glance that showed no humour at all. "Okay, I get the point. And you're right," I took a deep breath, releasing the tension. "I'll deal with it _if_ and when it comes." I nodded, staring out the window. It's rare a man can get under my skin so easily. But Jesse isn't just any other man. And this isn't like any other situation I've been in. So I made the conscious decision to just be there for them and enjoy it.

After-all, it's not every day I get to hang out at the beach with my best friend, an adorable little girl and a hotter than hot man.

"_Thank_ you," Gina sighed with relief.

Only then did I realize not only was I bringing myself down with the stupid doubts; but I was bringing her down with me. And could have projected that on to Jesse and Alisa too. I shook my head, clearing it of thought and grinned when the sparkling blue ocean came into view, knocking the breath right out of us. We've seen plenty it of times from out apartment balcony. And of course from when I lived here before. But it still had the power to knock me senseless when we came up on it. "Hello, sweet Heaven," Gina sighed again. This time, she sounded more delirious then relieved.

"Sweet hunky life-guards, here I come! Suze, if you see me floundering about in the water, don't worry; I have it all planned." She smirked as she shut off the engine and jumped out of the car.

I got out at a much slower pace and got my bag out of the trunk with hers. "Why don't you go down and find them? I'm going to run up to the shop and grab a couple of bottles of water. I forgot to bring some," I handed her bag over and laughed when she grinned, slipped her designer glasses up her nose with a wink and headed for the endless amount of stairs to go down to the beach. The shop was empty when I got in there, so I didn't waste any time getting some drinks and snacks Alisa might like before heading out. I tried to find something other than Coke for Jesse, but didn't know what he'd like. So I stayed safe with the chilled six-pack of Coke's for him instead.

By the time I'd gotten down the steps and made my way over to the life-guard tower, I was ready to drop the Coke's and my towel and just stretch out on the sand to soak up the rays. "Want some help with that?" Gina asked, not bothering to look up from where she was putting on some sun-tan lotion.

"No, I got," I dropped the beverages into the sand, jangling the bottles and called out to Alisa who was sitting further away engrossed in her partly made sand-castle. "Hi, Alisa!" I waved, making her abandon her castle and run over to me in her little Minnie Mouse bathing suit. Frills included. She threw herself into my arms full of giggles and sand before she pulled away. "How's your sand-castle coming along?" I threw my towel down, spreading it out next to Gina's and dumping my bag. I toed her a bottle of water that fell out and turned back to Alisa who had run back to her creation, waving me over.

"Come and see!" She yelled brightly.

Itching to have the sun on my skin, I tugged off my tank top and left my little denim shorts on with only my halter bikini top. "Daddy helped me with this bit before Gina came," She pointed out, a little flag stuck in the tower of one part. I looked around for Jesse at the mention of his name and Alisa answered my unspoken question. "He's gone surfing. He didn't want to go until you were here, but Gina watched over me," She smiled proudly. "Oops, I need more water!" Grabbing her bucket in hand, she ran down to the shore-line, not treading any further than it lapping at her ankles.

Keeping a careful eye on her, I got up and went to sit back with Gina. She was sprawled out on the towel, leaning up on her elbows. And the look she gave me was sly. "What?"

"Nothing. Just thought I should give you some warning . . . It's a _damn_ good view from here." She smirked before tilting her face up to the sun, pretending she didn't notice the buff life-guard glancing down to her every few minutes. I just rolled my eyes and got down to putting some sun-screen on so I wouldn't burn. And for the next ten minutes I bantered with Gina who kept slipping in even more sly comments, watched Alisa and enjoyed the sun-warmed sand sifting between my toes when I wriggled them free of my flip-flops.

But it was just as I looked up from putting cream on my legs that I noticed him. And I suddenly understood what Gina was going on about.

She was right. The view was _damn_ good.

Striding out of the water with his surf board tucked under one arm and looking like what I would call a water God, was Jesse. I vaguely felt my eyes widen when the sun caught in the water-droplets that flew off him as he swung his arm up to run his long fingers through his wet black hair, slicking it back. The muscles in his arms that looked tons more defined and impressive than any man that works out in the gym every other day, bunched and flexed as he tightened his arm around his board. His deeply tanned skin, with the excess water still stubbornly clinging to him dropped down his throat and ran down the center of his toe-curling chest and down the deep ridges of his jaw-dropping washboard abs and into the forbidden territory of his wet, clinging shorts.

My eyes followed the water droplet, tracing down his muscled thighs as he strode out towards us in slow motion. How is it possible to be so jealous of water? I thought shocked as one hand curled around my towel to hold back my groan at the sight of him. His hair dangled over his forehead after he shook his head sending water flying everywhere, and I bit my lip hard enough to almost make it bleed. I squeezed my other hand around the sun-screen lotion I'd been using, sending it squirting into the sand. I heard Gina laugh next to me and tug the bottle out of my hand. Jesse looked . . . He looked . . . _wild_!

"I take it that wasn't what you imagined in your dreams?" Gina asked quietly, leaning in to me. I absently shook my head, still not blinking. He was better than I could have ever imagined in my dreams.

"_Forgive me Father, for I have sinned_ . . ." I released on a breathy sigh.

Gina laughed out-right again, and I kept my eyes glued to Jesse as he stuck his board in the sand and crouched down to Alisa. His rippling back to me gave me as good a show as the front had. My fingers curled into tighter fists at the thought of _really_ being able to claw my nails down his broad shoulders and lean waist. To get a handful of Jesse _derriere_ that was looking far too tempting for my sanity in his long shorts. I blew out a breath as if exhausted, unable to tear my eyes away from the wet curls at the nape of his neck. If I could just run my nails across the strong -

He looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes shadowed by the sun that was dancing across his rapidly drying skin in a hazy miasma of pleasure. Damn lucky sun, too.

"You are going _straight_ to Hell, Suze," Gina laughed again, enjoying watching me squirm and fidget on the towel after Jesse looked away. I muttered something along the lines of, don't I know it. But still kept my eyes on him even when he turned back to Alisa. How the hell was I supposed to stay in control and battle off the rampant desire searing my blood _now_?! My dreams were vivid, but seeing him in nothing but a pair of long shorts; it was crazy! My fantasies were going to jump into over-drive, I just knew it. A Nun would have forbidden dreams if they saw what I did! And even that thought wasn't enough to cool me off.

Tearing my eyes away, I unclenched my hand around my towel and took a deep breath before letting it go.

"_I can tell he was a playa; but he knows just how to make ya, lose control. Shawty is a killa'_," Gina sing-songed, pushing her sunglasses back up her nose and lying flat on her back. "You still breathing there, Suze?" She teased, enjoying it a little too much.

"I think I need to go for a dip in the cold ocean," I muttered, fumbling around for my bottle of water instead. Gina handed it to me calmly and I tore off the cap. Jesse started walking over to us when I started swigging down the water; hoping that would douse the flames. Unfortunately the water went down the wrong hole when Jesse crouched in front of me. And then I was sitting there, coughing and wheezing. "I'm okay," I choked, trying to bat off Jesse suddenly moving to my side and rubbing a hand up and down my back. Bad, _bad_ move! As soon as his palm hit the bare skin of my back, I just started choking worse.

"Try not to panic, you'll be able to draw in a breath better," He coaxed, his voice sounding as strained as my lungs were feeling. I battled through ignoring how good it felt having him half-naked and so close, and tried to concentrate on getting a clear breath in so I didn't choke to death in his arms. "Better?" He asked, peering down into my flushed face, his hand still rubbing up and down my back. But slower, more like a caress now. Closing my eyes I nodded and turned my head away.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Cheers for the help," I scowled at Gina who had been taking it in with part concern and a huge part amusement.

She shrugged. "Looked like Jesse was helping you out fine," She widened her eyes innocently. I snorted and looked towards Alisa. "Hey, why don't we go and paddle in the water, Alisa?" Gina invited, noticing the worried look on Alisa's face where she stood a little ways from my towel, taking it all in. "Suze is okay, she just decided to be too greedy and drank too much water. Your Daddy had it under control." She got up off her towel and held a hand out for her to take.

"Is Sooze, okay, Daddy?" She turned her big eyes on Jesse and he dropped his hand away from my back and moved away a bit.

"Of course she is, _Princesa_. Why don't you go and enjoy the water with, Gina and give Susannah time to recover?" He coaxed. Getting confirmation from her Dad that I was okay, Alisa smiled and took Gina's hand; leading my friend down to the water. "She worries far too much," He commented, watching Alisa jump about in the shallow depths. I cringed when she kicked water at Gina, but she looked like she was having as much fun as Alisa was. But I did snort at Jesse's wayward comment, making him look back to me. "What?"

"Pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?" I asked; trying to keep my eyes trained on his face and not his body. Which was looking just as good close up as it did from a distance. With his light dusting of hair on his chest, turned lighter from the sun, it was making my fingers ache all over again. "You're a more of a worrier than, Alisa is. At least she can grow out of it," I grinned, turning back to putting my sunglasses on and hiding my eyes. "Thanks for the, err, help by the way."

His lips twitched and he just looked at me for endless seconds before he said anything. "You're welcome. Don't want to have to undo all that hard-work you have put in to change my mind now, do we?" He winked. Before I could even get a straight answer or snap my jaw closed, he was off the towel and running to scoop Alisa up into his arms when she came running for us. Gina dropped back down to her towel breathlessly and muttered something about being worn out already. But I was still reeling from Jesse! I automatically reached out for my water bottle again, before remembering what happened last time and decided to sit back and enjoy the show instead.

Listening to Alisa squeal and laugh while Jesse threw her into the air and caught her effortlessly had me smiling without knowing it. Gina had moved over to the tower and was talking to the life-guard she'd been pretending to ignore; and I was taking in every smooth movement of Jesse's body where he was running around, chasing Alisa. One thing was for sure; you can never doubt the bond between Father and daughter. How could Alisa's Mom every walk away from such a great family? It didn't make any sense. But it made me a little more sympathetic to Jesse's plight about not wanting to hurt, Alisa. With so much unbridled happiness bubbling out of her, I'd sooner cut out my heart then see sadness in her eyes.

"Come and play, Sooze!" She called out. I was up and off the towel in a second and chasing her down as she ran from me. Jesse jumped in the way and tried to block me as I ran for her. His rock-hard body acting as a block was distracting me. But I was determined and managed to get around him a few times. When he let me anyway. But within minutes, we were starting a game of tag. And the next thing I knew, _I_ was being hunted down by Jesse and Alisa! "Get her, Daddy!" Alisa cheered him on.

I looked over my shoulder and found him gaining on me and picked up the pace. Have you ever tried running from a sinfully good-looking man on sand? It's really not easy. But with the threat of having his arms grabbing me, I ran like hell anyway. I was kicking myself inside, but I knew what kind of reaction I would have. And I didn't want to be caught.

Of course, Alisa's sand-castle put a stop to that.

Not looking where I was going, I just had time to leap over the castle that made me lose my footing and fall to the sand. But because Jesse was gaining on me with some solid momentum, he didn't have time to jump the castle and ended up barrelling in to it and tripping like I did. Right. On. _Me_. "You've been caughted!" Alisa cried from somewhere. Jesse sat up on his hands letting me roll over on to my back, trapped between his hands and covered in sand. I fumbled brushing it off my face and sucked in a breath when I looked up into his dark eyes, laced with desire. I parted my lips and stared right back. With his body looming so closely with nothing barring the way, I could already feel my mind start to fritz.

"Susannah," He murmured hoarsely, an inner-battle going on in his eyes.

"Jesse," I said just as breathless. "This is, err, kind of awkward." He nodded but didn't move. "Maybe we should get up now before a certain little person starts asking questions."

"Good idea," He gruffly answered, shaking his head and swiftly leaping up to his feet. He held out a hand for me and I took it. Climbing to my feet slowly so I didn't have to let his hand go, or stand too close. "Who would like a shoulder ride?" He asked with a grin, rounding on Alisa. She laughed and made off around the sand again, trying to escape Jesse's out-stretched arms heading for her. Seeing the opening, I quickly pulled myself out of the game and headed back for my towel.

"You don't want to play tag anymore, Sooze?" Alisa asked from where she was perched on Jesse's strong shoulders, totally at ease with being at such a height, trusting her Dad to keep hold of her. Her curly hair had sand in it, but she looked proud being so high. "I saw, Daddy get you. But he destoyed my sand-castle, didn't you, Daddy? Now you'll have to make me another one." She grinned, patting him on the top of his head. He jostled her gently making her giggle. "Careful, Daddy! I might fall."

"I'd never let you fall, _Princesa_. I'll always catch you." He meaningfully chuckled.

"Hey guys," Gina beamed, slipping back over to us. "Suze I have to run, are you okay to get a ride home with, Jesse?" She asked, even as she started shaking off her towel and packing up her stuff. Sliding in to her short, shorts and spaghetti top, she wasn't leaving me much choice. I asked her where she was rushing off to and groaned when she smiled wickedly. "I've got a date, remember? Oh wait, I don't think I told you about this one. Anyway, I have to go and get ready; we're having an early dinner. Jesse you don't mind giving Suze, a ride do you? I probably should have mentioned it earlier but it slipped my mind." She ignored my glare and looked up at him with her bag all set.

"You don't have to worry about it, I can get - "

"Of course it's fine. No problem, Susannah." He cut me off, his expression brokering no argument.

"Thanks," I smiled, following Gina after she said goodbye to Jesse and Alisa and made her way over to the stairs. "What the hell was that all about?!" I cried when we were a safe distance away. Gina stopped walking and stared at me in a, 'who-me?' way. "Don't give me that innocent look, Gina. Since when do you have a date you have to quickly rush off to? It's a bit early in the day for one isn't it?" I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at her. But she just laughed and shook her head at me.

"Suze, what are you freaking out about? It's just a ride home," She smiled, patting me on the shoulder. "I've had this date planned for the past week. There's no point you cutting this short to come back with me. Look, you're obviously having a good time and so is Alisa. Next time this happens, I promise I'll let you know sooner. I just honestly forgot." I sighed and accepted the hug she gave me before she pulled away. "Have an ice-cream on me!" She called as she walked up the stairs, waving along the way.

Shaking my head at her coy way of doing things, I walked back up to Alisa and Jesse. "Everything okay?" He asked me kindly, sitting next to Alisa and helping her build a sand-castle.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Want some help?" I dropped down to the sand and completed the circle made up of the three of us and got sand shovelling.

When I looked up Jesse was smiling at me.

xXx

Our time at the beach went a lot quicker than I wanted it to, in-spite of myself.

Susannah came back from seeing Gina off looking a little tense and uncomfortable. But ten minutes of sitting with Alisa and listening to her talk about school and her friends and her sand-castle, she was soon looking as relaxed as she was before the mishap with the game of chase. Sand was still clinging to her neck and her back and I had to resist the urge to reach out and help brush it off her. Just trying to help her breath after she started choking was enough for me. And then to fall on her after I clumsily ran into Alisa's castle and having her so close I could smell her soap and the shampoo in her hair; stare deep into her chartreuse eyes and watch the way her lips parted as she sucked in a breath. I knew I was walking a thin line earlier before in _The Coffee Clutch_. But it would have been very easy to have stepped over it in that moment.

After seeing her for the first time in over three weeks, where I honestly believed Alisa would have forgotten about her and she wouldn't enter my thoughts when they wandered off the beaten track, it was a shock. But Alisa didn't forget about her and I still thought about Susannah, more than I should have. But seeing her walk through the door looking healthy and happy, it was as though the three weeks in-between hadn't happened and before I could stop her, Alisa was gone from her seat and racing across to her.

I would be a fool to say I didn't see the look on, Susannah's face when she dropped to enfold Alisa in her arms. She had obviously missed my daughter as much as Alisa had her. And I felt the knot in my chest that had formed when I first glanced up and saw her, tighten fractionally. The following minutes when I had to listen to Alisa's wobbled cry and talk of a promise I had no idea of, my thoughts were a hazed mess. Anger was bubbling up quicker than I could tamp it down and surprisingly, Susannah didn't flinch away from that. Instead, she faced it head on and matched it with ire of her own. I couldn't understand why until she sent Alisa off with her friend and told me what my special little girl had asked of her. I began to seriously question myself then. And each point Susannah made just honed in the truth of the situation even more.

I wanted to scathingly ask her what she knew, seeing as she doesn't have any children of her own. But I couldn't bring it to myself to form the words.

Every part of her argument made a valid point. And when I thought about Alisa's reaction when she saw Susannah walk through the door, with the honesty of what she asked of Susannah, I knew I had lost the argument. And that smarted my pride. Susannah wasn't proud that she'd brought me round. And she didn't revel in it. But tried to offer comfort and an understanding instead. If Gina hadn't have arrived when she did and interrupted the fireworks going off between us, I have to wonder what would have happened. Because it was obvious neither were going to snap the connection anytime soon. And the tension just kept on building.

It's a good reminder for why I had been putting Susannah at a safe-enough distance. And whether either of us have control over it or not, that distance is shortening, quickly.

We stayed building sand-castles for a while before we realized how much time had passed and how hungry we were. So brushing off as much of the sand as possible, we packed up our belongings and headed for the stairs. And the fantastic smelling hot-dogs drifting to us on the breeze as we reached the top. "Mmm, they smell _so_ good!" Susannah exclaimed; holding on to Alisa's hand as we made our way over to the cafe located on the other side of the road that leads down to the beach. "What you going to have, sweetie? There's lots of yummy food to choose from."

"Can I have a really big ice-cream?!" Alisa asked, jumping on the spot. I stood back and watched, waiting for Susannah to give in and give Alisa what she wants. It seems to be a rule for all children to take advantage of a different grown-up leading them. And I prepared myself for stepping in.

"I tell you what, I'll get you an ice-cream with sprinkles and chocolate sauce if you if you manage to eat a hot-dog. How about that?" Susannah dropped to Alisa's level, winking playfully. My daughter appeared to be thinking about it and finally nodded, eagerly waiting for her hot-dog. Impressed with the way she handled it; I gave her a genuine smile when she turned to ask me, "What about you, Jesse? What do you want?" I stepped up to the other side of Alisa and leant against the counter taking in the wide variety of choices. But just chose a hot-dog too in the end.

"Why don't you go and chose a table and I'll get these?" I asked, but was really telling.

"No it's okay, I got them. My treat." She stood her ground, Alisa curiously watching the banter pass between us.

"I insist. You can buy the ice-creams after."

She narrowed her eyes before finally agreeing. "Okay, deal. Come on, sweetie, let's go and find the best seat in the house."

I watched her lead Alisa to a table situated out the front of the cafe and turned back and waited to be served. Placing my order I also requested three ice-creams to be brought out to us after I give the signal and paid for it all right there. Susannah's wrath can fall on deaf ears when she finds out, I decided, joining her and my daughter at the table, getting our food not long after. Alisa made a mess of hers; getting the sauce all down her front and deciding she needed the bathroom halfway through the meal. Susannah was quick to offer to take her much to my relief and finished up my food while they were gone.

"That's a beautiful family you have there, young man," An elderly lady commented from a table behind me. I turned in my chair startled. But before I could correct half of her statement she went on. "It's always a delight to see so much warmth and love. I hope you know how special they are." She smiled. Shocked by her admission, I could only smile thinly back as she rose from her seat and left the cafe and my surprise behind. Two seconds later Susannah and Alisa were back, unbeknownst to the woman that had just left. Susannah asked if I was okay, but I waved her off. Choosing to just forget about what the elderly lady said.

The ice-creams were looked at with a frown from, Susannah. But she didn't try and fight it, and relished in the sweet cold texture instead. It was difficult for me not to watch the way she savoured the delicacy and concentrate on, Alisa. The sharp reminder that I was in fact sitting at a public cafe with my daughter was just about enough to rouse me out of my wanderings. And I was rushed to bundle Alisa off to the car once we finished. Susannah sent me a questioning look when I impatiently left the cafe behind but didn't pursue it much to my relief.

"Thank you for coming to the beach with us today," I started as soon as we were in the car and Susannah was navigating me to her apartment complex. "I know Alisa really enjoyed herself. I don't think it would have been as much fun if she only had me with her." I couldn't stop myself from saying. Glancing in to the rear-view window I could see her dozing in her car-seat, resting at an uncomfortable angle.

"I should be thanking you. It felt good to be able to get away for the day. And I had fun. It's been years since I made a sand-castle," She laughed, sinking lower in the seat in relaxation.

We lulled into a comfortable silence for the rest of the journey, until I pulled up to the curb to drop Susannah off. I refused to feel disappointed the drive was over quicker than I wanted and sat back in my seat, gripping the wheel. "Are you going now, Sooze?" Alisa asked, waking up.

"I'm afraid so, sweetie. The day's almost over already. But I'll come and see you again soon, okay?" She reached between the seats, inadvertently pressing closer to me, and held Alisa's hand. When I glanced into the mirror, I was relieved to see Alisa wasn't upset that Susannah was leaving and relaxed my tight grip on the steering wheel. "Be good," She winked, letting go of Alisa's hand and sitting back in her seat properly. "Thanks for the ride home. And the dinner. And the ice-cream," She grinned, opening her door and jumping down to the curb. "Be safe driving home." She closed the door and waved as I pulled away, growing smaller in the distance.

Alisa took in a deep breath and smiled at me in the mirror. "That was fun, Daddy." She simply said, looking down to fiddle with her doll.

"Yes it was, _Princesa_," I murmured in reply. And a little eye-opening too, I thought to myself.


	10. Chapter Ten

_**A/N**_ – Ah, finally the chapter that decided to change a huge part of itself half way through, is finished! What a bugger this one was. :) But I couldn't be _too_ annoyed with it, 'cause I was still _fritzing_ from the _**amazing**_ response to the last chapter. Fifteen reviews! *_Squeals_ * Y'all made me the giddiest girl alive the more the love came in! I'm just . . . speechless! And so, _very_ incredibly grateful to you all! Thank you, thank you, thank you. :) I really hope you like this chapter! I do. :D Reviews are love! *_Huggles for all_!*

Anonymous review replies are up on my profile page. :) And props to _**ticklemecuite**_ for the Mario Kart idea! Cheers hun. ^^

* * *

_**Chapter Ten**_

_Count to ten and try again_, I said to myself as I rummaged through my closest for the pair to the wedge shoe I was holding in my hand.

"A-ha!" I cried triumphantly, pulling out a shoe that looked like the one I was holding, but in fact wasn't. "Oh for cryin' out loud. Gina! Have you seen my other shoe?!" I shouted, walking out of my room and towards the kitchen where she was lounging against the counter eating some toast and reading the paper. Just like a normal day. It would have been nice if it _was_ a normal day. But since I woke up, everything seemed to be going wrong and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Excuse the pun. "Gina, I can't find my other shoe. Have you seen it?" I tapped her on the shoulder with my wedge still in my hand and finally made her look up at me.

"I heard you the first time, Suze," She said, sitting back and scrutinizing me through narrowed eyes. "Who's ruffled your feathers? Let me guess; you're nervous about tonight?" She evaded my question, getting straight to the point about what the real problem was. Something I had every right to be nervous about.

"Maybe a little," I sighed, slumping across the breakfast bar. "Remind me again why I accepted the invitation to a high school reunion? I'm losing my memory."

She laughed and held up her hand, ticking off the points on her fingers as she went. "One; because you'll get to see all the snooty bitches you hated and see how fat they are now. Two, because you'll get to see some old school friends you haven't seen since you've been back. Three, it's a good reason to have a drink. And four, because you used to be the class vice president and it would look just a little strange if you didn't go; considering you live here again. Is that enough or do you want more? Five – "

"Okay, I get it. No getting out of it, fine. You're still coming right? I'm not doing this alone. Sister Ernestine's probably still gunning for me for some missed detentions or something," I rolled my eyes. It didn't matter that I actually _graduated_ high school; the nun will always look at me like I was something nasty she stood on. "I have to go and pick up my dress from the dry cleaners. Do you have everything ready?"

Gina got up off the stool and walked towards the cupboard instead of answering. When she turned back around she had a bottle of wine and a bottle of cheap Tequila in each hand as her answer. I grinned. "Of course I'm all set, Simon. My outfits all ready too." She grinned back, putting the bottles down on the counter.

"You want to get drunk before you go?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Not drunk, just have a few _good_ drinks. None of that punch rubbish they'll be serving. Don't worry, I promise to be good," She smiled innocently. She sat back down on the stool and eyed the shoe I'd tapped her shoulder with. "The other one to that is in my room. I borrowed them for my date the other day, remember?" I didn't, but nodded along anyway. Feeling and hearing my phone bleep that I had a new message, I tugged it out of my back-pocket and scrolled through it. My bottom lip getting tugged between my teeth the more I read. "What's wrong?" Gina asked, watching me read the message.

I shook my head with a sigh, trying to decide if my Mom's needed favor was a good distraction or a bad one. "Nothing; It's just my Mom. She needs me to pick something up from the house; Alisa left behind last night and take it to Jesse's place. It's some kind of letter or something. She doesn't know if it's important or not, but she said he has the week off so he should be in. It's something to help pass the time I guess," I shrugged, hoping my tone didn't sound _too_ gleeful as I said it. My heart thumped a little quicker at the thought of seeing him. So I made a good effort to quell the excitement bubbling beneath the surface.

"Uh-huh, getting to check the Doctor out in his native environment. Sounds promising." Gina grinned, taking a full interest again.

"That's one way of putting it," I said. I didn't bother to stop the grin this time. I just pivoted on my bare foot and disappeared after my other shoe. When I came back out, Gina had moved to the living room and stretched out along the couch. She was reading the paper still, but it didn't look like she was taking any of it in. "Hey, you okay?" I asked, frowning where I stood behind the sofa looking down at her. When she didn't hear me, I waved a hand in front of her eyes. "Gina!"

Jolted out of her daydream, she glanced up sheepishly. "Sorry, I was miles away. What did you say?"

"I asked if you're okay. Thinking about it, you look exhausted. Have you been sleeping? Or just been too busy burning the candle at both ends again." I leaned on the cushions, giving her a critical look. "You can skip the reunion if you want and just catch an early night. You look like you could do with it." She didn't take offence, just scrubbed her hand over her eyes and rubbed them until they were red. "Are you coming down with something? Maybe, Jesse should come _here_ instead." I slyly said, making her snort and laugh.

"I don't need a doctor Suze, I'm fine. And yes I'm coming tonight. You'll back out if I don't," She wagged a finger at me with a mock-scowl. "It's just weeks of barely enough sleep and a slower pace that's catching up to me is all. I'm used to being busy, busy, busy."

I stood up and slid my bag up my arm. "Give it a few more weeks and you'll be, '_busy, busy, busy_' again. Enjoy the slowness while it lasts. You'll be complaining when you don't have it any-more," I laughed, dodging the pillow she threw at me. "Want me to get you anything while I'm out?" I called, walking across the room to the front door. She shouted a negative back, so I shot her a concerned look before leaving. "Get some shut-eye. You're starting to look how I did a few days ago." She laughed and told me to get lost.

"Say hi to the good doctor for me!" Rang through the door just as it clicked shut, and I strolled down the hall with a smile on my face.

The drive to my parents' house was quick and uneventful. Mom left me a note on the fridge with a letter about Alisa from her dance teacher about a Fall recital. It was creased and wrinkled and had chocolate smudges on it where the little girl had been handling it. Smiling, I unclipped it and folded it up and slipped it in my back jean pocket. Alisa told me all about her Ballet classes and how much she loves them, while we made sand-castles. Jesse had listened on with a proud look in his eye. She'd been tip-toeing around the sand when she was playing. Or make her hair fly out around her when she would twirl in place. It made me question again, how someone could want to give them both up.

I don't know the whole story, or even part of it, about what happened with Alisa's mom. But I'm hoping Jesse will tell me one-day.

Looking down at Jesse's address and number down on a slip of paper that was with the letter, I reversed out of the drive-way. I almost called ahead, but thought better of it. I haven't spoken to Jesse down the phone before, but I can already figure his voice will make me go gooey. Just like his strained voice sounded when he was hovering over me at the beach, after I fell. It was so tempting to just kiss him right then. I saw he wanted to, too. Just like I nearly leaned over and kissed him on the cheek after he dropped me home. And I was kicking myself the whole of the elevator ride up to the apartment that I didn't. It was bad enough he was so close when I leaned through the seats to say goodbye to Alisa, let alone invade his space _willingly_. As much as my body and mind is calling out for Jesse - and boy is it! - I don't want to push him. He's been burned in the past; he has every right to be wary.

I pulled on to his road, checking out the suburban neighborhood while I crept up the isolated road. The houses looked homey and comfortable. Big enough, by the looks of it, to fit a family of four in and still have room to breathe. They also looked . . . _secure_. A good place for Jesse to raise Alisa on his own. In a stable environment big enough for the both of them. I'm no expert, but I know kids need stability at any age. And Jesse has done his hardest to keep that for her. Even as a single-father trying to do his best for his daughter. And then in I come, rocking the boat and throwing his careful stability off kilter.

Suddenly, with a huge bout of clarity that almost made me slam my foot on the break in the middle of the road, I understood just _why_ he was so quick to push my friendship away. I thought I got it before. I figured he was just being over-sensitive. But this time . . . It felt more _real_. Like this is . . . _for_ real. I got it. But at the same time, it made me more determined to _prove_ to him that I'm not going anywhere. He's expecting me too. I can see it deep in his eyes. His trust in people limited to a minimum.

The sudden lightning bolt of understanding and clarity left me with a much clearer head then when I started out on the errand. Enough so that when I pulled up to the curb in front of his house with lush green lawn and a tree in the front yard that shaded the home, giving it an air of privacy, I was totally calm. _Eerily_ calm, even. I saw a pink bike with tassels on the handlebars sitting near the few steps up to the door as I walked past. And other kid's toys dotted here and there. After I knocked, I looked down the length of the porch, seeing a swing that looked comfy enough to sleep on, creakily swaying on its own.

I turned back when the door opened.

"Susannah!" Jesse exclaimed, his dark chocolate eyes widening in surprise. But not, thankfully, in a bad surprised kind of way. I casually checked him out behind my sunglasses, enjoying the look of him looking relaxed in his cargo pants and white t-shirt, stuck with some kind of stain on the hem. It should be illegal with how good white on him looks, I sighed when I tucked my hands behind my back to stop the ache to run my palm over his stubbly cheek and chin. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect picture. His hair was hanging over his forehead in rumpled disarray that would have looked messy and too long on someone else, but was just right on Jesse. There was something strangely intimate about catching him in casual wear, his black socks sticking out against the cream carpet.

"I wasn't expecting you." He recovered; the faint sweep of his eyes over me didn't go unnoticed.

Feeling confident enough to look him in the eye after checking him out, I pushed my sunglasses on to my head. "Sorry, I should have called ahead first. I didn't mean to interrupt you."

"You're not. I was just, err, practicing _Mario Kart_ on the Wii. For only four-years-old, Alisa is better than I thought," He said, looking half-way between proud and disgruntled. I choked back my laugh and pushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. "Do you want to come in?" He offered, pushing the door open wider in invitation. I chewed on my lower lip trying to decide whether to or not. Would it be such a good idea being alone with him without any interruptions? In the end I refused, seeing a flicker of disappointment cross his eyes. But it was gone so quickly, I couldn't be sure if I actually saw it or not.

"I wish I could stay, but I still have some errands to run," I pouted, genuinely meaning it. It seemed to be enough for Jesse, because his broad shoulders that I hadn't realized were tense, relaxed under his t-shirt. Instead, he stepped out on to the porch with me leaving his door wide open. It was hard not to peer inside with the curiosity cramping me, so I settled for leaning against the doorframe. "I came to bring you this. Alisa left it behind last night, my Mom didn't know if it was urgent or not." I'd slipped the folded letter out of my hand and passed it to him, his fingers brushing over mine when he took it. The bolt of awareness made me jump and glance up clashing eyes with him.

He swallowed and reluctantly tore his eyes away to open the letter. Skimming it with his eyes quickly. "Thank you for bringing it by. It's not urgent, but it needs to be returned by her next dance class. She has a habit of forgetting to give me these letters." He chuckled, fiddling with the paper in his hands.

"She's a kid. Any letter from a teacher usually means bad news. At least, mine usually did. " I winced slightly.

A breeze whistled across the porch and threw his house, blowing my loose hair into my face. Fumbling to move it aside, I sucked in a silent breath when I suddenly felt Jesse's hand gently brush it out of my eyes; his fingers skimming across my temple and hovering as he stroked the strands between his fingers before letting it go. His touch was so light; I was holding my breath without consciously realizing it. But I missed how close he was the second he did let go. And my hair felt like it was sparking with electricity from roots to tip. One simple touch; that was all it took. I knew then I was going to have to seriously re-evaluate the sexual tension arcing between us. And whether I could stand it or not.

"Thankfully, Alisa's letters only usually hold good news," He gruffly said, clearing his throat before he went on like nothing had happened. Or that's what it looked like he was trying to convince himself. It was hard to tell when half of his face was in shadow when he moved to stand on the other side of the door-frame opposite me; barely leaving any space between us. It felt so good and so bad at the same time; I pressed my back closer to the wood, stupidly trying to ignore the primal call to just reach out to him. Just once. '_What harm could it do_?' Gina had said.

"She had a lot of fun at the beach with you. It's all she's been going on about for the last couple of days in fact. As hard as it is to admit, it's been some time since I've seen her that happy and care-free. I guess I was blinder to her needs than I realized. Still, I'm keeping my fingers crossed it won't all fall through."

I licked my dry lips and gave him a measured look. "It won't." I simply said, my eyes forcing him to _trust_ me. He stared back just as fiercely before he nodded jerkily; relief coating his eyes. His hands stilled on the letter he'd gone back to tapping between his hands with his long brown fingers. The flash of those fingers that had been rubbing up and down my back that lingered there longer than they probably should've done, flashed in my mind with a spotlight. I stood up, my back ram-rod straight, reacting even more to him.

'_Snap_ out _of it, Suze_!' I chided myself, Jesse's liquid tone rousing me from staring at his hands.

"I'm glad you're here actually, I've wanted to call," He said, my heart leaping in my chest. Just to drop rapidly to a normal rhythm again. "Or rather, Alisa has been insistent on doing it. I'm taking her and her friend, Kody to the fun-fair tomorrow afternoon and was wondering if you would like to join us? I know Alisa would like you there and to be honest, you could help me keep my sanity. And stop me from buying any-more soft toys. She has more than enough already."

"Is there going to be a carousel and candyfloss?" I brightened up, bouncing on my toes. He laughed, not chuckled, _laughed_ watching me practically jump on the spot. "Hey don't laugh, I'm serious," I mocked, even though I was grinning while I said it. "Carousel's and candyfloss are my weakness. That's enough to win me over every-time. I'll help you out with resisting the plushies on one condition though? You promise to buy me a toffee-apple and come on the Ferris wheel with me."

He looked casual where he was leaning, his thumbs hooked in to the pockets of his pants. "That's _all_ you want?" He said, his darks eyes hard to read or resist. His tone boiling my blood.

"_Well_ . . ." I trailed off, biting my lower lip. His eyes dropped to my mouth, intense and full of a consuming emotion. I weighed up the options of what I was going to say next. But then I just didn't care. My body was reacting to him in ways that was leaving me restless on my feet. My hair still felt like it was sparking with energy and the light flirting was making me lose sense of everything but the lean man standing close, his spicy cologne invading my senses and winding around me in an invisible lasso, drawing me to him. "There _is_ one thing – "

But I never got the chance to finish the sentence. Or even the thought. Because the next thing I knew, Jesse's rough hand was cupping my cheek and his mouth was slanted across mine possessively. His thin lips whipped the breath from my lungs with a harsh, barely controlled kiss. That left me more shaken and weak; more aroused and needy than one kiss could possible do. My hands clutched at something behind me, a moan escaping me as my eyes closed, wanting so _badly_ to give in to the amazing feel of him. The kiss was . . . was . . .

Over just as quickly as it started.

One second he was there and the next, he was staring down into my eyes I lazily blinked open. Half expecting to wake up from the cruellest, most vivid dream I've experienced of him yet. But I wasn't waking up. And Jesse was still there, cupping my face with his warm, labored breath blowing across my throbbing parted lips he'd just claimed, took and _possessed_! His eyes stared down in to mine as bewildered as I was. But, his lips were twitching a smile. And my hand slowly rose to rest against his chest in response. My mind was whirling and my body was screaming for me to have more. Taste, touch, feel, _and explore him_! My fingers clenched around his shirt to pull him closer again. "_Jesse_," I whispered; my head tipping up to brush against his lips -

And the _damn_ phone rang!

Jesse jumped away from me on reflex and looked in to the house without seeing it at first. But he was quick to come out of the daze a hell of a lot faster than I was. He dashed into the house, his steps lethal and heavy, picking up a phone and barking a harsh greeting to the poor sap on the other end that interrupted us. His hand, that should have been mine doing the honours, ran through his hair in agitation. I realized I was running my hand through _my_ hair too when my sunglasses clattered to the wooden porch. Jesse's head whipped in my direction, his voice coming from far-away, fighting to pay attention.

"_Charity Benefit_ . . ." He slowly trailed off, before the proverbial light-bulb went off. "Right! Yes, I remember now. I have the invitation around somewhere; I thought I already got back to them. Well, no, but - " He closed his eyes, his fist braced on the wall, his head leaning on his out-stretched arm. I looked away from him and bent down to pick up my glasses clumsily. I was moving through cotton. Soft, safe and comfortable cotton wrapped around me. Jesse's voice glided over me, like his lips had done on mine a minute or so before. It could have been forever and I wouldn't have noticed. Or cared. "Yes. Yes, I know it's important, but I - Wait. Never mind. Tell them I'll be there. That's not necessary, I already have one."

I heard him drop the phone with a metal thunk and turned when he slowly made his way out of the house to me. He wasn't exactly avoiding my eyes, but he wasn't making much of an effort to catch them either. He released a tired sigh and ran his hand through his hair again. My mind was starting to catch up with me at last and I put a bit of distance between us. I couldn't afford to let him invade my senses again like that. A small voice was screaming at me that I was nuts for stepping back. But I needed it. Just one little breather. The moment we'd had was killed the second the phone rang.

Even though my body was singing for his touch even more than ever.

"Is everything okay?" I asked finally because the silence was killing me! "Look, if it's about what just happened – "

"No! No. It's nothing to do with that, _querida_," He roughly interrupted me. The strange Spanish word that sounded so smooth and gentle from his lips roused me out of my Jesse-induced-coma even more, with a pleasant shiver jumping across my nerve-endings. Or was it the hard-to-read look in his eyes seconds after he said it? I pondered. "That kiss was . . . something else," His lips quirked the most knee-jerking grin that made me look away before I melted into a puddle of goo. The fact he didn't seem to regret it was a huge bonus that was threatening to send me spiralling back down into the star-studded happiness I was in before. "Actually, I need to ask you a favor."

I swallowed; my mouth dry again. "Go ahead; I'm all about those today." I shrugged with a smile, resisting the urge to slip my sunglasses on.

"There's a Charity Benefit coming up on Saturday that my practice is a sponsor for, and I was wondering if – "

"I would baby-sit, Alisa?" I got out in a rush, closing my mouth with a snap of my teeth.

"Um, actually, no. I was wondering if you would like to go with me. I was hoping to avoid it myself, but I can't get out of it. But with you there with me, it will be ten times more bearable," He surprised me again. I must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, because he was back-tracking quicker than a light-up yo-yo. "You don't have to if you don't want to. These events can be very boring if you're not used to them. I just thought – "

"It's fine, Jesse. I'd love to go with you," I stepped forward and put a hand on his arm to stop him. The instance my hand touched his arm, he relaxed. My fingers prickled when I pulled my hand away. But then I knew I had to go. Fast! Before I gave in to the _crazy_ idea of jumping on him, slamming the door closed and seeing if my dreams would match up to the real thing. I was already convinced it would which was _so_ not helping my equilibrium or making me get away from him any quicker. I just stuttered and waved my hand around looking stupid. _Huh_, I thought absently, _a speechless Suze. There's one for the record books_.

"Look, I have to go, but tell me the details tomorrow. What time do you want me ready to go?" I was slowly backing up to the railing and blindly stepping down the stairs, my eyes still riveted to Jesse's. He looked too amused for his own good. And it was just encouraging me to act like an idiot even more.

"I'll come and get you around four o'clock if that's okay?" He answered, watching me carefully. He took a step towards me, venturing. "Susannah maybe we should talk about."

"Jesse, I'd _love_ to stick around and talk about it. I would. But if I don't walk away _right now_, then you and I know something _more_ than a fleeting, earth-trembling kiss is going to happen and as much as I wouldn't mind that, I _really_ don't want to rush this . . . err,_this_. Okay? I _promise_ I'm not running out on you. I just need to clear my head." I stopped at the bottom of the steps and looked up at him, terrified he wouldn't understand. I definitely wasn't running. I was just saving my last shred of sanity before I lost it completely.

"It's okay; I know you're not running away, _querida_. The talk can wait. I'll see you tomorrow. Be safe driving home." He smiled disarmingly, a dimple appearing in his right cheek when he quirked a grin. I stayed standing there for longer than normal, just staring at him. Eventually I nodded once, put on my sunglasses and practically ran for the car. When I looked back when I was safely inside, he was still standing there in the doorway watching me. Shaking my head of the replayed memory of the kiss, I started the car and pulled away. Still smiling like a crazy woman with only part of my mind on the road.

I didn't even think about my nerves for the reunion. Or how exhausted Gina was looking. Or anything else for that matter.

I was too busy imagining a night with Jesse, all on my own. No children or best friends involved. It was enough to make _any_ woman delirious! Especially when coupled with _that_ kiss.

xXx

"You're not going to chicken out on me are you?" Gina asked once the cab that had dropped us off at the Junipero Serra Mission Academy drove away.

The warm buzz of wine I'd had before leaving for the reunion was warming my body and fighting off the chill. Gina had made a huge dent in the bottle of Tequila, by-passing the wine to me after only two glasses. She told me she'd had a power-nap on the couch while I was out, so the alcohol wouldn't affect her so much. But she was already on her way of slurring her speech a little. I promised myself before we left the apartment that I'd keep my eye on her. She's not a rowdy drunk. She's mellower if anything. But she was running on little to no sleep and that's not such a good combination with Tequila.

"No, I'm totally fine," I replied. Because after the fleeting kiss that was nowhere near enough, but yet was more than any reaction I expected; any nerves I had, were effectively killed. Gina's suspected something happened between Jesse and me, and it was only with a strong-will that I managed to fight her off about it. I didn't want to jinx it. After-all, it just a tester kiss. We were just going in for the proper one when the stupid phone rang. "Honestly!" I laughed, brushing off her suspicious glance.

We waited behind the people standing before Father Dom and Sister Ernestine, shaking hands and talking a bit. No one came to approach me and I barely recognised the people laughing and joking as they walked in. A novice was ticking names off a list and giving named stickers out like I guessed they would. I groaned under my breath before plastering on a fake smile when it was my turn. The good Sister looked like she was chewing a wasp when she recognized me, so I happily turned my back on her and spoke to Father D. His sharp blue eyes still as jovial as the first time I met him.

"Susannah! What a pleasure to see you again!" He beamed taking my hands in his. I've got a soft spot for my old principal. It didn't matter how much trouble I got in, he was always patient with me and managed to get me out of some hot water with the vice principal a time or two. He isn't like other priests I've ever met. He enjoys his job and he's damn good at it. So I managed to conjure up a sincere smile for him. "Your step-father, tells me you have moved back to Carmel to open a business here. Congratulations! I'm sure your Mother is glad to have you close again. Thank you for coming tonight."

"Thanks. And it's good to see you too, Father Dom," I said, ignoring Sister Ernestine grinding her teeth behind me. "This is my friend, Gina Augustin. She's who I'm opening my, err, _business_ with. She came to school with me for a week, way back when. I'm not sure if you remember."

"Yes. The one that was caught smoking in the ladies restroom. Hardly going to forget that are we, Ms Simon?" Sister Ernestine bristled, making Father D wince, and Gina grin proudly.

"I'll be sure to use the guy's restroom tonight then, Sister." Gina blinked innocently. It was the wrong thing to say judging from the puce colour, Ernestine was turning.

"So we're just going to go in now . . . It's good to see you, Father D," I smiled at him, took the sticker from the novice after she asked my name and threw myself into the breezeway with Gina. "Ouch! That was painful," I cringed, gesturing back to the two heads of the school greeting more people. "Trust her to remember something as stupid as that. And trust you to have the last word." I rolled my eyes, waiting for Gina to finish tucking a strand of loose hair back into her up-do, before we took off for the twinkling lights, soft music and banter of people in the courtyard. It didn't look much different to how they used to decorate it for dances. The only difference being the lights weren't as dim or intimate.

"Don't forget to wear your sticker," Gina said.

"No thanks," I snorted, sticking it on my old locker as we walked past it. Gina waggled her eyebrows as we got to the courtyard, walking in to the throng of people with the confidence and ease she was born with. Not long behind her I joined the party too, the wine still warm in my stomach.

The first person to come up to me and chew me out for not getting in touch was, CeeCee Webb. After giving her a lousy excuse about not getting round to it since I'd been back, we soon broke out into laughter and got swept up in the sudden appearance of old friends with their spouses or dates. Adam was quick to sweep me up into a tight hug and lead me off to the punch table, smugly meeting the stare of any jock that picked on him in school. I let him have his moment. Getting on well with Gina the first time around, CeeCee soon had my old friend laughing until she cried with her witty remarks about some of the people in the crowd.

I got varying reactions from different people as they came up to us out of politeness or curiosity. Most I didn't even recognise. Back in my old school in Brooklyn, I was given the title of girl most likely to end up in jail. But at the Mission Academy, I wasn't given any kind of title, other than class vice president. I got the feeling people were expecting _something_ from me though. I didn't bother to correct them on my comfortable career in New York or my plans in Carmel. I love to prove people wrong.

I had to take a breather away from everyone a couple of times, before I got sensory overload. It was as I was standing by one of the pillars near the breezeway that Adam found me.

"Hey, there you are, Suze!" He cheered, appearing out of nowhere and grabbing my hand. "You and me; dance now," He grinned good-naturedly and pulled me out of my hiding place. I let him carry me across the courtyard to the space reserved for dancing. Mostly because I didn't have a choice. "So I've been thinking; you're single and beautiful. I'm single and handsome. Put that together, we could make a great combination. Whatcha say, Suze? Fancy a little sneak away to the Chemistry lab?" He winked, over-exaggerating it.

If I didn't know Adam McTavish, I would have popped him one in the eye. But I knew he was only fooling around by the twinkle in his eye.

"Hmm, _tempting_," I grinned. He laughed and twirled me away from him before bringing me back, grabbing my hand and spinning me around. Talk over, I lost myself to just enjoying being with an old friend. It wouldn't be too long before he would be leaving town again, so I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. And when he dragged CeeCee in to the dance too, it was starting to feel like ten years hadn't passed between us. We ignored the looks from the some of the more snooty people and just had fun. Before I knew it Gina was there too and laughing along with us. We got some strange looks. But we didn't care back then and I sure as hell didn't care now.

Until Kelly had to deliberately bump in to me as she was dragging her way-too-good-looking date, he had to be a fake, across the floor.

"Oh _excuse_ me I - Oh, never-mind, it's only _you_, Suze," She grinned maliciously. I stopped dancing and stared at her. "Yes? Do you have something to say to me?"

I thought about it for a second, eyeing her date that looked bored, before finally speaking. "No, I'm good." And I turned back to my friends and carried on dancing as if Kelly wasn't there.

Effectively dismissed, she stormed away in a huff and for another hour and a half; I was running between the punch, buffet and the dance floor. Gina's balance had been starting to waver and her speech slurred even more as the night had gone on. So I skipped having my own drink offered by my brother and kept my eye on her. When Brad sidled up next to me for the second time all evening where I was leaning against an empty table, watching Gina out on the floor, he grinned lopsidedly. "Having a good time, sis?" He asked me eventually.

"It's better than I thought it would be," I answered, shoving him hard enough to nearly topple over. "Stop leering at my friend! Speaking of, what drink have you been supplying her? She can barely walk straight. I saw you spike the punch earlier too."

He laughed and threw me a side-glance. "She's just had, J.D. And I added a little Vodka to the punch to give it that extra . . . _punch_!" He laughed again, looking half-cut too. I shook my head at his lame joke and mentally cringed at the bad assortment of alcohol running through Gina's blood and probably curdling in her stomach. Wine, Tequila _and_ Jack Daniels? She is definitely going to be feeling it tomorrow, I thought with a sigh. "Geez, don't sound so depressed. She's having fun isn't she? What's the harm?"

"Okay, if she starts complaining she feels like crap tomorrow, I'll tell her to go whine to _you_." Not that he looked too upset about that. "You're a pain in the ass, Brad," I rolled my eyes standing up from where I was leaning against the table and popping a cannolis in my mouth to stop the rumbling of my stomach. With a lurch from where he was standing, Brad gave me a half-hearted wave and disappeared back in to the throng of people. I stayed where I was watching my friends and realizing with a pang, just how much I'd missed them.

"Your friend's looking a bit wasted, Suze," Kelly's voice sounded from beside me. I didn't bother to look in her direction, and tried to let her icy tone wash off me. "Sister Ernestine's been keeping a _very_ close eye on her all evening. From what I've heard, someone tipped the good Sister off that your friend walked in here already drunk and has been secretly sneaking off to the breezeway to have more. I'm counting down the seconds to when she's either told to leave, or forcibly removed. Such a shame, she looks like she's having a good time too. Disappointing isn't it, to leave for ten years and come back to find . . . you've not really changed at all. You're still just . . . _plain_ old Suze Simon."

Even though I told myself that what Kelly was saying wasn't true; none of it; it still got to me. Just like she wanted.

I rounded on her, talking through my teeth. "And I wonder _who_ that person was to tip her off with a blatant lie," I glared, glad to see a flicker of unease pass through Kelly's eyes before she raised her chin and stared me down. "_What_ is your problem, Kelly? It's been ten years, I honestly thought you might have grown up some in that time," I uncurled my fists where they'd tightened at my side and gave Kelly a smile. She wasn't expecting it and her expression faltered for a second. Shaking my head I dropped my tone to sound conversational.

"You know one of the great things about a rumour? Knowing the _truth_. And personally for me, it's also about knowing what the person on the other end of that lie would do if she found out about it. So do yourself a favor Kelly, and walk away now. And drop this stupid grudge you've got going; it's just not healthy."

I turned back around and resisted the urge to fold my arms over my chest. I did let go of the breath I was holding though, blowing a piece of hair out of my eyes at the same time. Surprisingly, I was feeling better than I thought I would for saying something. She'd been firing me icy glares all evening. Rising to the bait with Kelly, was something I've rarely, if ever, done. But when she starts making threats to my friends . . . Well that's like asking for me to arrange a new nose job for her. Just with my knuckles.

"You can threaten me all you want, Suze, but I'm not afraid of you." She threw back with a load of false bravado, cocking her slim eyebrow.

I turned my head and felt the corners of my lips tilt with amusement. "Yes you are. But I wasn't talking about me. I was talking about, Gina. _She_is the one you _really_ need to be worried about, Kelly." I stared at her for countless seconds while she tried to figure out if I meant it or not. In the end I shook my head and left her standing there gaping after me. Letting the smile drop from my face, I moved towards, CeeCee, casting a worried look at my old friend. "I've got to get Gina, out of here. Ernestine is tracking her," I said in her ear, looking around for the determined nun. CeeCee didn't say a word. She just nodded and helped me coax Gina away from the dance-floor, with Adam in tow.

When I got her to the edge of the courtyard and away from everyone, I finally stopped. "What's going on?" She blinked against the lights illuminating the breezeway, swaying on her feet. Her eyes looking more than a little glazed over. "Where we going? I thought you were having fun, Suze."

CeeCee was standing with Adam, who looked amused. "My feet are killing me, I'm going home. CeeCee and Adam are coming to, aren't you guys," I shot them pointed looks and they both nodded instantly. Relieved I turned back to Gina. "See? We're gonna order pizza and ice-cream, it'll be more fun. Let's go." I urged her on. Shrugging she let me lead her along, helping her when she tripped. "Thanks for this, guys. I'm sorry you're missing out on the party."

"Are you kidding? This is tons better. I only went to see you two anyway," Adam grinned, waving it off. I looked to CeeCee and she just repeated what Adam said. "I'll go and bring my car round." He pulled his car keys out of his pocket on the inside of his jacket and twirled them on his finger like he did when he first got his VW Bug all those years ago. He walked off ahead, CeeCee matching his stride as they disappeared into the shadows.

"Okay Simon, spill," Gina spoke up when they were out of sight. Even though she'd obviously had more than a couple of drinks, she was still alert enough to notice something was up. I'd been hoping she wouldn't notice until, say, tomorrow? She rolled her eyes and abruptly stopped. "I'm not moving until you tell me what's going on."

I sighed and looked behind us; but we were alone. "It's nothing I couldn't handle. Just a bit of ten-year bitchiness. Seriously Gina, it's fine. Can we go now?"

"Fine, but I'll get it out of you eventually," She sniffed, stumbling her way towards the gate. "Ugh, how much did I drink? Maybe I shouldn't have started on the wine so early. I think I'm getting a hangover already," She complained. The fresh air, after being surrounded by people, had gone straight to her head and made it all coming rushing on her in one go. A little sympathetic, I helped her across the crunching gravel a couple of steps. "Oh wait, I forgot my bag!" She exclaimed.

I don't think I'll ever forget what happened next.

With the sudden realization that she didn't have her bag, Gina pivoted on her heel and out of my hold. Because she was so drunk and dizzy, she lost her footing and pitched forward before I could catch her. She went down to the gravelly path, _hard_, her hands braced to stop her fall. But her momentum carried her down too quick! And with a snap that sounded far beyond painful, she collapsed on her front. It all happened within seconds; it took that for it to catch up with me!

Surprised, I dropped to her side and helped her up and into a sitting position; her wrist cradled in her other hand. "God, Gina! Are you okay?" I frowned, the expression on her face as she part hissed with pain and part laughed at herself, was confusing. She looked like she didn't know whether to laugh or curse.

Adam decided to pull his car around at that point, his headlights shining over us both before swinging away. But it was light enough to show me the graze on her nose and forehead where she hit the gravel. I tried to control my wince, but it didn't look pretty at all!

"Ugh, Suze," She slurred either from pain or the alcohol, I couldn't tell. Biting down on her lip that was oozing blood, her eyes narrowed to focus on me. "I think, possibly, I might have broken my wrist." Even as she said it her hand looked like it was swelling up. She cringed looking down at it.

Concerned and mentally shaking the hand of Fate for such a _great_ end to the night; I said the only thing I could think of as Adam and CeeCee joined me, both recoiling at Gina's wrist.

"Ah, crap!"


	11. Chapter Eleven

_**A/N**_ – Whoo, I'm knackered. :) But I am really, _totally_ psyched to say I have reached the hundredth review mark, and skipped on past it with the raving feedback and love from the last chapter! I have every single one of you to thank for helping me even _reach_ that point! So I really, really hope you enjoy this chapter as my gratitude. :) You have all been so utterly amazing, it takes my breath away. *Drops to worship* :D

_**Dedicated**_ to _**writers'block7777**_ for being the hundredth reviewer! _Thank you_, girl! Rock on! **\m/**

Anonymous review replies are up on my profile. Please review lovely, special amazing people! Much love and hugs to you all! :)

* * *

_**Chapter Eleven**_

Gina looked up at me with the most pitiful expression. I shook my head trying not to laugh, minus the humor.

"Only you, Gina," I muttered. She cracked a small smile but didn't say anything. "Cee, would you mind running back and trying to find Gina's, purse?" CeeCee nodded and took off towards the gates at a run in her flat shoes. "Looks like pizza is out for a while; unless you want it delivered to the Emergency Room? Don't mind taking us there do you? Even if I called an ambulance, she wouldn't get in it." I said to Adam, letting him pull me up to my feet. Any humor he'd had three minutes before was gone. Now he just looked worried. Just like I was.

"Yeah, of course," He frowned, bending down to help get Gina up to her feet without jostling her wrist.

Together we managed to get her in his car. She was sobering up and fast. The real pain was going to be settling in soon and I really preferred her having some kind of pain-killer in her before she snapped out of it completely. She hissed when she pressed her fingers to it. "Well don't do it then, you dork!" I snapped instantly regretting it. She glared at me after I put her seat-belt on her. "What? It wasn't _my_ fault you had too much drink and happen to be wearing killer heels." I slammed her door closed and walked around to the other side before she could say anything back.

Adam stopped me with a warm hand on my arm before I could open my door and jump in beside, Gina. It was only a _little_ reassuring. "Hey, you okay? It looked like a total accident you know. She couldn't have planned that if she tried." He placated, guilt instantly rushing in with his meaning. It wasn't Gina I was pissed at. It was myself. For not making her stop with the drinking; or slugging my brother for giving it to her in the first place. She'd probably be fine if I wasn't in such a rush to leave Kelly Prescott and her spiteful lies behind.

I sighed and ran my hand through my loose hair wearily. "I know; I'm worried about her. I'm not mad at _her_. It just didn't have to happen that's all," I replied sorrowfully, my head down staring at my open toed heels. I wriggled my toes nervously before raising my head again and glancing up at him. "Sorry, I'm just . . . wired. Let's just get her to the hospital and checked out, okay? I'll buy you a coffee when we get there." I smiled thinly, trying to put some lightness back in to the conversation. Not that the coffee was much of an offer. Thin, bland and cardboard tasting. It wasn't exactly the greatest promise to make to an old school friend.

_So lame, Suze_.

"Don't worry about it. We'll get her sorted out, everything will be alright, Suze," He gave my hand a quick squeeze before swinging himself up into the driver's seat. I was still trying to tamp down my frustration and annoyance when CeeCee ran back to the car with Gina's bag in her hand.

I climbed in next to Gina and threw her a part sheepish, part apologetic glance. "Don't go feeling all guilty on me about this, Simon. And I know you are so don't bother trying to deny it. I'm a grown-woman; I know when enough is enough. I could have said no and stopped. It's just Karma. So . . . can we just go and get it fixed?" She laughed. It was laced with pain though, the thin white lines around her mouth telling me she was trying to keep it to herself. I reached over and squeezed her uninjured hand and nodded. "_Now_ I need myself a drink!"

The drive to the hospital didn't take too long and before we knew it, we were parked and walking in to the Emergency Room. I was half-expecting it to be busy and loud. You know, like you see it in the movies with someone coated in blood and some drunken loser complaining in a corner with a police officer or something. But all there was was some guy who looked perfectly fine sitting on one of a row of chairs, his ear-phones in; and an elderly couple quietly talking to each other further to the front near reception. Walking past both, I leaned over the reception desk until the woman looked up at me with raised eyebrows and a bored expression.

"My friend needs to see a doctor right away. I think she might've broken her wrist." I plunged straight in, half expecting the woman to jump up and help or something. But all she did was push a clipboard across the counter towards me and tell me to fill it in, before going back to her computer. "I don't think you heard me. My friend might've _broken_ her _wrist_. As in, snapped? She's in pain and she needs to see a doctor! There's got to be more than one floating around here somewhere!"

"And she'll be seen to as soon as one becomes free. Until then, we'll need her name, next of kin, social security number and medical history. Maybe things will move along quicker if you do that first." She replied blandly, pushing the clipboard at me again and effectively dismissing me.

Scowling I picked up the pen and got to work on her information. Thank God I've known her so long or I wouldn't have had a clue what to answer most of them. The ones I did need to ask Gina's help with took her longer to concentrate than can be normal. I just filled it out as quick as I could, my scruffy writing indecipherable and pushed the board back at the receptionist who continued to ignore me. "_Done_. Now can she see a doctor?!" I snapped.

"As soon as one becomes free." She said, getting off her chair and walking off with the clipboard before I could come back with a snappy retort.

"For cryin' out loud!" I ranted, shoving away from the desk and going back to sitting down next to Gina in the uncomfortable plastic chairs. She shook her head, her lips pursed. "This is ridiculous. You should be able to get in straight away. What if your hand falls off or something?!" I choked off on a laugh. Gina looked at me in shock and CeeCee blinked at me rapidly behind her glasses. Adam was about two second away from laughing too before Gina beat him to it.

"Real nice, Simon. Good way to put me at ease," She smiled sitting back in her seat, her expression turning pinched again. We all sobered with seconds after that. She toed off her shoes and kicked them under her seat. I was just starting to wind-down when Gina snorted and nudged me with her elbow, nodding up at an electronic message board up on the wall. Once the words scrawled past again, I was coming close to losing my cool altogether. "Waiting time 2 to 3 hours . . . I think you're right, Suze; maybe I'll be put out of my misery and my hand'll fall off before then." She sank further down in her seat in defeat.

But I wasn't giving up that easy.

Jumping back up to my feet, I clacked across the tiled floor towards the reception desk again and peered over it. The bored lady wasn't there so I looked up and down the desk for some kind of bell or buzzer. When I didn't see one I smacked my hand down, hard enough for it to sting, but loud enough that it echoed. "Hello?! I need to see someone, _now_!" I called out, waiting. Within seconds the bored receptionist who wasn't looking quite so bored anymore, came out with a steaming hot coffee in her hand that smelt too damn good, and glared at me. "You didn't tell me the waiting time is 2 to 3 hours! Can't you see she needs to see someone? What have we got to do, call an ambulance to be seen faster?!"

The woman was about to open her mouth and fire off some verbal abuse before an incredibly deep, Spanish and concerned voice cut her off from behind me. "Susannah?" Jesse questioned, reaching out a hand to my arm and gently turning me around to face him. The sheer relief at seeing him almost had me sinking back down into a seat again.

"Jesse," I said on a sigh, my shoulders slumping under the huge weight. I took in his smart pants and light blue shirt that made his hair stick out an even more intense black, and resisted giggling with relief at the stethoscope hanging around his neck. He wasn't looking as relaxed and comfortable as he did in his civvies clothes. Now he was obviously on duty. "Thank God. Gina needs seeing; we think she might've broken her wrist because _I'm_ an idiot and wasn't watching how much she'd had to _drink_ so she fell _over_ and now she's in pain and it's _really_ good to see you." I ended breathlessly, slumping a little more. His expression had smoothed out the worry lines as I talked and he reached out to wrap a hand around my elbow to calm me that much more.

"Hey, Doctor," Gina slurred. This time it was mainly because she was in pain and not from alcohol. And her expression looked even more pinched than it was before. "I don't suppose you can help me out? It kinda hurts." She lifted her arm and I winced again at how swollen and ugly it looked. Jesse instantly let go of me and got Gina up to her feet.

"How long have you been waiting? You should have been sent in straight away," He commented, his eyes scrutinizing the damage. No thanks to me.

"We've only been here about twenty minutes. I was just about to ask again when you showed up." I fidgeted nervously. As incredibly happy as I was to see him after what happened earlier on in the day - and believe me I was! - I was more worried about Gina. And the pain she looked like she was in, swaying on her bare feet. "I heard something snap."

"Okay Gina, let's go and get that wrist checked out," He smiled. He was giving off such an aura of utter calm and reassurance, _I_ was feeling better and I wasn't even the one with the wrist break! "I'll try and get this pushed along. But in the meantime, why don't you wait in the relative's room? They have a snack and refreshments machine in there. I'll come and talk to you as soon as I can." He said to me. His professional tone harbouring a huge degree of warmth that stopped me shivering. I didn't even know I was until I my arms started to ache from where I'd been gripping them. I nodded once and watched him lead Gina off behind the double swinging doors.

"You heard the man, snack machines!" Adam grinned already making his way to the relative's room.

CeeCee and I followed at a more sedate pace, with her curious stares thrown at me every once in a while. But surprisingly, she didn't say anything until I was sitting in a ugly looking armchair, my feet aching and dying for a foot rub. Or just a long soak in the tub. "So . . . How do you know Mr-tall-dark-and-handsome-doctor, then?" She asked, not bothering to beat around the bush. "That looked like more than a friendly reassurance to me. Did you neglect to tell me something?" I almost forgot how observant CeeCee is. But then again, she is a journalist. It's her job to read between the lines and see what others don't.

I threw my clutch bag and Gina's bag and shoes on to the coffee table. "He's just a friend, Cee," I tiredly replied, watching Adam jump on the spot while he waited for his coffee. Looks like some things never changed, I thought with a grim smile. While a mocking voice echoed in my mind; friends, who share mind-numbing kisses on his front porch. "Or if you really want to get all Facebook about it; '_It's complicated_.' But I'm not saying anymore. Because frankly, I don't know." Subject closed my tone said.

She raised her white blond eyebrows, but otherwise wisely didn't say anything.

I sat and flicked my gaze to the door every few seconds, hoping Jesse would be standing there. My heart was skipping just at the thought of him being close by. I wanted to pace around the room, but settled with jigging my knee on the spot instead. It seemed like a better compromise, even though Adam kept throwing me glances each time my nails started tapping. He caught up with CeeCee from when he saw her last, making the effort to try and drag me in to the conversation every now and again. And after half an hour, I gave up staring at the door and used my time not thinking about how good Jesse looked standing out in the waiting room, and finally realized what a bitch I was being for not trying to re-connect with my old friends.

Living in New York the past ten years didn't, unfortunately, give me many opportunities to meet up with CeeCee or Adam. I can count on one hand the amount of times we've managed to get together; our high school reunion being one of them. It's never thrown them off that I wasn't in touch more. But I knew as I sat and listened to them banter, that things between them were just as . . . _friendly_, as they had been back at school. It was good to see them that way.

"So what happened to this Rachel, you were supposed to be marrying last year?" I asked Adam when there was a lull in the conversation. I reached over and nicked a Skittle not missing the uncomfortable look to flash across his handsome face. "Sorry. If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine."

"Nah it's okay. I just cringe whenever I think about it, is all," He smiled wanly, popping five different coloured Skittles in at once. Once he swallowed them he shrugged answering me. "We just grew apart. It was a mutual decision to split. We're still good friends though. She's with someone else now and wanted my seal of approval before she decided to get too serious with him. If would've been a mistake if we got married. We both knew it," He took a swig of his fresh coffee and put his steely eyes on me. "What about you? What happened to that _Paulo_, dude you were seeing last?" He kicked his legs out and grinned.

I cleared my throat trying to cover my instant laugh.

"It's _Paul_, and he's somewhere back in New York, probably shacking up with his latest PA. No big loss there, believe me. Getting rid of him just gave me an extra excuse to move back here sooner than I was going to." I smiled easily. A cough from the door-way stopped me from saying anything else. I flushed when I looked up and saw Jesse standing there and probably over-heard everything I'd just said. "Jesse!" I jumped to my feet like I'd been caught out or something and cut the distance across to him when he walked in the room.

"I just wanted to come by and give you an update," He smiled reassuringly. Getting our attention, he went on. "She's been down to have her x-ray's done, I'm just waiting for the results to come in. And I've given her a mild pain-killer and cleaned up her grazes too. I can't give her anything too strong because of her alcohol intake. But she's comfortable. She went down on that hand very hard, from what she said."

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair to avoid his gaze. "Yeah, as you know she had to much to drink. She spun on gravel to go and get her bag but lost her balance and went down."

"It was an accident and totally _not_, Suze's fault! Right, Cee?" Adam piped up in my defence. I bit my lip and begged for a meteor to hit me where I stood right then so I wouldn't have to look at Jesse's handsomely amused face when CeeCee backed Adam, up too; without hesitation. "It's true. It was just one of those things."

"Guys, as much as I appreciate this, you're just making me sound even guiltier," I moaned, dropping my head in to my hands. Sometimes when you put CeeCee and Adam together, they're like a comedy mistake duo. CeeCee hasn't grown out of her . . . _fondness_, for Adam. This pretty much clouds her to rational and straight thinking. A bit like Jesse does to me, I thought with stark clarity. "I'll get busted for best friend negligence the rate you're going. I know you mean well, though. Thanks."

Jesse laid a hand to my arm, drawing me back to him without much resistance on my part. "Can I have a word?" He asked quietly, even though I saw CeeCee and Adam's ears prick up in interest from the corner of my eye. I let him lead me out of the room and pull me to stop when we were far enough away from the door that they couldn't hear us. "I just wanted to see how _you_ are doing. You looked ready to pass-out earlier." And accompanying that heart-thumping concern was his knuckles skimming down my cheek so quick and lightly, I wasn't sure it happened.

And I would have believed that if my cheek didn't tingle from his touch.

"I'm okay. I was just worried about Gina. She was in a lot of pain, not that she'd ever admit that of course," I blinked up at him innocently; not sure if he believed me or not. "Honestly, I'm fine, Jesse. Don't worry about me. What are you doing working here tonight anyway? I thought you have the week off." I tried to casually lean against the wall. But having him stand so close and talk in conspirational whispers because the moody receptionist was taking too much of an interest, was making it seem more . . . _intimate_. Even though we were in the hospital because my best friend has likely snapped her wrist. Again, no thanks to me.

"I volunteer to work here five days out of the month. Just to keep my instincts honed and experience fresh. I'm usually on the grave-yard shift though, so it's rare I have a big emergency come in. Gina's is the most exciting of the night. I trust you had a good time at your reunion until her trip?" He kindly asked, his hands shoved in to the pockets of his pants.

I snorted derisively and quirked my lips. "Yep, nothing like letting my best friend get drunk and break her wrist, to get me in the mood for bumping in to old school friends and nun's with grudges. It was just sugar-dandy, really," I sarked, my mouth twisting in a sneer before I could stop myself. Jesse looked startled for a second before he snapped out of it. But I interrupted him before he could tell me what an idiot I was being. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to sound like that. I'm just . . ."

"Worried?" He offered. I nodded and sighed again. "Susannah, from what Gina and your well-meaning friends in there told me, this _wasn't_ your fault. Don't blame your – "

"As much as I'm enjoying this pep talk, Jesse, I should get back to Cee and Adam. Come and let me know what her x-ray results say," I cut him off quickly, getting up from leaning on the wall and walking away before my emotions broke and the tears that I could feel burning the back of my nose decided to show in my eyes. He was tearing my self-pity to shreds and I didn't know how to handle it. I appreciated his concern. I really did. And that was the problem. Because I believed him that it wasn't my fault. And I couldn't let that sink in until I knew Gina _was_ okay for sure. If that means walking away from him on a bad note - that I was screaming at myself for - then so be it, I told myself.

He didn't try and chase me thankfully. He just let me go. I had a feeling that if he did follow me, then I would have broken down and thrown myself in his arms. I'd do it later, I reasoned, when Gina's not in pain and we know how bad it is. _Please don't let it be bad_!

Neither CeeCee nor Adam said anything when I flopped down in my chair moodily. They left me to stew in my attitude instead. Up until the point where I brought myself out of it enough so that when Jesse called me out of the room again and led me to Gina's little curtained off cubicle, I was blushing more from embarrassment than anything else. Gina looked wrung-out with her grazed nose and forehead, but not in as much pain. We both turned our attention to the x-ray lit up on the board and the image of the clean break - something called a Colles Fracture - in her wrist. The good news being that she didn't need to have surgery on it. The bad? She would have to wear a cast for _at least_, six weeks.

She wisely kept quiet about it. Being as it was her left wrist she broke; it wasn't a complete loss with her being right-handed. But it does mean I'll be her driver for a while.

A small price to pay for not watching out for her. That and the medical bill anyway.

"We'll get your cast done and give you a prescription for some mild pain-killers and you can go," Jesse smiled, writing something down on a chart before slipping it into the holder on the end of the bed. A nurse came in with the stuff that was needed seconds after and Jesse made to go out of the cubicle to see to other patients. I opened my mouth to say something before closing it again. Realizing I didn't know _what_ to say. I sat down heavily in my chair making it squeak across the floor. "I'll come by and see you before you leave." He said. When I raised my head he was looking at me. Genuinely smiling, he slipped out again. And Gina shot me a confused look.

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," I said in answer to her unspoken question.

The nurse was chatty as she did Gina's cast and we shot each other looks over her head. How someone could be so bubbly working in a hospital gone midnight was beyond us. But we stuck it out. And within forty-five minutes, her cast was set and dry. Gina looked like she could fall asleep standing up by the time we walked back out to reception. I signed all the necessary paperwork and let her go and get CeeCee and Adam while I waited for Jesse to reappear. They'd just gone through the automatic doors when he did.

"I thought I might have missed you," He said on greeting, leading me over to the now empty relative's room and pushing the door ajar. "Look Susannah, about before . . . I wasn't trying to make you feel worse. I was just - "

"Okay stop right there," I cut him off, raising a hand to forestall anymore. I took in a deep breath and raised my head to look him in the eye. Hoping that I would still be talking sense before I fell into their dark pools. "Jesse _I_ should be saying sorry. I didn't mean to sound so . . . _mean_. But you can tell me not to blame myself until you're blue in the face and I'll still be stubbornly ignoring it. You know as well as anyone what it's like. I know she's okay now and that does lessen it a bit. But I won't stop saying this is my fault. No matter what you all say," I reached out to take his hand, looking down at it where I held it in mine. "_I'm_ sorry."

His free hand gently gripped my chin and lifted my head up to face him. "Apology accepted, though not needed, _querida_. I understand," He leaned down to press a kiss to my forehead, his soft lips lingering there until he pulled away. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. We still need to talk but this isn't the place and your friends are waiting for you. Maybe we can on Saturday night? We won't have much chance to with Alisa and Kody with us."

Against my better judgement, I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around his neck. He seemed surprised for about a second before he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. Impossibly close so there was no space, no where our bodies didn't touch. I felt his heart beat and I could feel his warm breathe breath over my neck where his head tucked in the crook of my shoulder. An all en-compassing hug that was so . . . comforting and hard and perfect. I couldn't bear the thought of letting him go; of never having a hug like it again. I didn't think men gave hugs like it. The ones where they're compliant and non-rigid so it doesn't feel like you're hugging cardboard. As lean and muscled as Jesse is, he was _amazing_ to cuddle.

"Thank you for taking care of Gina, for me," I whispered, tipping my head back to murmur in his ear. I pulled away completely then, leaning up to kiss the corner of his mouth before letting go of his hand and taking another step back. "I'll see you this afternoon. Night, Jesse."

"Goodnight, _querida_," He smiled back, letting me walk out of the door.

My heart as erratic as it was when he kissed me on his porch.

xXx

This should be an interesting afternoon, I thought, listening to the excited giggles drifting through from the back of my car.

"Okay you two, calm down a bit," I called back through the seats to where Alisa and Kody were strapped in. The giggling didn't stop. If anything, it grew worse. Shaking my head I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, patiently waiting for Susannah to appear. "Remember what you promised? Best behaviour this afternoon, right?" I double-checked, not finding any harm on reminding them. I glanced in the rear-view mirror and caught two very enthusiastic head nods. I didn't bother to resist a slow-grin spreading across my face at their enthusiasm.

"Sooze is still coming, right Daddy?" Alisa triple-checked; leaning forward against the seat-belt. "I want her to meet Kody."

"Yeah, 'Lissy said she's _cool_!" Kody piped up, dragging the last word out long and slow, sounding older than five years. "Does she like video games? I bet I can beat her at anything! Girl's can't play video games. 'Cept 'Lissy." He carried on, sounding fairly sure of himself. I've seen my daughter put Kody in his place before. I didn't know whether to be horrified when she tackled him to the ground; or to tell her off for being violent. But they've been friends ever since and there hasn't been another fight between them. Now he excuses Alisa from anything girls are _not_ supposed to be able to do.

As he put it once, "_'Lissy doesn't have cooties. Other girls do, but not_'Lissy_._"

Never innocent, butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth, Alisa.

I glanced out the passenger side window to Susannah's apartment complex. My own anticipation to see her humming through my veins. "Yes, Susannah is still coming. She should be here any minute," I replied to my daughter. I decided to wait for her to come down then take both rambunctious children up to see her. Leaving Alisa and Kody to talk about what rides and amusements they wanted to go on first, I let my mind fall back to yesterday. And the churning events of the last half. Anything before that would only lead to distraction. And I wanted to be able to enjoy my afternoon with Alisa, Kody and Susannah.

It was tempting to call just to find out how Gina was doing; but I managed to hold myself back. Unfortunately the memory of the sheer guilt and relief pulling Susannah's shoulders down when she heard Gina would be okay, was not lost on me. Her snapping comeback when I tried to offer some kind of reassurance hadn't bothered me as much as it had her. I knew she was only worried and I took no offence to that. I expected it even. But on some level, I knew my concern went far beyond professional. The skimming of her cheek said as much. As did the embrace I didn't back down from either. No, instead I pulled her closer to me; tucking my head in her shoulder.

I saw a different side to Susannah last night. A side that made the man in me, call out to protect and shield the vulnerabilities Susannah was showing. Something until last night, I hadn't seen before. It also brought a whole slew of realizations to break through me. Not a completely bad thing, it's taken me some time to realize.

"Earth to Jesse," Susannah's voice suddenly tore through my wandering mind and I whipped my head around to glance at her where she was leaning in the open passenger door, staring at me. She reached out a hand to my arm, her slim eye-brows pulled down into a frown. "Are you okay? You looked miles away," She explained when I looked down at her hand on my arm, burning a mark right down to the bone. She pulled it away but kept her determined stare fixed on me. "Want me to drive to the fun-fair?" She questioned quietly so she wouldn't draw the concerns of the children in the back, talking rapidly to one another.

"Susannah," I finally croaked. Closing my eyes, I counted to three before opening them and clearing my throat. "Sorry I was daydreaming. Everything's fine, I can drive," I waved off. Giving her a smile I didn't have to force or dig up from the deep recesses or the special place only reserved for Alisa. It seemed Susannah was carving her own kind of nook in my soul already. Her friendship is proving to be more emotional that neither she nor I was expecting.

She climbed in properly and closed the door, an instant chorus of cheers and introductions from Alisa and Kody filled the car for a minute or so before Susannah held up her hand and shushed them. It was like she waved a magic wand, all noise stilled instantly.

"Wow, that was an ear-full," She grinned, reaching out a hand to Kody. "Nice to meet you, buddy. I'm Suze," He took her hand reverently; his toothy grin stretching from one side of his face to the other. "So who's ready for an afternoon of fun and candyfloss?" She went on; effectively starting up their excitement again and allowing her to return back to face the front and me. "Ready when you are." She winked, making herself comfortable before slipping her belt on.

With a nod of assent, I started off for the fair-ground.

The talk in the back seat went into hushed whispers almost straight away and I asked about Gina to fill the silence. It wasn't uncomfortable. Quite the opposite in-fact; and it put my mind at ease that the flirting was to a bare minimum and thus enabled me to put the kiss a little further back that it didn't impair my judgement.

"She's fine. Brad came by to drop off a year-book I forgot to pick up, which gave me a chance to rant at him for being so stupid. Gina got to show off her new cast to make him feel a little worse. But otherwise, she's fine. A little itchy maybe." Susannah answered, her nose wrinkling a little. She didn't say anymore about it and patiently answered any questions the children had to pitch to her.

The drive to the fair-ground was short; but the fuse to the end of the live wire of excitement was not. "Let's go, can we go now? Oh _look_! Ponies! Come on, Daddy! I want to go on that!" Alisa cried, jumping up and down on the spot and tugging on my hand, pointing over to the carousel. "Sooze, will you come on it with me?!" She skipped to Susannah's side and took her hand instead. "It looks like fun, doesn't it, Kody?" He looked at it with a scrunched up freckled nose. When Susannah caught sight of it she openly laughed.

"Let's get the wrist-bands first, then we'll go on it," I placated, telling both children to stay close to us as we walked through the gates and up to the ticket booths. I paid for the four of us and slipped the bands on both children. Susannah let me help her with a small secretive smile. I'd already explained to Alisa and Kody what to do if they somehow got away from us or each other. So I allowed them to stay in-front, holding hands and pointing and laughing at anything bright and loud. "You did say you wanted to go on the carousel." I said to Susannah when we reached the ride and Alisa was jumping around again.

"I know. I got no problem taking her on. You just stick with Kody and do what men do best," She coyly winked, taking Alisa's hand and disappearing in to the crowd. For a split second, when I couldn't see them, my heart froze in my chest in fear. And old doubts crept back into my heart of; What if I can't trust Susannah? What if something happens to Alisa? And I almost took Kody's hand and went after them.

But that was until I saw Alisa's dark head of hair in the crowd, her arms around Susannah's neck where she carried her through the throng of people so she didn't lose her. I released a huge sigh of relief and led Kody over to a bench to wait.

"Suze is cooler then 'Lissy, said she was!" He started within seconds, his wide, light brown eyes staring up at me in wonder. "She talks about her a lot. Did she really go to the beach with you? And help make sand-castles? My Step-Mom doesn't do that with me. She says she hates to get sand in her nails," He dropped his head, his little legs kicking out back and forth in the way only children can get away with.

The wistfulness to his voice made me frown and I dropped lower so I was more on his level. "Your Father likes to make sand-castles and play video games with you though, doesn't he?" I asked. His grin was all the answer I needed and I let some of my concern slip away. "Well maybe your Step-Mother can do other things with you? Like, help you with your homework or bake you cookies. I'm sure there are lots of things you two can do together."

"Like, Suze does with 'Lissy, you mean?" He smiled disarmingly, but my heart dropped in to my stomach with the implication. He was right of course. Susannah has done things with Alisa that would be more suited to a Step-Mother. Baking cookies; painting her toenails and helping her with her homework. More than is asked of her and yet, without complaint. "Is Suze going to be, 'Lissy's new Step-Mom?" He went on, sitting up straighter on the bench. He looked excited about the idea. But I didn't know if that was down to him having a Step-Mother too; because he likes Susannah; or because Alisa has said something along those lines. Either way, I suddenly couldn't breathe past the lump in my throat, or calm my unsteady heartbeat.

I cleared my throat with a hoarse cough. "Susannah is just my friend. That's all." I white-lied, turning away from him and ending the conversation.

When I looked up, it was just in time to catch Alisa smiling and waving to me where she was sitting on one of the smaller horses, Susannah sitting directly beside her on a bigger one as they turned the corner. I looked from my daughter to Susannah; both with identical looks of fun and happiness in their expressions. Unbridled happiness. And it drew me in. Taking Kody's hand we walked up to stand at the metal railing, waiting for the ride to come to a stop.

Alisa threw herself in to my arms when she was let loose. "Did you see us, Daddy? Sooze loved it! She was laughing," She giggled, causing Susannah to pretend to hide behind her hands in shame, shaking with suppressed laughter. "Can we go on what Kody, wants now? And you have to choose something, too." She slid down and re-took Kody's hand, waiting for me. Tweaking her nose, I told them to lead the way and followed after both giggling children.

When Susannah accidentally brushed up against my arm, I reached out and slipped my hand in hers, entwining our fingers together without much thought. I stared straight ahead when she looked up at me. She didn't say anything and neither did I. But it did make me feel better about what Kody had said.

"Oh, I want to go on that slide! Can we? It looks fast!" Kody exclaimed, pointing straight ahead at a twisting slide. "You're coming ain't you, 'Lissy?" He tugged on her hand gently and she nodded with a wide grin. Chuckling I indicated for him to go and stood back and watched the excitement as both children zipped down the slide that was higher and faster than I thought. Alisa was laughing the whole time and only managed to fall off the end once. She just dusted herself off and went back on again though. I noticed Susannah lessen the tightened hold on my hand when she saw it. And again, the weight on my shoulders lifted fractionally.

"Watch me one more time, Daddy, Sooze!" She called from the top of the ride, waving her little arm. Behind her Kody was sitting and holding on to her so they could go down in a train. "Ready, Kody!?" She turned to look at him behind her. He looked a little nervous. But in the end, he was the one that pushed them off and sent them flying down and off into the crash mats again. "That was so fun." She giggled breathlessly, her voice a little croaky.

"Come on, _Princesa_," I winked, lifting her up and on to my shoulders to give her a little bit of a rest. "Let's go and get you both a drink." She patted my hand holding on to her leg as a yes.

For the next hour or so we followed Alisa and Kody around as they picked what rides and attractions to go on. Sometimes Susannah or I, or both of us, would go on the rides with them. Like the train that rides around the outside of the park, I was ambushed to get on. It was a little . . . _cramped_ for someone of my size. And Alisa's giggles as she looked behind her and saw Susannah and I squashed together lit up her expression even brighter than before. Her excitement seeming to reach an all time high.

We went over some kind of bump and I cursed when my knees smacked against the seat in front. "_Dios_," I muttered. I threw Susannah a disbelieving glance when I heard what sounded suspiciously like laughter from her corner. "Are you, _giggling_?!" I asked dumbfounded and a little put-out.

She looked up innocently, her trembling lips giving away her not-so-cool attitude. "Maybe a little," She smiled, holding her finger's a hair's breadth apart. I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, cursing again when we went over _another_ bump that knocked my knees. "You really shouldn't do that, Jesse. It just makes you looked even more ridiculous," She laughed, pulling my arms down. "You look like a giant on this thing. Why didn't you just say you'd skip this ride?" She whispered so Alisa and Kody couldn't over-hear.

I rested my arm along the back of our seat and leaned in close, inhaling her perfume, the scent of her shampoo and everything Susannah. "Because she asked so nicely. Why, don't like being cramped up so close to me?" I teased, going to flick a strand of her hair over her shoulder. I stilled with my hand on the silky lock when I noticed her eyes cloud over with something innately lustrous and felt my body respond in kind to the challenge in her eyes.

"I don't have any problem being up close and personal with you, Jesse." Her voice dropped to a mere husky haze, ensnaring me with her bewitching flirting. Just as suddenly she turned her head away, cooling the heat between us to bearable levels and looked out at the park as we circled around it. Watching her still, I let my arm curl around her shoulder and pull her closer in to my side, her hand falling to my thigh as she looked up to me with a silent question.

"We might as well make use of the excuse while we can." I said in answer, leaning in to her hand when it came up to stroke over my cheek before dropping to rest in my lap.

The ride was over much too soon after that; though my knees were more than happy to be able to be stretched out again after being scrunched up for too long. We were dragged back off to the amusements, Alisa's doe-eyed pleading for a soft-toy making it _very_ hard to resist. I was just reaching for my wallet when Susannah's quick intervention and suggestion to go on the Ferris Wheel was an instant save as Alisa turned her wide-eyes stare up at the huge wheel, her neck craned all the way back. Awe sparkled in her eyes along with the twinkling lights.

"Yeah! Come on, 'Lissy, let's go on the big wheel! I'm not scared of heights, I can do it," Kody declared, his bravado shattered by the way he wrung his hands together nervously. He'd taken a shine to Susannah instantly. And anything she said was taken seriously and copied by Kody. And to a lesser degree, Alisa too. "Sooze said it will be awesome. Let's go!" He crowed, taking Alisa's hand and snapping her out of her wide-eyed stare. "You're not _scared_, are ya?" He taunted.

In classic Alisa fashion when dealing with a boy, she rose up to the dare. "No way! I can do it, can't I Daddy? I'm no baby." She huffed, her little arms crossing over her chest stubbornly. Susannah threw me a, '_I wonder where she get's that from_?' look and crouched down in front of them.

"I'll make a deal with you both," She started, talking over the noise of the park. "If you can both make it through the whole ride without fighting or being scared, I'll buy you an ice-cream and a plushie each? Does that sound fair?" She looked between the two, waiting for them to think about it. Eventually they passed a silent look between them; one I've come to learn means they're talking without words. This was confirmed when they turned back to Susannah at the same time and agreed. "Good. Come on then, Princess, buddy. Time's a wasting!" She took a hand of each child, Alisa's spare slipping in to mine.

"Don't be scared, Daddy. Sooze can buy you a plushie too if you make it through the ride," She smiled innocently. Susannah choked back a laugh and I found it hard not to laugh myself.

"That is very nice of you, _Princesa_, but I think I'll be okay. I have you there with me; what's there to be scared of?" I smiled, squeezing her hand. She beamed at the praise and bravery, any fears she might have had about going on it, gone within seconds. I know just how to reassure my daughter and her in turn with me, it seems. There was a bit of debate when we got to the ride, at whether Alisa and Kody could come on or not. But in the end, it was agreed and we settled them between us, our arms across their shoulders and holding on to each other.

"I can do this." Alisa bravely commented.

"I can do it too. No problem!" Kody piped up. Grabbing Alisa's hand he gripped the rail with the other and stared defiantly before him. Alisa was soon doing the same.

But in the end it was _Susannah_, who needed the comforting.

She tensed seconds after the ride started moving and her hand gripped my arm like a vice the higher up we got. Alisa and Kody were whooping with excitement, the height not scaring them in the slightest. But Susannah had gone white and she squeezed her eyes shut as we reached the top. She didn't open them until we were halfway down and the height had been cleared. I tapped her shoulder to look at me, the strain in her expression clear to see. And my heart squeezed painfully to see her vulnerability again now.

"I'll get them to stop it so we can – "

"No!" She exclaimed quickly but quietly, nodding down at Alisa and Kody in warning. "No, I won't do that to them. I'll be fine. I just have to go to my special place. Where I'm not on a Ferris Wheel," She muttered, her hand gripping the bar in a death grip. It hit me then just what she'd done. She obviously knew she would be afraid of the height by going on the ride. And yet, so she could do what I asked of her and distract Alisa, she put that aside and put Alisa and myself first. Even at the expense of having to overcome one of her personal fears. "Would it scare you off if I said that one of my special places happens to have you and Alisa there?"

I raised an eyebrow in surprise, before stroking my knuckles down her soft skin to make her turn to me again. "Not at all, _querida_." I said with meaning.

She quirked a small, seductive grin. "In that case, I'll go to my other special place. Where there's only _you_ and me . . ." She trailed off, the meaning clear.

I know my eyes darkened to the meaning. And I was grateful for the intervention of Kody and Alisa before I could say whatever was on my mind. This could have been disastrous considering I wasn't exactly thinking straight. Susannah's lips twitched at the interruption and somehow managed to keep her eyes open and her answers bright and cheerful when the children vied for her attention in opposite ways. Myself, I just watched her unobtrusively. One thing became clear as I sat and watched them together; my daughter and Susannah; the ride passing me by without notice.

There is no way I will be able to hold myself back from kissing Susannah, on Saturday night. More importantly . . . I don't want to try and stop myself. Not this time.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**_A/N_** – Hi everyone. :) Hope y'all having a good weekend! So I've been sitting on this chapter since a day after I posted the previous chapter. I just about drove myself mad with waiting a reasonable time between updating it. ^^; But I really hope you enjoy it. And again, because I feel it needs saying until the day I lose my voice or the power to use my fingers – in which I'll just type using a pen if I have to – that I am so grateful for all the love and enthusiasm for this story! I'm _honoured_ to have you all enjoying this journey as much as I am. _Thank you so much_ for the reviews and the favourite story alerts! :) *Hugs and endless love to y'all*

I really hope y'all got your review replies okay. I know FF.N has been doing some sort of hardware upgrade or something; but I had a dodgy experience with a review I wrote yesterday and don't want anyone to miss out on my sending love back because of the site malfunctioning. So if you didn't receive one, just let me know and I'll do you another. :) That being said, anonymous replies are up on my profile. Please review; but more importantly, please enjoy. :D

And my apologies is there's any mistakes. I had to copy and paste it over from Word, 'cos the site won't let me upload a document. *.*

* * *

**_Chapter Twelve_**

I gave my hair one last critical look in the bathroom mirror before declaring it useless trying to make it look more reasonable.

It doesn't matter what I do to it, it still drapes forward to hang over my forehead stubbornly. I shook my head with a rueful smile and washed my hands. I was nervous, that much was visible. Any minute now, Susannah would be arriving with Gina. It's been so long since I've been on a date, let alone with a woman I'm highly attracted to and don't want to keep my hands off. I'm starting to suspect it's a good thing Alisa will be here when I get home. It leaves no room for mistakes or regrets in the morning. I don't have any when it comes to kissing her. None at all. But I think I might if I rush our . . . relationship.

Finding Susannah standing on my porch that day was the biggest shock of all. I wasn't exactly expecting company, let-alone Susannah. But my awkwardness was soon swept away as our banter and flirting increased. It was the perfect opportunity for me to ask about her coming to the fair with us. Something Alisa had been prodding and prodding me to do since I'd mentioned going. After seeing her happiness from just spending a few hours at the beach with Susannah, I couldn't find it in me to say no. It wasn't even that I was reluctant. Whatever spell Susannah is weaving, it's growing tighter with each thought and moment with her. Until the point that it drew me to kiss her.

I don't know who was more shocked by it; Susannah or myself. One minute I was latching on to the double meaning of her words and the next . . . I was kissing her.

Looking back on it like I've done so many times since it happened; I now know it was a kind of testing the waters for myself. Trying to decide if the connection and obvious attraction, as Susannah so blithely puts it, is real or just a surface emotion for her; for me. Either way, I got my answer. Deep down, it was the one I wanted. But even though I want to kiss Susannah again, I have to tread painfully slow and carefully. And I hope that Susannah will understand that. Or that I can restrain my libido to.

Even when I didn't want her around Alisa, the chemistry between us was like an invisible third party waiting on the edge for its moment in our dance around each other. It was only last week I was hoping that my daughter would have forgotten about her. To now, sharing stolen kisses and touches; it feels like someone has grabbed the remote to my life and pressed THE fast forward button. Only, at the same time, it feels like it's all going in slow motion.

I was _glad_, Susannah walked away when she did after our kiss. She was the smart one in that moment.

There is far too much at risk to rush what is going on between us. Not only do I not want to disrupt the rapport she has with Alisa; the same rapport I tried to break; but I don't want to lose her friendship I have come to realize not before time, I enjoy far too much to lose now. Her blunt, honest attitude with me and my situation is a breath of fresh air to me. She's quick to tell me what others won't. She doesn't pity me or shy away. And I'm incredibly loathed to lose it now I've experienced it. I know Alisa will fight it tooth and nail if Susannah isn't a part of her life now. Susannah's made an impression; there's no taking that away.

The same can be said for her kiss.

Suddenly, there was no-where else I wanted to be right then, than with Susannah. Doubts, anxieties and fears vanished as if I never had them when I connected with her sweet, soft lips. My heart had given a painful thud against my chest and the only thing I was suddenly aware of was Susannah's little gasp of surprise, how smooth her skin felt and how . . . _safe_, it was kissing her. It was that realization that pulled me away. Just to see the desire flaming in her eyes and reaching out to me. That pool in the pit of my stomach awakened long buried feelings and needs in me that her flirting and small touches had only stirred. I wanted to feel more of that blaze reach out to me. And I would have come so close to having it if it wasn't for the phone ringing and interrupting us.

I was just a fool for not only _wanting_ to kiss her again; but prolonging the agony by asking her to be my date to the Charity Benefit.

"Are you okay, Daddy?" Alisa's soft sweet voice asked from the bathroom doorway. I snapped my attention away from where I'd been peering at myself in the mirror again, trying to see what Susannah sees and turned to face my beautiful daughter. Dressed in her fairy pyjama's, she looked sleepy already. Her curly hair was escaping the braid I tried to carefully plait and her cheeks were rosy from playing in the yard all afternoon. But her bright, sky blue eyes were full of love and excitement. I held out my arms for her and she ran into them; hugging me tight around the neck when I picked her up to hold her close.

I breathed in the comforting scent of her strawberry shampoo and rubbed my hand up and down her back soothingly. "I'm fine, _Princesa_. Absolutely perfect," I replied at last, allowing her to pull away so she could see the sincerity in my smile. "Why don't we go and get you some milk and cookies before Gina and Susannah arrive?" I suggested, walking out of the bathroom with her in my arms. I retrieved my suit jacket with my invitation before leaving my bedroom.

"I want to get my _Miffy Bunny_ bear, Sooze got me," Alisa wriggled down from my arms and ran into her room. I followed close behind; making sure her bed would be all set for her, including her nightlight/torch where she leaves it on her bedside cabinet. "Where did I put it?" She wandered around, a small frown wrinkling her button nose.

I spotted a frilly, white and pink bunny teddy bear from the corner of my eye and pulled it out from under her pillow. "Found it," I passed it over to her, noticing how she snuggled it close to her like a security blanket. It was the soft toy Susannah promised she would buy her and Koby if they managed to sit through the Ferris wheel ride without complaint. She took them straight to the booth and let them choose something each. And when she wasn't looking, I brought her a bear too, for being so brave. I got a numb arm for it, but her wide smile was all the thanks I needed. I caught her softly stroking it on her lap on the way home, too.

"You _are_ going to be good for Gina, tonight aren't you?" I checked stepping in to the kitchen with her.

Alisa sighed and pulled herself up on to her stool at the breakfast bar, accepting the glass of milk I pushed towards her. "Yes, Daddy," She mumbled around her glass, milk spilling down her chin and on to her pyjama's. "I'll be good. Will she let me paint her nails like Sooze, did?" She took a cookie from the small plate I passed along, admiring her own nails in wonder.

I chuckled and watched her. "I don't know. I'm sure if you ask her she might. But you have to remember to keep it away from her plaster cast. She won't want to get nail polish on that," I leaned forward to tuck a curl back behind her ear. I'd told her about Gina's injury so she wouldn't be frightened of it when she saw her. She was quiet when I explained and still didn't say anything when she suddenly ran up the stairs into her room. I was debating going after her when she suddenly came running back down with her nurse kit in her hand.

"_I'll take good care of her_!" She'd grinned, holding up her toys prepared hours before she would be seeing her.

"Okay," She said around a mouthful of cookie spraying crumbs across the side. "_Dios_, sorry!" She giggled. I raised an eyebrow at the Spanish, more than grateful it wasn't something else. She's already spilled it a couple of times in front of my parents. My Mother's face would have been comical if it wasn't directed at me. My Father had to walk away before he got it aimed in his direction too. It's hard to tell Alisa off for something she doesn't know is wrong, seeing as she asks what the words mean when I do work up the courage. Thankfully she's not taught any other children other than Koby. He at least listened to me when I said it was a bad word.

I pulled myself from watching Alisa and went to answer the door when the bell rang; continuously.

Alisa was quick on my heels and we stopped to hear the banter coming from the other side of the door when we reached it. "Would you _quit_ it? I'm sure they heard it the first hundred times it rang," Susannah's warm, lilting voice was instantly recognizable through the thick wood of the door. Alisa bounced on her slipper toes when she heard it.

"What? It wasn't _my_ fault the bell got stuck," Gina answered a definite hint of humour to the sound of her voice. I heard Susannah mutter something in return and I finally opened the door, getting to it before Alisa could. As soon as the cool air rushed in to the house, I took a step back, one hand on Alisa to stop her from running out on to the porch. She might have been sleepy before, but she definitely wasn't then judging from her loud exclamation of greeting.

Finally pulling my attention away from my daughter, I looked up and locked eyes straight with Susannah. Just to suck in a breath.

Her full lips were ripe and tilted in a teasing smile as she watched me through half-lidded smoky eyes. Wisps of her hair had come loose from the clasp holding some of her glossy, thick locks away from her face and exposed one side of her neck, was inviting and tempting. It shimmered in the sheer illumination of the porch light dancing across her slim frame and I found I wanted to un-do her clasp and let her hair fall down around her shoulders to naturally fall in to place. Her dress caught my attention seconds after I'd shook loose the need to run my hands through her hair. I took in _another_ deep breath to calm my racing heart. She looked . . . _breath-taking_.

The satin black dress complimented her sun-kissed skin perfectly, showing off her healthy glow. My eyes followed where it flowed down her body, clinging to her delicate feminine curves and accentuating her ample bust as it dipped to a v giving just the slightest hint of seduction. It swayed around just above her knees; her strapped sandaled heels lengthening her legs and making her ankles look even tinier. She was petite and beautiful standing before me. I would even say delicate if it wasn't for the strong emotions openly displayed in her eyes as she ran her own eyes over my partly open at the neck shirt and fitted black pants. I knew right then that I would be the envy of many man at the Charity Benefit.

Not to mention any chance of my eyes going anywhere else would be a miracle.

"You look amazing, _querida_," I breathed finally, more than aware of Gina standing beside her and Alisa before me. My daughter gave a small cry of surprise and looked up at me with wide eyes. I knew it was from the endearment I let slip past my tongue without conscious thought. But I wasn't going to take it back. I meant it. "Come on in, our car should be here soon." I stepped back, smiling at Gina as she gave me a knowing look when she stepped into the foyer. Alisa grabbed Gina's hand and dragged her down towards the den, leaving me to close the door behind Susannah.

Just as I turned around I caught a glimpse of the back of her dress. Of the plunging material that showed the creamy white skin on display; her spine begging to have the lightest, feathered touch. I pulled myself upright and met her smile for one of my own as she stepped up to me and ran a hand down from my shoulder to my chest, smoothing over my silk shirt.

"You look very handsome and sexy, tonight," She quietly said before taking a step back and keeping her hands to herself. I wanted nothing more than to bring her close and cut the distance and air between us. But the laughter coming from the den broke me away from doing that. "Maybe we should go and save, Gina." She said without another word, walking away from me. I watched her retreating, her hair wave across her bare back, her hips swaying temptingly as she strode confidently in her heels. Finally I released the breath I wasn't aware I was holding as I thought of cold showers and anything but wanting to take Susannah _out_ of her dress.

It worked. For now.

"Daddy, Gina said I can write on her plaster cast!" Alisa grinned when I finally found my head again and met them all in the den. She had a wide variety of her colouring pens in her hand and was looking at Gina's cast speculatively. "Can I draw a wainbow? And hearts? Please, Gina," Alisa worked her magic on an unsuspecting Gina, receiving an instant yes to do what she liked. "Yah! Thank you." She beamed, pulling the cap off her pens and getting started.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Are you sure you're okay to do this, Gina? I know you offered but she can . . . take advantage if someone new is looking after her," I winced slightly. Alisa had her tongue poking out in concentration as she drew on Gina's plastered arm. Not taking any notice of us grown-up's.

"Nah, its fine, Jesse. You kids go have fun," She grinned, winking at Susannah. "I've babysat loads of times in the past. I can do this, don't worry." She placated me.

Nodding I pointed in to the kitchen. "Well there is a slip of paper stuck on the refrigerator that has a number you can reach me by if you can't get hold of me on my cell-phone. Any problems at all, don't hesitate to call. She's had her milk and cookies for the night, so she's not allowed any more. If she wants something to eat she can have some fruit. Her bed-time is usually around eight, half-eight on the weekends. But she might insist on staying up with you. Her night-light is beside her bed in-case she needs it. We should be back by around – "

"Jesse," Gina interrupted my spiel, her un-blinking gaze was filled with reassurance and calm. "I know what I'm doing. Seriously, just have a good time. There's no need for you to rush back. She'll be tucked up in bed fast asleep by the time you come home. She's safe with me."

"I know she is. She wouldn't have been so ready to agree to you sitting for her if you weren't," I swallowed. I heard a car pull up out the front of the house and beep its horn. "That's our car. Right, _Princesa_, come and say goodnight. Susannah and I are leaving now," I dropped to my knee and wrapped my arms around Alisa when she ran at me, thankfully hands pen-free, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Remember, behave for Gina. I don't want to hear no horror stories about you when I get home."

"I'll be good, I promise," She said, moving on to embrace Susannah. She didn't hesitate to accept Alisa's hug, crouching down to her level too. "Bye, Sooze! You look really pretty by the way. Have fun!" She stepped back with a smile, taking hold of Gina's hand as she watched us collect our things. I put my jacket on over my shirt, checking to make sure my wallet and keys were in my pocket, waiting for Susannah to pick up her black satin shawl to accompany the dress and glittery clutch bag.

"Bye, sweetie. Have fun with Gina." Susannah winked, waving as she headed for the front door.

"_Buenas noches, Princesa. Te quiero_." I called back before going through the door.

"_Te amo, papá_!" Alisa instantly returned. I always tell her I love her after I tuck her in to bed at night, or leave her. And I always hear it back, even if she's having a tantrum.

With my hand pressed to the small of Susannah's back, I walked her down the path and to the black car waiting. The chauffeur greeted us and opened the door for Susannah to slide in first. Nodding my thanks, I slid in beside her, the warmth of the inner car settling my nerves. I glanced out the blackened window towards my house and caught a glimpse of Alisa standing at the living room window and waving to me. "Gina will take good care of her, Jesse." Susannah quietly broke the silence, her warm hand resting over mine.

I turned to look at her as we drove away from my house and smiled. "I know she will," I brought her hand up to my lips and placing a kiss to her knuckles, not breaking her gaze the whole time. I saw her flush at the gesture, her lips parting to take in a breath. "You really do look beautiful tonight, _querida._" I repeated because I thought it was worth saying again; and again; and again until I become hoarse from saying it. She deserved to know how breath-taking she looked. How it was inflating my ego to have such an incredible woman by my side for the evening. It was like the spell she's been weaving over me this past month or so, had settled down around us. I knew it would be a fantastic night with her.

"Thank you, handsome." She squeezed my hand with the slightest pressure and turned her smile towards the window. Her chest rising with the deep breath she took in.

Smirking to myself, I made myself comfortable against the warm leather seats and let the relaxed silence settle between us. Every now and again she would glance at me and I would catch her eye. Or I would be the one staring at her until she blushed and grinned. It was a silent game that only seemed to build upon the growing connection and sexual awareness between us. Susannah tried to stifle a laugh when our driver turned down the heat and put the air-conditioning on low from the heat filling the car that wasn't from the heaters. I tried to keep my eyes to myself for the rest of the drive so as to not make Susannah or our chauffeur too uncomfortable.

But I thought I heard him breathe a sigh of relief when we pulled up outside the hotel the Charity Benefit was being held in.

"Should I feel sorry for him?" Susannah asked quietly when he closed his door and made his way around to open mine.

I shook my head and leaned over to press a kiss to her temple, feeling her shiver at my touch. "Definitely not. I'm sure he's had worse," I replied, getting an instant musical giggle that warmed my heart. I pulled away when our driver opened my door, allowing me to step out. I reached a hand in and helped Susannah, her shawl pulled tight around her. Thanking our driver again, I led Susannah up the stairs and towards the well-lit entrance and the large, well decorated light of the lobby. People in formal wear were heading towards the elevators to go up to the grand hall.

"Looks like we go up. Stairs or life?" I questioned, looping my arm around her slim waist. She looked towards the stairs, pulling me over with a grin. We could hear the music as we climbed higher, heading in the direction of the Benefit. Everything looked expensively decorated, but comfortable enough that it didn't feel as though I needed to speak in a hushed voice as I stopped at a podium giving my invitation and name. From there, I tightened my arm around Susannah's waist and walked us in to the hall.

Susannah's jaw instantly dropped and her eyes widened. "_Wow_ . . ." She breathed, looking up at the large, over-crystallized chandelier suspended from the center of the large, domed ceiling. Hundreds of men and women filled the room with talk, expensive perfume and fake smiles. Unconsciously, I pulled Susannah closer to my side. "This place is . . . like something from _Titanic_! You sure we're in the right place?" She joked, gathering her composure and leaning in to my side.

"I'm sure," I murmured into her glossy hair, trying to absorb as much of her presence as possible. Anything to steel myself for the usual meet and greet of the sponsors, ambassadors and other important people milling around the room. "Don't be too overwhelmed, Susannah. You might be tricked by the illusion."

She turned to look up at me with understanding. "I know how these things work, Jesse. Don't worry, I won't be sucked in. For just a second there, it felt like another time and place. They sure know how to throw a party," She raised a slim eyebrow as a waiter came by with a silver tray of champagne flutes, offering one to us both. Susannah slipped one off the tray and took a sip after I declined. "Not bad. No expense spared then I guess? I thought this was supposed to be a _Charity_ Benefit?"

"It is," I answered, moving us further in to the room and more specifically, towards the bar. "A Benefit where the guests can donate as much money as they wish. Because the practice I'm a partner in is a sponsor to the company holding this event, it's customary for me to come. We don't have to stay the whole night though. I just have to say I showed my face."

Susannah placed her champagne flute down on the rich mahogany bar and took my hand. "What's the rush?" She gave me a sultry look and pulled me out to the center of the dance-floor. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around her back and pulled her flush against me. Her breasts pillowed against my chest, her hands gripping my upper-arms as I let my fingers splay against the bare skin of her lower back; my thumb tracing over her spine. She shivered again, but not from the cold. Watching her eyes dilate, I slowly moved us into a rhythm of the music, losing my mind to the feel of Susannah pressed so close, her warm breath tickling over the skin of my open shirt. "Now this is more like it." She grinned, tipping her head up to kiss me.

It was only going to get better. I thrummed contently meeting her kiss and allowing the room to fade away around us.

xXx

My cast was itching. Bad! I'd already had a little nosey look through Alisa's room, with her help, for something I could slide down my arm and get rid of the annoying itching. But so far I was coming up short. And it was getting worse! The more I tried not to think about it, the more I found myself shaking my arm like that would help. It didn't of course. It just made my wrist hurt instead. I took some painkillers before leaving for Jesse's, but they were wearing off. I already swore I was never wearing high heels and drinking at the same time, ever again. But I swore it again anyway, just to remind myself.

It's taken me since the night it happened to get Suze to snap out of her guilt about it happening. Today's probably the only day she hasn't said sorry about it. I threatened to sow her mouth shut if she said it one more time. But I think it was more the fact she's going out on a hot date with Jesse that stopped her saying it today, rather than my threat.

I stopped in my search for a wand or something long and thought about how . . . _dreamy_ she'd looked all day. I helped her pick out the dress. I knew as soon as she tried it on that Jesse's jaw would drop. I was practically oozing smugness when he opened the door and looked at her. And looked some more. I wish I'd had a camera. I felt like a Mother watching her grown daughter go off to her first dance or something. And Jesse! He was looking _fine_ in his threads. I know by the time they come home, they're going to be glued at the hip with the dopiest looks on their faces. They already left looking that way.

"Found my wand!" Alisa cried, jumping up in front of me with a sparkling wand that was the best damn thing I've ever set eyes on! "Will this work?"

Trying not to snatch, I took it from her and jammed it down my cast. Closing one eye I hit the part of my arm that was itching like mad and sorted it. It was pure bliss not having that itch anymore. The bad thing was my sweaty palms let the wand slip past my fingers and fall lower down the arm and hit the part of my wrist that just so happens to feel like it's broken; making me wince. I just about managed to bite back my scream of pain and dropped to my knees on the carpeted floor instead. Alisa was there in a second, her little hands worrying together, the look on her face looking like she was about to cry.

"Should I call Daddy, or Sooze?" She asked plaintively.

Hearing the distress in her voice made me take a deep breath and force a smile. "No its s'kay, 'Lissa," I panted, swallowing down a lump in my throat. "I just hit a bad part of my wrist. The pain's all gone now. I'm fine. Thank you for finding your wand. How about we go and treat ourselves to some cookies?" I gritted my teeth around a smile and got myself back up to my feet. Alisa was sticking to me like glue, the desire for a cookie starting to outweigh her concern. Thank God! I didn't want to ruin Suze and Jesse's night just because I got butter fingers.

So I did the wise thing and left the wand down there. There was no way I was removing it!

"But I've already had my cookies. Daddy says I have to have fruit," She wrinkled her nose, not liking the idea. I stopped halfway down the stairs and stared at her. Kind of shocked she actually reminded me of that. Most kids would have gone, 'Okay!' and gone to find them. But Alisa actually reminded me of the rules her Dad sets. In that moment I had a whole new respect for Jesse. Not only is he obviously a great Father, but the fact he's done it all on his own is . . . admirable.

"Well . . ." I dragged out. "I'll tell your Dad that we had extra cookies when he comes home. Okay? He won't be mad if I tell him it's because I got a boo-boo," I grinned, walking down the rest of the stairs. I was just stepping in to the kitchen and contemplating getting some Tylenol for the pain when the doorbell rang. It sounded suspiciously like how I rang it when we first arrived. "Stay in the den," I told Alisa quietly, shooing her over to the safety of the T.V. She looked like she was going to fight me on it before she shrugged and ran off for the couch.

Pulling myself up straight I calmly walked up to the front door and opened it with a scowl.

"Yes . . . ?" I started, the word dying on my lips when I pulled my head back and stared up into the amusing blue eyes of a very tall man. I'm talking easily six foot four. I'm tall, but this guy towered over me! His shoulders filled out his leather jacket; his chest practically swelled his thin jumper. He was wearing dark denim jeans and stood with the confidence of man who was good looking and damn well knew it. His light brown hair, maybe bleached from the sun was cut close to his head but left enough to make tufts of it stick up in every which direction. I had one description for him – Pretty boy.

'_I hate pretty boys_,' I scowled some more.

Crossing my arms over my chest and trying not to wince when it jarred my broken wrist, I glared menacingly, not backing down. "Who're you?" I said, narrowing my eyes. The guy looked like he could walk right through me. But that didn't stop me from glaring at him and trying to look as threatening as he did, with his curious eyes and lilting smile. Alisa's my responsibility, I wasn't about to be overwhelmed by some dude on an ego trip. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his feet.

Then he smiled fully. Dimples broke out in either side of his cheeks and I hardened the walls even more. "Who are _you_, Kitten?" He asked with a deep, kind of impressive, charming voice instead of answering my question. I bristled at the 'Kitten,' frustrated he wasn't paying attention to my glare.

"I asked you first," I shot back petulantly. I'd been caught off guard and it was making me uncomfortable and wary. And his stupid, charming smile grew even more. Taking that as my shot, I smiled sweetly back. "Fine." I stepped back and grabbed the door. He caught on to what I was doing about a second before I did it. And before I could slam the door in his face, his arm went out and stopped me. I tried battling him for it, but I was using my bad arm and it was hurting. Huffing I growled under my breath. "Who the hell _are_ you?!" I all but stomped my foot on the spot.

"I'm - "

"Uncle Caden!" Alisa suddenly cried from behind me, moving around me to throw herself at the legs of the man before I could stop her. "Pick me up!" She demanded, making him laugh richly. He picked her up like she was as light as feather and grinned back at me with her. "Gina, this is my Uncle Caden! Daddy's bestest friend. Have you come to stay? Daddy didn't tell me you were coming! How long will you stay? Come on, I have lots of stuffs to show you since last time!" She exclaimed over and over again.

"Well, you heard the little lady; are you going to let me in?" He asked, annoying grin still there.

"Jesse never said anything about someone coming here? How do I know you're who Alisa says you are?" I demanded, itching to take Alisa off him and grab my phone to call Jesse and check. But I didn't want to spoil it for them and Alisa _was_ hanging off the man like a monkey. I know from what Suze and Jesse have said of Alisa, that she doesn't trust easily. So seeing her all over a man that could crush her in an instant reassured me a little. But not _quite_ enough.

"He doesn't know I'm coming. It was supposed to be a surprise. So I'm guessing he's not here?" He asked. Alisa shook her head, the plaits I'd re-done flying in two different directions. "Okay, hold on," He dug through his jacket pocket and pulled out his wallet. Handing it to me, I took it hesitantly. "Check my I.D. and the photo's. Would a random stranger be carrying around pictures of this pretty little girl?" He mocked, jiggling Alisa higher in his arms.

"I get the point, _Tarzan_," I growled, pulling out his I.D. Caden Harris . . . It was a good photo of him. It did him justice. But I slipped that back into its slot and pulled out the photos he said about. One of Alisa on a swing not looking much younger than she is now. Another of him and Jesse and a couple of other people, all grinning at the camera. And other photos of other people I didn't recognise. But I still wasn't totally sure. I just had no other way of checking. But Alisa apparently did.

"He's my Godfather, Gina," She smiled, wriggling down from Tarzan's arms and taking my hand as well as his. "There are lots of photos with him around. Come on, I'll show you," She tugged me in to the house, the giant following us through the door. He closed it behind him and shrugged when I threw him a glare. "See, right up there," She pronounced, pointing at a family photo of people gathered around a small bundle of blankets. Alisa's Christening was written underneath it in a perfect scripted scrawl. Further along, other pictures of birthday parties and family events; Caden was in every single one of them. "See?" She chirruped, barely stifling a yawn.

I sighed long and low and turned around to study him. He threw his arms out from his sides. "Want to pat me down?" He winked.

Despite myself I snorted. Typically it _had_ to be a guy with a sense of humor as well as good looks. "Maybe later," I winked back, ignoring his sudden eyebrow raise and crouched down to Alisa's level. "How about we get you that cookie now and then you go off to bed. Tarz - I mean Caden, will probably be here in the morning. Okay?" She gave me a sleepy nod and ran off for the kitchen. The sounds of a chair scraping across the floor could be heard and I kept one ear out for Alisa and one eye on Tarzan leaning leisurely against the wall.

"I prefer Caden, but Tarzan is just as good I suppose," He drawled, sticking a hand out for me to shake. I ignored that too. "Anyway, where's the man of the house; not working is he? And _why_ do you have a _wand_ stuck down your cast? What'd you do? Borrow it from the fairy Godmother?" He quirked his eyebrow again and the dimples came out on show.

"Funny man," I said, crossing my arms awkwardly, watching him. I could hear Alisa munching her cookie in the kitchen; safe. "Jesse just so happens to be on a _date_. Oh and just for the record, you might actually want to let someone _know_ you're dropping by before you do. It's not the done-thing just popping up out of no-where you know. I'm supposed to be looking out for Alisa. How am I supposed to do that with someone I've obviously never met, even if Alisa does treat you like a friend?"

"I'd be very worried if you weren't suspicious of me, Kitten," He answered back, his charming grin softening to a sincere smile. That was even worse than the dimples. "But I wasn't exactly expecting him _not_ to be around. He hasn't been out on a date in over year. What gives now? Or should I ask, whom?"

I didn't have the chance to answer him because Alisa came back up to us then.

"I'm ready to go to bed now," She said simply, taking Caden's hand and waving for me to follow. Passing a glance between us we followed her upstairs and in to the bathroom. Standing by, we waited for Alisa to brush her teeth with my glare at Tarzan, reversed by his cocky grin. Without another word Alisa walked back across the hall and in to her room, crawling beneath her thick covers. "G'night Gina. G'night Uncle Caden." She yawned, reaching out for a hug from us both before she snuggled down to her pillow and pulled her covers up and over her shoulders.

Just like that, she was sound asleep and I was left with the sexy handsome stranger. And my arm _still_ hurt!

xXx

If the night could be any more perfect, I would be dreaming.

From the first moment I saw Jesse clad in his dark suit that was both smart and casual, I knew it would be good. His reaction to my dress was just what I was going for too. His hands and eyes hadn't been off me for more than a few moments the whole night. The attention was making me feel light and dizzy on my feet. Or that could have been his arms wrapped around me. But from the huge crystal chandelier, to the warm, illuminated atmosphere to the room, it almost felt like prom night. Just a lot better! With the man, literally, of my dreams. The interruptions from different people coming to Jesse didn't even kill the moment. We just slipped back in to it effortlessly. I could stay with him forever, I thought dreamily, bringing my head off his shoulder to stare up into his dark eyes.

We hadn't been out on the dance floor the whole time. We managed to sit down and have a few minutes to ourselves. So it was filled with Jesse's hand wandering up and down my bare back, his lips to my ear whispering how beautiful I looked and his husky scent wrapping around me; but I wasn't complaining. I repeat what I said before; it was perfect. Even his little show of possession when one of his partners asked me to dance was entertaining. His arm pulled me even closer when he told his friend in no uncertain terms, would I be leaving his side all evening. He was almost threatening about it! I had to turn away to smother my laugh against his shoulder at his practice partner's surprised expression and rejection.

I was more than happy staying wrapped up in Jesse and having him beat men off. I was too weak to do anything anyway.

"Let's go out on to the balcony," I suggested, letting my hand slip down his arm and take his hand. He smiled and followed me across the sea of people until we got to the open doors. It was warm out on the balcony. Some kind of outdoor heating was hidden somewhere and the lights from the garden and the hall gave us enough light to see by. I stepped up to the ornate stone barrier, turning in Jesse's arms when they landed either side on the ledge, trapping me against it. "Jesse – " I started to say before being shut up by the best way possible.

I opened my mouth to his when his lips applied the softest pressure to mine, moving in a rhythmic caress that made me grateful I had something to prop myself up against. My hand slipped up the side of his neck and curled around the back, tugging him closer. With a soft mewl of pleasure; I arched in to him, his hot fingertips leaving pinpricks of desire up my spine when he lightly traced his fingers to finally wind into my hair. I was submissive; there was no doubt about it. But it was what I'd been waiting all night for. We'd shared small kisses here and there. Nothing like we did on his porch. But I was getting impatient for his touch.

Now I couldn't get enough of it!

Our breath panted between us, our hearts beating madly at one another. With a slight shift of his head, the kiss deepened and I felt the world drop from underneath me. If there's one thing I already knew about Jesse as a lover, it's that he's passionate. Everything about his hold on me screamed of reverence and awe. His kiss was full of sparks and unbridled lust; but was slow, gentle and mind-numbing at the same time. He knew just what I wanted and his groans of satisfaction were driving me wild! I didn't care I was pressed up against the stone wall. Because having him touching me from chest to knee was worth it.

The wait, was _more_ than worth it.

We had to break away for air eventually. No interruptions from children or telephones; it was just us, Jesse and me, staring like we'd just seen each other for the first time. My eyes flitted across his face, taking in each detail of him. Every laughter line around his mouth, the crease between his eyebrows that I've come to know shows when he's worried or trying to stay in control. I traced a finger through his scarred brow and smoothed out the crease; pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth again. I wanted to pull him down and kiss him all over again. But it wasn't the right moment. We were too busy seeing.

He did the same thing I did to him. His eyes taking me in like some kind of . . . mythical being. Like I would fade from his arms any second. It was a rush to know I had so much power over him. That what we had going between us, went way deeper than just sexual tension. I didn't move away when his hands carefully un-clipped my hair, the clasp slipping in to his pocket before he ran a hand through my hair gently, spreading it over my shoulder and down my back. He watched me seriously.

I licked my lips, savouring the flavour of him. He tasted like mint still. He hadn't touched anything to drink other than water. But I was pretty sure I tasted of champagne. My head was misty; but it wasn't anything to do with the bubbly. Lifting a hand from my hair he'd been running from my temple, he smeared a thumb over my lips, faintly tracing the curve of them. Sighing contently I moved my head to give him access to my neck when his head dipped. His slight nip of his teeth at my pulse point made me shiver and cling on to him harder. But his warm tongue soon flicked over the tender spot, soothing it.

"Jesse," I whispered, shivering again when he placed little feather light kisses along my neck and jaw. Stopping when he got to my lips.

"I've wanted to do that all night, _querida_," He smiled wistfully, his head pressed to mine. I know he did. It was written in each touch of his hand and lips. In every private look that made me flush with arousal. And I could tell he wanted to do it again. But something was holding him back, so I silently asked him what. He blew out a long breath, stirring the hair on my cheek. I stroked my thumb over the back of his neck to reassure him, trying to cling on to the moment and not be worried. "Susannah, I don't want to rush this between us. There's too much . . . I don't want . . ." He gave a frustrated sigh and just came out with it.

"I _want_ you. _Dios_, I do. But I don't want to spoil it. Or possibly hurt you, me or Alisa. Can you understand that?" His tone pleading with me to.

As soon as the words were said I wanted to laugh with relief. But I didn't, because he looked worried enough as it was.

"Yes, I understand," I smiled, pressing a quick kiss to his lips just to prove my point even more. "Jesse, I'm not the kind of woman to jump into bed with a guy after only sharing a couple of kisses. Even if they are the best kisses I've ever had or how sexy you are. I don't want to rush it either. I know what's at stake here, handsome. I won't hurt you _or_ Alisa. I know she comes first in your life and I'll never stand in the way of that. _So _. . . Can you stop fretting about it and kiss me again please? Before I forget everything I just said?" I smirked, pulling him away from the full view of the room and over to the shadows.

"Yes, Ma'am," He grinned backing me up against a wall and kissing me all over again.

With the barriers gone between us, our kiss was feverish and untamed. His hands dragged up the outside of my dress, his flat palms sliding over the satin fabric across my stomach, down my sides and over my hips just to slide back up again. But he never did anymore other than explore the curves and arches of my body. I slipped his jacket down off his shoulders and threw it in the direction of a carefully designed bush somewhere near him. With his coat gone, I got to enjoy the rippled muscles of his back as he wrapped his arms around me, tearing his lips from mine to get back to the sensitive skin of my neck and throat.

Breathlessly I let my head fall back, my eyes falling closed against the stars.

"_Por favor, no desaparecen, querida_," He pulled away long enough to murmur in my ear. I pulled back to look up into his eyes and felt the breath whoosh right out of my lungs all over again. The sheer tenderness to his eyes was choking me! His Spanish making my heart leap. Kissing my lips quickly, he tucked his head back to my neck and continued kissing every inch he could get to. All I was left with was the echo of his warm words and the sigh of delight from my lips.

I don't know how long we stood there for, trapped in our own little world. The magic of the evening was in full-swing and our kissing had stopped to cuddling after our control started to waver a little more. Being snuggled up against him, swaying softly to the live band's music drifting out to us, was one of the best places to be. One of the best I've ever _been_. His hand stroked over my hair, lulling my eyes to close, the nip to the wind not bothering me. Jesse's body warmth was seeing to that. But we knew we couldn't stay out there all night. Eventually we got his coat, brushing off the leaves and went back into the ballroom.

"It's almost midnight; do you want to go?" He asked me quietly, shrugging in to his jacket. I said yes, more than ready to leave the Benefit behind. I had enough good memories to fuel my dreams for the next few weeks and let him work our way out of the room without being stopped once. We took the elevator on the way down with a few others and escaped across the lobby and out on to the front steps without a problem. Our driver was already seated at the curb waiting for us and I gladly slipped on to the warm leather seats again.

"Did you have a good night?" Jesse asked me once he scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me.

I rested up against him, my bare back meeting the cool silk of his shirt. "Better than good, Jesse; It was perfect," I smiled, tilting my head up to meet his kiss. When he pulled back he pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose and my forehead. I snuggled down into his warmth again and enjoyed the lull and peaceful quiet of the smooth ride. Thinking over how one night could suddenly change it all. I got what I want from Jesse, and a _lot_ more I didn't bargain for. I wouldn't give it up though. Not when the really interesting bit is just starting!

"Susannah," Jesse roused me from my light doze and I looked out the window to see we were waiting outside his house. "You almost fell asleep on me," He chuckled letting me go so I could stretch. "Here, put this on. The cold will hit you harder than normal since you dozed off," He draped his coat around my shoulders. With the illusion of slipping my arms in, I breathed in the smell of him. Something infinitely _male_ that warmed my blood. "Ready?" He asked holding his out for me to take. I put mine in it and let him help me out of the car, thanking our driver again.

I looped his arm around my shoulder as we walked up to his door, searching through his jacket pocket for his keys.

"Sure you want them?" I teased when I pulled them out, dangling them in front of him. He went to snatch them but I got away just in time. "Ah-ah, what do you say?"

He cupped my face gently and leaned in to kiss me. My arm dropped to my side with the keys. But just before I could drop them to the porch, he caught them in his hand he'd used to trail down my arm and grip my loose fingers, tightening his hand on mine. Slowing the kiss he peppered my lips before breathing against them. "Thank you," He grinned. Scowling I tried to blink myself out of my haze and waited for him to open the door. But I was snapped back awake the moment we stepped in to the foyer and heard not one, but _two_ voices from the den. One sounding suspiciously _male_.

With one quick look to me, Jesse took off at a dead run towards the den, comically skidding to a halt across the kitchen floor, his eyes wide with surprise and his arms still outstretched to keep his balance. I ran up to his side, almost ploughing in to him and took in the scene of Gina stretched out on the couch, her bare feet in the lap of some good-looking man on the couch nursing a beer and a happy grin.

"Caden?!" Jesse exclaimed, breaking the silence.

"Hey buddy!" The man beamed, his free hand still massaging the sole of Gina's foot. "Surprise!"


	13. Chapter Thirteen

_**A/N – **_Hello! *Giggles* Well, there's not much for me to say on this other than I hope its okay. It was a bit sticky and a pain in some places, but I'm happy with it. :) I hope you all are too.

But, as much as I'm trying to hold back my enthusiasm, I just can't do it! I'm as close to speechless and awe-struck by the . . . _**spectacular**_, response to not only the last chapter – that was an absolute _**DOOZY **_to read the feedback for! :D – but this whole story in general. I know I say thank you a lot, and _believe me_, _**every single one**_ is sincere and heart-felt; but I hope you all know, that every review, every hit and every alert I get for this story, means _far more_ to me, than words will ever say. You _**ALL**_ contribute to this story; and I couldn't do it without you. :) Thank you! *Hugs, love and more endless gratitude* :)

Anonymous review replies are up on my profile. As always, any feedback and love is precious and appreciated! Jesse's for all! Heheheh.

* * *

_**Chapter Thirteen**_

It took me a few seconds to realize what I was seeing. Yet I was still confused.

I glanced between Gina with her arm propped on a cushion on her stomach, and Caden with one of my beers in his hand and absently massaging Gina's foot resting on his lap with the other. They looked rather . . . _comfortable_ together. But it didn't take away from my surprise to walk in and find my old friend in my house. Not that he's ever called to say he was coming by before. But this time, his cry of, '_Surprise_!' seemed a little . . . _forced_. I'm sure it sounded perfectly friendly and sincere to Susannah and Gina. But I picked up on the underlying edge of strain to it that put me on minor alert. Nothing I couldn't deal with when we're alone.

I glanced at Susannah beside me, still dressed in my coat and thought about how it may look from her point of view. The humor of the situation wasn't lost on me and I relaxed, forgoing stepping forward to shake my old friends hand to stay at Susannah's side instead.

Clearing my throat, I broke the silence.

"Surprise indeed," I finally said. Caden's wide grin stretched further when he glanced down the couch to Gina with a look that meant something had transpired between them. I didn't bother to ask what, I already had a feeling I knew what it was. I know my old friend too well to let anything he does go by unnoticed. "So you two have obviously already met . . . Susannah this is my old friend and Alisa's Godfather, Caden Harris; who I wasn't expecting to be here." I implied meaningfully to him.

Shrugging lightly, he tapped Gina's legs. "Feet," He commanded. Automatically she lifted her legs away from him so he could get up. Stretching his left knee that often stiffens from an old injury, he walked a little unevenly up to Susannah. If I didn't know he has a bad knee, I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong with his walk. But there obviously was; more so than normal. "Nice to meet you, Suze," He bent and kissed her on the cheek before straightening up. "Gina's told me some about you. It's great to meet the one that's dragged Jesse out of his comfortable existence." He quipped, the warmth in his eyes made my lips twitch.

"That would be me, I guess," Susannah slowly responded, eyeing Caden with curiosity, her gaze sliding to Gina at one point. "And the only dragging being done, was of his feet."

He grinned wider and pointed at Susannah as he sat back down on the couch, lifting Gina's feet back on to his lap. "I like her. She's a keeper."

Resisting the need to scratch the back of my neck uncomfortably, I turned my attention away from him. When he's in his relaxed state of ease, it's like trying to get blood out of stone or banging my head against a solid wall to break him out of it. It can be damned frustrating on occasion. "How was Alisa tonight? She was - Wait, _why_ is her wand stuck down your cast?" I arched my brow at Gina, moving up to her side.

Silently asking permission which she granted, I gently lifted her broken wrist up to the light so I could see it better. She winced slightly when I wriggled her thumb around and jiggled the wand protruding out of the end. She'd obviously been using it for some kind of scratching instrument. I've seen people use worse things than a wand, I suppose. "How much does it hurt?" I sighed, clasping the wand and whipping it out of the cast in one quick and careful movement before she could find her voice to object to me doing so. She only growled at me slightly when I handed it over.

"Only a little bit. I took some Tylenol and Tarzan's foot rub's helped. Even though he's only doing it so I wouldn't kick him out the door two seconds after he got here," She threw a mock glare in his direction that didn't hold any weight and I caught my friend's smug expression again. "Alisa's been great by the way. She went down without a problem. I did give her an extra cookie though. She got a bit scared I'd hurt myself again when I stuck the wand down my cast."

Sitting up, she plucked the cold bottle of beer from Caden's hand, raising it to her lips to have a sip. Moving in quickly, I lifted the bottle away, holding it away from her. "Hey!" She exclaimed sulkily, slumping back into the cushions.

"You've obviously been spending more time with Caden than is healthy, already," I commented, striding over to the kitchen and putting the bottle down on the breakfast bar. "You shouldn't be drinking on pain-killers. Even mild ones such as Tylenol," I chastised lightly. She didn't look too fussed, choosing to shrug and pick at the cushion on her lap in-stead. Susannah who hadn't said a word was still silently standing where she'd stopped. I reached out and touched her arm lightly gaining her attention. She smiled at me instantly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just gone use the bathroom before we go, though." She squeezed my hand and without another word turned to head for the stairs, my eyes following her along the way. Caden cleared his throat and Gina was the one wearing the smug grin when I re-focused again. I mentally groaned at the look in both their eyes.

"Good night was it?" He queried a deeper meaning to his tone.

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Yes it was. How was _your_ night? Seems you're charming Gina, already," I noted. She snorted derisively but didn't say anything. Caden just put on his best soldier expression that meant I didn't get to see what his reaction was. He's too good at slipping back in to his jar-head ways. "Was Alisa still up when you got here?" I perched on a bar stool and pitched my attention to the both of them. The atmosphere wasn't tense. But I could well imagine how it must have looked having someone of Caden's build turning up out of the blue.

I was only a little concerned at finding him here considering she's never met him before.

My question seemed to rouse Gina and she swung her feet to the floor and back into her flip-flops.

"Yeah she was. She was the one that told me who he was, because he was too busy playing coy with me," Gina started, ignoring Caden's wounded look at her perfect description of his habits. "I still didn't want to let him in even after I checked his I.D. But then, Alisa showed me all the photo's you've got of him around this place. She _was_ hanging off him like a monkey anyway, so I thought it wouldn't do any harm for him to wait until you got home. I wouldn't have done it otherwise, don't worry."

I nodded, more than relieved that she'd done what she did. I believed Gina when she said she would be fine sitting for Alisa. But that didn't mean I didn't have my reservations. It seems, other than Caden's sudden appearance, that everything went fine. Wand stuck down her cast not included.

I stood up from the stool and stretched my arms far above my head. "I'm going to check in on her. Don't get in to any trouble, please," I called back over my shoulder as I started for the stairs. I heard grumbles from one and chuckles from another. But I meant it. Judging from the way they were when we walked in, Gina Augustin isn't immune to Caden's quiet charms. He's also not known for his solid and committed relationships. But _that_ I know to be, is because he's yet to find someone who won't take his bachelor ways and easy breeze attitude.

And Gina, as stubborn and equally feisty as he is charming, is a perfect match for him.

When I turned the corner at the top of the stairs, I found Susannah standing in the open doorway of Alisa's room, just watching her sleep. I crept up to her slowly, peering over her head to the small bundle of dark hair streaked with honey, splayed across the pillow from where it'd slipped out of her braids. Susannah leant back to rest against me when my hand came to rest on her waist. The warm, smooth satin of her dress slipped beneath my fingers with ease when I traced the curve of her hip before I took her hand. Gently pulling her away from Alisa's doorway, I led her down to my bedroom.

"Uh, Jesse," Susannah started when I pulled her in to the room. "What – "

"You can use my private bathroom. It won't disturb Alisa, this way," I cut her off, pointing towards my en-suite. Susannah blushed and nodded, letting me slip my jacket off her lightly tanned shoulders and down her arms. I kissed the freckles that rounded down on to her arms and finally stepped back to let her go on. She smiled secretly at me over her shoulder before she closed the door behind her. I used the opportunity alone to gather my senses and my wits about me. I was losing them far too easily around her. A man could go crazy from need when in Susannah's presence too long. And I needed something to help put that in perspective.

Draping my suit coat over the back of a chair, I kicked off my shoes and went to the one place that would make me start to see cognizance again. I slipped in to Alisa's room silently, tucking the covers in closer around her shoulders, lightly brushing her hair from her eyes. Looking around, I located her favourite rag-doll and placed it in beside her.

I'd been telling a white-lie to Susannah when I said the bathroom would disturb Alisa. It wouldn't have done. My beautiful young daughter could sleep through the fiercest thunder-storms without a problem. I'd just wanted to have the opportunity of slipping _my_ coat off Susannah. To be able to take in the curving expanse of her smooth back without the knowing eyes of our friends watching me. After being alone with her all night, I was reluctant to let that pleasure go just yet.

When I heard Susannah come out of my room and tread silently down the hall, I stepped back out of Alisa's room and accompanied her to the stairs. I stole a quick kiss half-way down, capturing her laughter and releasing it as mine. "Sneak," She smiled quietly, softly running a hand down the side on my face and along my jaw before stepping away. I let go of her hand before we walked back in to the den and found Gina dressed in her jacket and ready to go with her car-keys in hand. Nothing seemed any different about them, but Caden was now sitting on the arm of the couch, waiting Gina carefully.

"Everything okay?" Susannah asked before I could, her eyebrows rose as she flitted her attention between the two of them.

"Yeah, you ready to go? I need to crash, I'm exhausted," She said simply, turning her back on Caden. His lips twitched with a smile but otherwise didn't say anything. "I'll meet you at the car. Night Jesse, glad you had a good night. Tarzan," She threw in as an after-thought to Caden. I furrowed my brow at the nickname and returned a simple goodnight and well meaning thank you for sitting with Alisa. She waved it off and was gone before I could say anymore. Susannah's curious stare following her before she swung it back around to face my old friend.

"Is she always that nice or do I get special treatment?" He ruefully queried, getting to his feet, a flash of pain running across his face.

"I think you just get special treatment," Susannah winced slightly. "Anyway, it was nice to meet you, Caden. Walk me out?" She smiled up at me, already picking up her bag and shawl, heading for the door. I didn't bother to glance at my friend, I just followed Susannah. She stopped on the porch, watching where Gina was parked down on the road subtly changing the radio it seemed. "She's okay to drive, right?" Susannah asked me after I pulled her over into the shadows of the porch.

"She should be fine. It's late; traffic will be at a minimum anyway. Just - try not to let her do it too often," I soothed, drawing her in to my arms after I sat on the wooden railing and pulling her to stand between my parted feet. She relaxed and looped her arms around my neck, her bright green eyes sparkling mischievously. "Thank you for coming with me tonight, _querida_. It was certainly the best Charity Benefit I've ever been to. _Te ves magnífico_." I claimed her lips to prove my point. Her gasp just encouraged me to slip an arm around her waist and pull her up against me.

She didn't pull away from my kiss and met it with her own enthusiasm. It was becoming very easy to see, very quickly, that I can become absorbed in Susannah without much effort. Her touch is more tempting than I first believed, and the little sounds of pleasure and sighs of satisfaction made my hunger growl with a whole new eagerness I haven't had a chance to satisfy in over a eighteen months. But it was the emotion behind our kiss what took my breath away the most. I found that to be just as enslaving as anything else. I haven't had such a strong physical and emotional reaction to another woman before, Susannah. It was an exhilarating thought, if not a little scary.

Slowly I softened our kiss to light meeting of the lips, our loss of breath puffing around us.

It wasn't just about the heated and mind-warping kisses we shared on the balcony; or the dancing in the hall that entranced me about Susannah this evening. It was about how great she was with my practice partners. With the endless adoring from our hosts and how she took it all in her stride, without one weary glance or sigh of annoyance. She was patient with the interruptions and attentive when they weren't. That put me at ease and made me enjoy the night far more than I thought it would have done. Susannah was amazing, in more ways than one. Especially, her patience with me.

With a sigh I let her go, allowing my hands to fall away.

"Good-night, Jesse." She kissed my cheek before turning away and leaving me to watch her go.

I stayed standing in the shadows until I saw her safely in the car and driving off down the road. Scrubbing a hand down my face, I finally blew out a long breath and headed for the front door. Putting Susannah as far out of my mind as possible while I tried to focus on the new problem I faced sitting in my house waiting for me. It was hard to concentrate on my old friend with the taste of her still on my tongue and her scent and expensive muskiness of her perfume on my clothes. But I managed it with a wrestle of my conscience.

Caden has his reasons for suddenly appearing out of the blue and obviously with something on his mind. That's not to say I'm not happy to see him, because I am. He's one of Alisa's favourite adults. But even for him, it was a surprise. I suspected it had something to do with his bum knee. Over five years ago he was serving in Afghanistan and was caught off guard by a car-bomb. He was lucky, but for the shrapnel that imbedded itself in his knee and shoulder. His shoulder made a full recovery, but his knee wasn't so lucky.

He was given an honourable discharge from the Military not long after he got out of hospital.

"You obviously made quite the impression tonight," I commented after I locked the front door and strolled back down to the den. Caden was stretched across the sofa, another beer in his hand and a re-run of a football game playing on the T.V. I sat down in my armchair with a tired sigh after I retrieved my own bottle of beer taking a long drink of it. He didn't say anything, but his lips twitched again in a way I knew meant he heard me and found it amusing. "So what happened when you first arrived? She didn't make it easy for you, did she?"

He snorted and turned the T.V. down lower. "That's an understatement. I thought she was gone slug me. She probably would've done if I wasn't holding Alisa for protection," Even as he said it I knew it was something he found admirable. Alisa's his Goddaughter and only child as close to a niece as he'll get. Being an only-child has always been something he's hated. And I hope Alisa won't turn out to have the same resentment towards me as she grows-up. "At least she was wary of me for Alisa's sake. She didn't even flinch."

"Like I said - You obviously made quite the impression." I repeated, leaning back in my chair.

"Yeah, she's one to look out for," He smirked. "She won't make it easy either. I guess I'm used to women falling at my feet as soon as I smile. Gina just bristled and went on the defensive," His eyes held a far-away look of wistfulness. But he soon pulled himself back as if he never went anywhere. "What about you and Suze? I didn't see any resistance there, buddy. And she was looking _pretty_ out of it, when you first walked in." He raised his beer to me in a silent salute.

I shook my head with a wry smile, thinking over how we managed to get to this point after the bumpy beginning. "There is no resistance. _Now_," I amended. "But we're seeing how it goes; taking it slow. She made it clear from the beginning there would be no getting away from her. Alisa's already taken a huge liking to her. It was supposed to be just a friendship but . . . I guess I've dodged the Fates long enough. It seems they've caught up with me all at once and don't plan on letting me go."

He out-right laughed at me then. "I told you it'd happen sooner or later. You're too good a man for a good woman not to find you, buddy. You deserve some great times."

I watched him silently for a few minutes before finally saying what needed to be said. "Caden . . . Take it easy on Gina, okay? She doesn't deserve to be tossed around back and forth like your previous relationships. I'm not saying you do too; you know that. You do have a habit of walking in to the ones that aren't exactly . . . with a solid foundation. But don't play the usual games with Gina; for both your sakes." He'd looked at me halfway through my spiel and I worried I'd said too much.

"I hear you, Jesse." He nodded. Then he yawned and stretched.

Leaving it at that, knowing it's another mistake he has to make on his own, if he decides it to be, I moved on.

"How long are you planning on being around? You know you can stay here as long as you want; the spare room's yours if you want it. But what else is going on?" I ignored his, '_who – me_?' look in my direction and sat forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "Don't give me that look. I know something's up and it's to do with your knee." I nodded down at his left leg. He went on to become a personal trainer after leaving the Army. Keeping up with his fitness regime without the cost of stretching it to the limits of causing his old injury even more damage.

Something he's obviously been doing anyway.

He stood up and walked towards the kitchen with his empty bottle. I didn't say anything else, I just waited for him to talk. I know from experience, that the more I push my old friend to talk, the further back into his ice-cold military persona he recoils. He hasn't lost that edge to himself after five years, either.

"I've been put into forced leave. In other words, they let me go," He said, an edge of bitterness to his voice from pride and frustration. "They didn't want my knee getting to the point that I could make a claim for compensation or something. It's all a load of bullshit and they know it. I just need away from there for a while. Get my head on straight before I decide what to do next. I don't know how long I'll be sticking around. But feel free to sling me out on my ass if I become a pain, 'kay?"

Standing up out of my chair I walked into the kitchen where he was still standing and poured the rest of my beer down the sink. I patted his shoulder as I walked past him, followed by an easy smile. "That isn't going to happen. Like I said; the rooms there for as long as you want it. It'll be good to have you around," I didn't say anything about his job, knowing he wouldn't hear it if I did. So I nodded once and patted him on the shoulder again. "Don't forget to turn the T.V. and lights off before you turn in. And be prepared for an early wake-up call." I grinned cryptically, already planning on sending Alisa to wake Caden up in the morning.

"Thanks for the warning," He chuckled, sounding far more relaxed then he did moments before. "Hey Jesse! Thanks buddy."

He didn't wait for me to say anything; he just turned his attention to the fridge instead. Making my way upstairs, I checked in on Alisa one more time and pulled her door ajar so Caden wouldn't disturb her at whatever un-Godly hour he would eventually make for the guest room. By the time I fell in to bed, exhaustion dragging me under, I was feeling far more relaxed than I had been for a long time. Thanks, in part, to the new-turn in my relationship with Susannah.

I'm no fool; I know I was more than rude and rash in the early stages of our acquaintance. But I'm a Father first and foremost, and what does and doesn't benefit Alisa is my main priority. But Susannah, it seems, is a positive one. Not only to Alisa, but to me too. She's made me feel more content in the moments Alisa isn't around, then I could believe possible. My cynicism has been pushed on to the back-burner. And I laugh more freely now. It doesn't spell well for me when it comes to the long-haul if we get that far.

But that is a bridge; I decided before slipping off to sleep, I'll cross when I come to it.

xXx

"Need any help, Mom?" Suze asked as she walked in to the kitchen with Gina, clad with a plaster cast covered in a child's hand of drawing rainbows and hearts. I looked at it curiously, wondering just when and who she'd been around for her to get such a decoration. Susie told me how she came to break her arm and I expected a little better of Brad _and_ Gina. But then again, they are all adults and it's their mistakes to learn from after-all. But I was still curious of what the decorative plaster could mean. "Mom? _Hello_?"

Snapping out of my stare, I smiled patiently and hugged my daughter. "Sorry honey, I was lost in my own world for a second there. Thanks for the offer, but we have everything sorted. Andy's already out there putting the grill on. Once everyone else arrives, we'll start to put the food on. Why don't you go and enjoy the fresh air and relax with everyone?" I suggested giving her a light push towards the door followed by Gina.

"Okay, we get the hint. We're gone." She laughed, stepping out on to the back deck with her best friend.

Releasing a content sigh, I got back to washing off the lettuce and arranging the salad. My thoughts wandering back to Suze and Gina. I know my daughter is keeping something from me. Something that she's obviously not going to divulge. But being her mother, I'm curious. It's been over a week since I saw Jesse, so I had no evidence or reason to believe it would be about him. But then, the decoration to Gina's cast would say otherwise. This again made no sense. Unless she happens to know someone in Carmel with a little girl. Not that she knows Jesse either as far as I know. Other than seeing him at the restaurant.

Frustratingly, the more I tried to work through the web and pick apart the evidence, the more I confused myself. It would have made more sense to just ask Suze what is going on. Although she's more loose tongued now than she was before she left for New York, she still likes her privacy and secrecy. I'm not prepared to rock the boat by probing in to her personal life unless invited. I've been on the other end of a narrowed stare and disapproving look more than once from my daughter in the past. I wasn't too inclined to be on the receiving end of another.

The spontaneous decision to start up the grill and have some guests over for the afternoon meant inviting Suze and Gina straight away. After family, friends were on the list to join us; Jesse and Alisa being among them. I debated the tension between the good doctor and my daughter for a split second. But decided that if any time was a good one for them to put their – animosity aside, this was it. Surprisingly, his only hesitation was to do with his friend. I told him to bring him along too, hoping that would put him at ease some more. After that, he readily agreed to it.

I looked out into the yard, catching sight of Susie sitting on a deck chair, laughing and joking with Jake and wondered whether I should have told her Jesse would be coming or not. I was starting to feel like piggy in the middle with them both and it was making me uncomfortable. How adults descend back to teenagers after a spat is beyond me. So I turned away, deciding a little surprise wouldn't hurt either of them. Even if Jesse would already guess that Suze was going to be here.

I was just putting the cling-film over the salad when a hand quickly whipped in to the bowl and pulled out a cherry tomato. "Bradley!" I chastised, smacking his hand away from the glass bowl. He yelped and nursed his wounded ego. "You know better." I smiled, despite myself.

"Yeah, I also know I shouldn't try and feed the dog peanut M&M's, but that doesn't stop me from doing it," He shrugged with a half-smile. "Hey, is that Gina?!" He exclaimed, catching sight of her familiar coppery hair before heading for the door. He stopped and turned before leaving completely though. "Oh, Suze's friends are here by the way. Forgot to say." Then he grinned fully and slipped out the door with a cheer, drawing the attention of Andy, Suze, Gina, Jake and his wife Ashley; and David and his long-term girlfriend, Leah. Never one to do an easy thing for his sister it seems.

I put the salad bowl down and went out into the living room where CeeCee and Adam were both standing, admiring some photographs I've managed to gather over the years.

"Hello you two!" I cried happily, enveloping them both in a hug. "It's been far too long since I saw you, how have you been? Suze told me about what happened at the reunion, I'm sorry to hear your night got spoiled by not only Kelly but Gina's accident too." I winced, letting go and waving them into the kitchen.

"It's good to see you too, Mrs Ackerman," Adam smiled. He's grown up to be a handsome man. Different from the first impression I had of him the first day Suze started the Mission Academy; when he made a comment about the giant cross hanging on the wall. He'd gained ground with Suze for that quip and their friendship it seems, has lasted ever since. "Personally, I'd take hanging out in a hospital with my old friends over seeing my old school teachers any-day," He laughed, dodging CeeCee's mock punch to his arm. "Ow, watch the threads, babe." He grinned even more.

"He's right though." CeeCee smiled, blushing slightly from the look Adam had sent her.

I leant up against the kitchen counter, a smile growing further across my face the more I watched them together. There is definitely a spark of something between them. Maybe something that year's apart had to learn to appreciate before it could be fully accepted or cherished. I know they dated for a little while, when they were all back at school. But nothing became of it. Maybe something will now, I thought, keeping my fingers crossed for Susie's good friends.

"Of course I am. I'm always right, didn't you hear?" He chuckled.

Clearing my throat, I interrupted their flirtatious banter before they forgot where they were. "Suze and Gina are outside with everyone else," I said, picking up the salad bowl and heading towards the open sliding doors. "The food won't be long, we're just waiting on a few other people." I stepped out on to the deck; the smell of the grill heating up making my empty stomach rumble with the promise of the good food my loving husband likes to rustle up.

"Hey, you came!" Suze grinned, jumping up to her feet to hug them both. "Come and meet some people," She dragged them over and started to introduce them to Jake and David's partners. It wasn't long before Ashley and Jake's six year old son, Aiden came running over to see what all the fuss was about. It still amazes me that all three boys stayed in Carmel and settled down here. Other than David going away to College, he still came back when it was over. I think that's more for Leah's sake than anyone else's though.

Aiden skirted around Susie and settled near his Mom and Dad. He's still wary of his aunt, and Suze hasn't pushed him on that.

Placing the bowl of salad down on the table with the other covered food, I went back in to the kitchen to tidy up and finish the last touches to the rest of the finger-food. But I was interrupted by the sound of the door-bell before long. Throwing a quick glance out the kitchen window, I left to answer the door. Jesse and Alisa were standing on the other side, with a tall man, thickly built and bearing heart-melting dimples. Caden, I presumed, stepping aside to let them in. Alisa smiled up at me, holding a bunch of daisies out for me to take.

"Thank you, honey," I lifted them to my nose to inhale their subtle scent. "They smell lovely," She took her Dad's hand and introduced me to the tall, dimpled stranger. "It's very nice to meet you, Caden, I'm Helen. I'm glad you could all join us. It was such a last minute thing, I didn't know whether you would have other plans or not."

"Nothing but a lazy, Sunday," Jesse smiled disarmingly before following me through the house and towards the French doors that led out onto the sunlit decking of the backyard. Jake and Brad were rolling around on the grass in a tackle for what looked like a ball. Aiden was cheering his dad on standing back so he wouldn't get hurt. I shook my head, Jesse and Caden's chuckles giving Alisa more confidence to step forward. "Looks like the fun's already begun."

"No, they're just showing off," I wryly commented. "I hope you're hungry, there's plenty of food to go around."

"Starving," Caden smirked. But when I glanced up, he wasn't talking to me. He was looking at Gina, who sensing the stare, looked up. Her shocked expression dissolving into disinterest seconds in to seeing him. "Excuse me." He nodded to us, apparently not put off as he headed for Gina sitting with my daughter. "Nice to see you again, Kitten. Didn't think you'd escape me that easily did you?" His smile was even more charming than Jesse's. And judging from the slight nervous swallow, seemed to have Gina warped already.

"Look Daddy, its Sooze!" Alisa exclaimed, taking off in the same direction Caden had gone. My interest and curiosity from earlier peaked then, as I watched Suze pick her up and act so . . ._normal_ around her. I raised my eyebrows in surprise from the change of how reticent she was the night she sat for Alisa alone. Striding after his daughter, Jesse stood by Susannah and dug something out of his pocket, handing it to her with a brush of their fingers that lingered longer than what could be called friendly.

"I forgot to give this back to you last night. I found it in my pants pocket this morning," He said, taking a vacated chair beside her. She answered him with an intimate smile.

I knew then, after seeing the unguarded emotions in Jesse's expression that something has been going on between them. Something both looked deeper in than is on the surface.

My worries and hopes for them rose a little higher knowing that.

xXx

Standing behind my old bedroom door, I listened to the voices coming from outside on the hall. I knew who it was without having to crack the door open. It was Gina and Caden.

I bit my lip a little harder trying not to laugh. He'd been charming her all afternoon and he'd been shot down again and again. It's almost painful how Gina brushes him off and tries to pay little to no attention to him. But that never stopped him and he just kept at it. She's been weakening a tiny bit, but not by much. Damn, it was getting harder and harder not to laugh at the witty comebacks though. She had to run out of them eventually. Everyone else had no problem with it. Except Brad, who looked like he was chewing a wasp each time I looked over at him. Serves him right for getting her drunk, which led to a broken arm, I thought smugly.

But Caden has been giving it his all. And then some.

When it sounded like they were moving away from my door, I opened it and peeked around. They were by the top of the stairs. Gina was backing up while she said something sarcastic to him. So caught up in her rant, she didn't notice she was taking one step too far until she took it. My heart gave two lethal thumps hard against my chest seeing her tilt back; a gasp sitting on my tongue. Right up until Caden easily reached out a hand, caught her arm and yanked her back up to him in a flash. She slammed into his chest with an; _oomph_, her eyes wide as she looked up at him, drawn-in by his dimples. She says she's over pretty boys, but it looked like she has room in her life for a try at one more.

"What are you?" She asked, sounding just a _teeny_ bit breathless and annoyed. "Some kind of hero?" I saw her hands not-so-subtly flex on his chest to check out what he's packing.

"I'm no hero," He said it in a way that made me frown. He sounded . . . _dark_. But he soon countered it with a quiet smirk. "I just wanted you in my arms, Kitten."

"Pretty sure of yourself aren't you?" She muttered, pulling herself away from him with a harsh pull, while I tried not to laugh at his cheeky, smart-ass comment. If I wasn't hooked on, Jesse, I'd fall for it, hook, line and sinker. "You can take your hands off me now. The only reason I'll fall down the stairs is from your big ego. You're a pain in the ass, you know that?" She narrowed her eyes at him menacingly. I was kind of shocked! Gina seemed so . . . off-balance.

"So I've been told," He just carried on smiling, infuriating her even more. "But I've also been told I'm – " He bent his head low and whispered something in her ear. I had to inch further around the door to see her face; I couldn't make out his words. But judging from her expression, she looked like she didn't know whether to melt into his arms or hit him. She settled with glaring, then throwing her hair over her shoulder and running down the stairs as quick as possible. Caden stayed standing there, watching her go. Not in the least bit deflated.

Even though I'd been spying on them, I still walked out of my room, not in the least bit embarrassed and met him by the top of the stairs where he saved her. "For what it's worth, I haven't seen her off-balance and out of control around a guy before. So you must be doing something right," I greeted him with. He smiled fully at me, his blue eyes winking with mischief. "You're not in the least bit fazed are you?"

"Nope!" He waggled his eyebrows and set off down the stairs.

I cringed and went down after him. I left him to walk out into the yard and disappeared into the kitchen to just watch them all from the window. Alisa was shyly sitting on my Mom's lap, her thumb in her mouth, listening to the grown-up talk. She looked so adorable, I wanted to go out and run my fingers through her curls. I've never been around a child so affectionate before. Aiden doesn't know me well enough to have any kind of reaction. He just knows me as the aunt from New York who sends him great Christmas and Birthday presents. I didn't exactly make the greatest effort with him, unfortunately. Something I'll be changing one-day hopefully. Even if I feel I'm making up for it with Alisa.

"Something on your mind?" Jesse asked from behind me. I jumped a little, not hearing him come in. But I shook my head with a smile, resting my hand on his where he laid it on my waist. Standing close; but not too close. "Who are you staring at?" He wondered aloud, following my line of sight. "Ahh, the _Princesa_. She seems to be having fun. I'm glad your Mother invited us. I didn't want Caden moping around the house all day." His fingers played a little dance when they slipped under my shirt and tickled my skin.

Turning around, his hand slid around to my back, still playing their tempo. "Why would he be moping? What's wrong with him?" I asked, even though I knew it was none of my business.

Jesse winced slightly and contemplated his answer while he stared down at me. "He was on tour in Afghanistan a few years back and got an injury that ended up costing him his career. Long story short, the company he works for now as a personal trainer don't want him aggravating his injury anymore that could - if Caden chose to - cause some kind of compensation claim from them. So he's hiding out here for a while. He seems to be settling in fine by the looks of things." He commented, nodding out the window with raised eyebrows.

I looked over my shoulder and saw him with Gina slung over his shoulder, threatening to dunk her in the hot-tub. She might've been yelling and threatening the whole time, but she looked like she was trying not to laugh while she thumped and kicked and thrashed about. I snorted indelicately and turned back to Jesse. "Bit of a charmer, isn't he?"

"Just a tiny bit. But he's a _good_ man. Underneath it all," He said quietly, leaning in to slip his hand into my hair. I thought about moving away and stopping him. But I just didn't want to. So I let him give me a lingering kiss, because I'd wanted him to the moment he walked over to me. I bit my lip when he pulled away, resisting the urge to turn around and see if anyone noticed us. Alisa especially. For her sake we have to be discreet. I really don't want her suddenly walking in on us kissing. She might be happy we're friends, but that doesn't mean she's ready for it to be something else. Or for me to be a threat to her when it comes to her Dad. There's a big possibility she'll feel that way.

"Don't worry, she wasn't in viewing range. I wouldn't have done it otherwise." He said, laying my fears to rest.

"Good, because I really didn't want to be – "

"Daddy, Uncle Caden asked me if you want to play football with them." Alisa said sweetly from beside us, appearing out of no-where. I gripped Jesse's hand I was holding and hoped to God she wasn't standing there three minutes before! As one we looked down at her. She didn't say or _look_ as though she'd seen anything. She just bobbed on her tiptoes and watched Jesse expectantly. "You can come and cheer them on with us, Sooze." She reached out to take my hand, linking the three of us together in a circle after reaching for Jesse's free one.

"That sounds great, let's go." Jesse replied hoarsely, throwing me a sheepish look before letting go of my hand and heading towards the open sliding doors. I released my breath and stayed where I was, Alisa hesitating to stay behind with me. Jesse went on ahead where I could hear him talking to the others. "Whose team am I on?" He questioned his voice back to normal again. I watched him out of the window for a second, enjoying the view of his taut t-shirt over his shoulders and the way his hair flopped down to dangle over his head no matter how many times he brushed it aside. I probably would've still been looking if I didn't feel a set of eyes on me still.

"What are you watching, Sooze?" Alisa asked, jumping on the spot like she'd be able to see what I saw. To distract her, I swung her up into my arms and leant against the counter with my back to the window and the tempting view outside. "Sooze . . . do you think Daddy will let me have a kitten if I ask nicely? I really want one, but all he says is that he'll think about it. Can you talk to him? He'll listen. He likes you, Sooze." She nodded all knowingly. If I wasn't almost immune to her deep blue-gray eyes, I would've forgot she's only four!

"Oh yeah? How can you be so sure?" I laughed, avoiding the kitten request for as long as possible. I got no problem trying to talk him around. But I don't want to undermine his authority either. What he says goes. I'm just a casual observer when it comes to Alisa and wanting something like a pet. No matter how cute her pout is while she asked it.

"Because he smiles a lot when he looks at you. And he's happy! And because I like you, so he has to," She answered with perfect logic. I laughed again, hoping it didn't sound too nervous. If she notices his change in mood, then surely she'll notice the shift in my relationship with him? It was worth keeping a wary eye out for. "So, will you? I promise to take care of her! And I'll love her forever. She can even sleep in my room. I have lots of space left in my bed if I just move all my teddies." She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tight. It was instinct and love to hug her back. "Pretty please, Sooze?"

_Oh boy_!

"I'll think about it. No promises though!" I quickly reiterated before she could get too excited. "If your Dad says no, then that's it. I can't change his mind. Okay?" I asked, just to double-check she understood. With a firm nod and a bright smile she did. "Come on, we're missing out on all the fun! Let's go and see whose winning." I put her back down to her feet and followed her out the sliding doors to my family and friends sitting on the deck. "What'd we miss?" I threw out there, settling Alisa in my lap once I sat down, ignoring my Mom's curious gaze.

"Not much. It's staying friendly for now." My Mom answered, her eyes back to watching Andy run around the yard like the goof he is.

It turned out to be four against four, with Caden and Jesse on opposite teams. Aiden was helping out on both sides. We cheered them on depending on who had the ball and how rough they were playing. But when Caden got tired of Gina's lack of cheering for him and there was a lapse in the game, the banter between them started all over again.

"Where's the hollers, Kitten?!" He called out, not even breaking out into a sweat. His grin was wide and Gina's reaction was just as stoic as his leering was. "Come on, I know you've been watching me. I can _feel_ it." He waggled his eyebrows, making a few of us laugh and some of the guys whistle long and low under their breath. They knew Caden was treading thin ground with Gina. But that didn't stop him! "Why don't you come and play? I'll watch your six."

"Because I'm too busy enjoying the show of watching _yours_, Tarzan. Wouldn't want to break a nail, now, would I? I want to at least be able to leave my mark on you with my claws." She met his fiery, blazing stare with one of her own. Other than his eyes narrowing slightly, he didn't break his grin. But he did get back into the game when Jesse shoved him along. His looks thrown her way every now and again didn't go unnoticed by me though. Or Gina who stuck to her word and followed him with her eyes the whole time.

If I had to wager on it, I'd give Caden a month before he breaks Gina down. I could be wrong though, she has been known to surprise me.

"You can't tell Adam's not really a sporty type of guy, can you?" CeeCee commented, watching her '_man_' running around, always the joker. He threw cheap insults instead of actually playing the game; and helped Aiden get the ball quickly if he needed it. "Give him a surf board and he's comfortable. Now he just looks . . . _cute_." She tilted her head to the side, a dreamy, far-gone look on her face. She didn't say much about what's going on between her and Adam. But I got the general idea with the private looks and little subtly touches.

He's leaving town again tomorrow. But he promised he'd be back as soon as he could and for CeeCee's sake, I hope he is.

"David's far out of his element too," Leah smiled, waving to him when he looked over in her direction at the mention of his name. "I just hope he doesn't get hurt." She chewed at her lower lip worriedly. I almost laughed at that one. David might be out of his element, but he's long since grown out of his scraggly kid frame with the red hair and sticky-out ears. Now he gives as good as he gets with Brad and Jake, physically as well as intellectually. He's not lost his brains, thank God.

Ashley sat forward in her seat and kept a careful eye on Aiden. "Jake's gonna take an involuntary trip to the emergency room, that won't be from the game, if he doesn't watch Aiden under his feet." She threatened and truly meant it. It took me a while to like Ashley. But she doesn't take no crap from her boys, even if they try and sweet talk her.

"I dunno . . ." Gina said, putting down her glass of lemonade. "I'm kinda hoping Caden lands under someone's foot soon, just so I can laugh."

"What is it they always say? If you're mean to someone of the opposite sex, it usually means you like them," My Mom spoke up, silencing us all around the table. Gina spluttered something when she got over her shock and we all broke out laughing. Mom just reached across with a calm look and patted Gina's hand knowingly. "It's okay, honey. We all think he's fit too." _I_ was the one choking this time! "What? I'm married, not a nun." She sat back in her seat and called out to my Step-Dad. "Go Andy! Show them boys who's best!"

"Wow . . . I have a whole new respect for you, Helen," Gina grinned, apparently forgiven her for the first comment.

"I think Daddy's team will win," Alisa piped up sweetly. She hadn't said a word since I sat down, she'd just been watching the game with a keen eye. "Don't you, Sooze? Help me cheer for him! Come on," She grabbed my hand and helped me wave it. "Go Daddy! Go Daddy! Go Daddy!" She shouted, making Jake, Adam and Brad look over and laugh at Jesse, slapping him on the back the way men do. All he did was grin and wave back to her proudly. "Come on, Sooze; your turn." She looked so imploring, like it would really work, I couldn't say no.

Just like the time I couldn't say no to blow him a kiss.

Doing the loud, ear-piercing whistle through my teeth, I let it go on long and hard. It sounded more like a wolf-whistle than anything else and I felt my cheeks flame when the guys turned to look again in surprise. "Come on, Jesse! Kick their bu - _**WIN**_!" I quickly fumbled, clapping my hands over Alisa's ears just in case I wasn't quick enough. It's harmless, but I don't want her going around school repeating what I said! That could make for an interesting parents review. I smiled and turned the cheer into a wave; over the fumbled shout and all about appreciating him in his full-on manly mode, again.

His mouth turned up at the corners when he locked eyes with me, only snapping out of it when the ball came sailing for his head. He ducked at just the right time and ran back into the game. But he managed to sneak a wink in there that made me want to giggle. And trust me, I'm no giggler usually.

"Well that definitely got his attention." My Mom sweetly said. I whipped my head around to look at her, trying to work out her meaning. It sounded like it had something underlying it. Luckily, all she did was shrug harmlessly and smile. It was almost like a smile of _permission_, even though there wasn't a need for one. But she gave it to me anyway. And I did appreciate it. Especially after I remembered how our first conversation about Jesse went. The slow warmth spreading throughout me made me pull Alisa closer instinctively. Warm contentment feels good!

Eventually my Mom nodded and got up to go in the kitchen, and I stayed where I was, enjoying Jesse eye candy on show.

It just got better from there!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

_**A/N **_– Hey everyone. :) Whew, what a chapter this was to re-do! I really hope it's okay, my sore wrist is all but burning now from writing it. ^^; Caden had his part written out, but got axed, poor guy. I'll give him some love in the next one. ;) But I'm okay with it now. I'm going to be getting straight on with the next chapter after writing this. I'm really anxious to get to the next bit of the story! Thank you all _so much_ for the bountiful amounts of love I've been getting for this story! I can't wait to hear what you think of this one. ;D Please review, as always. Love and huggles for everyone! :)

Anonymous review replies are up on my profile. x

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_**Chapter Fourteen**_

"Caden, wait – !"

I stopped walking when I heard Gina's shout echo from her room. My eyebrows shot up into my hair-line. Against my better judgement, I stopped to hear something else. But there wasn't anything. I guess she could've been dreaming, but she sounded wide awake. I thought about knocking on the door but quickly decided against it.

Suddenly, I just _didn't_ want to know.

The last time I dared to venture into asking what was going on in that area, because it was more than obvious to me, her best friend since forever, that Caden's rattled her. No, actually he'd done a little more than that. He'd full on got her walking on eggshells and hyper-alert to the point of paranoia the last couple of weeks. I might've thought it was funny if she wasn't so on edge. Although, she has seemed a little calmer this past week. A nice, manageable mellow calm. She's practically glowing! Whatever she's doing to de-stress, it's working three-fold.

I could've been reading too much in to it and she just had PMS or something. She can be a bitch to live with certain times of the month. But it seemed more than that.

They still snipe and banter when they happen to be stuck in the same room together. Nothing new there. But when did I miss them being on calling terms? That had to be it. She was on the phone to him. But then, why so early? It was confusing trying to work out where everything fell into place and when. She had one moment of flying off the handle over a week ago, that, even scared me just a little. She doesn't know I was there, and unless I want to live, I don't plan on telling her. I'd just caught her dancing around and singing along to her iPod. Normally there wouldn't be anything strange about it, except –

Well the music she was singing to isn't exactly . . . _Gina._

"_Don't know, anything about you, so close, just a touch away_ . . ." She sang to herself, really seeming to get into it. "_Give me a break, I'm melting away. You're so dangerous_!" Her eyes had widened to new limits the second she realized what she was doing and what she was singing. And then she exploded. "Oh for, _fucks sake_!" She'd bellowed; ripping her ear-phones out of her ears and in a fit of rage, had thrown her iPod at a wall, cracking the screen. I stayed hidden, stuck between finding it hilarious and wanting to get out of her war-path. "Get out of my damn head, _Tarzan_!"

She'd stormed off into her room after that.

I didn't let on just how much I knew it was getting to her. I did tell Jesse about it and he assured me that if Gina said back off and meant it to Caden, that he'd do just that. He wouldn't push her to the point where her true frustration would seep through. Just like her little outburst with the iPod was a flash in the pan. It was a long time in coming. With everything going on with the club finishing with the decorating and making sure everything will be on schedule for the opening, not to mention the weeks leading up to it and her annoyance with her broken arm . . . Caden apparently just tipped her over the edge. Like I said, she's been serenely calm ever since!

I didn't have any choice but to put Gina's accidental over-hearing of her phone-call to the back of my mind, though. I'd got a call of my own barely twenty minutes before and I was in a rush to get out of the door as it was. It was pure luck I couldn't get back off to sleep once I woke up, waving buh-bye to my nice long lay-in. So I got showered and was just hanging around on the balcony when Jesse called me for help. He'd got a call from Alisa's school saying she wasn't feeling very well and he couldn't leave, no matter how much he was trying. So being the perfect girlfriend I am, I jumped at it.

Alisa and I have got even closer over the past few weeks. Spending some quality one-on-one with her is time I look forward to as much as I do with her, Dad. Once you get past the little bit of shyness she had around me and really open her up, she blooms so bright, it's almost blinding! I love to just paint her nails or play with her hair. I've caught Jesse watching us a few times with a smile I can't work out. Whether she's sick or not, I'm always willing to have some Alisa time.

I scribbled a quick note for Gina and stuck it to the fridge, leaving her behind.

I drove the familiar route to Alisa's school without a problem. I've picked her up a few times before, taking over for my Mom, sometimes when it comes to having her in the afternoons. She was waiting for me in the nurses office when I arrived, laying down on a cot that with lots of bright, colourful posters stuck on the walls making it look even smaller than it already was. The nurse on duty was writing something down at her desk, so I tapped lightly on the open door to get her attention, frowning at the lack of colour in Alisa's cheeks.

Looking up, the nurse waved me in.

"Thank you for coming so quickly. You must be Ms. Simon? Alisa's Father, called to tell me you were coming," She answered my unasked question. Sidestepping her, I crouched down at Alisa's side and winked with a small smile. I got a watery one back. "She's running a bit of a temperature and she's complaining of a belly-ache so I didn't want to take any chances. We've had a couple of children in here the past week with similar symptoms, nothing too bad. Are you ready to go home now, Alisa?" She asked kindly, turning from formal politeness with me, to kind and compassionate with Alisa.

Nodding slightly, she started to sit up on the cot. "Is Daddy, going to be there?" She asked me with a trembling chin. Poor little mite!

"No, Daddy's at work, sweetie. But we're going to see him before we go back to your house, just so he can properly check you're okay. Then he'll meet us at home later," I answered carefully. I had no problem agreeing when Jesse asked me to swing by the surgery on the way home so he can check Alisa out for himself. It would put her mind at rest too. The thought distracted me enough from calling it, 'home'. "Come on, my little pixie. Let's go and get you somewhere more comfortable. No offence." I quickly amended to the nurse.

Laughing lightly she shook her head. "None taken. You take care now, Alisa. I hope you feel better soon." She patted down Alisa's unruly hair and walked us out into the hall.

She asked to be picked up and carried three seconds into busting the joint. I did it without flinching, more than used to carrying her weight around now. I've spent more time with Alisa in the past couple of months, than all my years with kids put together. My summer working at the Pebble Beach Hotel and Resort as a baby-sitting not-withstanding. Unless you call sitting on the edge of the pool baby-sitting. I wasn't knocking it though. It made me more confident in approaching Aiden. We've still got quite the leap to go yet though when it comes to being proper friends.

With her head resting on my shoulder, her thumb in her mouth, I proudly walked out of the school, not really wanting to let her go. I was too comfortable.

The little bit of fresh air she got from our short walk to the car seemed to perk her up a bit. She still felt hot under my palm and the only colour came from the slight nipping cold to the wind. But she was at least a little chattier on the way to Jesse's surgery. "What are we going to do when we get home, Sooze?" She asked after she questioned me of what I thought about her school and the nurse and anything else she could think of. Considering all I'd seen was the nurse's office, I didn't have much of an opinion. But she seemed happy enough.

"Well . . . if you still have a belly-ache, then I reckon we should grab your Daddy's huge duvet and watch cartoons for the rest of the day. But if you're feeling a bit better, maybe we should make some soup and have a little bit of ice-cream to wash it down. How's that sound? With cartoons of course!" I grinned into the rear-view mirror. She didn't give me her bright dazzling, dimpled smile back. But it was enough to let me know she was happy. "And maybe a little nap." I murmured under my breath when I caught sight of her huge yawn.

I managed to get an easy parking space and led a quiet Alisa into reception.

We didn't have to wait around to get in to see, Jesse. As soon as the nice receptionist clocked us, she called through and sent us in only a few minutes later. Alisa went running up to her, Dad while I stayed leaning against the door-frame, taking it in with a content smile and a racing heart-beat. Over three weeks of being in, what I guess we'd call a proper relationship now, has been . . . _amazing_. The dates where we've just talked and talked over dinner, or strolled along the beach at night. The picnics in the park with the three of us and trips to the movies. Snuggling up on the couch when she's gone to bed and making out like teenagers. The snatched moments here and there whenever we can, have all been . . . kind of like living in a dream.

But for one problem, yet to be resolved. The supremely bad timing each time we fall in to bed.

More than once I've wanted to just have one whole night alone with Jesse so I can finally satisfy this burning, undeniable _ache_! I totally agreed with Jesse when he said to take it slow, one step at a time. And we have. My family know about us, our friends do. Alisa really is the only one who doesn't; with the exception of Jesse's parent's. Any other guy and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be so bad. But when you increase the normal lust ten-fold and mix it with Jesse, it's almost unbearable. Gina's slid in subtle digs and openly knowing smirks when I come home from Jesse's looking flustered, pissed off and all but running to climb into a pair of cotton short pyjama's just to cool off a bit, don't help. Just because she's been glowing the past week or so. I just never knew lust could be so powerful!

But it's Jesse's patience that's closer to snapping point than mine is. And the intensity's just got more frantic and hot.

I don't know how much longer we'll be able to last.

All the sneaking around when we're with Alisa; the private looks and subtle touches that make me come undone, has just built the sexual frustration higher and higher! Any kiss makes me want to throw him to the floor and jump on him. Or he'll say something in his liquid, sexy Spanish, his eyes darkening and piercing through every fabric layer I have! He might has well have been dragging a burning piece of silk over my skin when he looks at me that way. It's just not enough, for either of us.

Each time we've been lucky enough to almost be able to satisfy it for a while, the phone rings, or Caden strolls through the door, or some other interruption kills the moment. I just want to rip Jesse's clothes off and have the real thing, see if that connection sharpening between us, can take it to a whole new level of intoxicated euphoria. Instead of some dreams that wake me up gasping and cursing! If we have to go any longer than a couple more weeks, I'm going to book a Hotel for the weekend. If Jesse doesn't get there before me that is.

He looked up at me over Alisa's shoulder, his eyes saying what he wasn't, softening my red-hot thoughts that were getting me hot under the collar just thinking about it.

Stepping further into the office, I tuned back in to what was going on in front of me; taken over by how amazing it is to watch them both. Their bond is stronger than anything I've ever seen before. "Do you _have_ to work, Daddy?" Alisa pouted sweetly once he pulled back from the hug and sat her on the edge of his desk while he subtle checked her throat to see if her glands were up. Doing the usual things a doctor does. I don't know what he was looking for, but I know it made him feel better just to check her over himself. "You can watch cartoons with me and Sooze." She plaintively went on.

Sighing, Jesse put his stethoscope back around his neck and stroked a large hand down her long dark hair.

"I have to stay here, _Princesa_. You know that," He pressed his lips together, seeming more mad at himself than anyone else. "I'm going to try and leave early. I know you're not feeling well and I don't want to be here because of that. But Susannah, will take good care of you until I can get home. You'll be having so much fun spending time together; you will barely notice I'm not there!" He grinned. It made Alisa giggle and me break out into a hot flush. I had to look away from him before I melted on the spot. I always wondered why in the movies, men with children always made the women swoon. But I get it now. It's seeing the way Jesse's eyes light up when she laughs. Seeing how much he loves and cares about her.

I'd be one crazy woman not to be knocked side-ways by it!

"Come on, sweetheart. The quicker Daddy, can get back to work, the quicker he'll be home," I waited for Jesse to hug her tight, whispering something in her ear. She nodded, whispering something back before he helped her down off the desk where he led her back up to me. "Don't worry, we'll take good care of each other, won't we, my little pixie?" I twirled her around on the spot before pulling her to a stop with a laugh. "I'll call if anything's wrong." I directed my smile at him when Alisa yawned again, rubbing her nose with her fist and leaning heaving against my legs.

"Thank you," Jesse said quietly, reaching out a hand to run his knuckles down my cheek in a graze of affection. I was shocked by the intimate touch in front of Alisa, but I didn't pull away. I leaned in to instead. I've been following Jesse's lead on when to tell her about us. It's his decision to make, not mine. But having him so brazenly do such a thing, including kissing me on the lips lingeringly, made me wonder if he's gearing up to do just that, soon. She didn't notice or didn't say anything about our moment. Just accepted Jesse's second hug and kiss to the head like it's an every-day thing to catch us canoodling in front of her. "Be safe out there."

"I always am," I winked at him over my shoulder, leading Alisa out of his office, his warm chuckles warming me to the bone following hot on our heels.

Any second wind and bit of energy Alisa might've had when we left Jesse, was gone by the time we got back to the house. The colour had drained her cheeks again and her fever wasn't dropping either. I got her straight into her pyjamas and curled up on the couch with Jesse's duvet as promised. I knew without asking that she wouldn't want anything to eat, so I made sure she was drinking enough and staying hydrated. I wasn't going to have her feeling worse on my watch! I promised Jesse I would take good care of her. I could tell from watching him examine her, that he wasn't happy about not being able to be at home taking care of her. I wouldn't have been either if it was my child.

That didn't really help me when Alisa went from having a belly-ache, to emptying it all over me though. The only warning I had was, "Sooze, I don't feel well." And then I saw why. I didn't have time to squeal in horror and gag myself. I just quickly held back her hair and rubbed her back until she was finished. I managed to get the brunt of it. Leaving her for a second to grab a bowl, I told her to sit tight while I quickly went to change to get the smell away from her. I was running through the top half of Jesse's house in just my underwear, after stripping off and sticking my clothes in the trash.

I slipped into a pair of Jesse's boxers and an old t-shirt before I went back downstairs to get Alisa. She hadn't been sick while I was gone, but she was looking a little green.

"Come on, sweetheart, let's go and get you cleaned up." I soothed her quietly, lifting her into my arms. She sniffled, tears gathering like a monsoon in her eyes. "It's okay, I know it's horrible and icky, but you'll feel so much better when it's all up." I repeated what my Mom used to say to me when I was a kid. It never made me feel better and I just cried harder when she said it. But it seemed the right thing to say and it stopped the tears from cascading down her cheeks.

I helped her wash her face and brush her teeth when we got to the bathroom. But instead of taking her back downstairs, I got her settled into bed. "I don't want to go to bed," She whined, her lips trembling while I tucked the covers around her. "I don't want to be on my own, Sooze!"

"You're not going to be, sweetheart. I'm going to be right here with you," I explained, crouching down to her side to stroke her hair off her face. I wouldn't have been able to leave her alone after she said that, even if I hadn't already made the decision to stay with her. "I just have to go downstairs and clean up down there, and then I'll be back up. I'll only be a few minutes. Why don't you think about a story you'd like me to read to you while I'm gone?" I offered, standing back up. She clung to my hand when I tried to pull away. She looked so upset, it was squeezing my heart!

"Alisa I promise, I'll be right back. I'm not going anywhere." I whispered against her clammy forehead.

"Okay," She nodded so quietly, I barely made it out. Kissing her hair, I walked out of her room as quickly as I could. It made Jesse's dilemma even more understandable. She was looking so vulnerable and miserable, I just wanted to take it all away and make her feel better.

I tried to clean up the mess downstairs as quick as I could, which thankfully wasn't much. As I said before, I got the brunt of it. I'd had a quick wash down while I stripped off, so at least I didn't smell of it anymore. I left Jesse's rolled up duvet that had been saved, on the couch and picked up her bowl and juice before going back upstairs to her like I promised. When I walked back in her room, she looked straight at me, relief softening her drained cheeks. I crawled onto her bed and let her snuggled up by my side after I got '_Sleeping Beauty_' down off the shelf and started reading it to her. It was such a surreal experience; I had to pinch myself a few times before I realized I was really awake and not imagining it.

I'm definitely not denying how much it felt like . . . _home_. There's no other way to describe it.

I've spent more time with Jesse and his beautiful little girl in the three weeks, than I usually do with a starting out relationship. We just eased into it without a problem. But when I'm alone with him . . . God, it's like when he looks at me, that I'm the only one that exists! He makes me feel as alive as his Alisa does with her innocence and unbridled happiness. I feel vulnerable and so safe when his eyes take on the tenderness and he kisses me like we're about to be ripped apart. He'll hold and touch me with so much gentleness, I have to shut my eyes just to remind myself I'm not going to fall to the weightlessness that comes with being revered and caressed by Jesse.

He makes the thought of going slow seem like a torture method! It feels like the ride we're on, is set to maximum and we're just clinging to it with a death grip!

It's not just the sexual tension between us that is so distracting. It's the way it feels like I've stepped into a family. Alisa has accepted me into her life, like a hand to glove. I've tried to figure out where I stepped from the friendship road, to something more. I was a little scared, but I wasn't going to back down. I already have the task of doing her hair before her dance classes, or when I'm there when she goes to bed. I doubt Jesse misses having to braid her thick locks, but being given the task by Alisa herself, makes me feel like I've been given something really important. A great responsibility.

Jesse didn't laugh at me when I told him this. He was quiet for a while, subdued almost. But he didn't say anything negative about it. I took that for what it was and let the subject drop. It's only been a couple of months since we met. If he's not as shaken by everything, then I'd have seriously been questioning some things between us.

I ended up reading through the whole of the detailed fairy-tale of '_Sleeping Beauty_', Alisa's favourite, and was just getting started on '_Snow White_' when she sudden went a sickly green colour again. "Sooze!" She cried out to me weakly. I just had enough time to throw the covers back and place the bowl in her lap before she was sick again. I rubbed her back in slow circles, trying to relax her and stop fighting it. When it looked like she was finished for now, I quickly got rid of it and went back with a wash cloth to wipe the tears and sweat away. "I want my, Daddy!" She cried and hiccupped, holding her stomach tenderly.

"I know you do, sweetheart. He'll be home as soon as he can," I shushed her, climbing back onto the bed with her, rocking her back and forth and just holding her while she cried. She clung to me, her sobs wracking her whole body. She was clammy still, but she didn't feel as feverish as she had done a couple of hours before. "Close your eyes and try and sleep." I whispered to her when she was calm enough to hear it. She shook her head no, but ended up drifting off anyway. She had no energy to fight it anymore.

I gently laid her down on her pillow, and for the next couple of hours while she slept, went from checking on her constantly, to answering the phone when Jesse called to ask how she was. He was concerned about her, understandably. But as horrible as it was for her to throw-up, her body was getting rid of whatever bug she had that was making her feel so bad. He was still trying to get off early but it was looking like he'd be later than he thought. I took the spare time out to have a quick wash and change into another one of his t-shirts. I figured I'd let him have the surprise of finding me in his clothes when he got home.

Somehow, I'm not sure how exactly, I managed to avoid a phone call with his _Mother_! I was just about to pick it up when the answering machine kicked in and her voice, heavily hinted with Spanish, lilted over the speakers. I thought my heart was going to burst out of chest with nerves, like she knew I was there or something. But all she said was for him to stop avoiding her, lest he want a surprise visit. It was funny to listen to once I got my heart back under control. But it put me on edge for a while.

After Alisa woke up from her nap, she had a little more colour to her face and was ready to eat something. So I made her some dry toast, just to see how she got on before I tried anything else. I didn't want to give her anything too heavy in case it curdled against whatever it was she was fighting. She only ate one slice, but it was enough. For the rest of the afternoon after that, I was running back and forth getting her juice, clearing up after the two other, much more minor, incidents of her being sick, and trying to get a hold of Gina. She was, indisposed according to her voicemail.

By the time Jesse got home, Alisa was spark out on the couch with warm soup in her belly and her head in my lap, with his duvet pulled down over us both. I was watching '_Sleepless in Seattle_' when I finally realized he was standing there, watching us. Stretching lazily, I smiled back impishly, letting his gaze slide over me like the afternoon sun warm on my back.

"You look comfortable," He commented, coming over to sit on the arm of the sofa, resting one hand along the back to rest on my shoulder, while he leaned forward and stroked Alisa's hair softly, checking her temperature with his hand. "How has she been since I spoke to you last?" He asked quietly, drawing back enough to look down into my eyes. He traced his thumb over my cheek and along my lips before dropping his arm, his concern for Alisa still as prominent as anything else.

"She was sick a couple more times, but nothing like before. I've been pumping her full of juice and she's eaten some more toast and a bit of soup. Her temperature's a lot better, but as you can tell, she's exhausted," I replied, absently running my fingers through her loose hair running across my lap. "She fell asleep before I could move her."

"Don't worry, I'll do it," He smiled easily, getting up off the arm of the couch and gently moving the covers aside.

When he caught sight of the t-shirt and boxer shorts I was wearing, he cocked his scarred eyebrow in a silent question; his smirk turning into a lopsided grin.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention; hope you don't mind." I shrugged.

"Not at all. There's no denying you look better in them than I do, _querida_," He grinned, leaning forward to kiss me before I could say anything. When he pulled his lips from mine, leaving me feeling bereft and tingly, he kissed my forehead. "Before I forget to say this on account of how distracting and tempting you're looking in my clothes . . . Thank you for taking care of her today. I'm sorry I couldn't have been here. But at least I know she was well taken care of." His sincerity was as strong as the hold he had on my hand.

"Anytime," I honestly replied. So some of it left me a little queasy; but I was prepared for that the moment I made an important promise to a pretty little girl. I wasn't going to run from the bad and just enjoy the good. Jesse and Alisa _both_ deserve more than that from me. I don't think he's really had it in the past. Which made sense of why he looked a little shocked and relieved when he walked in to find the house in one piece, and Alisa curled up, sleeping peacefully on my lap. Just how many times has a woman gone, '_You're on your own_,' to him, because of Alisa? The thought made me sick _and_ mad.

With a little manoeuvring, Jesse got Alisa into his arms without her even stirring. Standing up to stretch my back and legs properly, I followed them both up the stairs and into Alisa's room. I pulled her fresh clean covers back and stood on the other side of her bed, watching him gently lay her down. She rolled straight onto her side and tucked her rag-doll closer still, without batting an eyelid. "She's so Angelic." I murmured under my breath, lifting the cover a little higher on her shoulder.

Jesse chuckled and nodded. "_Sí_, she is."

I looked up when I heard the pride in his voice, while he was calmly watched Alisa sleep. Skirting around her bed, I squeezed his strong tanned, forearm. "I'll meet you downstairs." I said quietly before slipping out of her room again.

Blowing a piece of my hair out of my eyes, I escaped to the front living room and put on a small lamp to light the dark room gently when I got downstairs. "Ahh, comfy!" I sighed, stretching out along the deep comfortable couch, kicking my legs up and throwing my arms over my face. I'd got a snippet of the time on my way into the room and was surprised to find it gone six o'clock. Jesse never did get to have the rest of the day off, I realized belatedly. It made sense for why I was so tired. I've had Alisa for the day before, but it's more exhausting when you're fretting over a kid that's not very well, I figured, relaxing into a light doze.

I snapped awake a few minutes later when Jesse padded into the room and collapsed on to the other sofa sitting directly across from mine. A formal dinner table resting in the second half of the room behind him made up the rest of the space. His exhausted sigh drew my attention though. I peeked out from under my arm and judged from the minimal light of the room from the lamp, just how tense Jesse was looking in his rumpled work clothes. His hair was in disarray and out of place, and his eyes were heavy, his thick lashes throwing more shadows onto his cheeks. He looked totally worn out, but was sitting like he was ridged with tension.

Suddenly forgetting how tired I was feeling, I swung my legs down from the couch and moved over to his and stood behind it, lightly resting my hands on his tense shoulders.

"I think someone needs a massage," I lowly murmured in his ear when I dipped down to press a kiss to his cheek. He gave another sigh and short nod before turning his head to kiss me on the lips. His tired smile said it all. "Just sit back and enjoy it, Huggy Bear." He chuckled at the pet name and I got to work kneading out the tense coils in the back of his neck. His chuckles soon turned into moans of relief, his head falling forward. I rubbed soothing circles up the back of his neck with the pads of my thumbs, feeling the tight knots unwind within minutes. Once done there, I moved on to his strong shoulders I always get a kick out of running my hands over.

"Damn, Jesse, you really are wound up tighter than a tick!" I exclaimed, feeling the rock hard muscles of his shoulders and back. He tensed even more for about a second when I got started there, before he groaned heatedly again. "Can you stop moaning like that, you're starting to wind _me_ up," I moved further down his back, liking the feel of his smooth shirt under my hands. I wouldn't have minded if it was just skin on skin. My cool hands against the hot muscle flesh of his back. I pictured his half naked body in my mind, my lips twisting and parting when I splayed my fingers across the looser muscles, tormenting my needs by picturing them fluttering when I run my hands down his arms and along his body.

The thought made my blood rev harder and faster, my hands slowing while I just enjoyed the feel on him beneath my hands without worrying about someone walking in on us.

"Don't stop, _querida_. I need this," Jesse's rough voice sent shivers of anticipation through me, making fireworks crackle and explode in all the right places; a pool of heat shooting right to the pit of my stomach, causing my fingers to twitch and dig harder, gripping him. His resounding long, drawn-out moan of pleasure almost made me fall over the back of the couch and on to him. I was supposed to be treating _him_, not getting teased! l doubted it was unintentional, the bastard! "_Ah_, that's it . . ."

Scowling at the back of his head, pretty sure he was grinning at me, I worked his tense muscles over some more for a couple more minutes before I couldn't put up with his moaning and sighs of pleasure that were driving me _mad_!

After the last time he sighed about how good it felt, I patted his shoulder that I was done, and left him sitting there as wound up as I was feeling. Walking back around the couch I dropped into the sofa I was sitting on before and glared directly across at him. My fingers dug in to the cushions like claws on a tiger; my body humming for his touch more than ever. To quell a thirst and uncoiling of my own. And he _knew_ it. He stared right back with the worst knowing grin I've ever seen on him, his long legs kicked out, his arms resting casually either side of him. Looking relaxed and smug. And definitely as turned on as I was. I felt smug about _that_.

But it was his eyes that burned a hot need inside me . . . They looked like burning black coals, igniting more embers.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked; his thin lips quirking at the corners.

When a guy sets a challenge like that, there's only one way I deal with it. I get even.

"Not much, handsome," I licked the tips of lips slowly, dragging my tongue over my lower full one before turning it into a pout. Lifting my arm high, I let it fall to my cleavage where his tank shirt dipped lower than normal, tracing over my chest lightly before pulling the already loose top down enough to show off my black lacy bra; like I was trying to cool off. "I'm just a little hot and bothered from all your pleasurable _moaning_," I purred, letting my hand drop down from my chest and to my bare thigh, slowly drawing it up until I reached the bottom of his shirt. I pulled the bottom of it up a little, showing off some skin, still watching him.

Just as suddenly I let it go and dropped my head to fall back on the cushions with a breathy sigh. Imagining his hands as the ones teasing and tugging at my top. I knew my throat and neck were enticing him. It's his favourite place to go, other than my breasts.

So when I slowly pulled myself back upright and pinned him with a hooded look full of lust that he answered in kind, I knew what I had to do.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" I questioned innocently, looking up at beneath my eyelashes when I sat forward so he could see down my top enough to make his pupils dilate. I slowly arched myself up and off the couch like having an invisible arm slipped around my back; taking three, languidly slow steps across the distance to him on the sofa. I stayed watching him for a second, before kicking his feet apart and moving in to the space between his knees. Bending low, I made sure he got a full view to my lacy underwear that peeked out of his shorts, his top riding up my back. With my lips to his ear, I whispered seductively, flicking my tongue every now and again, tasting him.

"You make me feel so _hot_, and . . . _desperate_," I moaned pleadingly, my bare knee rising to brush along the inside of his thigh and the growing erection pressing behind his pants zipper. Resting it beside him on the sofa after his eye-lids flickered to a narrow stare, I carried on breathily telling him what he does to me. "Like, I just can't catch my . . . _breath_. I _need_ to have your hands - " I picked one of his up and stuck it on my hip, arching enough for it to slip somewhere else." - _touching_ me. You make me feel . . . _mmm, so good_, _Jesse_." I panted, bracing my hands on his shoulders to lever myself up so I could straddle his hips. Sitting on his lap, his desire throbbed against me.

When I made myself comfortable, I looked deep into his eyes, his hands gripping my hips tight, his jaw clenched so hard I thought I could hear his teeth grinding.

"I've been so hot and ready for you for so long; everything I wear feels so irritating and _tight_," I frowned playfully, toggling the bottom of the top between my fingers. His jaw twitched and a vein popped out on the side of his neck, but he didn't say anything. So I sat up off his lap for a second, stretching and arching myself higher so I could drag his shirt up my body and over my head. One of his hands went to my back to slide and guide me down to his lap, while the other slid along my bare thigh on show from his boxers riding up. Caressing the soft skin and making me shiver. Tossing my top behind me, I tip-toed my finger down his chest.

"Do you know what I mean?" I asked idly, ignoring his hand that was wandering up my spine to the clasp of my bra. I got to work with unbuttoning his shirt instead.

He took in a deep breath, his rough palms grazing over my ribs to rise up and skim the underside of my breast, until his hand crept over and cupped it. My nipples tightened at the way his thumb ran over them, feeling the heat of his touch through the black lace, my body already singing with arousal, pivoting in to his touch.

"_Cobre vida para mí, querida_." His husky voice deepened and thickened around the Spanish. His lips gliding over the words like his hands moulding to my body. His ease with it was fluid and sexy. He sounded so confident, possessive and in-control when he spoke the sexy as sin words. I was only allowed to interpret what he said by his eyes and his touch. But knowing he was saying something to me in a beautiful language that made my toes curl and the deep well of arousal in my stomach to shoot straight to my core was a major turn-on. Just like he knew it was.

Still undoing his buttons, his shirt coming undone the further down I went, I tugged my swollen lips, waiting for his kiss, between my teeth. "Let me guess what I do to _you_," I started coyly, moving his shirt apart and dropping my hands to his chest to rake my nails down over him, leaving nice deep marks. "You're blood starts singing and _boiling_ through your veins, rushing to your – " I flicked my eyes back up to him, raising one eyebrow." – _loins_. Your hands prickle and itch to run over my skin, _touching me_, and claiming me as yours. To make me _moan _and _writher_ with pleasure from your . . . _loving caress_. Am I close?" I breathed against his cheek, my fingers clawed into his shoulders.

"_Sí_," He growled, his hands undoing the clasp of my bra, dragging it down my arms quick and easily. I sat on him, intoxicated by the way his eyes were nothing but obsidian pools of powerful craving as he took me in shamelessly. His lips turned up into a sexy grin, a hand sending my mind into a warped sense of reality with his first touch. I bit down on my lip and clutched on to him a little harder. When his arm wrapped around my back and his body lifted me up to settle me down on the couch, my leg went straight around his to pull him down to me. "Very close."

I pushed his shirt down off his arms and let it drop to the floor, enjoying his prominent biceps when he braced himself above me. "I thought so," I grinned, slipping my hands over his shoulders to feel along his back. Whispering and teasing him like he did me was one thing. But what I wanted, what my lips _pulsed_ for was Jesse's kiss. Slanting his mouth across mine, I gave him instant entrance, meeting his tongue and exploring him, leaving me breathless within seconds. His lower body pressed down on mine, his erection grinding against the restriction of clothes still in the way, making me even more hot and wet for him. I tightened my leg around his and made the friction worse.

When he pulled away from our kiss for air, he took his time to just look down at me with free abandon. "_Bello_," He murmured under his breath. My body was craving him something fierce when he ran the raw graze of his eyes over my naked flesh. My nipples peaking to painful points, pleading, begging - _growling_ for his touch.

"_Yes_," I moaned in to his mouth when he came back down to kiss me with fresh fervour, his rough palm running over my breast again, his thumb running along the underside and dragging his hand back up and over the peak. Sparks flew behind my closed eyes and I pulled him closer, my hand slowly running through his hair. Tugging his lip between my teeth, I nipped at him, laughing when he growled frustratingly. I would've still been doing it until he pinched my nipple, rolling it between his fingers. A thrilling cry slipped from my tongue, captured by Jesse's smirking lips when I writhered beneath him and mauled my hands through his hair.

His palms slipped around to the curve of my back, pulling me up towards him as his mouth trailed wet, hot kisses down to the hollow of my throat. He was licking me, savouring what he found. I tried not to thrash about too much, but it was hard not to dull the keening cry born from the primal need holding my body in possession of my thoughts or senses. Why would I need to think when I had a hot tongue licking at my breasts, suckling and biting playfully? My body twitched, my head thrown back into the cushions while I gripped tight on to Jesse for more.

Feeling his erection pressing against me enticed me to slip my hand to his belted waist. With only one hand and some major concentration on my part when Jesse's mouth slid to my other breast, fondling and treating that with as much possession and skill as the first, I managed to unhook his belt and un-button him. I was letting my imagination go wild when he hissed in a breath and bit me harder than before as my hand cupped him, rubbing him through his pants. He groaned and covered my mouth with his when I cried out from the pleasure, his hard kiss making me drop my hand so they could both tangle and tug at his hair.

I was enjoying the battle of his kisses, the feel of my breasts pressed up against the course hair of his chest where he pinned me to the couch with half his weight. Up until he stopped just like _that_! "What – ?" I tried to say before Jesse put a finger to my lips. I frowned and pouted around his finger, coming back to my senses a little _too_ quickly.

"_Shhh_," He quietly whispered, canting his head to the side and listening for something. I frowned deeper, not hearing anything. I was about to say as much when I suddenly _did_.

"Daddy? Sooze?" A very sleepy, very _young_, very sweet voice called out from somewhere down the hall.

"Shit!" I snapped, throwing Jesse off me. Luckily he was already on his way to doing just that and landed on his feet agilely, picking up his shirt and throwing it at me with a wickedly tempting grin. Really not wanting to be caught half-naked by his four-year old daughter, I quickly slipped my arms into the holes, getting more caught up the quicker I tried to get it on. Jesse, making sure his hair was a little straighter and his flies were done up, threw me one sheepish look before slipping out into the hallway. " . . . Crap." I exhaled, buttoning up enough to make me look presentable if she came in to the room. I tried to pat down the ravaged, out of control hair I knew I had and quickly yanked my bra up off the floor and stuffing it under a pillow.

I could hear muffled talking coming from what sounded like the den and held my breath when it moved in to the hall. "I know, _Princesa_, its okay. I promise, next time I'll wake you just to say goodnight," He answered whatever she said, a definite grin and hoarseness to his voice while he climbed the stairs. Relaxing and sighing with relief, I crept out into the hall and slipped down to the kitchen, gasping for a glass of water. Hearing her voice ring loud and clear had shattered the moment we were so caught up in. We wouldn't be getting _that_ back tonight. It was probably for the best. We were well on our way to finally quenching that need, beyond foreplay.

And there is no way I'm having sex with Jesse on the living room couch!

I knew I couldn't stay after that. So I silently moved around the bottom part of the house, putting my bra back on with Jesse's tank shirt. I wasn't joking when I teased everything felt too tight. It does! Plus, wearing his shirt gave me the bonus of not only being cooler after that heated fun; but I got to inhale his scent as much as I wanted. Which was what I was doing when he came back downstairs still shirtless and stood watching me with a smile.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and stepped into the room. "Sorry about that."

I shrugged and laughed. "Trust me; you have nothing to apologize for. We just got carried away. Don't worry about it. But . . . I'm going to go before we have an interruption from someone else." I stepped past him with a hand drawn across his chest, and stepped out into the hall. He watched me slip my feet into my shoes and pick up my bag and keys sitting on a table by the door. "I'll wash your clothes and bring them back tomorrow. Do you think the ravaged by my sexy Spanish lover look suits me?" I twirled on the spot, winking when I came to a stop and got caught up in his arms.

"I couldn't agree more. Of course, it would be even better if I could not let you walk out of the door, but take you back _out_ of my clothes . . . " He growled for a second before straightening up, and with a visible effort, reined himself in. "I suppose I'll just have to wait a little bit longer for that," His kiss promised it wouldn't be _too_ long and I stepped back a little dizzy when he let me go."Be careful driving home, Susannah. And thank you for looking after Alisa, today. I'll make it up to you."

"Normally I'd say there's no need. But in this case . . . I'll hold you to it. Goodnight, Jesse. Thanks for the . . . _fun_." I winked, reaching around to pinch his butt before I quickly opened the door and slipped out with a laugh. I just managed to avoid his hand reaching for me and nearly fell off the porch again for not watching where I was going. But his chuckles warding off the chill of the night were more than worth it. I waved behind me while I jogged down to my car waiting on the curb. I hate driving away and leaving him standing there on the porch seeming all dark, mysterious and sexy. But I had to. I just held on to the old cliché of, worth the wait, while I headed for home.

Something told me I'd need the extra patience soon.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

_**A/N –**_ Why is it the really long chapters are the quickest and easiest ones to write? _Random_ . . . Maybe it was because I have been building up to writing this chapter for _ages_ and have _finally_ got the chance to post it? Yeah, that's probably it. :) _So,_ I just happen to be so _excited_ about this one! I really, _really_ can't wait to hear what you think. So as always and very much sincerely; _thank you so much_ for the reviews for the previous chapter! And much love for my readers and the continued flow of story alerts and faves for this story. Each new one makes me take one step closer to writing more and more of this. Thank you all for your patience with me! Jesse and Suze will be put out of their misery soon. They just have to get over this blip at the end of the chapter. :D So without further ado; _**enjoy**_!

Anonymous review replies are up on my profile. Oh and . . . _reviews are_ _looo-ve_! ;)

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_**Chapter Fifteen**_

Very, very slowly pulling my arm off the man laying out half-naked beside me, I tried wriggling further and further to the edge of the bed so I could sneak out of my room without him noticing. I don't know how long our game, where I try and sneak off, is going to go on for, but I _am_ going to beat him. So far, each time I've tried he's woke up and stopped me. The first time scared the life out of me. So I moved a little quicker, feeling around until my foot got free and escaped the confines of the comforter. I was doing well. I could feel the cold wooden flooring under my bare foot, my toe ring clicking against it. I winced, waiting for the man to wake, but he kept right on sleeping. So I put my other foot down a little more gently and tried to slip out from under the duvet without rustling it. I was so _close_! I could smell freedom in guise of the life-giving coffee and a cigarette.

Strong, black, hard-as-nails coffee. What I wouldn't have given for some of that!

Most women would say I was mad for trying to get away. But I was in sudden need of some space and I wanted it, _now_! I blocked out how good it feels wrapped in his strong arms while I sleep. How infuriatingly comfortable it is. I shredded the sound of his rough chuckle in my ear when I tell him to get lost when he kisses me awake. I don't care that he looks even better when he's laying there, with his arms propped behind his head, never bothering to cover himself up, with his hair tufting up in every which direction; making him look even _more_ careless.

Times like that, when his scarred naked body, packed solid tight with muscles and strength, tempts me right back into his arms, I want to hit him again. Or try and break his nose. I just wanted some space and a smoke. God, I was craving a smoke! A nice long drag . . .

"Where do you think you're going, Kitten?"

His rumbled sleepy voice made me jump with a muffled curse. I stiffened when the bed shifted under his weight as he moved onto his side, his hand snaking across the distance to lightly rest on my thigh. When I didn't answer straight away, he chuckled, sounding more awake all of a sudden. Which meant he'd been awake when I was trying to carefully get away from him. "Didn't think I'd let you get away with it did you? I'm a Marine; nothing much gets past me. You gave yourself up the second you pulled away." He said confirming what I thought. And sounding pretty smug about it too. He was just gunning for another punch.

Taking in a deep breath, I curled my hand into a fist and smacked him in the arm as hard as I could.

"Caden!" I growled; my good mood I woke up with attempting to evaporate bit by bit. He didn't even wince when I hit him, but I'm sure it hurt. I've got older brothers; I know how to punch and hit a guy where it hurts the most. And I'm not talking about his family jewels. Even though half the time if feels like I'm beating my head against a wall with him with his lack of reaction; I _do_ know how to recognise it when I get one. "Can't you just pretend to be asleep just _once_? It's really unnerving the way you do that." I sighed, letting his hand run up the back of his overly large t-shirt to smooth over my shoulder. "Don't even _think_ about it. I need a smoke and you're not gonna stop me."

Just to prove my point, I stood up off the bed, throwing the sheet aside and made to leave.

"Oh no you don't!" He chuckled again. He moved with lightening fast reflexes, his arms wrapping around my waist and dragging me back onto my bed and making it bang against the wall. I didn't even have time to blink. The next thing I knew, I was on my back, with Caden leaning over me with shit-eating grin and the sheets thrown right over us. I tried not to smile at the cliché of having a roll under the sheets, but I didn't push him away when he leaned down to kiss me. There's something I learnt the first night I met Caden . . . I just _can't_ stay mad at him. "_Gina_ . . ." He murmured roughly, nuzzling his nose and bristled cheek against mine. He's also a lot gentler than I figured him for.

That first week he chased me around, is kind of a blur. Just a lot of bantering, ignoring his calls, ignoring the flowers he sent and basically, just trying to get him out of my head. He'd worked his way in the second he stopped me tumbling down Suze's parents' stairs. When I mocked him for some hero and he said he wasn't. It was the way he _said_ it. That had to be when he really worked his way in. Not only am I a sucker for a pretty boy . . . But I'm a sucker for a pretty boy with issues. I definitely saw something he couldn't cover up quick enough. Though he did try with his charm. Something he's damn good at unfortunately.

Which is probably why I couldn't say no to him. I made him chase me for over a week before I finally gave in. I had no chance after that.

"Stop thinking." He commanded when he pulled up to look at me.

"I'm not." I instantly protested. I hate that about him. How he seems to know what I'm thinking, what I want. It's the most frustrating thing in the world when it comes to not being in the bedroom. I've made the mistake of letting a man walk all over me and tell me what to do before. I'm not about to let Caden start to do it either. All it takes is one shoe in the door and they have you. I'm not going there again. Not with some ex-Marine who could sell ice to Eskimo's and charm me into his bed. _Like you weren't already there waiting for him_, a sly inner voice mocked me. "Don't do that."

He pressed his full lips to mine with the smallest pressure, like an unspoken apology. "You were though, weren't you? It's okay, you can tell me if you were imagining all the different things you're going to do to me once you have me hooked up with those wicked handcuffs you have hanging off the end of your bed," He grinned slowly, his hand slipping up my bare thigh uncovered from my t-shirt riding up after I got tackled by him. "You should never deny what your body wants, Kitten."

Cupping the back of his neck, I brought his mouth down so I could kiss him, hard. I was in the one in control; and once he started to try and take over, I let him go, pulling away.

"Actually, I'm glad you said that, babe. Because I'm dying for a smoke, right now. So get off so I can go and sate my need," I winked, slipping out from underneath him as quickly as I could. Again, that was a bad idea. "Caden!" I yelped, half laughing, half exasperated. He muttered something I couldn't make out and pounced on my again. Only this time, he started tickling me. I'm still kicking myself for letting him know that weakness about me! "Oh, God, _no_!" I cried, tears filling my eyes in seconds.

I don't let anyone know it, but I'm badly ticklish! And Caden learnt that too early on!

"Cry Uncle!" He laughed at me when I writhered and gasped trying to get away from him. "Come on, I know you'll give in, eventually. You already have once. Cry Uncle!" He carried on laughing and tickling. I hit him with my fists; scratched; slapped; kicked my legs all about. If anyone was going to be walking in on us anytime soon, they'd get a nasty surprise! And would probably think I was being attacked the way I was crying for him to stop and lashing out at him. My tears were running into my hair and I somehow, managed to roll him onto his back as a way to get off him. But he just rolled us again.

Except, we rolled once too far that time.

Luckily the sheets got stuck so when we went over with me on top, it was enough for him to twist and break my fall. But we still hit the floor with a thud. Something sounded like it cracked and I sat up from him, straddling his waist. We stared at each other in silence, trying to work out what happened and who was hurt. I blinked and so did he. _His_ face was expressionless, and _I_ was starting to get really worried. There was an angry red mark on his chest where my cast smacked in to him. Luckily I get it off in a few days so the pain wasn't even a flinch. But something had definitely cracked underneath him and I was too scared to move in-case it was something really bad.

"Are you okay?" We both said in unison.

Scowling, I ran my hand over his chest and tight, muscled abdomen lightly, watching his face for any pain. "Did I hurt you?" I asked carefully, running my fingers down his sides. The army might have given him an honourable discharge, but they definitely gave him an incredible body! "Caden, did I hurt you?!" I asked again when all he was doing was just staring at me. I raised my hand to whack at his arm but thought better of it in-case I really _did_ hurt him and hit a sore spot. Landing on a wooden floor is no joke! I've done it before. Plus he had my dead weight land on him.

I rolled my eyes when he gave me a crooked smile. But this time I was anticipating his move and rolled with him when he landed on top of me. "Uncle?" He asked, running a gentle finger down the side of my face. Sighing; pissed that I was giving in, I nodded. "I knew you would. Don't worry; I won't think any less of you. I know how hard you can hit, remember?" He chuckled, leaning down to kiss me again. I wound my arms around the back of his thick neck, my hand running into his hair and tugging it between my fingers. Eventually we would have to leave our own little world in my room behind and hit reality again. We can't sneak around forever. But I don't want to be branded as _his_, just yet either.

I'm not some skank that dives into bed with a man at the drop of my hat. I barely even remember what happened the first night I had sex with Caden! I just know I agreed to meet him at a bar down-town and one drink led to too many. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a motel room with him beside me and my clothes scattered around the room. I've never hit a man as hard as I hit Caden that time. I was waiting for him to pick up his stuff and do a runner. I was about two seconds from giving him a head start, even. But once he calmed me down enough to actually hear what he was saying, I was even more suspicious.

Fooling around is fun. But we're not kids anymore and I'm tired of being used!

But against my better judgment, I decided to give him a chance. So far, there's been no reason for me to boot him out on his ass. We fight like cat and dog about the stupidest things, but there's nothing really to it. We've even managed to go out on a few dates and not have it end up as more than a kiss goodnight. We're almost doing everything in reverse. But we still haven't told anyone what's going on. For now, I'd rather keep it for _us_. I don't want outer interference tainting it or something. If Caden is going to be here for the real-deal, I need to know that properly. Otherwise, I'd rather just call it quits now and say it's been fun.

It doesn't mean he has to treat me like I'm going to snap if he holds me too tightly, though. Or call me when I tell him not to. Or sneak in when Suze isn't around and make me breakfast in bed. It knocks me off balance. Like he's after something. Guy's usually are if they do nice things. I'd watched him warily after that morning surprise. But all he did was stick on a film and cuddle with me. It took me almost twenty minutes to relax in his arms before I realized there was no hidden agenda. No, '_Now I've done something nice for you, how about you do something good for me? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge_.'

Damn insufferable, pretty-boy with skills.

While I was thinking over all this, we'd stopped kissing, his hands had left their artistic exploration under my t-shirt and he was laid out next to me, with me half-draped over his chest. I threw a long glance at the alarm clock by the bed. I had to get up, I had stuff to do. But I just couldn't be bothered to move for anything more than a coffee and a cigarette. Just the thought of them was enough to make me climb to my knees and get up to my feet. I stretched out my over-used muscles and dodged Caden's hand when he went from my ankle.

"Make yourself useful and make the bed," I grinned, shimmying into a pair of sleep-shorts to go with his t-shirt. "I'm going for a cigarette. I'll bring you a coffee back."

"Cheers, Kitten." He grinned, still lying on the floor. He waved his hand out lazily before flopping back down to a rumpled heap again.

I closed the door behind me and slipped into the kitchen to put the coffee machine on. I yanked another note off the fridge written in Suze's rushed hand-writing, telling me she'd gone to the salon and would be back in time for lunch. We're supposed to be going to the club to wait for a delivery in a few hours. I know Caden's got Alisa for the afternoon; he promised her a milkshake while Jesse works at the hospital. Which meant I got an afternoon with my best friend and plenty of time for me to work up to telling her about Caden and me? Sounds easier than it is. She already knows _some-things_ up. I'd be surprised if she didn't. I never could keep much from Suze.

I grabbed my cigarettes out of my bag and stepped out onto the balcony off the living room. I stared out over the view of Carmel while I sucked on the cigarette I'd managed to quit for years, just to pick it back up again since we started on our club venture. The opening's next Friday with a couple of live bands all lined up, the hype spreading quickly. The invites have been sent out to all the right people; I know some who are flying in from New York and travelling down from L.A. The flyers have been posted around and so far, the response has been huge. Now we just have to keep our fingers crossed that nothing will go wrong between now and then and we're home clear.

I took Caden in a cup of coffee once I finished my cigarette, finding him sitting on my newly made bed, with my handcuffs I had attached to my bed-post as a joke present from Suze, twirling around his finger. He grinned lopsidedly at me and winked. "Up for it?" He asked roughly, his voice sending tingles down my spine.

I kicked shut and locked my door behind me.

xXx

Moving my arm out from around Gina, I settled her back down to the pillow and just watched her sleep. Moving a piece of hair away from her lips.

I'd taken a huge chance by calling her the night before and asking her out for dinner with me as a spur of the moment thing. Usually she wants more notice and time to decide. But I was bored and as much as I knew she'd hate it for me to admit it out loud to her, I was dying to see Gina. Our secret, sneaking around relationship we've got going on is doing wonders for my ego. Even though out of the three and a half weeks I've been staying in Carmel, it's only been just over a quarter of that I've been seeing her.

Maybe it's the way she doesn't hold back when she takes a swing at me. Verbally and physically. My jaw still aches just remembering that last solid whack I got off her. I got suspicious looks off Jesse for two days after I received that one. I don't even remember what it was for. I think she just needed to feel some kind of power over me or something.

Hell, I'm not complaining. It just makes me want her even more!

I've never met anyone like Gina. I usually go for the giggling, swooning type of women. Those who are easy to please and just as quick to walk out of the relationship when they get as bored as I do. Not women like Gina, who gives as good as she gets. She definitely didn't make it easy for me that first week or so. She slammed me in front of everyone at Suze's folk' house, but I didn't back off. I called, gifted, _stalked_; all sorts of different things to wear her down. She did eventually, agreeing to go for a few drinks that ended with us getting plastered and falling into some bed at a cheap motel. The morning after was the first _real_ punch I got from her. It definitely hurt enough to make me fall back a few steps.

Man, was she ever pissed. And _hot_! I like angry, hissing and spitting at me Gina. She's as enticing as calm, shoot-me-down-with-one-pitiful-look, her is. But even as she hit me and ranted that I better 'sneak off' now before she hit me again, I could tell she wanted to jump me as much as I did her.

It took me longer than I thought to calm her down before I could make her hear that I _wasn't_ going to be running off and that I _wasn't_ looking for a one-time thing. I'll admit I've not been too careful in the past. But one look at Gina is enough to know she's not the type to just fall into a guy's arms. Jeez, after over a week of getting my ego battered and bruised to win her over, there was _no way_ I was going to just ditch her like that, after a night both of us barely remembered. She told me it wouldn't be easy if we're going to try dating. But I told Jesse I wouldn't do anything to hurt her and I _meant_ it.

Besides, the wooing and battling to wear her down just made the make-up sex after, pretty damn memorable. We stayed in the motel room a few more hours before we finally agreed to at least go out on a few more dates before we pulled that stunt again. Just a bit of fun for now, and see how it goes.

Damn, go it has! It's like a constant battle with her. Even if we're bantering over what movie to watch the nights we have alone at her place or Jesse's. Over who ate the last piece of popcorn or slice of pizza. About who should drive or pick up the tab on our dates. She usually wins, but that's because I'm so distracted by her, I can't keep up. She scrambles my brain and nerve-endings to frayed wires. She doesn't bow down to me; she stands up for herself and is more than happy to kick me out the door if I don't back down to _her_. It's a new relationship dynamic for me, that's for sure.

But I'd still taken a risk by calling her.

Gina likes her space. Meaning rare phone-calls and no questions of what she's doing or who she's with. That's fine by me, _if_ I'm not in a supercilious mood that is. Instinct tells me she secretly likes the phone-calls and questions. She just doesn't admit it to me, because she's a born and bred Brooklyn girl. Independent and hard to break. But that doesn't mean I can't slip through the cracks and make myself comfortable while I wait for her to realize I'm fracturing her bit by bit. It's going to take a lot longer than two weeks, but I'm working on it. I'm not known for giving-up. The military drilled it into me for years.

My commanding officer shouted it in my ear when I laid among rubble after the car-bombing in Afghanistan.

Why should Gina Augustin be any different in my approach?

Our dinner wasn't anything fancy, but then neither of us is the type to sit in a stuffy restaurant and not be able to be as loud as we want. Another thing we have in common. We just went to a relaxed Thai place Jesse recommended to me and went back with her for the night. It's not the first time she's snuck me in with Suze there. Waking up to the sight of Gina's copper hair has been the best rousing to awareness I've had in years. She hadn't even stirred when I slipped back in to bed before she woke up and tried sneaking away. I'd just gone back off to sleep when I heard Suze leave the apartment and locked Gina back up to me for another hour.

I _know_ I throw her off course with some of the things I do. Not just the spur of the moment dates. I mean like making her breakfast in bed. Not that I let people see it, but I'm not stupid and I'm pretty damn good at reading people. So it wasn't hard to notice how on-edge and tense Gina was after her TLC that morning. I knew what she was expecting of me, so I made a point of _not_ even going there. That wasn't what I was after at all. She'd just got back from a couple of days in New York and I thought she deserved a little attention. Breakfast in bed was what she _needed_. I might be an ex-Marine, but I'm not a cad. Not to any women.

I have a best friend who's not fussed about putting me back in place if I over-step a boundary to do with anything. Jesse would never let me become anything of the sort.

Rolling away from Gina I swung my legs down to the floor, feeling the cool metal of the hand-cuffs against my feet. We hadn't used them; I'd just got back to my session of tickling her before we'd rolled off the bed. It was lucky Suze wasn't still in the apartment; she definitely would've heard Gina squealing and trying to get away from me after I started that. The fall to the floor wasn't without its pain, like my stiff shoulder that took the impact, was telling me. But it was worth it to see the concern in her stunning brown eyes when she ran her fingers over me. She thought she'd hurt me. And she will . . . If I don't keep watch.

Even as I thought it my mind flipped over to my best friend. I released a long suppressed sigh when I thought of Jesse. I've listened to the way he talks about Suze when she's not around. I know and I can see how far in over his head he is without realizing it. I've seen the look in his eye when he thinks no-one's watching them. Noticed how attached Alisa is and how much she idolises the woman. Seems almost like I came to Carmel at just the right time. I don't want to warn Jesse away from her, it's obvious Suze is just as 'smitten' with my best friend and Goddaughter as they are with her. I know without asking that Suze is just as clueless as Jesse is.

That doesn't exactly leave me with the most kosher feeling though.

I'll admit, when Gina first told me Jesse had gone out on a date, I was surprised. It's been a long time since he's been in a relationship and I was more than curious of whom she was. I fished for some information on her, anything that could give me some idea of what's so special about Suze that has Jesse caught, hook, line and sinker. I _do like_ Suze. There's nothing about _her_, character wise that has me worried. It's the fact she's got no ties, no worries and heavy responsibilities like Jesse has. She owns a club with Gina, which has the burdens split fifty-fifty. Otherwise, she's just a free soul.

Jesse _isn't_. He has a little girl. As much as I cherish Alisa, that's baggage to any relationship. Suze doesn't strike me as the type of woman that wants to be a step-mom by the ripe age of thirty. She's not as tough to break as Gina is, but she's wilful and independent still. What's going to happen when she gets bored? When she suddenly decides having someone else's kid to look after, isn't always sunshine and tea-parties? So she did a great job of taking care of Alisa the other day; but what about when it's worse? When Alisa grows up and might not turn out to be so sweet and adorable then? All questions I've wanted to ask her, but have no right too. I'm worried for _them_ - Jesse and Alisa.

What's so special about Suze that makes her any different from Paige, Alisa's Mother?

I hope that Suze will prove me wrong and love Alisa and Jesse as much as it looks like she's going to. I hope everything works out for them and they finally have the complete family they deserve. I've never _wanted_ to be more wrong. But somewhere down the line, _something_ is going to go bad. I don't want to be the one to say, '_I told you so_.' Not to Jesse. He was told that over five years ago and I saw what it did to him. He's just starting to retreat from his cave and Alisa's growing up to be an even more amazing kid than she already is. I'd be a sick man to want to take that away from them. So I won't. Not now, not ever.

I raised my head when I heard the sound of the front door closing. I looked over my shoulder to Gina, still sleeping peacefully beneath the covers and leant over to kiss her gently on the head. Before she could stir I moved away for the door. I couldn't put on my t-shirt because Gina was wearing it. So I just strolled out of her room, softly closing the door behind me and walked to the sounds of someone making coffee in the kitchen. I leant up against the kitchen counter and idly watched Suze step around the kitchen with her back to me when I arrived.

"Hey, I brought a pizza home with me. I couldn't be - _FUCK!!_" She exclaimed shrilly as she turned around to face me, shooting her hand to face. "Oh my God, Caden, what the _hell_!"

Smirking that I caught her by surprise, I shrugged. "I don't look _that_ bad in the mornings do I?" '_Maybe I should've put Gina's purple bathrobe on'_, I thought belatedly, too late for it now.

Facing Suze, I squared my shoulders. Something told me this would be a memorable conversation.

xXx

I dropped my shaking hand to my chest to stop my heart from trying to burst its way out. God, Caden scared the crap out of me! I glared at him where he was standing leaning against the counter, his smug grin eating away at me. When I left the apartment this morning, it was thinking I was only leaving _Gina_ behind. Not Caden too! How'd I manage to miss something like _that_? Judging from him only standing in his jeans, his shirt was with Gina somewhere. Oh God, I really didn't want to imagine what they've been doing with me sleeping down the hall. I pressed my hand to my mouth and blinked at him. He was definitely built like something out of an action movie. Apparently he took his fitness seriously.

Personally, it's too much muscle.

But each to their own.

"It's afternoon if you hadn't noticed," I replied as soon as I could open my mouth without screaming. I thought I was talking to _my_ best friend, not Jesse's! Closing my eyes I leant up against the counter opposite him. When I opened them he was staring at me carefully. I suppressed an uncomfortable shudder and stood up straighter. "So . . . How long's this been going on? Your whole - " I coughed to clear my throat. " - staying here without me knowing thing I mean. Don't get me wrong! What you two do in your free-time is up to you. I just wasn't expecting to turn around and have a half-naked Marine standing in my kitchen." Even though it didn't seem it, my tone was much lighter than my words.

"Can I have a slice of your pizza? I'm starving," He said, reaching around me to grab the pizza box before I could blink.

Rolling my eyes, I turned back around to finish making my coffee. "Knock your-self out," I muttered under my breath, turning for a second and waving a spare cup. He nodded he wanted one and got back to his slice of pizza. So much for lunch. "So, you going to answer my question or continue your selective hearing. I could always go wake Gina up and ask her, you know." I passed his black coffee over and re-took my place leaning against the counter watching him. He picked up a second piece of pizza and grinned at me around it.

"I don't have selective deafness," He mumbled around some food. I waited through him eating his second slice before he answered my question. "I was savouring the moment. A couple of weeks I guess. Don't really remember the exact date. We're just . . . " He waved his hand around like it would finish what he was saying for him. "_You know_. We were gonna tell you and Jesse eventually but it didn't seem a big deal. You both come and go as you please anyway. It's not as if you're living in each other's pockets. We're just enjoying ourselves for now. Like I said; no big deal." He wiped off his fingers on a napkin and picked up his coffee cup. "What?" He questioned me when I didn't say anything.

"I think it's a bigger deal than you're making out." I said slowly, watching him like he'd been watching me.

He narrowed his eyes the slightest bit and raised his broad chin. "Like you and Jesse you mean?" He shot back at me with a glazier edge to his voice.

I actually reeled back like he'd _physically hit me_ and finally became aware of the not-so-nice tension weighing heavily between us. He was rigid and alert even though he gave away an image of casual ease. Like he was totally fine with the downward spiral our conversation had taken in only a matter of seconds. Where had that come from?! And _why_? Our conversation hadn't exactly started out on a light note anyway; but now it was just frosty and awkward. '_Just who was the one that just surprised the crap out of his girlfriend's best friend and room-mate_?' I wanted to ask. But there was definitely nothing casual about the way he said what he did next.

"I don't think you really get how big this _thing_ you and Jesse have going, _is_ Suze. None at all."

Kind of taken by surprise at suddenly being figuratively backed into a corner for something I had _no idea_ he was going on about; I shoved down the doubt rising straight up from the pit of my stomach and faced his obvious tension head-on. Slamming my cup down on the counter and spilling the coffee over the edge, I brought myself up as straight as I could against his tall, huge frame imposing the kitchen. He was rallying for a fight and I was going to give him one!

"I have no idea, what you are going on about," I announced each word carefully and slowly, curling my hands into fists at my sides. I took one step towards him to prove I wasn't afraid of him and I wouldn't back down in the face of his sudden hostility. I didn't understand where it was coming from! Never, in all the time he's been here, have we ever gone up against each other. We've always laughed and bantered like I used to do with Brad. "Why don't you enlighten me, seeing as you seem to know everything already?"

He put his own mug down and loomed over me. "Fine. I'm talking about Jesse and Alisa. And what they're going to do when you get tired of playing 'House' with them and decide you want your free, no-strings attached old life back," He started, his words growing darker, more forced as he went on passionately; his concern morphing his expression. _Or was that just the shock of what he was saying_? I felt the breathe get torn from my lungs the moment he mentioned playing 'House' and was fighting like I'd done at the beach to get it back and make my brain catch up. I was . . . _shocked_! And felt so sick, I almost raised my hand to my mouth just in case.

"This is _real_, Suze," He went on, ignoring my confused reaction. "Not some _game_ you want to play because you're bored all of a sudden and want to spice things up a bit. Alisa's nearly _five years old_ and looks at you like a possible _Mother_. You can't play around with the kids emotions like that! And Jesse sure as hell don't deserve you coming in, ripping his heart to shreds like that bitch did years ago and destroy what progress he's made. Look at the big picture here. They're a family; they're tight-knit and they never let outsiders in. Except _you_. But there's no way I'm gonna stand by and watch you walk all over them. Get out, before you get too deep."

His jaw was tight, the last part of his spiel spoken through clenched teeth.

I worked my mouth like I was trying to say something, but I couldn't get the words out. I was so mad! No, I was fucking _furious_!

"Yeah, that's what I thought," He practically sneered at me, shaking his head back and forth and snorted through his nose in disgust.

I completely lost it then. I don't regret what I did next and I'd do it all again if it meant getting my point across and protecting the fragile relationship I've gained with Jesse and Alisa. Just as he was about to stand up straight from where he'd been looming over me, I reared my tight painfully clenched fist back and threw my whole body into a punch that smashed in to his face and made him whip his head to the side, staggering under the unexpected blow. His muffled curse just made me want to do it all again, just so I got to see the pain.

"Christ, what is it with you Brooklyn girls and hitting men?!" He exclaimed, wiping the back of his hand across his split lip, smearing blood down his chin.

Unclenching my fist that was now throbbing, I pushed at him until he was backed up against the counter, his pain and irritation gone to be replaced with shock. I barely reached his shoulder and was tempted to make him stay where he was just so I could go and get a step so I'd be higher, or more level with him. But I didn't have a step to stand on and I was too mad to do anything other than point my finger into his chest, jabbing at him as I drove home my point. Forever would be too soon before I hear what he said to me again.

"Listen up, _jackass_," I growled through my teeth, glowering with anger. "Before you start throwing insults around and jumping to the defence of Jesse, get your _facts_ right. Whatever is going on between me and Jesse, is between _us_," I hissed livid. "We keep it separate from Alisa to _protect_ her. Before you start - " I raised my voice an octave, shutting him up before he could counter me. " - I _know_ that with Jesse you get Alisa and vice versa. I've _known_ _that_ from the beginning. Just like whatever it is that's growing between him and me has been from the beginning. So before you start going off at me about getting in too deep, let that be _our_decision. And as for Alisa," I said, my voice lowering and my anger draining away at just the thought of that little girl. At the horrible idea of walking away from either of them . . .

That was what made me feel sicker than anything else.

I took a deep breath and stepped away from him, sagging in defeat. "Caden, I _love_ that little girl. I loved her before I realized there was even a chance between me and Jesse! What you've just accused me of _possibly_ doing was _wrong_. I would _never_ hurt Alisa. You'd have to cut out my heart before I'd do _anything_ like that. I _know_ about her mother. I _know_, what she has made them go through. But I have news for you, _I'm not her_! I can't say what's going to happen between me and Jesse, where it's going to go because I just _don't_ know. It's too early to tell. But right _now_ . . . being with Jesse and getting the chance to love Alisa, is where I want to _be_. _Here_."

I turned my back on him and gripped the counter-top with my hands. My nails were turning white from the strain. I stared at my coffee cup, willing myself not to cry, not to be hurt about what he said. Deep down I knew he was protecting Jesse and Alisa. I'd do the same for Gina at the drop of a hat. But it still _hurt_ to be accused of being that shallow and selfish. Like I could ever do such a thing to either of them. I sighed again and turned back around to find him smiling at me.

I was beginning to hate that self-indulgent smile. "Do you want me to hit you again? Because I will – "

"If it'll make you feel better, take your shot," He carried on smiling, holding his arms out wide by his sides for me to take aim. When I didn't bother, I didn't even _move_, he dropped his arms and looked contrite. Then he did something that took me by surprise again. His hand reached out to me and pulled me in for a hug. I can't say it was one of the most comfortable hugs I've ever had. It was awkward actually. But it was what I needed and I wasn't about to push it, _or_ his apology away. "I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have said all that. But . . . that was what I was seeing from my perspective. You seem almost too good to be true, Suze. I'm just trying to watch out for my buddy."

Pulling away from him, I laughed, breaking the ice a little more. "Yeah I know you were. So while we're on it . . . If you hurt Gina in any way, I'll break your legs. And then I'll break your arms. And then your nose just because I can, before I permanently maim you. If Gina leaves any of you left that is. But don't think I won't. I have a nice metal bat in my room, I can – "

"Okay, okay," He laughed nervously, backing up a bit. "I get the point. No hurting our respective best friends. Gotcha," He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

Leaving him to look around the kitchen, trying to think of something else to say to cover up the stifled atmosphere that was slowly fading away, but still rippled between us, I pulled out a clean dish-towel and got an ice-tray out of the freezer. I didn't say anything while I knocked some cubes onto the towel and wrapped it up and passed it to him. I know it must've cost him to apologize and I wasn't going to drag it out of him any longer than he needed to. I just waited for him to put the ice to his lip before I spoke.

"So we never tell Jesse and Gina about this, right? We'll just forget about it and move on?" I asked because I had to.

He gave me a curt nod that felt like I'd just had my life spared by the executioner. And that was it. Atmosphere cleared and smiles a lot more sincere than they've been the last few times I've seen him, I realized, were filling in the blanks. He really is good looking when he smiles properly. But still doesn't come close to Jesse.

Swiping the pizza box out from under his reaching hand, I put it down next to me while I jumped up onto the counter and took a slice. I was just about to ask about his split lip when my best friend walked into the kitchen in a t-shirt way too big for her. I watched her closely while she flicked her seemingly non-fazed gaze at finding us hanging out together, like it's a regular thing, between me eating rapidly cooling pizza and Caden with ice to his face. Her eyes widened when he lowered the ice pack and showed her the damage. Even I winced when her slim eyebrows reached up high on her forehead before she crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head.

"What'd you do to him, Simon?" She asked me with a wry smile, rolling her eyes when Caden pulled his wounded look. "And I want the truth."

Licking my lips, I tried to think up a little half-truth white lie.

"Well, first I hit him with a frying-pan when he scared me half the death; then I punched him when he took my pizza away that was supposed to be lunch. Before I gave him a round-house kick, just because I wanted to," I trailed off, shrugging easily. "So not much. Either way he's fine. It's not as if you haven't hit him before now, right?" I coyly asked, already knowing it was a yes. Caden's build like a brick-shit-house. I can't imagine a guy going up to him and just punching him in the face for the sake of it. He had to get his bruised cheek Jesse found him wearing a few days ago, from somewhere.

"Yeah, but _I'm_ allowed," She laughed, patting him on the shoulder when he exclaimed, '_Hey!_' indignantly. She came up to get a slice of pizza from me before she wandered back off out the kitchen with it. Apparently choosing to pretend there wasn't something missing from the conversation. Like maybe, '_So yeah, Caden and I have been having wild monkey sex, by the way_.' She just said, "I'm going to get in the shower. I won't be long and then we'll go over to the club," She said to me as she went, not bothering to stop and look even sheepish about the fact she'd kept Caden a secret from me. "You better get your ass moving, Caden. Alisa and Jesse are going to be waiting for you."

She was gone soon after that and we heard the bathroom door slamming closed.

"She's right, I have to go. Guess now you know, I might as well tell Jesse. Least he'll know where I've been going," He chuckled, laying the bag of ice down on the counter. "Thanks for the pizza, coffee and sparring match. It's been a blast," He grinned, waltzing out of the kitchen in his bare feet and headed towards our bedrooms. At least I thought he was before I heard Gina shout out something like a painful threat when he stopped by the bathroom to probably get his t-shirt. When he popped his head into the kitchen on his way out, he surprisingly didn't look too damaged. Except for his split lip because of me, that is.

"Thanks again, Suze. I'll tell Jesse you said hi." He smirked, walking off.

I rolled my eyes and got back to eating what was left of my pizza. Twenty minutes later, Gina came strolling back into the kitchen where I was cleaning up, ready and waiting for me. I braced myself for her questions I knew she had, just like her waiting for me to ask her mine. But neither of us said a word about what happened half an hour before. Instead, she just nudged me along out the door. We drove to the club in silence, both of us with our heads in the clouds. It wasn't actually until we were inside did both of us try and say anything to lighten the mood or explain ourselves. After the awkward beginning of speaking at the same time, the ice with Gina was broken and after that, it all just came spilling out.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about, Caden," She started, grabbing the other end of the leather couch we'd moved into position a few days previously, but didn't like the look of now. It'd only been freshly decorated and everything put into place four days ago. The builders had worked hard to get it ready and as soon as they gave the go a-head, the interior designer was in and working his and our magic. But we still weren't happy with where the leather couches were. "I was going to. Eventually. I just wanted it to be about us for a while. Kind of get it out of our systems, I guess." She frowned, trying to work through her own logic.

"You don't need to apologize, Gina. It's fine. What you want to do in your spare time is up to you. So long as you don't get hurt," I reassured her. She laughed and shook her head, her hair flying around her face. We stepped back and assessed where the couch now was, trying to decide if it was okay or not. "What'd you think?"

"I think I don't have anything to worry about with you watching out for me, Suze," She smiled, looping an arm around my shoulders. I looped mine around her waist and stared around at the club/bar we've built together. It was hard, expensive, dirty and worth it. One of the best investments we'll make a success together. "Thanks by the way. For talking me into doing this with you now. For dragging me out here. I can't believe we're almost _there_! This place looks _amazing_. It's _going to be_, amazing." She smiled, taking in a deep breath and swelling with it. '_Seems Caden's been doing more than just making her serene_,' I thought.

Laughing, we stepped away from the upper level sitting area and were just about to make our way down the wide flight of stairs when a guy came through the entrance with a clipboard. "Just in time for the delivery," I said, moving back away from the stairs and getting down to the not so fun part.

We worked for a few hours after helping the delivery men un-stack the crates and boxes of alcohol, to get ready to stock on the shelves and put in the fridge. It was hard work and damn heavy. But we were making slow progress and it was fun to just laugh and talk while we did it. The inventory was what was taking the longest time, but we treated ourselves to a smoothie while we worked. We've both worked in bars back in New York when we need some extra cash or were low on money in College but were too proud to ask out folks for some help. We picked up a lot of tips and know enough to give us a kick-start here.

We want to be an active part of the club, not leave it up to our staff to do. A staff we hand-picked and delegated over for days. It was all coming together like the pieces of a puzzle.

But we definitely agreed that next time, we'd be getting Caden to come and help us do the heavy lifting. "You just want to see all his _rippling_ muscles while he's hefting crates around," I teased Gina, jumping out of the way when she swung at me with her cast. "Well _that's_ a yes!" I laughed. I knew I shouldn't have been goading her, but I just couldn't resist. After weeks of being teased about Jesse, it felt good to be able to turn the tables on her at last, now I know who her mystery lover is. Some part told me I should've already known . . .

She sat back down on her stool and picked her pen back up to carry on ticking off the list. Looking very smug while she did it. "You're just jealous you and Jesse haven't been able to have any - _alone time_ together yet," She waggled her eyebrows meaningfully, laughing long and loud when I groaned and slouched across the bar helplessly. I didn't even want to go there! Not after getting interrupted by his daughter. "So how bad was it? Nearly getting caught out by Alisa I mean? Must've been a total mood killer, huh?" She carried on grinning, enjoying herself _way_ too much at my expense.

I groaned again, just as I felt my phone silently vibrate in my pocket. "Don't _even_ go-there," I warned her, checking my caller display before answering it. I was laughing at the stupid face Gina pulled when I finally flipped my phone open and held it to my ear. "Hey, Mom, what's up?" I started, turning away before I got distracted by Gina's stupid expressions. I shouldn't have worried though. The moment I heard my Mom's choked voice and heavy sniffles down the line, I sobered right up.

"_Susie_?" She asked needlessly, sounding like she was coming from far-away.

I felt my palms slick with sweat and nerves, the phone slipping through my fingers. I tightened my grip, pressing it to my ear, terrified I would miss something she said. "Mom? Mom, what's wrong? What's going on?!" I asked quickly, pressing a hand to my ear like that would cut out the noise on her end. I saw Gina straighten up on her stool and watch me anxiously. But I just concentrated on a random spot on the floor, trying to make my hearing ten times better just so I could hear what she was saying; imagining the worst possible things. She was choking about not being able to tell me over the phone; but it was just making her cry even harder. "Mom, talk to me!" I exclaimed, all sense of calm and happiness gone!

But the moment I heard her whisper to me, I felt my blood turn to ice and my heart give such a painful lurch, I staggered forward to grip the bar.

Swallowing down the rock embedded in my front, a sob sitting on the tail of that, I hooded my eyes, unable to find the energy to close them the whole way. Too terrified that if I did, his face would swim before my eyes and I wouldn't be able to stay in control. I wanted more. I needed to hear her say something other than she did! "I didn't – Mom, I can't – " I started to say in a stuttered voice hoarse with shock and disbelief. She had to be lying. She couldn't be telling me this! "I mean I don't understand. Please . . . please say that again." I tried to wet my dry lips, but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, restricting any movement or speech.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't get enough oxygen to my brain and it was making dizzy. That had to be it!

"_Susie_ . . ." She choked back more sobs as she said my name, her breath coming out in ragged gasps that gave me the opposite effect. She didn't want to tell me over the phone. I didn't _want_ to hear it, over the phone. But she didn't have a choice. _Why can't I breathe_?! I was starting to panic, my hand gripping the bar tight. "_Susie it's_ . . . _Oh God, honey. I_ . . . " She went on, the sinking realization of what she said before was viciously hitting home now and made me shut my eyes tight against the pain rising in my chest with the force of a sledgehammer being swung into my gut again and again. I felt the floor start to shift and move beneath me, but all I heard was what my Mom said next on the most heart-breaking sob, a Mother can do.

"_Susie it's Brad_ . . . _He's dead_."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

_**A/N – **_How many people hate me right now? ^^; Lol! I'm sorry for the cliffy I left you with at the end of the last chapter! Trust me; I'm still trying to get my head around what I did too. It made for writing this chapter, _really_ hard! That's partly why it's taken me longer than normal to update. :) But I _loved_, hearing what you all thought! It was scarily exciting, hehe. I really hope you enjoy this chapter; I'm going to be working on the next one as soon as possible.

I have the biggest thank you to you all for enjoying this story so much; you've tipped me over the 200 review mark! I am stunned, speechless! It feels like I was only just saying the most heart-felt thanks to you all for reading and enjoying this story so much! I can't believe I'm doing it again! :) But I would like to thank _**writer'sblock7777**_, for being the one to hit the mark. Thanks hun! And to everyone else, for even allowing it to get that far! So, **very much** love to you all. :) Reviews really are love! ;) *Hugs*

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_**Chapter Sixteen**_

"_Suze? Is that you?_"

The sound of Jake's rough voice replacing the sobs of my Mother snapped me out of the fog that dropped so heavily and quickly around me; my shoulders sagged under the weight. I locked my legs into place to stop myself from hitting the floor and ignored Gina who was watching me so hard; I thought I was going to be set on fire from the intensity of her stare. I made some non-committable sound that sounded between a gasp and a 'huh'. But that was it; a silence dropped down between us over the flimsy connection while we both tried to work out what to say next. What was I _supposed_ to say? What was I supposed to _do_?! I'd just been told our brother's -

_Oh my God_ . . .

"_Suze we need_ –" Jake cut himself off and I heard him take in a deep breath before he tried again. "_I need you to come to the hospital_. _We're all here_. _But I can't_ . . . _I don't know how_ – _Fuck! Suze, what do I _do_?_ _It was just_ – _he was just_ – " He gasped, his voice growing hoarser as the seconds ticked by.

I swallowed down the rock lodged in my throat, still stopping me from taking in a proper breath. "What _happened_?!" I whispered, needing to know _something_! My mind was holding everything back so far. But I didn't know how long that would or could last. How the hell did I go from punching Gina's boyfriend in the kitchen this morning, to hearing that my brother is - that he's - _Shit_! I needed answers! "Jake . . . What is going _on_?! Mom just said . . . She said that . . . I mean what - _Talk_ to me!" My tone would've been snapping if I wasn't so shocked. I could feel the cold despair settling in, numbing me to the bone. '_Where the hell's the punch-line?!_' I wanted to ask.

"_It was a_ - _a car-crash_. _His car was_ - _was totalled_. _There was nothing_ . . . _they tried_ . . . _Suze,_ _**hurry**_."

That was all Jake said before the phone disconnected.

I felt my fingers snap the phone shut, my hand falling limply to my side. I blinked a couple of times to try and moisten my dry eyes. But it was no use. It felt like they were _burning_ with how dry they were! "I have to go out," I simply said to Gina, my voice sounding strained and taut to my own ears. I could still hear my Mom's words ringing in my head, bouncing around no matter how many times I tried shaking them loose with the flick of my head. I couldn't turn and look at Gina as I grabbed my bag and stepped out from the bar and over to the stairs. She was quick on my heels though. She always has been . . .

I felt her hand touch my arm but I shrugged her off, not wanting the contact. "Suze, what's going on?! What did your Mom, say? _Where are you going_?!"

I didn't stop to answer her questions - the sheer over-powering need to get to my family was driving me forward with more speed than normal. Even Gina was practically jogging to keep up with me. "I have to take the car." I continued as if she hadn't spoken and asked me questions I couldn't answer right then. The rest of what Jake said was doing what my Mom's words were, around my head like an echo that never stopped. '_Car-crash_ . . . _totalled_ . . . _nothing_ . . .' I didn't need to know what hospital Jake was talking about. He meant the Carmel Memorial. That was where my legs were propelling to take me. Where Jesse would possible be. Oh the thought of seeing someone strong enough to take it away . . .

"Suze, stop! _Talk to me_!" Gina pursued me. She gripped the driver's door, not letting me close it once I was seated behind the wheel. "_Suze_ . . ." She whispered anxiously, her eyes piercing into me, trying to see some kind of reaction. She wouldn't get one from me though. I'd put up a wall of protection around me and the grief. A big ass brick wall that not even the Spartan's would've been able to conquer. I didn't want to deal with it. I couldn't fall apart now and just be a useless wreck when I get to the hospital and see my, Mom. What help would I be to her then? I turned that un-spoken question towards Gina, looking at her at last. Whatever it was she saw, it was enough for her to gasp and let go of the door so I could close it.

"I'll call you soon." I said through the open window before gunning the engine and driving away from her. I only glanced up to the rear-view mirror once, still seeing her standing there, watching me go. The moment my eyes had dropped, I felt around for my hands free device and opened my phone back up. I used the advantage of a stop-light to find Caden's number and call him. It took a few rings, but he finally answered it the call.

"_Harris_," He greeted. The sounds of Alisa squealing and laughing in the background made the well of grief inch higher in my chest. I closed my eyes briefly to block her out.

Clearing my throat, I drove and spoke to Caden on auto-pilot. I couldn't snap myself out of anything else. "It's Suze," I replied, gripping the steering wheel so tight my fingers were tingling with pins and needles. "I need you to get over to the club. I've got a family emergency and had to take the car. Gina's there by herself. She's going to need someone to take her home. Tell her I'll call when I can. I can't talk right now I - I - Just watch out for her, Caden. _Please_?" I ended on a whisper, my throat rasping the last word painfully.

"_Yeah, of course I will!_ _But Suze, wh –_ " I didn't hear what else he said because I'd cut the call. I didn't want to hear anything else.

Somewhere deep inside, I was crying and confused and lost and _so scared_ of what I would find when I arrived at the hospital, the only thing I wanted to do was completely deny it. I needed to be in control for what I was going to find. Because trying to make sense out of my Mom's phone-call was like trying to decipher what a baby's babbles mean - Senseless and gabbled. Some part of me recognized I should have offered words of comfort or said something to tell how shell-shocked I was. But I didn't have the words for any of it.

What's that old line? '_If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all_.' Well that's the philosophy I took in the seconds it took for my brain to hear the words, make them understand on the most basic emotional level and then just go onto auto-pilot and do what my Mom, needed of me right then. What my _family_, need.

To be the rock I've neglected to be, for too long.

She sure didn't sound like she was thinking straight. Like I could blame her, finding out her - our - my - I just wanted to _be there_ for her. Do what a daughter does best when the parents break down and it's left to you to offer the support. But I just couldn't understand how we could've gone from bantering and jibing at each other one minute, to a few days later he's - he's - I slammed my hand down on the steering wheel as a way to just make me _feel_ something. I couldn't deal with it. I _didn't want_ to deal with it! What was I going to be walking into? Who would I be seeing? '_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON_?!' I _wanted_ to screech.

My mind had no problem with it though. It was so loud I almost swerved off the road.

'_Great Suze. That's just what your Mom needs. Another - _' I didn't finish the thought because I was mentally and physically incapable of doing it.

My phone vibrated on the seat next to me. Again and again, the slight buzzing sound was like a fog-horn going off right beside me. "Go away," I muttered, not knowing and not caring who was on the other end of the line. I was acting with such a harsh detachment that anyone knowing the truth wouldn't think I was a sister or even a friend to . . . to . . . "_Goddammit_!" I growled, running a hand through my hair roughly. I didn't bother to gently remove my fingers when I hit a tangle. I just ripped my hand away. The pain felt good. It made me realize I was still feeling. I wasn't in a completely cold-hearted bitch mode. But the further I got to the hospital, the more I started to feel like that kid again . . . When my Mom told me Daddy wouldn't be coming home anymore. That it was just her and me now.

Only, it's not just her and me. It's Andy, Jake, David and Aiden, too! The same men that lost their wife, Mother, Grandmother before I was even a thread in the tapestry of their life.

Up until this day, I don't think I've ever been more grateful for reckless tourists and the lack of traffic lights. I just breezed around the cars without having to stop for any amount of time, which meant no chance to let myself suddenly wake up. The phone vibrated on the seat beside me again, never stopping in its relentless ringing. I could guess who it was and I didn't want to speak to her. Not yet. I needed to know the facts first. I needed to see the reality of it for myself before I start saying it out loud. Probably because a part of me was hoping it was some horrible mistake and they'll say, '_No wait, it's okay, it's not who we thought it was. Our bad_!' And then we'll all laugh and say it's just his luck he gets pronounced - _Yeah_ . . . Ha-ha-ha.

I pulled into a spare space somewhere in the car-park of the hospital, grabbed my ticket I didn't realize I'd gotten from the booth on the way in and slipped it in my bag. The sound of the car locking sounded too cheerful for the suddenly over-cast day, so I pulled my jacket I must've slipped on sub-consciously, tighter around me to block out the cold weighing down my arms and legs and stalked towards the entrance to the Emergency Room. Weird that I was here weeks ago with Gina because - because _he_'d given her too much to drink and she'd fallen and broken her wrist. The thought of my best friend made me close off even more, if that was even possible.

The Emergency Room was busier than it was the night I came in with Gina. There was a chaotic air to the place.

Shivering in my stupid flimsy jacket, I walked up to the reception and looked at the harassed looking nurse. "I got a call from my Mom over half an hour ago that one of my brother's has been in an accident . . ." I trailed off, the words thick like syrup in my throat. Only the taste wasn't sweet, it was sour and bitter and burned like the sun burns a vampire's skin. Supposedly. "The names Ackerman," I pushed on, unable to say his name and unable to look directly into the eyes of the nurse who was suddenly looking at me with pity and sympathy. "I just want to see my family. They're here, right?" I licked my dry lips with an equally dry tongue and tried not to glare.

"Yes, Ms, they are. If you'll follow me I'll take you to them." She smiled gently, suddenly looking less harassed and more alert.

I followed after her, walking past a reflective window and almost blanching at the sight. I'd been rosy-cheeked with fluffy hair this morning. There'd been no dark shadows under my eyes and my lips were moist and healthy. Now I just looked like I was recovering from the flu. My hair had flattened somehow; my lips were red and split from me biting them. And any colour I'd had was leached from my face. I was starting to _look_ like a vampire, just less unearthly beautiful. I tried not to stare into any reflective metal surfaces while I followed the nurse. But the sudden urge to turn around and run the other way made me trip on the squeaky floor when she stopped at a closed door saying, '_Relative's Waiting Room_'.

'_I think I'm going to be sick_!'

The nurse didn't give me a chance to say that though. She just tapped on the door so lightly I doubted anyone heard her through the thick door and swung it in and open for me. The nervous flutter of butterflies was getting worse and worse the more I stood there, trying to make the move to step into the room. In the end, the nurse took my shaking arm and nudged me, waiting until I was away from the door before she let go and stepped out, leaving the barrier open ajar. My eyes were fastened to the floor so intently, I hoped if I concentrated hard enough, I might be able to burn a hole right through the Earth so I could drop down and reappear on the other side. Away from the too quiet and chilling waiting room I'd been forced into.

It was because of that silence that I looked up in the end; and what I saw made me take one step closer to the door, ready to bolt.

My Mom had her arms wrapped around Andy who sat slumped forward in his seat, his head in his hands, shoulders shaking silently. She was shaking too, her head tucked against my step-dad's; both encompassed in their own grief. Jake was sitting in another chair, his arms wrapped so tight around a crying Ashley; I thought he'd break her. And David . . . David had his head buried in Leah's lap, his arms looped around her waist, her own tears falling where she hovered over my younger brother, trying to protect him with her own little personal bubble. And out of all of them . . . _not one_ looked up. They all had someone to help them. Mom and Andy, Jake and Ashley and David and Leah.

The fifth person to our family who should've been sitting there, making crack comments about something stupid to either cover up the awkwardness or stop himself feeling what everyone else is - _**wasn't**_. We were there for _him_!

I knew it was stupid to feel so disappointed that they all had someone to turn to, who knew what was going on and could hold them whether they cried or not. But it _hurt_! Standing in front of them all, no tears flooding my eyes, no more understanding of what was going on. No-body to turn to . . . I felt like an outsider! As though I'd stepped into a parallel universe and this wasn't my life. My arms tightened around me even more but I couldn't look away from them. I wanted _so badly_ to look away and hope that when I turned back, they'd notice I was standing there. Some part of me knew I was being irrational.

While another said, '_That's what you get for running off to New York for ten years. A few _months_ don't change _years_ of distance_ . . .'

I felt a rush of air fill the room before it was taken up by some solid warmth. I didn't really take it in until I felt the large warm, _familiar_ hand land on my shoulder turning me around to face him. My name slipped off Jesse's lips in more of a request than a question. Soon followed by, "_Querida . . ._ come here."

I didn't resist Jesse pulling me into his open arms, or his hand guiding my head to his chest. My dry eyes stayed open and wide, the steady beat of his heart pressed against my ear. The distance wasn't completely cut between us; I still had my arms wrapped around my middle. But slowly they dropped and wound around Jesse, letting him pull me closer. His shirt was soft and smelled of laundry detergent and a hint of his cologne under my cheek. His hand rubbed up and down my back, down my hair, along my neck in a soothing gesture that should have made me feel better - but really just made me want to sigh wearily.

'_Why aren't I crying? What the hell is _wrong_ with me?!_' I asked myself, shaking my head and stepping back from Jesse's open arms. I didn't acknowledge his shock that there was no other reaction. Considering I'd just found out my brother has . . . has . . . I just turned around and stared at my family.

I knew then why I couldn't cry. It was the same reason I left the club without a word to Gina. Because I was supposed to be their _rock_. Because they needed someone to be strong for them! That meant burying the pain - A _good_ thing. I'd been away for too long. I'd left them here to pick up the pieces when things fell apart too often. I wasn't going to let that happen again. Not when I could do something about it. I'd grieve later. Just like I promised myself when my Dad died. '_I'll have time to grieve later_.'

I felt rather than saw Jesse reach out for me. But I was already waving him over to the door where I was making a bee-line, stepping out of it. He looked at my family before following me; pulling the door closed slightly behind him. When he stopped in front of me, his brows furrowed even more, the scar in his eyebrow turning white and giving away just how worried he was. But I didn't have time for that - I needed answers. I needed to know what was going on before I stepped back into the room and faced my family again. Knowing what I need to do had thawed the ice and set me with a new purpose. It was enough to push everything to the side-lines until I was ready to deal with it. _If_ I deal with it.

But it gave me the strength to raise my chin and meet Jesse's worried, sad and sympathetic stare with as much determination as possible. I loathe pity and I didn't want sympathy. I didn't need proof any-more - my family was evidence enough. Now I just needed _answers_!

"Susannah, I think – "

"I need you to tell me what's going on, Jesse," I interrupted him before he could get started on what-ever it was he thought I should or shouldn't be doing.

I could tell from the look on his handsome face that he was speechless by my blunt matter-of-fact tone. His arm was rising and falling to reach out to me. So I crossed my arms over my chest in a blatant, keep away sign. Seeing it made him sigh and nod even sadder than before. "I don't have time for 'I'm sorry,' and hugs. I just want to know what happened, what you can tell me before I go back in there and face my family. All I know is that Brad's – " I choked on his name involuntarily, unable, even with my new-found purpose, to say the last word. So I waved my hand around to finish the rest. "I don't know any-more than that."

Clearing his throat slightly, Jesse stepped forward and lowered his voice. "It was a car-accident. From what the police know, he was swerving to avoid someone and side-swiped another car. It was enough to make his bank and roll several times. He didn't . . ." He took a deep breath, the words obviously costing him to say. He looked so desperate to pull me into his arms again; but I couldn't do it. I just wanted to hear what happened, even if it felt like I was going to bring up every morsel of food I'd eaten for the past week. "There was nothing that could be done. His injuries were too severe. They tried, but it just wasn't enough. _Querida_, _I'm sorry_."

I pressed a hand to my mouth, any other questions I might have had fled my mind and turned to dust. I blinked rapidly to get rid of the mental image from watching too much E.R.

"Susannah . . ."

I raised a hand and pressed it against his chest, stopping him from coming any closer. I couldn't face looking up into his sad sympathetic eyes. I couldn't bear the thought of him looking at me like some kind of fragile china doll, ready to shatter into a thousand pieces. I'm stronger than that! He didn't step any closer, he just took my hand holding him back and held it in his. The gesture was so sweet; I couldn't help but look up at him. The next thing I knew, his lips were brushing over mine in the most fleeting of meetings, that I started to feel the burn in my chest that told me I was close to losing control and would start crying if I didn't move quick.

"I have to go and see my family, Jesse. They need me right now. But . . . _I know_," I whispered, not finding the right words to say. He seemed to get it though. _Thank God_.

"Go be with them, Susannah. I'll be here when you're ready." He bent down to press a kiss to my head, his hand and thumb stroking over my cheek before pulling away. I looked at him for a few seconds, wondering how I got to have such a . . . a . . . _perfect ma_n in my life. But I couldn't appreciate him like I would have done any other time. I couldn't count myself as lucky as I watched him and saw his compassion. So I turned away from Jesse and stepped back into the room, putting him out of my mind. Only this time, my family saw me straight away.

"Suze!" David cried, detaching himself from Leah and running straight into my arms, crushing me to him. His sobbing into my shoulder soaked my shirt instantly. Together, our legs gave out and we dropped to the floor in a heap. The next thing I knew, I had Mom, Jake and Andy down on the floor with us too; tears refreshed and spilling all over me. Exclaims, sobs, whispers of my name filled the silence and all I could do was hug them back just as strong. I knew - I _knew_ it without a doubt right then, that I wouldn't be able to stop and think about everything that's happened any-time soon. I just needed to concentrate on my parents, my brothers and helping them through it.

Hopefully by the end of it, I won't have the energy to cry or grieve. _Hopefully_ . . .

xXx

I felt a fist of emotion lodge thick in my throat as I watched Susannah walk away from me and back into the relative's room to her grieving family. My heart slipping in there with her.

I was . . . deeply shocked, saddened and hurting for them. I've known Brad for as long as I've known the rest of the Ackerman's. He could be reckless and sometimes blunt. But he has never done anything to deliberately cause pain to someone else or deserve it in kind in the time I have - _had_, known him. But yet the cruelest injustice has been wrought on him and his family for no other reason other than a man wasn't paying attention to his driving and caused such a devastating blow to so many lives. It was . . . It makes no sense! It seems so callous and cruel of Fate to do such a thing to an innocent life! A young one at that.

It's my fury to the injustice of it that is in part, the reason I don't work in the hospital any-more. Why I chose to go as a private M.D so I don't have to face such sorrow and pain every-day. So it would stop me from looking at my precious daughter as though she would be the next one ripped from this world so cruelly. I know the good cases can outweigh the bad. I have felt it myself before. But on days when it's someone you know, someone you care about . . . It's particularly hard to think of the good.

I am more than aware I can be over-protective of Alisa already. She doesn't deserve to ask why her _Papá_ is looking so sad and withdrawn the majority of the time.

The events of just over two hours ago came rushing back to me the second Susannah's presence left my sight. It was enough to push me back against the wall, a frown creasing my brows as I fought to keep my own detachment and self-control in place as the shock of it all finally wore off and a grief settled deep within me.

I had simply been making my rounds around the ward of the E.R, counting down the minutes when my short shift would be over and I could put the tense chaos of the hospital behind me, when I saw Susannah's parents walk in. I had been asked to work because they needed the extra help. But it didn't take me long to appreciate my grave-yard shifts I'm usually asked to do when I was thrust into the fast-paced tempo. I wasn't able to leave my post to go and see why Helen and Andy looked as grave as they were calmly led away by a police-woman. But even more thoughts and fears had risen when David and Jake with the respective partners had arrived some time after. No Susannah and no Brad . . .

I'd wanted to cut a path straight to the family to find out what was going on. What I had missed somewhere in the chaos.

As it was, I soon found out.

Susannah's family had been led down to the most secluded relative's room and had been there a little over half an hour when the sudden noise and rush of the paramedics came crashing through the doors, working feverishly on someone strapped down on a gurney. My eyes followed them, my feet sub-consciously following their steps until I was standing just inside the doors of the trauma bay. The few glimpses I'd caught in the breaks and gaps of nurses and doctors rushing around the ashen, limp body, made my stomach recoil in horror. But I couldn't look away. I felt, in some strange way, that I owed it to Andy and Helen and the rest of their family to stand there and will Brad to _fight_. To meet the efforts of the medical staff half-way and _live_!

I had whispered every prayer I could; I had held onto the image of the family together, weeks before enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon and willed him to cling on to it himself. With every beat of his heart on the machine that grew weaker and weaker, the exclamations and frantic urgency of the medical staff growing stronger and tenser . . . I carried on watching. For Brad, for Andy and his sons. For Helen and Susannah. For any person who has lost a loved one in such a cruel twist of Fate, without the chance to say goodbye. Listening to how he had come to be where he was, how long it had taken for them to cut him out of his over-turned car, the too severe damage to his body; until . . .

They finally realized he had given up and they could do no more for him.

"Is his family here?" Someone had asked wearily, the sadness and disappointment with which he asked it was what finally snapped my mind to reality again. It was the tone with which is only spoken in that room. Between you and your team, where the mutual emotion is not shied away from, but embraced for those short moments. People who feel the burn of losing another life under their watch. It's an unspoken agreement that no-one shares it beyond those walls. People do not fully realize just how difficult it is to become detached from such cases, strangers or not.

"They're in the number four relative's room," I'd answered, my eyes off of Brad and to the doctor who had pitched the question. He had turned surprised to be addressed by me. But soon gave me a grateful nod and cleaned himself up before going to do the hardest part of all. I had slipped through the doors after him, my feet carrying me along in his path. He had turned to me with a questioning look and I answered him with the roughness of emotion in my throat. "I'm a friend of the family." I had succinctly told him. He needed no more explanation and allowed me to enter the room with him. They were all there, the police-woman subtly guarding the door a few seats down from the door, except for . . . Susannah.

Unfortunately, my presence had given away the bad news before the good doctor who had worked so hard to save Brad, had even uttered a word. I swayed on my feet as he offered what condolences and words or sympathy he could over the high cries of Helen and David, before leaving the room. Helen's tear-streaked face as she clung on to Andy and tried to comfort him swam in my mind's eye, along with the broken, crumpled appearances of each male sitting there. It was in that moment that I had realized that as much as they have granted their love and care to Alisa and me, I still had no place to be there right that moment and walked far enough away that I could keep the room in my line of sight.

I wanted to be there to offer what little comfort I could to a family that has ostensibly, extended its welcome to us; feeling the loss with them.

I had been pulled from my own grief when I saw someone approaching their room some time later - instantly recognizing Susannah. My heart thumped painfully in my chest at the scene she was stepping into and crossed the distance sharply. My arms aching to hold her. But what I wasn't expecting to see was Susannah just standing near the centre of the room, watching her family cling to one-another as they had been doing before. None of them the wiser of her presence. I had been led by my heart and not my head at that point and quietly took her into my arms. I expected tears, whispered questions or even a back-lash of hurt. But all I'd received was a tense embrace and an even cooler detachment as she pulled herself away and gestured for me to step out into the hall.

Her matter-of-fact questioning and even more blunt signals to stay away had lashed at me like a whip, their wounds stinging painfully. She didn't need to know the answers right then; she could have listened to them later! But she was determined - I had seen a sense of honour and responsibility in her gaze before she'd dropped mine.

I tried not to take her cool and physical restraint to me, personally. I can recognize the self-preservation in Susannah's behaviour enough to know _not_ to take it heart. I just . . . wasn't expecting it to be aimed quite so _harshly_ at me. I'm a doctor; I can recognise the signs of shock and denial as easily as anyone else. And I don't want to jump to conclusions, not so soon after finding out she had just lost her brother! But something tells me her pain that she is pushing down goes a lot deeper, buried so far that this new grief would only be laid upon it for the sake of her family. I hope I am wrong. I silently pray I am!

But now, watching her step back into the room after I have tried to offer just the simplest comfort, the exclamation of her name cried from young lips made me step up to the doorway and watch them all. Susannah, in the centre of the heap of bodies on the floor, was the only one _not_ crying. She showed signs of distress for her family - reaching for them as they fell to her. But her eyes were dry and dark, a shutter down over them that concerned me _a_ _lot_.

I pulled the door closed on the grieving family, allowing them their privacy and walked back down to my post I had left. I couldn't stop my gaze from wandering back down the hall to the closed door, knowing behind it is a family I have come to know and love myself, grieving for a son, a brother and an uncle. _A friend_.

It made trying to concentrate on my patients, ten times harder. And didn't stop me from picking up the reception phone to call Caden, looking after Alisa.

He answered instantly and I felt the relief seep over me from hearing his calm, cool tone. "It's me. How's Alisa?" I asked without preamble, leaning heavily on the desk. It had been a long and very distressing couple of hours. It felt a lot _longer_ than that, but that was all it had been from the time it took for Brad to have been brought in and Susannah to have come to her family. Now, the fierce need to see Alisa and hold her in my arms was so overwhelming, I felt my chest constrict painfully. That need was in fierce control and not to be ignored. "Is she okay? She's still with you, isn't she?" I said quickly, running a hand through my hair in a sub-conscious gesture of nerves.

"_She's fine, buddy_. _She's right here with Gina_," He answered. I absently wondered what he was doing with Gina of all people. But I shook the thought off when he came back to the line, his voice at normal speaking level now. "_Jesse, do you know what's going on? I got a call from Suze telling me to meet Gina at the club because she'd taken the car for some family emergency and haven't heard from her since. Gina's tried calling Suze, but she's not picking up. What the hell's going on?!_"

I wet my lips and sighed, suddenly exhausted. "Susannah's brother, Brad, has been involved in a car-accident . . . He didn't survive, Caden," I quietly told him, lowering my voice out of respect for the family's privacy and out of respect for Brad. "I'm still at the hospital, Susannah and her family are all here. They are devastated as you can imagine. I just wanted to call for Alisa, I didn't realize Susannah had run out on Gina the way she had. From what I can tell she's keeping her emotions under control for now. But I'm not sure how long that will last. I think it would be best if Gina wait until Susannah gets in touch with her, herself."

"_Shit_ . . . _Dammit, I'm sorry, Jesse_," He muttered despondently, never one to be comfortable in these kind of situations. But then, is anyone? "_What about you? How're _you_ holding up, bud_?"

Scrubbing a hand down my jaw, I answered him as truthfully as I could. "I'm worried about them. About Susannah. I miss Alisa and want to see her. But I'm okay. Thank you," I looked around the hospital and stood up straight with a new determination to the set of my shoulders. "Listen, I'm going to have to go; I still have another couple of hours to finish here. But try and keep Alisa awake until I get home. I want to be the one to take her to bed. I'll let you know if anything changes. And Caden!" I called out before he could say his good-byes and disconnect the call. "Look after my, _bebé_, for me." I fervently asked.

"With my life, Jesse." He promised me. I had no denials that he wouldn't do just that. He worships the ground Alisa walks on and she with him. I know, that should anything happen, Caden would guard and protect Alisa. He would take care of my little girl for me. He vowed to the moment I introduced him to her.

Slowly placing the receiver back down in its cradle, I blew out my breath, sending my hair hanging limply over my forehead fluttering. I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath to hear Alisa was okay until I released it. Finally turning away from looking down the hall to the relative's room, I made a concerted effort to get back to my other patients I had left and try to get through the next couple of hours more. Hoping they would pass by as quickly as possible.

My thoughts never strayed very far from Susannah and her family so close, yet so far away from me.

xXx

Pushing open my front door, nearly three hours later, I dropped my jacket to the foyer floor – keys and wallet thrown down onto the crumpled heap too, and strode down the hall and into the den. My eyes scanned for any sign of Alisa or Caden as they swept side-to-side. It wasn't until I saw them sitting on the couch, Alisa nestled on Caden's lap, her thumb in her mouth and her eyes sleepy, did I finally relax and let go of the unconscious fears I had been carrying with me the second I saw Helen and Andy step into the E.R. I took in the sentimental sight of my daughter safely ensconced with my best friend instead. Caden seemed to be watching the T.V and Alisa was dozing off on his lap. So I stepped forward further until they noticed me.

"Daddy! You're home!" Alisa cried, crawling down off Caden's lap with his help and running over to me. I dropped to my knees before her slipper feet had even touched down on the carpet. But from the second she was in my arms, her head tucked into my shoulder, I felt the burning sting of emotion rising rapidly to the surface and filling my eyes with moisture. So exhausted from so much happening in such a short amount of time, I fell back until my legs were sprawled in front of me, Alisa still clinging to me. I didn't want to let her pull away and she seemed to know that. She just held on tight to me. "_Yo he echado de menos, papá_."

Closing my eyes at the sight of Caden watching us with a down-cast expression, I barred the tears from falling that her innocently whispered words did to me and nodded against her.

I didn't have the energy to raise my hand to wipe them away. I wasn't ashamed to let them fall. Not in front of my best friend. Albeit slightly reluctantly in front of Alisa. But I was shedding them for Susannah, for the sadness that had been hanging so heavily around her family. I was shedding them for Brad, for my daughter and for myself. Unconsciously, I rocked Alisa in my arms, trying to soothe her for something she has no idea about. I wanted nothing more than to keep her like that forever, where I can keep her safe, unharmed and still innocent to the sorrows and negativity life can bring. But those thoughts only made me want to let the tears fall more when I thought of the moment one-day, when she will have to feel that pain too.

This in turn, just made me think of Susannah.

I had gone straight to the relative's room when my shift had ended and I had changed. But the room had been devoid of people. I had gone straight to the reception to find out what I could and learnt they had left not long before. I had just missed them. The nurse on duty said they had a priest with them, that I took to be Father Dominic, a family friend and the principal to Junipero Serra Mission Academy. The anger with myself at missing them had come thick and fast, so I sought out the cool fresh air of the crisp evening before I could let it consume me and blind me to the world. I didn't try and make the drive home I felt I had a clear enough head and a purpose to call Susannah as soon as I put Alisa to bed. I have no idea where she is, or even how she is. But I wanted to find out.

With tears still in my eyes I opened them to see Caden no longer in the room and allowed Alisa to pull away to look at me. The light dimmed from her bright, sky blue eyes once she saw the moisture in mine. I smiled sadly when I recognized the same small puckered frown I know I get when I'm concerned or worried. She twisted and nibbled her lower lips nervously, blinking her long thick eye-lashes at me as though to try and decide if I was crying happy or sad tears. She couldn't seem to decide and I accepted her small hand when she patted it on my cheek as a way to make me feel better. I felt a more fervent rush of love for my beautiful child in that moment. Seeing the depth of her compassion, from one so young.

"Why are you so sad, Daddy?" She asked eventually, her nibbled lips trembling. "What's wrong?"

Swallowing reflexively, I raked my hand down her unruly, curly hair, winding a strand around my finger. "Daddy just received some very upsetting news, _Princesa_," I answered as truthfully as I could without telling her just what that news was. She doesn't know Brad enough to recognize him being around less or not. But I wasn't going to brush aside that something was indeed upsetting me. She's much too perceptive for me to even attempt such a thing. "Something that may take a little while to . . . bounce-back from. But everything will be fine. That is what matters right now. That everything will be okay. Come here." I repeated for the second time today, cuddling Alisa as tightly as I had Susannah earlier.

"I'll help you, Daddy." Alisa said as I wrapped her back in my protection and got to my feet with her. I took the moment to just appreciate and be so incredibly grateful to have her warm in my arms, kissing her hair and her cheek, that it was minutes later that I finally made the move to take her up to her bed. She had wrapped her legs and arms around me that I had trouble prying her off when I reached her bedroom. But she soon reached out for her favourite stuffed toys and looked up at me blearily. "_Te amo, Papá._" Alisa yawned, settling down straight into a soundless sleep.

Staying crouched beside her bed, I softly stroked her hair from her eyes and hoped that her dreams would be nothing more than the dreams of a trouble-less four-year-old. I wanted to stay there all night, just watching her sleep, taking comfort from just being with her. But I didn't. I kissed her head, whispering that I love her too and slipped out of her room and back down the stairs. Caden was still absent so I went to sit at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. My cell-phone open and dialling Susannah's number before I could think too much on it.

It was just as I was preparing to put the phone down that I suddenly heard a voice answer the call. But it wasn't Susannah - It was Gina.

"_Hey, Jesse_," Susannah's best friend sighed wearily, the sounds of her collapsing back on something echoing over our stark phone-line. "_I know you're calling for Suze but she's not here. She only come home quick enough to pack a bag before she took off again. She just happened to leave her phone behind in the rush. I wish I could tell you something, but she didn't stop long enough for me to even get more than a couple of words from her_." She continued before I could so much as say a thing. She had almost answered all I wanted to know already.

"They left the hospital before I could finish my shift. I was hoping I . . . Maybe that I could see how she was doing," I replied, dropping my head into my hand, my concerns for Susannah paining me to the point of feeling like a stab wound to my heart. I don't like not being able to offer . . . _something_, to her!

Gina seemed to suck in a breath. "_I know_ . . ." She answered, her tone echoing mine, her concern mirroring it too. "_I know Father Dominic's with them. She didn't exactly say much else. The only reason I know is because Caden told me after he spoke to you. I mean, I'm still trying to get my head around it! He was . . . he was fine the other day!_" She seemed to heave a dry sob, her voice cracking from her own shock and sadness. "_I've been waiting for Suze to call. I don't want to go over there because - Hell I don't know why I'm not going over there. Maybe because I don't know what to say! Or what to do! I've never seen Suze like this before. She was so . . . so _focused_! Like she was in a trance or something_ . . ."

"I think, maybe they would appreciate you being there for them, Gina," I said after a pause of deliberation. Working around the lump that felt as though it would be permanently lodged in my throat. "I know Helen, sees you as a second daughter. I think she, if not Susannah would appreciate the support. As do you. I would go myself but . . . I'm reluctant to leave Alisa tonight after . . . And Susannah asked me to stay away for now. I would rather she come to me when she's ready to. I don't want to force her."

"_When the time comes, you might need to, Jesse_," Gina said so quietly, I almost couldn't make out her words. "_But you're right. I should be there._ _I'll get Suze to call you soon, I promise. And Jesse!_ – " Gina called out before I could disconnect the call. " – _Thanks for the push. If you need to talk or anything_ . . ." She trailed off. I never got the chance to say whether it was needed or appreciated, because she ended the call before I had the chance to. I think she knew as well as I did that I wouldn't be doing such a thing though. It's not me that needs it.

Placing the phone down on the counter, I raked both of my hands through my hair roughly before getting up off the stool. In desperate need of a scolding hot shower and a cold beer. I didn't want to think about the days that would be coming. I didn't want to think of the consequences that could be occurring. I just wanted to forget for now.

But the image of Susannah, dry-eyed and supporting her family, swam before my vision over and over again without rest.

I knew it was a prelude of things to come. So I dipped my head further into the hot spray, willing away the near constant ache in my chest.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

_**A/N –**_ Hi all! :) Well, I don't have a lot to say about this chapter other than it's going to be the last angst-riddled one for a long, long while. Good news, right? ^^; Unfortunately, we have to get through this one first. So, I won't say I hope you enjoy it, because frankly, there's no way you can. :( I'll just give you a maybe tissue warning instead. ^^ Not to mention a giant, huge, relieved thank-you for the reviews from the previous chapter! I'm going to get started on the next one right away, just to cheer myself up. :) Reviews are love! I think Suze could do with some . . . *Hugs for all!*

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_**Chapter Seventeen**_

"_I'm sorry, Jesse, I can't talk right now. I'll call you_."

I closed my eyes against the bland tone to Susannah's voice and let the static dial tone of the disconnected call replace it. I could hear and feel Caden moving around on his feet behind me, obviously having listened in on my phone-call. What was of it, anyway. There hadn't been much talking. It consisted more of me asking how Susannah was, followed by her evasive answers that end the conversation and forestall me from saying anything else. It's been the same, constant merry-go-round, dancing on eggshells for the past seven days and my patience is reaching its peak. The growing realization that I have to do something, _soon_, has been making itself very apparent to me.

Our relationship has been bland phone-calls and one fleeting meeting that had just happened to be because I saw her in the super-market a few days before. I have tried again and again to get through to Susannah on an emotional level. To offer some kind of physical comfort when I finally saw her again since the hospital. But she even refused my embrace. I just want her to have someone to turn to, like everyone else seems to have. But each time I come across a wall so high, it never seems to end!

I have tried giving Susannah her space - respecting her wishes to take care of her family. But there is only so much running she can do before it will catch up with her. The sense of being pushed further and further back has been making itself settle into an uncomfortable ache deep inside me, since the day we found out Brad had died in a tragic accident. I should have listened to my instincts then, in-stead of doing the right thing and allowing her breathing room to assimilate everything that has happened. She has done nothing but shut me out ever since. It's concerning me that she will push me away one step too far soon, and I won't be able to reach out to her.

"Let me guess, Suze didn't have time to talk," Caden drawled, an edge of mockery to his tone that made me finally replace the receiver and turn to face him. "_Figures_ . . ."

I took in the way he crossed his arms over his chest and leant up against the wall lazily, even though he was tense enough to spring into action any second. I've been facing down his slick remarks about Susannah for the past four days and it's been building to a point I didn't want to reach. I know he believes Susannah isn't just pushing me away because of the new circumstances around her – that he's picturing Alisa's, Mother all over again. And I understand why he would think that. He's my best friend and Alisa's Godfather. It's his place to have such thoughts. But _I_ know differently. I know exactly what Susannah is doing.

Because the person standing in front of me does it too.

Crossing my arms over my chest to reflect him, I replied, "What is that supposed to be mean?" I already knew of course; Caden just hasn't openly said it yet. But I was tired of having an oppressive tension hanging between us, making our living arrangements near unbearable. It was time for it to be cleared and right then, with my own frustration with Susannah and myself, it _seemed_ the perfect time to do it. "Come on, Caden; say what you want to say. You've been sitting on this - whatever it is - for days. Don't hold yourself back; you never have before." I prodded him bitterly, my teeth clenched and my jaw tight.

Standing up from where he was slouching against the wall, he took the bait and I felt a frisson of unease that this shouldn't be happening.

"Okay," He growled menacingly. "I think you need to give up; she's obviously not coming around to your way of thinking. I get that she's going through a rough patch right now; I'll even make excuses for that. But this pushing you and Alisa away, just don't sit right with me. You don't shun someone you supposedly care about, the way she is with you! And the stupid thing is . . . you're actually _letting_ her!" He all but bellowed, throwing his hand out to point an accusing finger at me. I raised my eyebrow at him, surprised by the vehemence to his tone, his words gliding off me like water on a duck's back. There was only one thing that he said that leapt out at me and it was the perfect opening.

"Like you do, you mean?" I asked quietly. So quietly, he seemed to deflate marginally from the contrast to his bellow.

"_What_?" Caden couldn't seem to help himself by asking.

I took a step forward and repeated myself. "Like you do . . . That burying your head in the sand and pushing away all the people who try to help you. You've always done it, Caden. It's exactly the same thing Susannah is doing. Self-preservation. A way to protect herself. I'm surprised you didn't see it before. _That_ is why I'm letting her _try_ and push me away. Because trying to make her open up will only distance her further. I _care_ about Susannah enough to not allow her to do that. I'm _not_ giving up on her," I took another angry step towards him until there was only a step distance between us. "But seeing as you do the same thing, maybe you should try and talk to her. After-all, you have always known what's best for me, no?"

His eyes narrowed to angry slits and he sneered. "Oh, you mean Sinead? Yeah, okay, I'll admit, I wanted to tell you she was nothing but a money-grabbing bitch, but I didn't. I held my tongue and watched you have to learn the hard way. But maybe I don't want to stand around and watch you make the same mistake again. Your head's so far up in the clouds, you wouldn't see it until it's too late, anyway." He balled his hands into tight fists, but I knew he wouldn't strike out at me. We've only ever had one scrap and that was a long time ago.

This time, it was _me_ who deflated from his angry words. Somewhere during his tirade, something had clicked back into place. Enough to make me question what I was doing, standing in my hallway, arguing with my best friend over something that shouldn't even be in question! Just one look past his blazing, hard eyes, was enough for me to know what he had no conviction to back his words. A couple of weeks ago he might have done. But up until now, he seemed to have been happy for me when it comes to Susannah. I could tell he wasn't one hundred percent convinced of what he was saying. But Susannah's behaviour has been enough to start questioning the parallels from my past - to the present.

I can't blame him for that. I commend him, if anything.

Scrubbing a hand down my face, I scratched at my stubbly jaw and looked at him. "Susannah isn't her, Caden," I gruffly replied.

"How can you be so sure?" He relaxed slightly, watching me curiously, the tension ebbing away quicker and quicker.

Laughing with no humor, I shook my head. "I can't be. But I have been burned enough to know when to recognize the signs. Susannah won't do that. I just know."

A small smile had been tipping the corners of his mouth in the slightest gesture as I spoke. But by the time I finished, it was stretching wide across his face; relief making him rock back and forth on his heels. "Thank God I already asked Suze, that," He muttered to himself, shaking his head as he looked at the floor. When he looked back up at me, seeing the curious frown of my expression, he suddenly looked very sheepish. "Ah, nothing, just thinking out loud. Look, you know me; I'm just trying to watch out for you and Alisa, bud. You're my family; you know I got your back." He clapped me on the shoulder to emphasize his point. In it was also a silent apology said from one to the other.

"I know; I appreciate that," I nodded. When he stepped back, a new kind of awkwardness taking hold of him, I caught sight of a little dark haired beautiful girl standing behind him; no doubt having heard everything we said. With no understanding, thankfully. "Come here, _princesa_. You don't have to hide." I called out gently, softening my voice.

She ran out instantly, stopping to stand between the both of us, her eyes going from Caden and back to me. "Why were you arguing?" She asked curiously, no hesitation to her query.

Chuckling nervously, I picked her up in my arms and kissed her hair. "'Cos we're stupid adults, baby-girl," Caden answered, putting his arms out in invitation for a cuddle. She happily got transferred into his arms and rolled her eyes in the best imitation of her _Abuela_, I have ever seen. My Mother would be so proud of her. "That's all. Just a silly misunderstanding."

She giggled when he hitched her higher and slung her over his shoulder gently. She dangled helplessly, completely trusting in him not to drop her. I stood back and let him distract her by tickles and throwing her lightly in the air. By the time she was breathless and fumbling to brush her hair out of her eyes, I had picked up my truck keys and slipped them into my pocket. My argument - _conversation_ with Caden spurring me into finally ignoring Susannah's fake assurances and cut the distance between us. It was time for me to step in again and remind her I'm here, before someone else gets confused and upset by her icy behaviour. Namely, Alisa.

"Can you watch her for a little while?" I asked Caden, waiting for his nod of acquiesce before making my way to the door.

"You're going to see her, aren't you?" He questioned, following me to the door with my daughter safely ensconced in his arms.

"Yes. Before any-more damage is done," I smiled at Alisa and stroked a thumb over her cheek softly before nodding at my friend and stepping through the door. I didn't want Alisa to know where and who I was seeing. After having Susannah around her almost constantly for weeks - suddenly not having her around at all has made Alisa question her whereabouts understandably. I've headed off the questioning, explaining that her family are going through a very difficult time. But she's a child - it's in her nature to question it further after only a few days. It hasn't all been one-sided - Susannah has asked after Alisa too. It's been the only instances I have heard a waver in her voice.

I stopped halfway to my truck and turned back around to look at Caden and Alisa, still standing in the door-way. I knew . . . I _knew_ then I had been looking at Susannah's reaction to her brother's death the wrong way then. I had been seeing Susannah deal with pain the same way Caden does - but I shouldn't have been. I should have been pushing her to open up, to stop hiding behind her defences. I should have nudged her from the beginning. I should have realized that was what she _needed_. I felt like the biggest fool for only just discovering it!

I never should have backed away when she told me to.

But it wasn't until I was in my truck and on route to Susannah's family home, that I really allowed my thoughts to run loose.

For the past week I have been sitting on alert, waiting and hoping for Susannah to snap out of her daze she's seemed to have been in. From what Gina has told me, she's been keeping herself so busy, she hasn't had time to stop and let her brother's loss, impact her. I know her best friend is worried about her. We all are! Father Dominic has been visiting her family as much as he can, helping Andy in the grieving process, along with Jake and David. I know Susannah has been the solid, immovable rock for her family she was determined to be. But I had at-least expected her to have stopped and allowed some of her own pain to flow by now. Even if she hadn't come to me - if she went to Gina, then maybe then I wouldn't be so worried. But as it is, she's just . . . a ghost of her former self.

My concerns for Susannah run a lot deeper than they should. A lot deeper than I had first believed. Being a doctor hasn't even factored into any of it. It's just the man in me, wanting to safe-guard and help the woman I deeply care about. My antagonism with Caden was so out of character and unusual for me . . . something had to be done.

Pulling into the drive-way of Susannah's parents' home, where she has been staying since Brad's death, I didn't sit around in my truck to try and decide what I would say or how I should approach Susannah, without scaring her off. I was out of my truck and walking up the porch steps as quickly as possible without conscious thought; just about restraining myself from curling my fingers into a fist to bang on the door. I _made_ myself relax and be prepared for what her reaction would be and knocked gently. It took a couple of tries before Susannah answered, but anything I had conjured up as a comfort had disappeared as soon as I saw her.

She looked so _pale_, her expression taut with stress and pain. Her lips were white and blood-less, a far cry from the lips I have kissed igniting a fire so hot, it scares me. Her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, wisps of waves left to curl around her face and down her neck. Dark, shadowed circles ringed her eyes and made them bright, alert and as sharp as a knife; standing out in stark contrast to the rest of her. She had an aura of weariness in her body language, but her eyes were like ice and just as hard. The analogy worked perfectly well, considering I felt as though I would be walking on a very thin sheet of it just by seeing her shock and quick determination when she realized it was me.

"Hello, Susannah." I greeted, snapping us both out of the still moment.

Looking around behind her, Susannah tensed. "What are you doing here, Jesse?" She questioned, stepping out onto the porch and pulling the door closed behind her; I had no invitation to step inside. She wrapped her arms around herself to ward off a chill that wasn't in the air, a shiver rocking her slight frame. "I told you, I have a lot to do before tomorrow."

Tired of listening to her excuse herself when around and speaking to me, I finally asked what I'd been desperate too.

"Why are you doing this?" I plunged straight in, surprising myself with my straight-forward question and Susannah by not backing down like she has become used to me doing. She parted her lips to take in a breath and judging from the steely stubbornness to her eyes, she wasn't happy that I wasn't either. "Why are you pushing me away? When I talk to you on the phone, you can't end it quickly enough. When I saw you in the super-market, it was like you had the devil chasing after you. Please, explain it to me. I'm _worried about you_, Susannah." I reached out to grasp her hands she had dropped when she realized I wouldn't be walking away this time, and held on to them tightly.

"You need to let me in, _querida_. _Let me help_. You don't have to go through this alone - _I don't want to let you_. Can't you see what this is doing to you?" I implored her quietly.

I could see a wavering in her eyes as something that gave me hope. Made me think maybe I was getting through to her. For a second . . .

"Jesse," She sighed irritably. "I _know_ you're worried about me. You and everybody else!" She raved, ripping her hands free and beginning to pace before me slightly. Her hands curled and unfurled, like she was trying to get her circulation going in them again. But I knew it had more to do with her needing to lash out at something. Or someone. I would have happily given myself up as a target if I thought it would make her feel better. But I knew it wouldn't be the case. Not by a long shot. "All I've been hearing from Gina is that I need to stop, slow down. All I've got from you is some know-it-all wisdom of how I'm really doing! But this is it. I'm _fine_!"

Clenching my jaw against her back-lash of words I didn't take personally - I have faced down harsher retorts from Caden in the past; it's just another way for her to try and push me away - I raised my chin. "No, you are _not_, Susannah." I fired back, ignoring the warning in her eyes to back away, echoing from her body-language.

"Yes, Jesse. I _am_! Because the alternative doesn't matter. It doesn't count! I'm supporting _them_," She stopped in her pacing to glare up at me dangerously, throwing her hand out in the direction of the house and her family safely inside, before dropping her arm. "I'm doing what someone needs to do; taking over, comforting, generally doing everything I can, because it's what they deserve! They _need me_, Jesse! Why can't _you_ understand _that_?!" She breathed heavily, her chest rising and falling, colour enthusing her cheeks, bringing warmth and life back to her expression. Her damp swollen lips pressed tightly together and I wanted nothing more than to kiss them. To take away her sorrow glittering barely restrained in her eyes.

"What about you, Susannah? _You need someone too_." I quietly said, taking the wind right out of her.

Stepping forward until I had her back against the door, I framed her face with my hands, looking down into her eyes; wide and full of a sombre aching that she tamped down just as quickly as it rose, telling me I had hit the mark. Dropping my fore-head to rest against hers, I stared hitting at her defences with everything I had. "Don't push me away from being that person, _querida_. I want to be. _I always want to be_." I dipped my head to brush my lips over hers, trying to breathe some more life back into her. To heal her in some way. I whispered, "I told you I'm not going anywhere. But don't leave it until it's too late . . ."

I cut off her protests by pressing my lips to hers. My hands left her face to cup the back of her neck, kissing her with gentleness that made her sag against me. I held her close to me, using the door for support. I wanted to show her how much she means to me; how much I'm hurting _for_ her; how much I want to help. I longed to have the deep cord connecting us to open that spark between us again. Show her without words or actions, that she can't push me away from her. I was _aching_ to just sweep her into my arms and work at breaking down the ice surrounding her. I yearned to whisper the words she has been craving to hear. That it would be okay . . .

Her nails dug into my shoulders with a sharp desperation and need for more. She wanted me as much as I wanted her. But I kept the kiss slow and deep; imprinting myself on her. I wouldn't take advantage of her vulnerable state right now. But I could leave a mark and a promise for us both. It wasn't a time for the frenzied passion to rise up, like it wanted to do. I just hungered to feel her, to have her response banish the fears that have never dissolved from Sinead, walking out on me. The fear that kept every other woman at bay . . . except Susannah. Everything with Susannah has been an exception to anyone before her.

When I pulled away breathless, her eyes were shut tight, her chest heaving against me.

"_What happens if it's too late_?" She whispered to me so quietly, I almost didn't hear. She didn't open her eyes, she just held on to me tighter.

My hand massaged the back of her neck, my cheek pressed to hers so I could murmur into her ear. "_I won't be able to reach you_ . . ."

She sucked in a breath and stilled painfully in my arms. Then she pushed on me lightly to put some space between us again.

I knew I had lost her then. She had retreated back into her protective bubble and no amount of kisses and whispers in her ear were going to draw her back out to me any-time soon. So I allowed her to put the distance and dropped my hands from her. Surprisingly, she didn't let me go, though. She just watched me with an awe of fascination, blinking slowly as though coming out of a very deep sleep after so long. But the only thing she did was nod as if to a silent question before reaching up to press a lingering kiss to the corner of my lips. When she pulled away, she no longer had a hold of me, but turned around to slip back through the door instead.

I had no idea what had happened. Where I stood. But with the final click of her exit, I knew I couldn't stand around there and wait to find out.

But it didn't mean I was giving up. Not by a long-shot!

xXx

I've known Suze Simon a very long time. Twenty-six years to be exact. She's like a sister to me and I love her like one.

But sitting on the stairs of her family's home and watching her shut the door on the best thing that's ever happened to her - Jesse - still standing on the porch, I've never wanted to _shake _her so badly! She's had her frustrating and annoying moments. But that . . . That was just plain _stupid_!

I couldn't fully hold on to that annoyance though. It just made me feel even worse. I know no amount of shaking is going to make Suze or me feel any better. Nothing would until she opened that bristled cage she's trapped herself in and finally let loose like she needs to do. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified and don't want to be the one to be around when she does it. I don't like being around the Suze whose keeping it together on the outside - being there for everyone; going out of her way to make sure everything is in order. But when she thinks no-one's looking, is the most fragile - shaken even - person I have ever met. What's going on inside her is eating away like acid. But the scariest, most frightening thing about it . . .

Is that I _think_ I know just what the problem is. It reminded me of something I've heard somewhere before -

"_You hold the answers deep within your own mind. Consciously, you've forgotten it. That's the way the human mind works. Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us  
to entertain, we reject it. We erase it from our memories. But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten_."

I definitely don't want to be around for the fall-out of that cryptic philosophy.

Dropping my head, I listened as Jesse's truck started up and he drove away. I wished I was going with him. The only difference between him and me is Jesse _wants_ to be here. I don't.

It sounds really harsh and cruel, but I'm _not_ what Suze needs. Not only because she's learnt to block me out over the years. But because I just won't know what to do, what to say, how to help! Not this time. I've never seen Suze so ready to break! And that scares the shit out of me. I know Helen sees something wrong with Suze. She's in control enough to feel a balance off with her own daughter. She's tried telling Suze to slow down a bit, to let others help out. But she's on a one-woman mission to destroy herself and there's nothing getting in her way to stop her. All except for the man she all but shunned on the door-step, moments ago.

I've done my best to help out where I can without getting in the way. All while trying to make the final arrangements that need to be done to the club opening in only four days. I've tried to put myself in Suze's shoes and imagine how it would feel to lose one of my brothers or my own parents. But that just makes it ten times worse because . . . I just _don't want to think about it_! Just like I can't imagine how painful it must be to lose a child. Parents aren't supposed to out-live their children. It's not the natural order of things.

I'm sorry for their loss, I truly, truly am. I knew Brad almost as much as Suze did. I've cried in Caden's arms. I'm not ashamed to admit or do that. But Suze is taking it to a _whole_ new level. Now I know it's time for an intervention to snap her out of it. Fall-out be damned - I can't stand by and watch her carry on the way she has. Or watch her punish Jesse unintentionally.

Climbing up to my feet, I rubbed at my wrist, the cast now gone and walked back into the house to look for my best friend. Luckily, I didn't have to go far. She was sitting in an armchair, her head in her hands staring at the floor. She'd walked straight past me when she'd walked in on from the porch before. But I cleared my throat to get her attention this time. Aware of voices coming from the den, I waved my hand behind me, telling her to come with me. Slowly, she got to her feet and I marched up the stairs to her still pink and full of ruffles and thrills, bedroom. The most non-Suze like room imaginable. But comfortable enough that more than a few nights doesn't drive me mad.

She sighed as she walked past me into the room, spinning on her heel to stare at me, looking bored. "Yes?" She drawled, cocking her eyebrow at me.

"Time for us to have a serious chat, Simon." I started, closing the door and stepping further into the room.

Snorting out a breath, she narrowed her eyes at me menacingly. Luckily I'm immune to her death glares. "Let me guess, you've been talking to Jesse about me. What are you, ganging up on me now?" She fired sarcastically, her hands twitching. She didn't like that idea, I could tell. It was enough for me to tilt my head to the side and really for the first time in days, take in how tired she looked. Any other time I would've told her she looked like crap. But something told me she'd fly off the handle if I did that now. Maybe that's what she needs. A good boxing session or rant. "Or is this about the club opening? Don't worry, I'll be there. I'll play the good hostess along-side you."

I didn't bother to tell her that wasn't the problem. She'd been on top of the plans before this whole disaster happened, for me to easily pick up the last few details. I did mention to Helen and Andy that I thought about postponing the opening in respect for Brad and everything they're going through. But they both adamantly told me not to before I could even bring it up with Suze - the part I'd been putting off. But I was reminded that Brad was the most enthusiastic one of them all for us to go through with it. To not have the opening and enjoy ourselves would be doing his memory an injustice, they said. David and Jake both agreed with them and they all promised that they would be there with us.

So I brushed that remark off and got down to why I dragged her upstairs. I knew she wasn't going to like it, but it had to be done.

"No, I haven't been talking to your man, Jesse. But it doesn't take a genius to work out how much he's worried about you. He and Alisa both, actually," I retorted, knowing it was below the belt to bring his daughter into it. But Alisa is one of the main things that would rattle Suze enough. Like I expected, she winced and looked away from me guiltily. I sighed, exhausted myself and backed off a bit. "Have you actually slept at all this past week, Suze?" I followed her movements with my eyes, noting how jerky and shaky she was. It was painful to watch her so . . . _jittery_.

"Of course I have!" She snapped instantly - _too_ quickly. Then she winced again, running a hand through her hair. "Sorry. I know - I look like shit."

I took in a deep silent breath and went on. "Suze, how long are you going to do this for?" I wanted to sit down, but stayed standing just so I could escape if I needed to, or chase her if she ran. Or something else just as bad. "Hiding, running, denying, whatever it is Dr. Phil would call it. It'll find you a lot sooner than you'll ever out-run it you know. But whatever it is you're doing, Jesse doesn't deserve to be brushed aside as if he doesn't mean a thing. If you're serious about making a go of it with him, then he's a part of you now, so he's a part of _this_. Along with Alisa. You _know_ that. Actually, I think you're hurting even _more_, because you do . . ." I trailed off, thinking aloud. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew it was true. My patience slipped even more with the next edge.

"God, Suze, what is _wrong_ with you?!" I exclaimed, losing my cool at last; throwing my hands in the air almost in defeat.

She growled, low and dangerously, her eyes spitting daggers each glance I got as she paced the floor. Suze never paced before all this! "I . . . am . . . _fine_!" She pronounced each word carefully, her whole body growing rigid like she was ready to pounce. Or stomp her foot petulantly. I reckon she'd feel better for it if she did. I held my tongue on that one though. "How many times have I got to _tell_ you people that?! And why, did you both have to pick _today_, of all fucking days, to bug the _crap_ out of me?!" She vented, showing more of the old Suze I know and love the more she went on. The Suze I know how to handle and control.

I leant up against the post of her bed, raising an eyebrow at the flushed look to her face. I felt bad about backing her into a corner; but it was long over-due.

"You keeping saying you're fine, Suze, but you can't honestly expect us to believe that, can you?" I asked delicately. As for the today of all days . . . It's probably for the best. I have a feeling that if she somehow makes it through the funeral tomorrow without shedding a tear, then she never will. "And _don't_ even try and tell me it's the truth. This is me, you're talking to here. Not your brothers, or Father Dominic, or your Mom - or even Jesse. _Me_, Suze - your best friend since kindergarten! I've seen you at your best and worst. But this . . . _this_ is a whole different thing and it scares the _crap_ out of me that you won't snap out of it! What have I got to do, shake it out of you? Talk to me! Let me help!"

Just as suddenly as her pacing had started, it stopped. And I was left with an almost beaten down best friend, looking as defeated as anyone _can_ look.

"You can't help me, Gina," She murmured to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself. I'd take angry Suze over beaten down Suze any-day of the week.

But I swallowed down the awkwardness and delved into new territory with her. Taking five solid, long steps across the room, I took her by the shoulders making her look up at me. "Then _go_ to someone who _can_, Suze. You know who that is. Stop trying to be strong, because it's _not_ working. You don't have anything to be ashamed of," I wanted to shake her again. It was doing me in just watching her act so stoic and immovable. She's not invincible, no matter how much she wishes she is. "What are you so _afraid_ of?" I asked; shocked when I saw the flicker of fear in her eyes. A very potent, raw, _harsh_ fear. "Suze, what's stopping you from – "

"I don't want to talk about it," She interrupted me, batting away my hands and stepping around me to head for the door. I was following behind me, matching her steps like I did seven days ago when she flew out of the club. I didn't call out to her; I didn't want to alert anyone that Suze was on the warpath. But she was determined to lose me. I finally came to a skidding stop when she halted at the bottom of the porch steps outside the house. "Watch out for them for me. I'll be back soon." She took off for the car before I could say anything; I was still reeling from the fear I saw in her eyes. It wasn't just some small emotion either. It was enough to almost make me turn cold with it myself.

By the time I'd snapped myself out of the sudden change in her, she'd pulled out of the drive-way and was driving down the hill.

I was just left in the dust the wheels had kicked up from the gravel, knowing without a doubt, I wouldn't be seeing her again for the rest of the night.

xXx

_Got to get away. Have to get away._Need _to get away!_

I kept the mantra going the whole time I drove away from the house, for the second time in a week, leaving my best friend in the rear-view mirror as I drove off. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest, making my hands shake on the steering wheel from the adrenaline. If David was here, he'd be telling me all the facts of the body's responses to shock and fear and whatever else was humming through my veins. I could have done with some of his sometimes, not so useless information right then. Anything to keep me distracted from everything else. Sweat was popping out along my fore-head and running down the back of my neck with an ice-trickle. The same coldness I've been feeling for days. The kind of cold that doesn't go anyway, no matter how many pairs of socks I put on, how many jumpers or fleeces I wrap around me. I'm in California for crying out loud! I'm not supposed to wear jumpers!

But I have been. Every-day, like its winter in New York.

Maybe a part of me has left Carmel and gone there to help me deal with everything. Or rather, _not_ deal with everything. I knew I was getting bad, my will was slipping. But having not only Jesse, but Gina come and grill me at the same time . . . it's just made it crack that much quicker. More so with Jesse than my best friend. I've avoided him purely because he threatens to tear down my defences. Urgo, I haven't spoken to him either. That's almost as bad, listening to the soft concern in his voice. No pity or sympathy. Just a roughness that told me he was more than worried and I needed to wake up and accept what he was offering. It's a disaster I haven't been ready for!

I figured, if I could still hold it together after we get through tomorrow and the club opening, then I'll be fine. Nothing to worry about, right? Wrong, wrong, _wrong Suze_! Because Jesse had done the opposite to staying away and now he's caused a chain reaction. Not _now_!

"Why did he have to open the God-damn, Pandora's _Box_?!" I ranted to the dark interior of my car.

The only light was coming off the dashboard and even that made me feel sick. I rubbed a hand across my head to get rid of the pressure head-ache that's been building and doesn't go away no matter how many pills I take. I couldn't shift my thoughts away from the proverbial box Jesse's been opening a crack with each phone-call, to full out ripping the lid off its hinges and spilling the messy contents all over the place with a huge, smug proud grin. A God-damn grin that shatters me that little bit more. Like his kiss that totally tore down my defences and threw me out into freezing, ice-cold waters to flay about in.

God that _kiss_ . . .

Seeing the turning to take me to the beach, I quickly took it without indicating, making the car behind me beep its horn. I ignored it; I just followed the road until it took me to my favourite place to park and screeched to a halt. The tyres squealed and the engine roared with anger. Grabbing my keys I threw open the door and jumped out. Just having enough sense to remote lock the car before I ran for the steps to descend them as quick as I could in the dark before I felt the sand give-way under my feet. Ripping off my shoes, I ran across the beach and towards the water as fast as I could until I felt the cold sharp sting of the ocean creeping over my toes and up to my ankles.

Only then, did I let the memory of Jesse's kiss come back. With no distractions . . .

Swaying on my feet, I closed my eyes and pictured how it felt to have his strong arm wrapped around my waist, his thumb kneading the tense muscles out on my neck. My whole body had come alive with his touch; craved it like a junkie needing their next fix. I completely surrendered to him, needing more than something softly passionate that was specifically designed to make me fall apart. I wanted to taste that fierce power he's got running through him like a calm, dangerously beautiful blue fire and wrap it around me until the mess was over. I longed for him to distract me from the pain. Not for his slow, gentle, delicate kisses that tore through my wet tissue-paper thin walls!

He made me so _desperate_ for someone else to take the reins at last! I've never wanted that; I've always been in control, independent. Suze Simon doesn't need no-one but herself. But right then, that philosophy didn't exist. That's barely even made a dent on my sub-conscious since I started following the connection between us. Something deep inside me cried out for him with a primal scream that shook me to the bone and rattled me more than physically! He had what I wanted. He has what I _need_!

Just like he said I did. He knew, before even _I_ did.

Opening my eyes, I looked up at the cloudy night, unaware of my numb feet or the bitter cold moving around me. I wasn't even sure of the time. I could have been driving around for who-knows how long and wouldn't have even known it. For days I've made sure to cater to everyone else's needs to get me focused, my concentration elsewhere. I took over and did all the things that needed sorting out, helped arrange the funeral, called family and friends. I did the hard and inane stuff; no-one really wants to do. I left my Mom to comfort Andy, being there for her or them both when they needed me. I held David when the past pain of his Mom's death came back to haunt him to join in with Brad's. And I pushed Jesse away, just like he said I was doing. For his and my own protection. That's part of what I kept telling myself.

But it's caught up with me, all at once.

My body aches with exhaustion, because I haven't been sleeping. Just a couple of hours here and there. I look like hell; I saw that in Jesse's expression when I answered the door to him. The effort of pasting on fake smiles and dredging up some kind of enthusiasm for anything has been draining me. You'd think it'd be enough to make my mind shut down and let me sleep, wouldn't you? Apparently it doesn't work that way though. It doesn't matter how wrecked my body feels, my mind just replays the same thing over and over again. All I've wanted to do is walk out of the house and go to Jesse. I know I'll have some kind of restful night if I did. But so far, I never have.

Finally realizing just how numb my feet were, I stumbled out of the water, wriggling some circulation back into my toes and crossed back across the beach where I left my shoes. I picked them up and put them back on after automatically brushing off the sand. Then I climbed back up the concrete steps and got into the warmth of the car. I might have been scrambling to pick up the mess of my Pandora's Box, but I wasn't gunning for a cold to add to the already shitty symptoms whacking my body.

Sitting back in my seat, I let my mind wander to what Gina said in my room - when she'd asked me what I was afraid of. Maybe if I told her, I wouldn't be sitting here now, I pondered, wishing the waves would take it away. I wanted to lie down and just go to sleep. But I couldn't get that damn question out of my mind. '_What are you afraid of?_' It was a good query and I had a good answer. But how could I say it to her, when I couldn't even admit it to myself? She said she's never seen me so bad . . . I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. But I knew I was just dancing around the issue of what was really going on, no matter which way I diced it.

Starting the car, I pulled out of my space and drove away from the beach. It wasn't helping me like it was supposed to. It was just making me more fidgety and nervous.

If I'd told her the real reason for the fear, would she laugh at me? Tell me I'm being stupid? Or shake me like she wanted to do? I know my Mom would look at me in horror and then blame everything on her-self. No, I knew what Gina would do. She'd look at me in shock and flounder around for something to say. What could she say, at finding out that the reason for the raw fear she saw in my eyes and reflected in her own, was because it wasn't just Brad I was grieving for? An old grief I'd buried so deep, so encased with chains and cement and secret passwords, that nothing and no-one was going to breach it. Until Brad . . . died. The catalyst to bring it all back and rock me off balance.

Taking care of my family, focusing on them had been the thing to keep it all at bay. And then Jesse came and tore that away too. Somehow . . . _somehow_, he'd seen it.

The shaking was back but harder than normal. I could barely keep my hands on the wheel, so I looked around wildly for a place to pull over until I calmed down. But the moment I saw what familiar street I was on, what familiar house I was coming up to, the shaking suddenly start to ease and ebb away. Unconsciously, I swung into the drive-way, minus one truck and killed the engine. No lights were on, but I got out of the car anyway. I couldn't have stopped myself if I tried. I was being led from the front and pushed from the back until I was standing in front of the door and knocking. I held my breath, but kept my expression as blank as I could when I raised my eyes to the man standing in front of me.

For seconds, we stood facing each other, trying to decide if this would be a good meet or not. But in the end, Jesse wordlessly held his hand out to me as a silent offering and I reached out to take it. His long tanned fingers wrapped around mine and tugged me across the threshold, no turning back, straight past GO! He locked the door behind me and led me down the hall to the stairs. Quietly, so we didn't disturb Alisa, Jesse pulled me past her room and down to his, closing that door, another barred barrier before he slipped off my coat; dropping it to the floor. In one quick move, he had me in his arms and carried me to the bed, gently lying me down on top of the comforter, pulling a blanket up and over my freezing cold legs.

Swallowing down the rock of nerves, I stayed perfectly still. "_Jesse_," I whispered, watching him where he stood beside the bed, just staring at me.

The smallest smile touched his lips. "_Shh_, _querida_," He softly murmured, laying down next to me and taking me into his arms. "_There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm here_. _It's not too late_ . . ."

I wanted to scream there was, that I couldn't do it! '_Don't make me do it_!' I thought frantically, trying to work my mouth to say it. But it didn't work; my body was betraying me, tag teaming with my heart and doubling me over from the pressure bubble, ready to burst! My breathing started to labor, growing quicker from the fear! My fingers curled into Jesse's shirt until they ached with the strain. His hand smoothed over my hair, waiting patiently for me to crumble around him. '_Don't ask me to!__Please,__don't ask me to!'_Jesse kissed me on my temple, his lips keeping the contact, his arms folding around me a little bit harder. He took the control right out of me. I was . . . _helpless._

I had no choice . . . _I_ kicked over the Pandora's Box this time, and _felt_ the messy emotions and pain, scatter across my body and mind like a shroud.

All at once, the tears came, rising up from my chest in a not-so-steady stream of pain so intense and _raw_, it made me gasp and curl into the foetal position to get away from it. I felt Jesse's arms encompass me even more, adjusting to my position to hold me better. But I didn't hear anything he said. I squeezed my eyes shut against the tears, trying to stop the flow, but it didn't work. They weren't going to stop! It was too late. They were already stinging and blocking my throat, restricting the air to my lungs. I gasped again, a hiccup jolting my entire body before a deep tremble rocked me hard. I shook and shook with cold, my hands clawing at Jesse, trying to bury myself inside him to get away! I pulled at him, needing him to take it away. To just . . .

"_Take it all away_!" I whimpered brokenly, my chest heaving. I felt Jesse's leg wrap over mine and tug me closer, my face buried into his chest, soaking his shirt.

But I couldn't . . . I couldn't handle the _pain_! It was suffocating me. I was drowning in my own _tears_, the surface of the water rising higher and higher out of my reach! "Oh God, _no_! _Please_ . . . _please take it away_ . . ." I sobbed, _begging_ unashamedly for it to stop. "_It hurts, Jesse . . . It hurts so much_!" The pain was like a white hot poker being stabbed into my heart and twisted again and again! People say they feel heart-ache . . . But not until then did I really understand the meaning of the word. My heart was being held in the palm of a clawed, gnarled hand and was being _squeezed_, making me cry out! My hands fisted reflexively as the waves over-came me again, dragging me deeper. My legs twitched and kicked out violently against Jesse.

I heaved for another breath before I'd even finished the last one. I was defenceless. Completely _bare_ to the _agony_.

"_Help me_ . . ." I thought and whimpered my throat hoarse and broken from the tears.

My mind was a foggy haze of dark, blood reds and blue-blacks. I saw images of the man I never grieved for, because I didn't know _how_! The misery and years of pain that I didn't know how to cope with as a child, doubled with the raw, harshness of a fresh grief from Brad. And then I saw him too, the brother I took for granted. The one who was the _real_ rock for the family, but hid it behind his dumb-ass persona. I'd depended on him without realizing it and now he's gone too! I was being ripped inside out, my mind slashed and torn to shreds with vicious sharp talons. I could feel a burning growl, a high keening sound in my ear and withered to get away from it. I wanted it to end! No more! _Please_, no more!

"_Enough_! _Enough_!" I gasped cramping from the emotional and physical agony hitting me at the same time. My mind was screaming like a banshee, a high-piercing wail that split my soul apart! I wanted my barriers back! I wanted the bitterness _gone_, already! But I didn't have the strength of mind to even attempt it. I was so _tired_! Exhausted, drained and wounded. I wanted to be able to close my eyes and slip into a coma where it couldn't hit me. I'd be free from the grief, nothing could get me there. But I knew it would. Only so much _worse_!

"_Querida_," Jesse softly said, his hands running through my hair, over my face. Wiping away my tears. "_Susannah_ . . ."

I bit my lip hard enough to fill my mouth with the copper taste of blood, but it wasn't enough! I needed a different kind of pain! I left it too long to deal with the grief, I know that now. But it was _tormenting_ me! The worst torture in the world couldn't compare to the pain of having my Dad and brother ripped away from me! _"Why!_" I whispered around a broken sob, my face slick with tears. _"Why did he leave me?! Jesse, why . . ."_ I hated him! I hated them _both_ for leaving me! I hated that I grew up without a Dad; that I had no one to turn to when Mom wasn't there! I hated that he wasn't around when I had to decide on my future. I hate that he didn't _come home_! He left me behind . . . Dad left me behind and I didn't get the chance to say_good-bye._

I felt Jesse tuck his head into the crook of my shoulder, holding me tightly while I rode out the fever. I felt wetness on my bare shoulder, but I didn't have the energy to see if he was crying too. I just wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to him, terrified he would be the one to be ripped away next.

More thoughts of Brad started to intermingle with the memories of my Dad . . . I clenched my teeth against the scream I wanted to wrench the air with. I wanted to howl until my voice gave out. I needed to release it in any other way, than crying and whimpering. I thought about all the times Brad and I bitched and fought. The two years I had with him where we hissed and spat at each other like cat and dog. But we'd grown closer as we'd grow up. He turned into the proper brother he'd never really been. I never knew how much I relied on his bad humor and bad-timing. I needed it now, just like I needed my Dad to tell me it would all be okay. I needed to forget and push it all away again! But it just kept on coming . . .

I know Jesse whispered and said things to me, but I didn't hear or understand any of them. My body was giving out against the fight, a forced sleep trying to take me under. My sobs started to slow and my body stopped trembling quite as violently. I was going into a new kind of shock. The pain was still there, my chest _burned_ and hurt even more than before. But my mind was too exhausted to keep throwing more memories and images at me. Jesse pulled away long enough to strip his wet shirt off, but soon pulled me back to his hard warm strength. Finally, after so much whimpering and keening, my body gave in. His hand stroked through my hair, relaxing me, whispering a Spanish lullaby in my ear, kissing away my tears.

For the first time in seven days, I slept. My body completely drained of energy, my emotions wrought and hot. But I had Jesse . . . wrapped around me, keeping me safe.

I was scared the pain would follow me into my dreams, but it didn't. So I let go at last . . .

Totally broken . . .


	18. Chapter Eighteen

_**A/N**_ - I have many, many apologies for you all, right now! I'm sorry I haven't done any review replies yet! :( I've had the kind of couple of weeks that have left me exhausted and with writer's block, I've been determined to work through - hence this update. I've been trying to juggle life, family and stress with all-day baby-sitting my nephews that has probably left me crying out, '_Jude, put that down_!' and '_Jude, give it back_!' in my sleep. ^^; But I _promise_, tomorrow I'm going to be making a start on them! _No-one_ is going to be missing out. :)

Which brings me up to my second apology . . . I'm sorry for the sheer crappiness of this chapter! Writer's block is a mean-ass demon, who gets kicks out of planting itself right into an important part of my story. :( I'm taking part in the _NaNoWriMo_ challenge next month - special thanks to _**Saffiya Scarlett**_ for introducing me to it! - so I'm a bit wary the demon's still going to be tailing me then too. Which probably didn't help me trying to write this. ^^ Vicious circles suck! But I really _am_ sorry. I tried so hard with this one!

So, 'cause I'm going to be attempting to write a novel - or atleast 50k words in 30 days - during November, everything might be a bit delayed, update and reply wise. I'll still be writing and hopefully be just as regular with my updates. But I just wanted to give you all, who are still reading this long-ass A/N, a head's up. So, good luck and best wishes to anyone else taking part! And I hope you enjoy this chapter. With a _**bucket load of love**_ and endless amounts of thanks for the reviews for the previous, angst-riddled chapter! :D

_**Love**_ y'all! _Reviews are rainbows. _;) And to my anonymous reviewers - _**Emily**_, **_Tini_** and **_Jess_** . . . Your replies are up on my profile. ;)

* * *

_**Chapter Eighteen**_

It was the sound of the door to my bedroom opening that woke me.

Over four years of having a child, has made me sleep very lightly. I would wake at the first signs of Alisa stirring in her crib, even if it was just a soft murmur and she settled straight back down. I'd still lain awake, listening out to hear more. That has only grown as she has. I hear her when she cries out in her sleep for me. Especially when she's not well. And, like this morning, when she tries to sneakily open my bedroom door to creep into my room. Only this time was much different to any other morning wake-up call before it.

Within seconds I became aware of many things at once. How the cold draft of the open window was making my bare back cold, but the warmth of Susannah safely pressed against my chest kept me more than warm. Of the sound of a child-like gasp from the door-way before I heard the soft, slow steps of someone crossing the room. But it was the feel of Susannah breathing deep and languidly, comfortably tucked close to me that was the most prominent thing of all. Along with the glow at waking with her in my arms, came the memories of last night and the near-hysterical state she was in. It had broken my heart watching and hearing her so distraught! But I held her through-out it, until she eventually calmed enough to sleep.

I would have given _anything_ to have taken that all away from her! Anything just so I didn't have to hear the desperation and begging for it to end.

The sound of Alisa's muffled curse when she presumably stumped her toe on the bed almost made me smile, until I realized just how it must look to my young daughter. The same child I have yet to tell about my relationship in accordance to Susannah. Maybe I was chickening out, as Caden would say. Or waiting for the right moment. I wasn't too sure. But two things I did know - she was about to find out. And my Mother would soon be hearing about it too. Alisa has never been very good at keeping secrets from her, _Abuela_. When my dear Mother wants to know something, all she has to do is ask her Granddaughter. She'll know everything as quickly as _that_.

Lifting my head up off the pillow, I opened my eyes in time to see Alisa climbing up onto my bed, trying not to disturb Susannah. She grinned when she saw I was watching her and came to sit behind me, watching Susannah sleep. I went to say something, but she held a finger to her lips to indicate silence and reached over my shoulder to move a piece of Susannah's hair gently. I marvelled at the awe in my daughter's face; any concerns I may have had about her reaction to finding our friendship to be more than she thinks, was gone the second she leaned on my shoulder and smiled with so much happiness, I felt my chest tighten. Her bright blue eyes shimmered as she reached over and touched Susannah's hair again.

This time, it was enough to disturb her.

"Oops!" Alisa whispered shrinking back to hide behind me while Susannah opened her eyes slowly. When she raised them from my chest, a slow grin causing me to press my lips together to stop me from chuckling - she locked eyes with Alisa, peeping over my shoulder. This time, her hazy green gaze widened with surprised and a full-alertness for where she was and who she was with. She swallowed audibly and looked up at me to gage my reaction. "Mornin' Sooze," My daughter smiled easily, waving her hand. "Sorry I woke you up." Feeling more confident, Alisa sat up straighter and judged the close contact between Susannah and me. I furrowed my brow, wondering what she was doing.

But I soon discovered.

"Let me in, please," She requested. Disentangling ourselves from each other, Susannah rolled away from me enough to let Alisa climb over me and settle down comfortably between us. It was a very . . . _family-like_ situation; I wasn't sure what to make of it. Susannah's expression told me she thought the same thing when we locked eyes again, but for longer. A wealth of things said between us with without having to be spoken. "Much better." Alisa sighed, her back to me and facing Susannah.

Entranced and more than a little wary in-case the flood of emotion and tears Susannah had bared last night hadn't been enough, I kept an eye on her and the way she played with Alisa's hair when she settled back down. She smiled at me when I settled a hand on her hip across the distance. She seemed much more . . . relaxed, unburdened; _free_. It will take time for her to fully over-come the grief from her brother and Father's deaths. But at least now, there is room for her to heal. No more shutting down. Not just because I won't allow her to; but because _Susannah_, won't allow herself too. The thought brought me a degree of comfort that allowed me to relax and listen to their whispers with only half an ear.

" . . . It was time for me to wake up, anyway," Susannah said, tickling the palm of Alisa's hand with a finger. "It wasn't such a bad wake-up call, either." She said, looking up at me.

Grinning with the double meaning to her words, I winked to her over Alisa.

"Daddy said you been with your family, that's why you've not been here," Alisa murmured sadly. Not because she hadn't seen Susannah; but for the circumstances around her, stopping Alisa from seeing her. Of what she knows of the circumstances. "That something bad and sad happened. Are you okay now? Do you need a cuddle? I really missed you, Sooze. I don't want you to feel sad any-more. Daddy doesn't too. We can make you feel better, can't we, _Papá_?" She asked turning her head to look at me over her shoulder. As answer to her question, I leant down to kiss her silky locks and leaned over her to kiss Susannah's lips quickly. "See? Daddy's a good doctor, he'll help."

Tears were gleaming in Susannah's eyes, but she choked on a laugh, tugging her swollen bottom lip between her teeth to stave off the emotion. "Thank you, sweetheart," She whispered to Alisa, brushing her hair from her eyes before kissing her gently on the head. "That means a lot. Can I have a cuddle now?" She asked softly.

She didn't need to ask twice. Within seconds, Alisa had wrapped her arms around Susannah's neck and hugged her tight. Tears in my own eyes, I watched Susannah wrap her arms around my daughter and fight even harder to stay in control. To not cry in front of Alisa. She breathed in a shuddering breath, tucking her head into Alisa's shoulder. I offered my own silent strength by wrapping my arm around them both and leaning my head down against Susannah's. We stayed that way for a few minutes, before Alisa started wriggling to get free. Moments later Susannah had neither of us in her arms, but was winking and trying her best to appear okay.

"Thank you." Susannah said again. She looked up at me, her eyes asking me to take action and stop Alisa from seeing the potential break-down again.

I stroked my daughter's hair to get her attention, while trying to keep my own reaction out of my expression and voice. "Why don't you go downstairs and watch some cartoons for a little while, _princesa_? Susannah and I will be down soon enough and I'll make some breakfast." I suggested.

Being a smart child and very in-tune to the people and circumstances around her, Alisa nodded. "Okay, but don't be too long! I still have to get ready for school, remember?" She said, before kissing Susannah on the cheek affectionately. Adding her precious support. "I'm happy you're here, Sooze." She rolled over and kissed me on the cheek too before crawling down to climb off the end of the bed and running back out of the room, her loose hair flying out behind her.

Moving my attention back to Susannah, I pulled her back up to me without hesitation or resistance.

"Give me a minute, I'll be okay. I don't have the energy to repeat last night's spectacular performance," She laughed dryly, tangling out legs together, her arms coming around me. She sighed heavily, seeming to release the sudden pent-up emotion in one go. I unconsciously ran my hand up and down her back, my chin propped atop her head. "I must look like crap! How can you be so nice to a woman who can't stop sniffling and has the worst case of bed-hair?! You're too good to be true, Hector De Silva. But I'll take what I can get." She smiled against me, tenderly kissing the centre of my chest, just above my heart.

"Good, because I'm not going anywhere," I answered strongly, pulling away so I could gaze down into her eyes. "And for the record . . . I think you look beautiful."

Her eyes filled with more tears and she bit down on her lips again. "Don't go getting all sappy on me, you'll make me worse," Her eyes slipped to my lips before meeting mine again. Itching to smile, I kissed her instead. It was just a simple peppered meeting of lips, trailed across her cheek and down to her neck. I didn't stop until I felt her laughing lightly and squirming in my grasp. Satisfied I had helped, while having the chance to embrace, kiss and inhale Susannah's presence again, I pulled away; more than aware Alisa now knows Susannah is here and could re-appear any moment. I watched her roll away from me to slip off the bed, stretching high. "I'll be right back."

I didn't say anything in reply, I just rolled on to my back and stared at the ceiling, an arm tucked behind my head. I used the time with Susannah in the bathroom, to think.

After Susannah left me on the porch the evening before and I was left to drive home, it had taken a large amount of effort not to allow the cynicism and what if's to invade everything else. I knew what I had said had made some kind of impact with her. But whether that was enough or not, I'd had no idea. Not completely, until Gina had called me to tell me Susannah was out there and possibly heading in my direction. Alisa had gone to bed and Caden had slipped out not long after I got home. So I waited and waited for Gina's prophecy to come true. And sure enough, it did. Following one of the most heart-splintering break-down, I have ever encountered.

I'm still worried for Susannah's fragility. But judging from her reaction to Alisa, she would be in control of it now. She had every opportunity to push me away and scorn herself, or even me, for what has happened the night before. It felt incredibly good that she hasn't. And even better that my daughter was welcomed with such love and tenderness. This leaves another thing to over-come this day, as well as Brad's funeral . . .

Explaining to Alisa that Susannah and I are together. Officially.

"I was right," Susannah smoothly said, coming out of the bathroom. "I do look like crap. You're just too much of a gentleman to tell me otherwise," She smiled, sitting down on the end of the bed to put her shoes on. When she noticed my silence, she stopped what she was doing and looked at me closer. Her smile slowly falling from her lips. "Jesse . . . What's wrong? You look kind of . . . freaked about something. Should _I_ be worried? Because if it's about me, you don't need to be. I feel tons better already." She was looking up at me by this point, where I had manoeuvred myself to stand before her.

I placed my hands on either side of her face and rubbed my thumbs in slow circles. "No, everything's fine, _querida_. I'm just trying to decide how to tell Alisa about us." I answered.

"Oh. _Oh_!" She laughed, standing up from the bed. "Is that all? Look, don't worry, we'll figure it out. And we'll do it together. She was going to find out sooner or later. It just happened to be an unconventional way, is all," Susannah winced slightly, picturing what I was. "We better do it now before her imagination runs away with her." Sobered from the thought of speaking to my daughter about something like this for the first time, I nodded and headed for the bathroom. I glanced over my shoulder to Susannah before closing the door. She'd been watching me like I had her. And my heart beat a little quicker at the familiar, comfortable sensations skipping through me.

By the time I was finished in the bathroom and re-entered my bedroom, the bed was made and Susannah was patiently, if not day-dreamingly waiting for me. I rested a light hand on her shoulder, turning her away from the window to face me. Words didn't need to be exchanged; I just simply pulled her close to me and offered more support. She sighed tiredly; ruffling the shirt I had put on, but said nothing. I felt the need to after a few moments though. What I said seemed enough to make her completely relax in my embrace.

"I'll be there with you today, _querida_," I softly said. "You won't be alone."

Susannah stood up on tiptoes, kissing the corner of my lips before stepping away. I took that as the end to our moment and conversation and led her out of my room. I will allow Susannah to lead us in whatever direction she feels best for, until such a time where I may or may not have to step in. I can already feel the change within her; time and comfort will allow for the rest.

Unfortunately any other thoughts I might have had were immediately halted by the sounds of the telephone. But that wasn't the most terrifying part. It was hearing Alisa pick up the receiver and cry out with an exclamation of, "_Abuela_!" My heart stilled instantly as did my feet. Too nervous, I held my breath and waited as time seemed to crawl to a black hole slowness wherein more words were exchanged before the one's I have been dreading to hear were figuratively screamed in my ear. "I found Sooze in Daddy's bed with him this morning!" Alisa chorused her voice high and carrying. That apparently was enough to spur me into action at last.

"_Mierda_!" I barked at myself, following a string of other curses to follow that.

"Daddy!" Alisa gasped, giggling with wide eyes at my expletive. "_Papá_, said a bad word, _Abuela_." She told her Grandmother, still laughing.

Snapped out of my daze, I dropped Susannah's hand and dashed down the hall to my daughter with the phone pressed to her ear. I swiftly slipped it out of her little hands before she could say anything else incriminating against Susannah and I. Swallowing with the fear of having to hear my Mother's screech on the other end of the line, I chose to be a coward instead. "_Ma_, I can't speak right now. I'll call you back." I reeled off in a rush, taking her ominous silence to be ten times scarier than any kind of shouting. I didn't wait for her agreement or not, I just hung-up the phone and locked eyes with Susannah who seemed to be fighting off the humor shining through her sadness and back to Alisa, looking guilty all of a sudden.

"It's okay, _princesa_, you have done nothing wrong," I reassured her quickly. "But Susannah and I need to talk to you about something important before - "

"Are you getting married?" She broke-in innocently, her expression giving away nothing to whether she thought this would be a good thing or not. '_She's been spending too much time with her uncle Caden_,' I thought to myself unhappily. I looked at Susannah again, un-surprised to find her humor gone and eyes just as wide as I was sure mine were.

"I . . . err . . . what?" I stumbled when I looked back to Alisa. Shaking my head and halting her from repeating herself, I scooped her up into my arms and carried her through into the den. Susannah, I was relieved to see, was following just as closely. I set her down on the couch and muted the television while Susannah sat on the opposite side of Alisa. Clearing my throat, I tried a more dignified response. "No, _mi tesoro hija_. Susannah and I are _not_ getting married. But . . . " I started tentatively. " . . . we _do_ care about each other very much. Much more than friends. Like . . . Gina and Caden are." I explained, hopefully not confusing Alisa any-more than she could potentially already be.

She turned to look up at Susannah, looking for another explanation it seemed.

"We're dating, sweetheart," She said simply with a gentle, tender smile, holding Alisa's hand while she said it.

"Oh!" Alisa exclaimed. "Okay." She grinned contently, apparently needing no other explanation or details. Somehow it felt as though _I_ had missed something in the exchange. Something I possible should have known, but is more than likely just reserved for women. One of the riddles men are not supposed to understand. Apparently it doesn't matter the age of the women, be it twenty-eight, or four years old. "Why didn't you just say so, Daddy?" She asked me, bewildered. Susannah muffled a laugh behind her hand. Suddenly, I wasn't too upset I had missed something, or was being looked at with entertainment and pity. Alisa was smiling and Susannah was laughing . . . That was good enough for me.

"Because I didn't realize you understand the concept of dating," I answered Alisa, but spoke to Susannah who just shrugged non-committed.

"Aunty Mercedes told me about it," She informed me, not surprising me in the least. My sister seems determined to have Alisa grow up quickly and has no problem telling her whatever she wants to hear. It doesn't help that Mercedes is what my sister Marta calls, a 'Serial-Dater'. "Is that it, Daddy? Can I watch my cartoons now?" She reached for the remote, waiting for my permission. I wondered whether I should say something else, even though I wasn't sure what. But in the end, I thought it would be best if I just played it by ear. Giving the permission she was waiting for, I nodded and stood up; Susannah and I leaving her to watch her cartoons.

Susannah turned to me once Alisa was out of ear-shot, her tone holding guilt as well as relief. "I think I've been hiding out long enough, I better go. Mom and Andy need help for later," She said, placing her hands on my arms to steady her-self. She swallowed more than likely at the prospect of '_later_', her control wavering just the slightest bit.

"Do you want me to drive you home? It will only take a second to get Alisa ready, we can - " I offered wrapping my arm around her waist to offer my physical as well as emotional support. But she cut me off by shaking her head emphatically, pressing her lips to a thin white line. "Susannah, honestly I don't think you should be driving - "

"Jesse . . . I'll be fine. I promise. I'll call you as soon as I'm back." She straightened up to prove her point and smiled shakily, but not falsely.

I walked her to the door, surprising not only Susannah and myself, but Caden too when I opened it to find him about to un-lock it with his key. We all looked to one another and back again; an almost stifling awkwardness over-coming us all. Between Caden and I; Susannah and my best friend - it was enough for me to shuffle on my feet as way to shake off the unnerving feeling, trickling down my spine. That something could be said or done to cause a rift that has been repaired between my old friend and me, or between Susannah and Caden. Words have been exchanged between them before. I do not need confirmation of this from either of them to know it's true. I just know my best friend and I speak with Gina. But I have chosen to not ask either of them about it. Giving them the proverbial benefit of the doubt.

As it turned out, none of us had anything to worry about.

Caden's level gaze had settled on Susannah with a depth of understanding and compassion he rarely shows to me, let alone someone he hasn't known for too long. But there it was. Followed by a smile and action I never would have expected him to do. He reached out and pulled Susannah in for an embrace, towering over her. Even more shocking was that Susannah had gone willingly. It was a hug born of, if anything, sibling awkwardness, with nothing inherently affectionate about it. I just stood back and waited for them to break apart, accepting Caden's pat to my shoulder as he stepped past me into the house. All without a word being exchanged between any of us.

I swung my gaze back to Susannah, noting her wry smile as she re-took the place Caden had just been standing in on the porch.

"That was interesting," I finally rasped, raising my eyebrows that I'm sure was in a look of disbelief. Susannah half shrugged as if it was nothing new, reminding me she doesn't know Caden as well as I do. What he just did was monumental - for him in any case. But I pushed that aside to concentrate on the woman before me. "Susannah, about last night . . . thank you for coming to me. For letting me in." I spoke softly, slowly drawing her into my arms, pressing my forehead to hers. She curled her fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck and lowered her eyes. "It took a huge amount of courage to do what you did. There is nothing weak about you, Susannah Simon." I kissed the end of her nose playfully, glad for her smile.

"There is, but I'm not telling you what," She leaned up to kiss me, tempting me with her touch and the sounds of satisfaction she made low in the throat. "Maybe one-day I'll tell you - "

"If I haven't already figured it out, you mean?" I interrupted her.

She stopped and narrowed her eyes. "_Right_ . . ." She drew out, looking at me with an open amount of wonder. Finally her expression cleared and she turned to walk away, leaving me feeling a little lost. "I'll call you when I get back. Good luck talking with your, Mother. Tell her I said hi!" She called kindly, with only half an idea of what it meant to me. Because her words hit me with the impact of a bucket of ice over my head. I waited until she had pulled out of my drive-way and was out of sight before I groaned and scrubbed a hand down my face. I had actually forgotten about that little talk Alisa had had with my Mother. Unfortunately, it's a discussion I was not looking forward to.

So I deliberately turned around and stalked back into my house, just to get it out of the way.

Caden and Alisa were upstairs I found out when I called out for them. Getting her ready for school. So I made a bee-line for my cordless phone and disappeared into the living room at the front of my house for some kind of privacy. I hesitated only seconds before I typed in the familiar number without having to think about it. I blocked out the memories of Susannah and my little . . . fumbling around on the opposite couch and hoped my Father had run interference and was to be the one to answer the phone.

But it seemed I just wasn't supposed to be quite so lucky this time.

"_You have explaining to do, Hector_," Was my Mother's brisk, straight-to-the-point greeting when she answered the phone. I winced at my given name, which she only purposefully uses when she is very mad at me. Absently I wondered whether she had been purposefully sitting beside the phone with the speed with which my call was answered. But I wisely kept that query to myself and listened to her instead. "_What exactly is going on with this, Susannah woman? And how reckless can you be to allow Alisa to find you both_ . . . _both_ . . . _Have you lost your senses?! She's only a child and a very impressionable one at that!_"

I took in a deep calm breath before I answered. "Yes, _of course_ I know how impressionable Alisa is, _Madre_. She is my daughter after-all," I waited a few seconds for that to sink in before I continued. "And what she saw, in-fact, was completely innocent. You know I would never do anything so - as you put it - _reckless_, around Alisa. Will you stay calm enough to allow me to explain, or should I wait until you've said your peace that has no place here?" I winced again at the bite to my tone, but didn't recede it.

I love my family, but sometimes their worry and 'help' is not warranted.

I heard my Mother release her breath and I sank further back into the couch cushions. "_Well obviously something has happened to cause that tightness to your tone. So I will hold judgement until I have heard what you have to say_." She so pleasantly offered. I could hear the contriteness to her voice and remembered our discussion weeks before, after she tried to set me up with a potential 'wife'. It seemed strange that she suddenly was so . . . _abrupt_ with the idea of Susannah being somewhat of a permanent fixture in my life. A Mother's worry, I suppose.

"Thank you," I sighed, wetting my dry lips before walking straight in to it. "Susannah is Helen's daughter; she moved down from New York a few months ago. We've been seeing each other for the past six weeks or so. I'm not entirely sure what the time-line is. Alisa took to her straight away and after some miss-understandings and such, our friendship . . . _developed_ into something more," I smiled absently at the weeks leading up to it turning into something more and brought my mind back on track with more effort than I would have thought. My Mother knows, Helen. She has in-fact, met her once or twice while she's been down for a visit. I hoped, with her knowing that, she would have a more open mind about Susannah.

Clearing my throat I went on to the hard part.

"Susannah's family has recently just suffered the loss of her brother. She's going through a very difficult time right now trying to support her parents and deal with her own grief. She needed someone to turn to and I am it. What Alisa walked - or rather sneaked - in on, was Susannah and I fast asleep, fully clothed on top of the bed-covers," I was tempted to say partially, but I decided my Mother's righteous indignation was only bearable once. I sat forward, half-listening out for said little girl and went on. "Alisa was just over-excited when she told you, which is all. I was going to tell you about Susannah and I, just not in that way. But now you know . . ."

I trailed off, leaving it up to my Mother to say whatever it was she felt she had to say in her position as Grandmother.

"_I'm sorry to hear she's going through that, Hijo_," She answered without preamble, her tone infinitely softer than it was before, now she knows the circumstances behind Alisa's exclamation. "_How are Helen and her husband? I'm glad you have been there for them, Jesse. And I'm sorry I was so . . . rude about Susannah. But if you could see it from my point of view, hearing my beloved nieta, praise about some unknown woman not once, but a few times now, it made me wary. It's been so long since you opened your heart again . . . I would like to meet her. Thank the woman who has captured Alisa's and your attention so swiftly_."

There was no censure to her voice, just an open, genuine curiosity and affection with the light way she teased me.

"I don't know, _Ma_," I said, trying to picture my Mother and Susannah talking amicably. The image brought me a wealth of warmth and no sign of a nervous unease that may have been in the past. I actually found myself looking forward to them meeting. To my sisters getting to know Susannah.

She sucked in a breath. "_Oh, I have the perfect idea_!" She exclaimed, telling me she hadn't _just_ thought about it, she had already come up with it. "_Why don't you bring Alisa and Susannah up to stay with us for a week. I'm sure she could do with some time away to aid in the healing process. Maybe you two can spend some time alone then. Your Father and I will happily take Alisa out for the day. You could do with some time off, too, Jesse. You work so hard. What do you think? Will she accept? I promise we won't scare her away_."

I smiled at the deviant way my Mother works and set my gaze to the floor. "I'll ask Susannah and get back to you, _Ma_. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to go. Alisa needs to have breakfast before leaving for school. Don't be surprised if I don't call for a few days. But I promise I'll ask, Susannah."

"_That's fine,_" She chorused happily, backing off surprisingly. "_Take care of yourself, Hijo. Pass on my condolences to Helen and her family please. Kiss your darling girl for me_." I promised I would to everything and disconnected the call with a tired, relieved sigh. Rolling my shoulders a few times, I felt something pop and instantly felt the relief. Talking with my Mother about my social life, has always been one of the hardest subjects to come across. She can be relentless in believing what is best for me and what I deserve. And highly skilled at placing a guilt-trip on me when I might snap a little too hard.

It can sometimes be understandably why my Father agrees to so much. And why he still dotes on her with the love I have always seen shared between them.

Once I felt as though the tension had left my shoulders for now, I left the living room and went in search of Alisa and Caden. Stepping around my avoidance of getting the day started, because of the events soon to follow. I rolled my Mothers question around in my mind a few times, until I was certain I definitely wanted to ask Susannah.

But not yet. It was a question, definitely for another time.

xXx

I jumped when Gina slammed the front door of our apartment closed and spun around to face her.

"Sorry!" She winced when she saw my expression. "It slipped out of my grip," I dropped my shoulders, annoyed at my own jumpiness and waited for her to reach where I was standing, take me by the shoulders to turn me around and pushed me in the direction of my bedroom. "Right Simon, you're going to go and get in the shower, scrub off the layers of make-up you put on and when you're done, join me in the living room in your jammies and be ready for pizza and ice-cream. And _no_ - " She interrupted me when I was about to say I wasn't hungry, for about the fifteenth time. " - arguing with me about it."

I heaved an exaggerated sigh, actually too tired to even argue and let her push me along. "Fine, fine. Whatever you say, Ms Slave-Driver," I grumbled, throwing my bag and jacket down on the bed. I followed them when Gina closed my door behind her. All things considering - with it being a funeral and wake for my step-brother I'd just got back from I mean - it hadn't gone too bad. I was over-wrought, shaken and never, _ever_ wanting to go through something like that again. But I held myself together well enough. I cried, something I had no intention of doing. But when you have Jesse on one side and Gina on the other, I didn't really have much choice.

At least I was no-where near like what I was the night before with Jesse.

I shuddered at the memory of the mess I saw in his bathroom mirror. He must've been wearing beer goggles when he said I looked beautiful. A train-wreck would've looked more appealing than me with my puffy eyes, smudged make-up and bed-hair to rival Animal from Sesame Street and Rudolf with my red-stuffy nose. I was looking far-from good. But . . . he was so sweet about the whole thing. He didn't cringe away from me pouring my messy soul all over him like that. He was _there_! The whole time, from start to finish. Never, not even in front of my Mom, or Gina have I broken down like I did in-front of Jesse. And I'm not even embarrassed about it. Maybe with the exception of looking so rough this morning.

My bedroom door swung open again and Gina came walking in. "Here, have some of this," She said, handing me a glass of red wine when I sat up on my bed. "It'll make you relax a little more." I took a sip of it, testing the taste in my mouth. In the end, I just drank down the half-glass and handed it back to her. "Now, weren't you heading towards the shower?" She prodded, pulling me up and shoving me along for the second time in fifteen minutes, towards the bathroom.

"I get the hint, Gina. I can walk the rest of the way, thanks." I stepped out of her grip and spun around to face her in the door-way. She assessed me for a second, her eyes narrowing, probably waiting for me to suddenly snap and break down or something. But in the end she just turned around and walked off again. Closing and locking the door, I faced the shower and put it straight on. Now I was up, I didn't want to stop in-case I sat down and just went to sleep. I stared into the mirror, at my blood-shot eyes and scruffy hair, realizing just why Gina had suddenly decided we'd been making nice and accepting condolences from enough people and dragged me out of there. The atmosphere had been loud, sometimes even with laughter. Just the way Andy wanted it to be. I was grateful and reluctant to leave in the end.

I didn't move into the shower until the mirror had steamed over and I couldn't see anything any longer. The water was scolding hot, but I loved it. It felt like I was letting the water wash away all the bad, horrible ugly emotions haunting me the last few days. Like I was being refreshed. I needed it more than I thought. It woke me up enough that by the time I was dry and knotting my wet hair up with a clip, snug and comfy in my jammies, I actually had an appetite for the first time in days. The pizza was begging for me by the time I walked out of my room.

Gina wasn't sitting in the living room when I walked in there though. I grabbed a slice of pizza out of the box and moved over to the balcony doors where I could see her outside, smoking.

"I thought you'd quit," I said when I pulled the door closed behind me and leant up against the brick wall stopping us from falling five floors. I looked to the ocean in the distance and waited for her to exhale the lungful of crap she'd just taken. When I still didn't hear it, I turned to look. It was coming through her nose instead. Wrinkling mine, I had to ask, "Doesn't that tickle or something. Exhaling it that way." I knew I was still wrinkling my nose, but the smell of tobacco smoke does that to me. I never did get the hang of smoking.

"Nope," She answered about the ticklish comment. "And I did quit. For about a day. I'll quit again when the club's open and everything's settled down," She threw me a side-ways glance, saying without voicing it, that she meant me in that list. I rolled my eyes and looked away. "Or maybe I'll just make it another new year's resolution or something."

"This'll be what? Your fourteenth year you've said that?" I laughed, finishing off my slice of pizza I'd been nibbling on.

She started at me in disbelief. "I haven't been smoking _that_ long!" Gina exclaimed, furrowing her slim eyebrows in concentration. "I started when I was - "

"Fourteen. Wow, you _are_ getting old if you can't even remember that!" I snorted, jumping out of the way of her well-aimed kick to my shins. I was calling myself old too, considering we're the same age. And twenty-eight, by all rights, isn't anywhere close. But it felt good to just be poking fun at her for a change and not have the side-dish of reality and why I shouldn't be laughing that I've been dealing with all week. "What does Caden think of you smoking?" I asked, watching her put it out in an ash-tray and exhaled the last bit of smoke. We haven't really had the chance to talk shop about our men. Gina's in particular. Brad died the same day I found out she's been having a private party in her room most nights.

Gina shrugged and followed me back into the house, washing her hands in the adjoining kitchen before sitting back down on the couch next to me. She picked up a tub of Ben & Jerry's cookie dough, dumping it in my hands with a spoon, before picking her own tub up. We left the T.V. off, but let the music she'd put on, play to itself.

"He can't say much. I'd just tell him to fuck off if he tried to. He's fun, but that sorta stuff is for the long term," She dug her spoon into her ice-cream and took a huge mouthful, cringing two seconds later. "Shit! Brain-freeze! Shoulda stuck with the pizza first," I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. But just like the night before, I couldn't stop it! Next thing I knew, I wasn't laughing hysterically, I was crying instead! Seeing Gina's eyes widen and her panic just made me worse. "Oh crap, Suze, I'm sorry! Crap, don't cry!" She took my unopened pot of ice-cream and put it down on the table with hers. "Aww, come here, you dope."

I fell against her and cried. There was no body-tearing, mind screaming pain this night. My thoughts were clear, my chest was tight but not suffocating. I just cried for the sake of crying. I didn't think I had any tears left to soak someone with. But apparently I did, and it just kept coming and coming. Gina made stupid jokes the whole time, trying to calm me down. So then I'd end up laughing in-between the sobbing. But by the time I'd stopped and was wiping my tears away with my sweater sleeves, I felt so much better. Lighter in a way.

"Geez, I don't ever want to see that again," Gina said in the only blunt way a best friend can and not make it sound like an insult. "You just scared the crap out of me! You okay now? Want some ice-cream? Glass of wine? How about a smoke?" She reeled off, making herself comfortable, belying her offer of all of the above.

I grabbed her open ice-cream tub, too exhausted to even try and get the lid off mine. Have you ever tried to get a lid off a tub of B&J? It's harder than it looks. She didn't even try and snatch it away which said a lot for her worry for my state of mental health right then. I shook my head, too busy chomping into my ice-cream to verbally answer. I was sure it would've turned out as more of a croak anyway. Gina released her breath and reached out for my ice-cream and there we sat for almost half-an-hour. Just eating ice-cream and listening to whatever music came on the stereo system. I didn't put the tub down until I started to feel a little bloated and sickly from the cookie dough.

I didn't quite feel like such a mutant by then.

"Thanks Gina. I needed that." I said at last, pumping the cushions up behind me so I could recline and still look at her.

She shrugged one shoulder and carried on eating. "S'kay. You could've just said my lame attempt at lightening the mood was that horrifying you had to cry. Or better yet, just warn me," She smirked before shoving her spoon in her mouth to cover it up. When I finished laughing with no sign of a repeat performance of the sobbing again, she went on and asked what she'd obviously been burning to find out. "So you went to Jesse's last night, huh?" She was looking down at her half empty tub, moving her spoon around until she got a chunk of cookie dough. Pretending the question was completely innocent . . .

"And I suppose Caden also told you Alisa woke us up, this morning?" I added-in, knowing I'd hit the mark when her lips twitched. "He didn't tell you she asked us if we're getting married now though, did he?" It was my turn to smirk this time when she choked and stared at me like I'd just pronounced I was going to run for President. "Yep. She figured if we're sleeping in the same bed - kinda fully-clothed - then the next logical step would be us getting married. Jesse just about managed to squirm his way out of that one, luckily."

"Would you?" Gina asked. "Marry him, I mean?"

I raised my eyebrows and blinked at her. "Gina, we haven't even had sex yet!" It wasn't much of an answer, but that wasn't much of a question! Sex, Gina knows, has nothing to do with it. I know from all the fooling around and toe-curling kisses, that passion isn't a problem between Jesse and me. But I was reeling from her question and that was the first thing that came into my head. Along with Jesse's naked, tanned torso, holding me tight the night before. _Good times_ . . .

Gina did her one-shouldered shrug again and grinned. "So? Come on, I think it's pretty obvious the man's got skills. So answer the question. Would you marry him?"

"Would you marry, Caden?" I countered. This time she blinked and watched me warily.

She looked away for a second before looking back. "Yeah, I think I would." There was no wavering to her voice either, she was deadly serious.

Smiling at the thought of actually picturing Caden as being the one to get her down the aisle, I nodded. "I'd marry Jesse. Not straight away, but one-day," I dug my spoon back into my ice-cream, trying to picture myself married to Jesse and being a proper part of his little family. But I soon shook the thought off, knowing that even if he asked me now, I'd probably say no. Not because I don't want to, but because of all the ill-conceived notions that come with being engaged. It was Gina I was really trying to wrap my mind around as married. Somehow, I've just never been able to picture it. Which means she's more likely too, just to prove me wrong.

"How'd we get on to this conversation again?" I asked, just to steer us away from that particular topic.

"We were talking about Alisa waking you up this morning and asking if you're going to be her new step-mom," She mumbled around a mouthful. "Or something close to it, anyway," She waved with her spoon. "So every-things right in Suze and Jesse land again? Or close." Finally giving up after eating three-quarters of her tub, Gina admitted defeat and put the ice-cream down. "Remind me to donate some money to Ben & Jerry's one-day, for all the sinful deliciousness."

"You could always donate it to Caden. He's in that category, isn't he?" I smirked, rolling my eyes at her fake-dreamy attitude. "Anyway, every-things fine between Jesse and me. Really, _really_ good. I don't know what I was expecting when I found myself there last night. But what he gave me . . . I got an even deeper glimpse of the man behind the doctor and father masks. He was . . . _something else_." I stated quietly, trying not to let my mind take me back there. I wanted to be firmly planted in the present, with Gina. "Thanks for that, by the way. Giving me the talking down I needed. I hate to admit it, but I needed it."

"You're not going to cry on me again, are you? 'Cos if you are, I'll just run and get you some tissues . . ." She trailed off with a grin. Eventually she shrugged and plucked at the flannel of her jammies. "You're welcome. I'm serious about giving me some warning before you break down though. I'd sooner maim someone for you."

Laughing because I know Gina would do just that, I leant back and stretched my legs out over the back of the couch, making myself comfy again. We lapsed into another silence that was making me sleepy and my eyes grow heavy. When I risked a peek a little while later, Gina had her eyes closed and was zapped out on the other end of the cushions, a pillow held close like a teddy-bear. I smiled before settling back down, wondering just when I got so lucky to have the best, _best_ friend in the whole world.

Or when I was lucky enough to have a _real man_ step into my life too.

Two people I have _no_ intention of giving up - for anyone.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

_**A/N – **__Hellooooo_? Is that an echo in here? I wouldn't be surprised, I'm sure I saw a tumbleweed roll on past at one point too . . . Lol! It has been far, far too long since I updated this. And the last time was me saying I'd be updating before Christmas. I dunno how I managed to persuade myself I would do that, even though I tried really hard to write. Bloody writer's block is an incredibly painful process. Bit of luck I have a high pain threshold, really. That and I'm feeling so guilty for leaving it so long. None of you deserve that, you've been superbly amazing to me with this story and I really can't thank you enough!

I just need to ask you forgive me for the terribleness of this chapter. I started it a few weeks ago and have finished it tonight because it's been the only time I've had to do it. And that's only because insomnia sucks, lol. Which is why this is definitely not as good as it could be. Because I'm bloody exhausted. ^^; But . . . I hope it's worth the teeniest of reviews. Even if they say, 'Pure crap, try again!' Lol. I'd love to hear from y'all. :-) I hope everyone's having a good start to 2010! Let's hope it's a great year for everyone.

Reviews are love and cookies! And more love. ;-) Especially to _**LittleMizzLozZziiie **_who PMed me full of please's to update, hehe. Thanks, hun! Hope this is a start for you. :-) And any anonymous review replies are up on my profile. I realize that I've removed the author's note and posted nineteen as - well, nineteen. So I apologise if you have to review anonymously. No worries (not that I'd blame you, lol) about reviewing if it causes that kind of hassle. The hits to the chapter are enough. :-) Read on! Lol.

BTW, any review replies I have left to do, will be done in the next few days hopefully. I haven't forgotten, I promise!

* * *

_**Chapter Nineteen**_

"You need to slow down."

"No . . . I don't. If you hadn't noticed, I'm trying to be a good hostess and make sure everyone's happy. And as far as I can see, you're the only one with a problem," I answered, trying to keep the tired sound out of my tone. Truth was I was exhausted. Tired. Pooped. Ready to crawl under a comforter and not come back out until I've caught up on a life-time's worth of sleep. But that wasn't going to do me any good right then, when I had a newly opened club full of people to attend to. "So have a drink, go find your buddy and have a good time. Please?" I added on, hoping my sweetly innocence, '_I can do no harm._' voice would sway him.

Bit of luck I've never actually believed that's ever worked.

"_Susannah_ . . ." Jesse replied in that stern way that made me feel like I was being chastised. Or I'd disappointed him in some way. I really hate that tone. Because disappointing someone is worse than having them angry at you. Which just put me on a guilt trip and made me turn around to face Jesse fully and look him in the eye for the first time in hours. He knew he had me then. One glimpse of those dark, dark eyes and I'm a goner. Damned irresistible male! "You're pushing yourself too hard again. Gina has offered to let you sit with your family, has she not? Why don't you? They're here for you also."

One mention of my family had me mentally picturing them sitting around on the comfortable black leather sofa's on the first floor, drinks in their hands and fake smiles on their faces. Then I got the familiar pang of loss and love for them. Jesse knew that would be the one thing guaranteed to get me to stop and think for a second. I've been trying to avoid the actual thinking part for the last couple of days. But just like everything else, it rushed up and slapped me in the face anyway. They came to the club opening, because it's what Brad would've wanted them to do. Carry on, have a drink for him - _with_ him. And I'd spared them a few minutes here and there since they'd arrived. What kind of daughter/sister am I?

I let the heavy sigh I'd been holding on to, go and reached out for Jesse's hands. "I know. You're right. I should go see them." I conceded, already mentally preparing myself for that moment. Turning so I could look directly over the bar, I caught the eye of one of our bar-man and waved him over. He sauntered down to me with all the confidence and grin that got him hired in the first place. "Can you send a couple of bottles of champagne up to my family on the balcony? I'll be up there in a second."

"Sure thing, Suze." He winked, nodding to Jesse before sauntering back down the bar. Many bright, make-up caked eyes following him along the way.

I turned back to Jesse with a quick smile, letting go of his hands so I could head across to where I saw Gina's familiar red, coppery hair mingling among the crowd. But Jesse's hand slipping from mine to glide around my waist until his warm fingers brushed against my bare back stopped me cold. Goosebumps broke out along my arms, followed by a delicious tingle down my spine as his digits softly caressed a random pattern on my skin. The air whooshed out of my lungs and my eyes grew heavy while my body battled to control the need suddenly ignited deep within me. Just one simply touch is all it took.

Of course the heated stare as he looked deep into my eyes also helped.

"Have you thought any-more of my offer, _querida_?" He bent his head to speak into my ear, his deep tone cutting over the loud sounds of the club. Anyone else and I would've had to get them to speak up. But Jesse's voice has a way of making every other sound around me turn to gibberish and dull to a mere whisper. Who needs all that when you've got a deep Spanish lilt, silkily caressing your thoughts? Enough said. "You haven't got long to make up your mind . . ." He trailed off, his fingers sliding down to the V of my dress, low at my back. I shivered and took in a deep breath to steady my nerves and clear the fog. Offer? What offer?

And then my memory returned. And so did my senses.

Sighing again, I raised a hand and laid it on Jesse's chest lightly, meeting his questioning, yet blazing hot stare head on. "I told you, Jesse, I can't just drop everything and run off with you for a week. Not now, with everything that's happened with Brad, the club opening. I can't leave my family and Gina to pick up the pieces like that. It's not fair, no matter how much I'd love to go with you and Alisa," I answered as carefully as I could. The last thing I wanted, or needed, was to have an argument with Jesse right there and then, about something that to me was just completely unlikely to happen. No matter how much it hurt to have to say no to him and his little Princess. "I'm sorry, I can't."

Rising up onto the tips of my toes, I kissed him. Stroking my hand over his smooth chiselled cheek affectionately. When I pulled away, his eyes were calm, cooled and openly adoring. "Come on, we can't leave them to drink all the champagne on their own," I smiled, my thumb running over his lips one last time before my hand dropped away. "Can you go tell them I'm on my way? I just want to grab Gina and Caden." He nodded and disappeared off into the crowd, to me sticking out like the delicious God he is. My eyes followed him for a few more seconds before I made my way through the throng to my best friend.

But my head was back at the bar, thinking over his offer he'd made the day before.

It'd come out of no-where, which was why I'd stuttered over a reply for a few good minutes. That was enough time for a ton of images to zip through my mind that could or would, come with going away with him for the week. It's not as if the offer was to whisk me off to a hotel for a week, just the two of us. It was to go stay at his family's ranch with Alisa. Where the place, according to Jesse, is large enough to give us plenty of privacy and me the space I need. He took my silence as a great opportunity to tell me all about it . . .

Of the morning sun glinting on the lake on their property, catching the dragonfly's dancing across the top of the water. How Alisa loves to swing on the tire over the surface, squealing with unbridled laughter and happiness. The rich scent of Jasmine and Mint from his Mother's herb patch she grows and takes pride over. Describing how they drift to you on the breeze as you're walking through the fields, or sitting beneath his favourite tree he used to climb as a kid. I could picture the warm orange glow bathing the kitchen in the afternoon, as the sun sets, setting fire to their house. The stars you can see that stretch on forever in the midnight hours, making you feel insignificant and part of something so much bigger when you gaze at them; until the sun starts to rise to start the cycle all over again.

God, it sounded like Heaven on Earth! A place to relax un-wind and heal.

"_You won't be disturbed, querida. It will be the perfect opportunity for you to rest_," Jesse had gone on, all but whispering it in my ear, weaving his charm around the fairy-tale. I was sold on the first part of the description. Any chance to spend time with him and Alisa and I'd jump at it. But it was the next part that made my fairy-tale fantasy break into pieces. "_Alisa and I will be leaving next week_." That short of notice won't work for me. Ugh, the aching feeling of how unfair it was is still pressing down on my shoulders. Jesse and Alisa can go . . . just without me. My argument for why I can't go hasn't changed and it won't. I've got too much responsibility to pack up and leave for a week away in Heaven.

Shame Jesse and Gina aren't so sure. I knew from the start it was a bad idea letting them two meet. Stupid Suze.

"Gina!" I shouted over the sounds of the music, ready to leave the conversation with Jesse back at the bar so I could concentrate on getting over the unfairness of it all again. "Gina!" I shouted again until she turned to look for me. I waved my hand gesturing her over. She tugged on Caden's hand in an irritated way that made me wonder if something had happened between them since I'd bumped into them almost an hour ago. But she hid her reaction well. "I've ordered some champagne up to my Mom and Andy. Time to make a toast, are you two coming? Or do you want to sort out the uncomfortable tension between you?"

Gina narrowed her eyes at me slightly, but didn't say anything. "We're coming, lead the way." She called back.

Not bothering to wait or say anything else, I turned around and headed in the direction of the stairs leading up to the first floor and my family waiting with Jesse. They all had smiles and welcoming hugs to me and Gina when we eventually broke through the crowd and got to the cornered off area we'd stationed for my family. I accepted the hugs, feeling the guilt for not getting to them as often as I should have done during the night. Even though their expressions and laughter told me they were having a reasonably good time, I could still feel an underlying tension from Mom and Andy. Even more reason for me to have come up and done the toast long before then.

Gina stepped forward with a grin and started to do the champagne that made all the males jump in and declare they could do it, with only the smallest bit of effort. Laughing at the wink my Mom sent me, I accepted the champagne flute from Jesse and stood up so everyone could see; with Gina faithfully by my side and Jesse's warm gaze in-front of me.

"It's about time we made a toast. Don't worry, I'll keep mine short but sweet," Gina started when I hesitated, suddenly nervous and with no idea what to say. "Here's to Suze and mine's new crazy business venture together . . . And to Brad. The most wild, blunt and admittedly funny person, I've ever known. Next to myself of course." She added, unexpectedly making my beloved family break away from their suddenly misty-eyed expressions, to laugh unashamedly at my best friend. I included. I even wrapped an arm around her waist to give her squeeze in a silent, '_Thank you for the save_.' I got an answering squeeze back.

Once we had all taken a sip of our champagne - David downing his in one go - I stepped out of the comfort of my best friend's arm and raised my glass again.

"First, I want to thank Gina for actually agreeing to our 'crazy' idea and being even more willing to move here to go through with it," I turned to smile gratefully, receiving an, '_Are you nuts? Who_wouldn't_want to move here? Have you seen the beach, Simon?_' from Gina that again made my family laugh easily. Turning back to them, I carried on growing slightly more sombre again. "I want to say thank you to you all too. For always being there for me, including now, when I know it's not easy for any of us to be celebrating something like this without having Brad here. But I know he'd be pissed if we didn't, so I want to make a toast to him too,"

I waited until my family had all stood up and had raised their glasses in silent tribute before I finished my toast. "To Brad! The rock to our family . . ." Before the tears that were lingering on the edge of my vision could come, I tipped my head back and downed my glass while my family chorused the same thing and drank from their flutes. The champagne fizzed and warmed my throat and stomach, leaving a sweet after-taste behind. But I was soon encompassed in a free-for-all hug by my family, Gina and Jesse. I felt moisture on my neck that was from David, but only held on to him tighter, being the big sister he needed me to be for him right then.

Eventually someone made the first move to pull away, making us all disentangle ourselves from one another. Gina and I sat down and talked with them for as long as we could. Sticking around to see Mom and Andy leave and make sure Jake and David were okay. But we soon had to get back to the party and left Jesse and Caden to take care of my brothers and their spouses. Gina's hostility towards Caden had started to rear its ugly head again anyway. Something was definitely up with them and I was determined to find out just what.

In an unspoken agreement of where it would be the most comfortable place to be, Gina and I slipped behind the bar and got stuck in to serving any-one waiting. I made my move there.

"So what's going on with you and Caden? You could slice the air with a knife when you're looking at him," I started, digging right in. There's no point trying to beat around the bush with Gina. She just see's straight through it and get's annoyed if I try. She never has been one for patience for certain things. I looked over at her, watching her break the cap off a bottle with more force than normal, slamming the beer down in-front of the unsuspecting male waiting for it. She turned on a heel then and pierced me with a sharp glare. I wasn't fazed by it . . . Gina's glares have never frightened me. Her cooking on the other hand! Now _that_ is something to be fearful of.

"When are you going to agree to go away with Jesse?" She countered hotly, leaning against the bar, trying to sass me. "I know you want to go . . . You're just delaying the inevitable."

Picking up the dirty glass that had just been slipped across the bar, I stalked past Gina on the way to the mini dishwasher, answering her along the way. "I'm not delaying, it's the wrong time. Besides, I asked first. You can interrogate me all you want as soon as you answer the question," I kept my gaze away from her, giving Gina her space to talk, while taking the wind out of her sails by agreeing to talk about her own, damn annoying question. She always has had a counter-argument for me. I made sure to busy myself, ignoring the urge to look over at her when she huffed loudly and growled to herself while handing me more dirty glasses.

"He's being a Neanderthal again," She grumped, blatantly annoyed again. "There was a brawl a little while ago and I was handling it! At-least, I would've been if he hadn't have _literally _swung me out of the way and took care of it himself. I didn't need his help . . . I had it completely under control. D'you think he saw it that way? Like hell he did! He just went all Conan the Barbarian on me and has been smugly grinning about it ever since. God I wish I could wipe that dirty smirk off his face. He won't be laughing then . . ." She mumbled to herself, rubbing at a clean spot on a clean glass with a towel, almost forgetting she was talking to me.

For my part, I was trying very hard not to laugh at her. She sounded so put out about the whole thing. It just proves how unique my friend is. Most women would be swooning and drooling over having a big, tough, muscle-bound man swinging her to safety and going all macho on a possible fight. But does Gina? Heck no! She's the type to jump in to a brawl in-stead of standing back. She won't start a fight, but she sure as hell won't stand back and let someone start on her or one of her friends either. Or have a brawl break out in her club.

Somehow I managed to keep my amusement in check. She didn't need me laughing at her too.

In-stead, I tried a more . . . softly, softly approach.

"Maybe you should offer him a job here, after-all. He'd make a great security guard," I offered gently, gauging her reaction before saying anything else. We've already has this conversation of course. She doesn't want to offer him a job because of their relationship. None of that don't mix business with pleasure crap. Just purely Gina trying to keep Caden at arm's length and not have him more involved in her life than he already is. She's a lot more scared of getting hurt than anyone but me realizes. And Caden is the first guy to get under her skin in such a way. It's been kind of fun to watch play out, when I'm not around to witness the fall-out's.

"Never going to happen." She said back, meeting my gaze head on for a moment to force the point.

Taking a deep breath, I did what, as a best friend, I probably wasn't supposed to do. But best friend rules also say you should be as honest as possible. Even if it is something they don't want to hear. And this was definitely something Gina wouldn't want verbalized. "Okay . . . But seriously, Gina, you can't blame Caden for doing what he did. He's a Marine at heart . . . What he does best is protect people in dangerous situations. And what he saw was a potentially dodgy scenario. So his instincts and feelings for you kicked in and he took you out of the equation. He probably didn't even think before he acted. You can't be too mad at him when you think about it that way."

"Sure I can . . . I _didn't_ need his help. And I told him so, too." She fired back; obviously not happy I was semi taking Caden's side on this. I could see a flicker of indecision in her dark brown eyes. But it was replaced by a damn hard, immovable stubbornness seconds later. I'd hit a wall and I knew it.

Sighing, I nodded and decided that it was definitely an argument they needed to sort out themselves, without any interference from me. It's something Gina's going to have to learn on her own. All I can do is stand by and watch as she falls harder and harder, picking up the pieces as she goes along. She'll learn to just let Caden get on with it eventually. Just like Caden will learn that Gina does things her own way and doesn't always take kindly to certain help. It's going to be a painful process for both of them, but hopefully they'll have survived by the end of it.

I did have to wonder when I'd become such an expert on relationships while thinking over this. I'm not exactly Little Miss Perfect Spouse myself.

"Any-way, enough about me. I still think you should take Jesse up on his offer and go away for the week," She smiled, rounding on me. Any annoyance she had seconds before because I'd taken Caden's side - kinda - was gone. There was just a friendly concern and warmth again. Plus a twinkle that only meant mischief. Not the best combination from my best friend. "But please . . . I've heard the lame excuses for why you can't go ever since he asked you. I could memorize them back to you, Suze, but I wouldn't want to bore you," She winked at me. "Come on, Simon, you need this and I know you want to do it. Your family will be okay without you for a week. That's what they've got me for! Besides . . . your Mom and Andy think it's a great idea. Oh please, don't look so shocked I told them. I knew they'd be on my side about it."

Touché. Score one to Gina, for getting back at me. Damn her!

I wiped the surprised look from my face and sighed in defeat in-stead. "Gina, I can't do it. No amount of you mock-bullying and ganging up on me with Jesse and my parents is going to change my mind. Maybe in a couple of months, but not right now. So please, just drop it. I want to enjoy tonight, then curl up under the warmest comforter in the world and not move for the rest of the weekend. Is that too much to ask?" I questioned wearily and quickly, spotting a familiar head of dark crisp hair heading in our direction. I implored her with my eyes and didn't let up until she sighed herself and shrugged.

"Fine, whatever. I won't say anything else about it." She answered, turning to face Jesse and Caden as they approached the bar.

"Thank you," I said breathlessly, not realizing I'd been holding my breath.

I smiled easily at Jesse as he leaned across the bar and kissed my cheek. "I've been waiting for a dance with you all night, _querida_. Can I have one now?" He asked in that deep, delicious Spanish voice of his, losing myself in his deep eyes so full of affection and comfort. Without thinking about it, I nodded and made my way around the bar, ignoring Caden and Gina having an uncomfortable looking stare-down competition. I said another silent thank you to her for dropping her interrogation before Jesse arrived and Caden could jump into the fray, before taking my soon-to-be lover's hand and walked out onto the floor.

I should've known she hadn't dropped it though.

xXx

I just love it when a carefully hatched plan comes together. It leaves me feeling triumphant and giddy for hours after! This time was no different.

Dragging the heavy suit-case I'd rushed back to the apartment to pack while we were supposed to be finishing up the preparations for the club opening yesterday, I dropped it down by the front-door and mentally checked off I'd packed everything for her. Clothes with options of dressing for hot days, long walks, lazy snoozing or going out in the evening; ready and waiting. Sexy underwear I'd found with the tag still attached in her drawer, along with a couple of other pieces I know she's not going to like having in there; definite check. Toiletries, shoes and anything else I could think of Suze wanting or needing while being away at Jesse's parents; double check. I know he plans on taking her to Yosemite National Park while they're away. Who knows what she could need while being surrounded by wildlife, nature and the great out-doors though.

Is it wrong that I'm secretly highly amused she's going to a place she avoids like the plague? New York and Carmel's beaches are the two places she's visited the most. I don't remember her ever going to any kind of national park. Unless you count Central Park. Her dad wanted to take her camping when she was younger, but even Helen put her foot down about that!

I put a smaller bag on top of the suit-case and looked around the apartment, like it could tell me if I'd forgotten anything. But I knew what I was really doing. I was 'dawdling'. Avoiding having to go and wake Suze up and tell her she _is_ in-fact going away for the week and she has an hour to get herself showered, dressed and ready before Jesse comes to pick her up. She's probably going to be pissed with me for going behind her back. But I figured she's got a week to get over it, because she's not going to have time to be mad at me once she's up. Especially when she realizes she's going to be meeting Jesse's parents and sisters in a few hours!

Yeesh, even I was nervous about that!

"Show time," I muttered to myself, cutting across our apartment until I was standing outside Suze's bedroom door. I took a deep breath and barged into the room; insanely glad Jesse doesn't stay over-night and childishly leapt on to the bed beside her, making her bounce and roll about. She '_oofed_' loudly before growling into her pillow where her face had ended up smushed. "Rise and shine, sleepy-head! It's nine o'clock in the morning; it's a brand new day and you have a road-trip that will commence in one hour's time. So drag your ass out of bed and into the shower. You look like, shit." I teased playfully.

Suze had gone very, very still while I'd spoken and I wondered how much she'd actually heard.

"Gina, I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible . . . Fuck. Off!" She yelled into her pillow before flipping over on to her back. She looked mad. No, actually, she looked livid. But more than that, she looked down-right exhausted. That was enough for me to definitely know this is what she needs more than anything. "Why are you looking at me like that? Why aren't you leaving? I'm not going on any road-trip; I'm not leaving this bed. I'm going back to sleep. Get lost." She went on all distorted. Damn, even her sentences didn't make any sense. She was practically slurring her words! She was going to need some hard-core concealer to get rid of those dark bags too.

Smiling nicely, I settled down cross-legged beside her and took her reluctant hand. "Simon, hon, my best friend in the whole wide world . . . you _need_, this holiday. Now please, don't say anything else because frankly, you don't look like you've got the energy to. So do yourself a favor, go and get in the shower, freshen yourself up and be ready for Jesse to pick you up. Your stuff is packed, all you have to do is wake up, drink some coffee and sit in his truck for a few hours. Think you can do that?"

Honestly, she looked close to tears at the thought! Which was close to bringing _me_ to tears and then we'd both be screwed! So I quickly got off the bed and tugged at the covers.

"Come on, Suze. You can't deny how much you want and need this break now you're minutes away from going on it. Please, _please_, for my sake do this. What good are you to me if I have a partner that collapses from burn-out? Hmm? Precisely. So come on!" I tugged at her arm and actually managed to get her out of her pit and standing up; albeit swaying. "You can thank me for this later. Besides," I said coyly, leading her from the room and in the direction of the bathroom. "You _sooo_ know you're getting laid this weekend!" I laughed, ignoring her trying to swat at me and unsuccessfully keep the grin from her face.

"Shut it, Gina!" She laughed/mock-scowled before dragging her feet off. "And don't think this isn't over! I'm just too damn tired to fight you any-more. I'll deal with you when I get back . . ." She said around a yawn, shaking off her sleepiness. "Ugh, you better make me two cups of coffee. I'm going to need it." She said before closing the bathroom door.

I ended up pacing around the kitchen for almost half an hour while Suze finished her shower, came out to get a cup of coffee and then disappeared again. I kept clock watching. And as soon as it got to fifteen minutes before Jesse was supposed to be arriving, I went and looked for her. Taking an extra cup as a peace offering in-case she suddenly decided we'd talk about my little interfering sooner, in-stead of later. Turns out I shouldn't have worried. She was just rummaging through her closet, grumbling about not being able to find a pair of shoes she was sure were in there yesterday when she looked.

Coughing, I heard her bang her head, curse then crawl out of her closet with a glare.

"The shoes you're looking for are in my room. Here, take your second cup, I'll go get them. Jesse will be here in a minute, so you better hurry your ass up!" I called while dashing into my room to get the shoes I'd borrowed and go back to her room. "Don't worry, you look _fabulous_. They'll love you, because Jesse does," I said, picking up on why she was constantly running her hand through her hair and shifting around on the spot. She was down-right restless. Unfortunately she seemed to pale even more at the whole, '_because Jesse does_.' comment. "Okay, pretend I didn't say that. But seriously, I don't think you have anything to worry about, Suze."

"That's easy for you to say, you're not about to meet all his sisters. I've heard they can be worse than over-protective big brothers." She shuddered, taking a huge gulp of her coffee.

Laughing I sat down next to her on the bed and flung an arm around her shoulders. "Nah, over-protective big brothers are definitely the worst kind. At least you have a better chance of having something in common with all of them. It'll be a breeze, Suze," I said, giving her shoulder a squeeze. She nodded absently, draining off her cup before sitting up straight and putting on a determined, '_I can do this_,' aura of positivity around her. "That's my girl. You'll rock this, Suze. You wouldn't be you, if you couldn't."

She laughed and rolled her eyes at me before standing up. Just as she did our buzzer went off telling us we had a call.

Jesse was here!

Without saying anything, other than passing each other knowing looks, we left Suze's room and went out into the apartment. While Suze got her coat and dashed around doing whatever it was she was doing, I answered the call to Jesse, telling him we'd be down in a couple of minutes. He sounded relieved that Suze was coming without a fuss, the poor man. "Keys, keys, where the hell are my keys?!" Suze ranted, dancing about on the spot. She patted down her jacket and rummaged through her bag, muttering to herself.

Rolling my eyes, I calmly answered. "You don't need your keys considering you won't be here for the next week, Suze," I patiently walked up to her and guided her over to the front door by her shoulders. "You have everything you need in your bag - I made sure of it. Now stop putting it off and let's get you out on the road. Jesse and Alisa are waiting." The mention of Jesse's beautiful little dark-haired angel seemed to snap Suze out of her tizzy and she was suddenly ready. Nodding, she determinedly picked up the smaller bag and took a hold of her suit-case. "Wow; if I'd have known just mentioning 'Lissy was going to snap you out of it, I would've done so ages ago." I breezed, following her out into the hall.

We rode the elevator down to the foyer in silence, a nervous excitement coming from Suze who suddenly looked wide awake. The sun, partially covered by cloud from the usual fog that clings to everything gave off only the smallest bit of warmth as we stepped out of the glass double doors and met Jesse on the side-walk where he was leaning against his car. He smiled instantly, automatically taking Suze's suit-case and bag from her to put in the back of his truck, leaving me the chance to say good-bye.

"Drop me a line when you get there," I murmured as I hugged her tight, not quite willing to let go. "And have a really great time. I mean it, Suze. You deserve it."

Pulling away from me, she smiled. "I promise I'll try," She winked meaningfully. I laughed at her and took a step back. "Before I forget to say it, thank you for being so persistent and doing this for me. I know I was grouching this morning, but I really do appreciate you taking it into your own hands. I owe you, Gina." I agreed with her one hundred percent, making sure to include she owes me a pair of shoes to make us even at least and watched her climb up into the truck and get comfortable. I was just getting ready to turn around and leave when Jesse suddenly stopped in-front of me.

We shared a silent exchange for a few seconds before I quietly said, "Take care of my best friend, Jesse. She needs you more than me, right now."

Nodding, he kept his gaze steady with mine. "_Te lo prometo_. I promise," He answered. Not needing to say anything else, because I know he knows I'll cut out his heart and rip off his manly goods if he ever did anything to hurt my best friend, I turned to go back up to our apartment and my bed desperately calling me. But Jesse's voice followed me with a warning I so did not want to be hearing right then. "Caden told me to tell you he'll be over soon. He seemed quite determined about it, too." I tensed up at the prospect of that and continued inside. He could turn up all he wants . . . like hell I was letting him in.

Sleep is far more important than some . . . some . . . Neanderthal!

My last thought before I slipped off to sleep once I was back in our cozy, empty, man and friend free apartment, having brushed off Jesse's warning about Caden, was of Suze and her week away. Something I fully intended to have myself as soon as possible. Before I start getting wrinkles from the stress of Caden!

Damn insufferable male.


	20. Chapter Twenty

_**A/N: **_I'M FRICKING BACK, PEOPLE! OMG, oh I have missed writing! I have KILLED the writers block! It's only took me the better part of a year. :( But the important thing is, I think it's gone! I know this chapter could be way better, but to be honest it's more of a filler chapter any-way and I was just suddenly desperate to update. So I hope you can excuse that. I'm a little rusty. ^^; I have to say a massive thank you to you all for your reviews that are still coming in, even though it's been so long since I updated for this story. I really have tried so hard many times to write it. Now, I'm actually sorta happy with it. I really hope you all are too. :)

I will get back to writing 8,000 words a week for this story again, I just need a bit more time. :) I have some other ideas in mind that I'd like to write and publish before Christmas, so hopefully I'll be gracing your inboxes again soon. With much belated review replies too! I haven't forgotten, I promise! Speaking of, anonymous ones for chapter 19 are at the bottom of this page. :)

Thanks for reading everyone! Lots and lots of love and hugs for every-one! :) And forgiveness for me. ;) xxx

* * *

_**Chapter Twenty**_

The silence in my comfortably large, open living room was beginning to make me feel restless and uncomfortable.

And a little unnerved. After-all, when I usually have all five of my beautiful and different daughters in one room together, the noise can be deafening.

But today was a much different scene.

Looking over to my eldest daughter, Marta, I took in her large open dark eyes, so full of un-ease and nervousness, I bit my tongue to stop myself from telling her to relax and wait. Her long jean-clad legs were crossed over at the knee, but her foot was bouncing up and down in a thoughtful rythm. A nervous habit of, Marta's. She appeared lost in thought, the shadows racing across her delicate features telling me just what it was she was thinking about. I would be lying if I didn't say I felt the same way a tiny bit. But still, I held back from saying anything and turned my eyes away from Marta, and on to her younger sister, Mercedes.

Ever the glamorous one, Mercedes had dressed for this wondrous occasion in a summer dress that was a little too revealing for mine or her papás, liking. But that is Mercedes. Always ready to make a statement and rebel against what her parents wish of her. Her long dark hair, softly curling past her shoulders was styled to perfection as it always is each day. It is rare that I see my daughter come to see me, no matter how early in the morning, not looking fresh and ready for the day with full make-up and hair done. With the exception of her being ill. But that is the way she has always been and that is the way she will continue to be.

Her soft, full lipped pout told a different story to her posture though.

My daughters like to think they can 'get one over' on me when it comes to showing their emotions. But they are _my_ daughters; I know them better than they even know them-selves. And Mercedes' supposedly easy-going and relaxed posture told me she was ready for battle. And should she dislike my son's new choice of lady-friend, and then she would have no problem in telling her or Jesse so. She won't want to hurt her big brother of course. But . . . she _will_ say exactly what she thinks all the same. She is as protective of her brother, as he is of her. The same can be said of all his sisters. And that is the way it will always be. Not to mention Mercedes' charm and affect on her _sobrina_ of course. Alisa means the world to all her aunts. If any-one tries to hurt her, then the assailant can be sure they will have much fury raining down on them.

Unfortunately that does not help towards my reasoning to have them not judge Susannah until they know her.

I fear though, that the judging may have already commenced.

Josefina, my most eloquent and impacting daughter was sitting in the arm chair furthest away from us all, her strikingly beautiful face devoid of emotion, thought or expression. My hardest to read child. I feel my lips twist and frown as I watch her staring into space, her body completely motionless making it hard to see what she could be feeling or thinking. Josefina moved out of our family home just after turning seventeen, choosing to forego college and strike out on her own in a new town, with a job she had little to no experience of. Though during the past eight years she has moved up steadily with this job and found much satisfaction there. Still, she doesn't come home to visit very often. Only the promise of seeing her big brother and precious _sobrina_ can pull, Josefina out of her comfort zone. With the odd exception of visiting at Christmas or New Year.

Generally quiet, Josefina most certainly leaves an impression on people when they first meet her. She has that kind of effect. It intrigued me to wonder how she would take to Susannah and Susannah to her. 'Time will tell,' I thought to myself.

"Why aren't they here, yet?" Catalina, my youngest daughter spoke up, her soft but strong voice washing over us all like a soothing balm. "It doesn't usually take this long." She complained, anxious to see Jesse and Alisa. As anxious as we all were. Although I know she has been just as curious and ready to meet Susannah as the rest of us have. Unfortunately Catalina has had a habit in the past, of not thinking before she speaks. This has landed her in trouble more than once with her teachers. I only hope that won't be the case today when she meets Susannah. Just like her other sisters, Catalina can be somewhat protective of Jesse, even though there are thirteen years between them. She is Jesse's baby sister and she makes sure he never forgets that.

Unfortunately she is also the most rebellious.

Taking in a quiet breath, Liana raised her head from her book she had been reading in peace and looked to her younger sister. "They will be here soon, Catalina. Have a little patience." Her quiet tone put a stop to any rebuke Cat might have had for her sister. Liana has a way of doing that to people. She is the most calming and patient child I have. And that has come in very useful over the years. Especially when it came to meeting Alisa's mother, and the fall-out of her desertion. Suppressing the shiver trying to run down my suddenly rigid back, I kept my eyes on my daughter who had looked over to me. "Are you okay, _Madre_?" Liana questioned, seeing my suddenly tense posture.

Smiling easily, I said, "Of course, darling. I'm fine."

Liana watched me closely for a second more, but soon smiled in return and went back to her book. I warmed from the thought of the bond I have with all my children. Including Mercedes and Josefina, even though they both prefer to withdraw slightly and lead their own, very independent lives. A family's bond is one that cannot be easily shattered and I drew strength from that thought. We have all always been very close, even through some of our darkest times. And yes, there have been people who have tried to disrupt that bond and create a wedge between me and my children. But their efforts have failed every-time. They have only succeeded in bringing us all closer. Allowing us to crowd around Jesse and Alisa, creating a tight warm niche of comfort for them both.

Oh how I have missed my _hijo_ and _nieta_, I thought with a smile.

Unlike my daughters, I have been anticipating meeting Susannah. Ever since Alisa 'slipped up' on the phone and accidentally told me about Jesse's new, 'friend', as he put it. I knew it was something a little more. I could tell the difference in his character even over the phone. He seemed more relaxed and cheerful. Of course Alisa and Caden helped me to fit the puzzle pieces together too. It never does any harm to have a little inside information from people willing to talk. I am his _Madre_ it's what I am allowed to do, I have told myself many times. Jesse did eventually open up and tell me of his budding relationship with Susannah. Of their times they have spent together. He has also told me about his concerns of Alisa getting attached too quickly and what he is going to do should Susannah suddenly decide that she does not wish to be in a relationship with a single father.

Unfortunately only time will tell him the answer to that.

He has also told me of her recent loss . . . and that it is the main reason for their visit. I am very sure he would not have brought Susannah to meet us quite so soon if her sudden loss hadn't have tragically happened. It is because of this that I have told my daughters to be on their best behaviour and be open minded about Jesse's new lady-friend. Of course sometimes my words fall on deaf ears. I just hope that because it is Jesse that they will have listened this time. I personally would love to take Susannah under my wing and get to know her. Finally discover the woman Alisa has been raving about. My _nieta_ is a good judge of character. I trust her when she says Susannah is a good person. It doesn't hurt to try and work out where their 'relationship' will be going either. A mother needs a sense of reassurance too. Especially with the way he has been treated in the past.

"Here they come."

Snapped out of my thoughts, I turned to my husband seated beside me reading his paper. "Perdón?" I qquestioned, resting my hand on his arm.

Turning towards me, my husband smiled in a way that made my breath come to a halt and my heart skip once, twice in my chest. A soothing, familiar warmth swept through my entire being and I revelled in the loving look in his eyes as he gazed at me. A love that has lasted a long, long time and come a long, long way. My hand involuntarily squeezed his arm, my eyes showing the same affection for him. My daughters tease us about the way we get lost in each other's gazes. But I just smile and tell them they will experience it themselves too one-day and then I will be teasing them in-stead. They also laugh at the way I manage to make my tall, solidly built husband turn into an over-grown teddy bear as easily as Alisa can make him. He is the strongest man I have ever met, physically as well as mentally. But he is also the softest, gentlest man I have ever known and I cherish him more than my children probably realise.

"Jesse. I can hear his truck coming." Dante replied.

My daughters and I all turned expectedly towards the front of the house, waiting to hear his truck. And just like my husband said, I could hear the sound of large wheels crunching over pebbles as he drew closer, though it was very faint. It has always been a running joke in our family that my husband has the ears of a bat. It's how we always knew Mercedes was sneaking out of the house late at night. Because her father could hear her. Heaven's knows what kind of trouble she would have been getting in to if he hadn't have done.

As soon as my daughters could hear his truck too, they all got to their feet in various stages and speed. Catalina of course was running from the room and out to the large foyer to reach the double front doors before anyone else could get there. But Mercedes, Marta, Liana and Josefina were close behind her. Dante and I took our time, knowing we wouldn't get a look in until after our daughters had. I took my husband's hand and allowed him to lead me out of the room and after my daughters. Dante's relaxed shoulders and air of ease meant he was just as open and relaxed about our new arrival as I was. There aren't many things we disagree on and Jesse is certainly one of them.

By the time we had stepped out onto the porch, Jesse was just pulling to a stop beside his father's truck.

And then a sliver of nervousness touched me too.

xXx

Only one thing registered in my mind as we drove up to Jesse's parents' home and I hadn't realised I'd said it out loud until both Jesse and Alisa laughed at me.

"Their home is huge!"

I knew it was going to be big of course, from the way Jesse described it to me. But I thought Alisa's description was just a child exaggerating in her child-like wonder. But I wasn't expecting it to be so . . . impressive in its picturesque way! All I could do as I sat in the passenger seat, my jaw-dropping more and more as we drove closer to the house up the long, dusty gravelled drive-way, was staring in awe! Alisa was talking away in the back, getting more and more excited the closer we got. Jesse's grin broadening handsomely as he noticed my reaction. Which was a pretty quiet one after my initial out-burst, as I stamped down on the urge to curse at how screwed I felt by coming here. To his parents' home . . . a big step in a relationship that is still so new, we haven't even had sex yet!

Not that sex is the be all and end all of a relationship. Because it's not of course.

But it does make it very hard to not take that final step when he touches in such a way it leaves me a quivering mess.

Any thought of that vanished from my mind the closer we got to their house. If you could call it that. Because standing on the porch that spanned out far from the house and wound all the way around from what I could see, were five women, strikingly beautiful in different ways, waiting for us. His sisters. Jesse's _five_ younger sisters. Reality really hit home at that point and I really did want to curl up into a ball and disappear in a puff of smoke. Heck, not even smoke! That'd definitely be drawing even more attention to me then I needed. They were all standing in different stances, but all obviously eagerly awaiting their brother and niece. And ready to judge their big brother's new girlfriend no doubt. Double gulp!

Yes, meeting the other half's five sisters is definitely scarier than meeting his parents. Why'd he have to have _sisters_ I had to face up to? I could out-wit a brother . . . or five.

"I want to get out, _Papá_! Can I get out?" Alisa repeated in the back, literally bouncing in her seat. "I want to see my, _tia_!"

I looked at Jesse questioningly. "It means, aunties," He answered. "Princesa, I have to stop the car first," He laughed. We rolled to a stop beside another truck, the tyres crunching on the stones. The house and Jesse's sisters, now joined by who I would only guess as Jesse's parents, loomed out in front of us. Yes, I was definitely screwed! Alisa scrambled out of her seat-belt while one of the sisters came running down the porch steps and to Alisa's door, opening it for her. What happened next were squeals, giggles, laughter and just a fair bit of shouting. Enough that it actually made my ears ring a little even after the door had been slammed shut and Alisa was carried up to her family waiting to see her. "You're smiling." Jesse said, snapping me out of watching the excitement outside of the car.

"What?" I spluttered, ripping my eyes away and back to Jesse.

Laughing he took my hand. "I said your smiling, _querida_. It's good to see. It seems it's been too long since I have seen a genuine smile from you. It's beautiful," He raised my hand to his lips and kissed them. Right there in front of his family who could easily see through the window. "You have nothing to fear from my family, Susannah. I promise you," He continued, seeming to easily read my thoughts. "This week is for you to rest and recuperate. I'm not asking for any-more from you than that."

The nerves I'd been feeling for what felt like the hundredth time since I was shoved out of my apartment by my best friend and not-quite-forced into a car to take the journey to relaxation and peace, finally started to pull back. It had taken me over half an hour to just fully sit back in my seat on the way here and just try to see it as a bridge I'd cross when I came to it. But I had to admit, the description Jesse and Alisa had been piling on me of the ranch, the horses and other animals, lake and general tranquillity of the place had been making me a little excited to go along with the nerves. But now I was starting to think they'd been under-exaggerating just a little.

And I definitely vowed to make my best friend pay when I got back. Even if I _did_ begrudgingly need a break and she was just trying to do me a favour.

That, and her and Caden want the apartment to themselves.

Releasing the breath I'd been holding, I nodded and un-clipped my seat-belt. "Thank you, Jesse . . . I'll do the best I can to do absolutely nothing." I said cheekily. He smiled and stared at me with hooded, dark eyes. I felt myself go all weak with anticipation. There was something in his eyes that told me I would definitely be doing _something_ while I was here. And I couldn't wait!

"Come on, _Papá_! Come on, Sooze!" Alisa called from her spot high up in Jesse's father's arms.

Squeezing my hand, Jesse asked, "Ready, _querida_?"

'No!' almost screeched like a banshee. But I managed a meek, "Yes." in-stead. I didn't really get the chance to say anything else any-way; because Jesse had got out of the car so fast all that was left was a hazy image. But then he was there ready and waiting at my door, opening it for me. Such a gentleman, I thought for sure they'd all died out. I jumped down from his truck and tried not to groan at the ache in my knees from sitting cropped up for so long. But the smell of freshly cut grass and water on the air helped me ignore that annoying twinge. That and Jesse's arm around my waist, guiding me slowly towards the house. The place was even more beautiful when you actually got to be surrounded by it. And I hadn't even come close to seeing the rest of the land yet!

And then chaos struck.

Descending down the porch steps in a flurry of tall, dark glossy haired, tanned Spanish ladies, all talking in a mixture of Spanish and English, suddenly bombarded Jesse. I was knocked back a few steps in the excitement as each sister hugged Jesse even stronger than the last one before stepping back and talking quickly. It was all happening so fast I started to get dizzy and thought I was going to pass out from the chaos and strong aroma of an expensive perfume swarming my senses. But then I got my equilibrium back when I felt that familiar strong arm wrapped around my waist pulling me close to his side in a protective stance I've never been more grateful for. I was ready to face the family then. Just about.

"Susannah, I would like you to meet, Marta, Mercedes, Josefina, Liana and Catalina," Jesse smiled warmly, introducing me to each beautiful and wary sister. I got a hug off each of them, some warmer and more relaxed then one or two. But then I could understand why they would be so wary of me. I think I would've been disappointed if there wasn't a little bit of tension in the first place. At-least I knew it wasn't going to be boring! "They can all be a handful in their own ways, but don't let them intimidate you." Jesse carried on grinning proudly and breaking the ice a little.

Marta rolling her eyes at her brother whilst smiling stepped forward and took my hands. "Don't mind him, Susannah, we're not as scary as we might seem." She reassured me kindly.

"Speak for your-self," Catalina piped up, raising a slim eyebrow daringly.

I met Catalina's challenging look head on, because there was no way I was going to be knocked down now. I knew there was going to be some challenges flying around. From a sister's point of view, no woman is good enough for their brother. I could understand that. But it didn't mean I was going to give in to them and not stand up for myself. Not when it comes to Jesse. So I made sure I looked up at Jesse in a way that meant they could see just what I thought of their brother, how much I really seemed to be falling for him, and kissed him on the cheek. Turning back to his sisters, with an open non-judgmental look of my own, I smiled as comfortingly as I could and decided I would just have to ride it out and let them come to their own conclusions about me.

"You can call me, Suze, if you want," I smiled. "Jesse's the only one who insists on calling me Susannah. And don't worry, Jesse and Alisa have said nothing but great things about you all. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all. And checking out this beautiful land you've got."

The tension eased a little bit after that, but I could still sense their reservations. Luckily Jesse's parents came wandering down the steps then and saved me from having to be overly polite.

"Hello Susannah, I'm Jesse's mother, Elena. And this is my husband, Dante. We're very pleased to meet you at last. Alisa has said many things about you," Elena smiled embracing me in a tight warm hug. She was everything I was expecting Jesse's mother to be. Beautiful, as striking as her daughters. But she definitely had an aura of strength around her that it was hard to not be drawn in by her from the start. As for Jesse's father, Dante . . . It was like looking at Jesse, only thirty years older! And much broader. Alisa seemed so tiny in his arms. Obviously he's still very hands on around the family ranch still, judging from the leathery, cracked palms of his hands as he shook mine. My hand disappeared in his! "We really hope you enjoy your time here, just make yourself at home!"

"Hey Alisa," Liana quietly spoke up, taking her niece from Dante's arms. "We have a surprise for you waiting in your room, shall we go find it?"

"Yes!" Alisa squealed, wriggling to get down from her aunt's hold. "Come on, Sooze, come see what I've got!" She called as she ran up the porch and disappeared into the house.

All of Jesse's sister's ran in after her, followed by Jesse and his father. I held back and just took everything that had just happened in, trying to process it. First introductions and meetings are always hard and awkward. But Jesse's mother was so welcoming and warm, it was hard to stay uncomfortable for too long. Elena had hung back with me and was watching me silently. I smiled in her direction, sensing she was going to say something to me. I tensed a little, expecting it to be something along the lines of, '_Don't break my sons, heart._' or '_Don't try and take Jesse away from Alisa_.' Or maybe something else a little more threatening to do with Alisa.

In-stead, I was surprised to have her walk back to me and cup my face with her soft tanned hands, staring into my face intently. I held my breath as she started to speak.

"I know you're tired, Susannah . . . But now is your time to start to heal. Use this week as your opportunity to do that," She smiled wisely. "And heal Jesse too."

And then she let me go and turned away to walk into the house. Leaving me standing at the steps of her porch, shocked, dumbfounded and just a little freaked out.

Had Jesse's mother . . . just given me her _consent_?

The thought was too big to think about, especially on top of everything else. I already have a habit of reading in to things too much, so I shoved it to the back of my mind and buried it there, along with all the possibilities of what that meant. What I wanted it to mean. Reminding myself that Elena doesn't know me, not even close. Surely she must have meant something else, or not even realised she said anything. Either way, I didn't want to think about it. Not then. In-stead, I followed the sound of Alisa's voice calling me into the house and left any kind of reservations and fears outside where the sun would burn them away. Now was the time to heal, Elena was right about that. And Jesse and Alisa are the perfect balm for doing just that.

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_**Anonymous Review Replies for Chapter 19:**_

_**Tohru Seraphina**_ – Hey hun! Wow, I know I haven't replied to your review until...well, now. *sad face* But believe me, I am so grateful that you're sticking with this story and still love it as much as you did in the beginning! It really means a lot to me to have that constant support and patience. I have never been so bad when it comes to posting updates as I have been this year. But honestly the year has got away from me and now I can finally say I feel like I'm ready to start writing again. And it feels GOOOOD! :D Thank you so much for reviewing the last chapter! I really hope that you like this one too. And don't worry my review replies will be back up to par as soon as possible! :) Thanks again, hun! Take care, hugs and love. Xx

_**Jess**_ – JESS! JESS! JESS! OMG! HOW ARE YOU! I miss your reviews...and that is my fault for not actually updating anything. Grrr, I know I suck so bad right now and I can't say sorry enough, hun! I really, really am. I never wanted to leave it so long to update. But, I'm gonna do better. I am determined to do better! In large part because the next chapter is going to be FUN! Hot and heavy fun. Yes, yes, yes! And it's gonna be dedicated to you for being so patient and waiting for it...if you're still reading this story, lol. :) Either way, it's gonna be all yours! And all for Jesse and Suze to finally make up for not being able to have sex yet, lol. Oh God, I am so excited about writing it. I might start right now...eek! :D I realise this is pure rambling right now, I think I'm hyper, lol. But I haven't abandoned you, I promise! I never abandon my stories...it just takes me a while to get back to them. But I'm not going anywhere. I got more for Jesse and Suze, poor buggers, haha! :D I hope you liked this chapter, hun, and life is treating you well. Can't wait to hear from you again! Speak soon, love and hugs! Xx

_**Nirosha Dogra**_ – Hey hun! Ha, look who's updated at last? MOI! And I decided to finish all my review replies AFTER I updated! Even though I hate the thought of not replying to people's reviews. :( But now this has been posted, it means more bombarding peoples inboxes! WHOO! :D Haha, I can't wait. I hope you enjoy this chapter, hun! They're gonna get better, I swear! Speak to you soon, hun, and thank you, so, so much for reviewing this chapter. :) Love and hugs. Xx

_**I Love You!**_ – I LOVE YOU, TOO! Lol. Thank you so much for reviewing and giving me the inspiration to write this! I have been going back through my reviews because I've been trying to sort them out ready to reply and I just had to suddenly sit down and finish this chapter off. And I am so glad I did! Thank you so much! Love, love, love! :D xx

_**Chi-chi x –**_ Hey Chi-chi! OMG, I loved your review! I'm sorry I left you so frustrated. ;) But trust me, that will be resolved next chapter. And I am SO looking forward to writing it for you! I know it's going to be good...I can feel it, lol. Thank you so, SO much for reviewing and getting my butt in gear to finish this chapter off. I hope it's worth it. They're gonna get better again, I swear! :D Thank you, thank you, thank you for the love! I swear, it finished this chapter, lol. Love and hugs! xx


	21. Chapter Twenty One

_**A/N:**_ Before you start to throw rotten tomatoes and the like at me, please accept my deepest apologies for not updating this in far too long! All I can reassure you all is that I do NOT give up on my stories and DO finish them completely and not rushed, so you have no worries when it comes to that for this story - or any other of mine. That being said, HEY my lovelies! How is everyone? ;)

I have a whole list of excuses for why I haven't updated or written anything in ages, here's a few: Got engaged, planning a wedding, moving out, writer's block, family health problems, no time, replying to ALL my un-replied reviews, etc . . . I think that's the major ones. So now I'm going to be making a massively concerted effort to update more regularly. I'm excited! I want to write a sequel to this, if anyone would like one?

OK, I'll wrap this up now. First of all, majorly an M chapter lovelies, so beware you have been warned. ;) I wouldn't say it's graphic, I have definitely read worse. But it's still saucy and sexy. ;) This is in Suze's POV and anonymous reviews are on my profile. If they're not there straight away, give them a day or so to appear. :) And it's one hundred percent dedicated to the most amazing anonymous reviewer,** _Jess_**! _Enjoy_ sweetie! ;)

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**_Chapter Twenty One_**

Sleeping beside Jesse has taught me one thing . . . I have never slept so well before him! Of course waking from this sleep that was the best I seemed to have had _ever_, was probably in a very big part due to the fact we just had the most amazing, mind-blowing sex, _ever_! God knows it has been long over-due. As clichéd as it sounds, it was definitely worth the wait. Every agonizing and frustrating second was definitely worth the wait. Because now I ache in a very good way - and feel completely drained of energy. Which means one thing - I have been fully sated and spent.

_Finally_.

Boy was it quite the lead up too!

The first thing I'd noticed as soon as I'd started to wake this morning wasn't that the early start seemed incredibly bright - far brighter than I was expecting it to. It wasn't the deep snoring rhythm of Jesse lying beside me. Or even of the sounds of birds waking in the massive tree outside our open window. It was of how quiet the house was. Unnaturally quiet considering there was a very excited little girl running around it the previous day. The same little girl who had sworn she was going to come and wake me when it was time to play the next day. So naturally I had tuned my inner body clock and prepared myself to be woken at at-least five thirty . . . _am_.

But I hadn't been woken and I was getting nervous.

The fact that Jesse wasn't sleeping beside me hadn't surprise me at all. He's the only man who has ever managed to sneak in and out of the bed and not disturb me. And considering we're staying at his parents' ranch home, I wasn't going to be expecting early morning snuggles and breakfast in bed. Although it would be nice - _very_ nice in fact - I wasn't about to start feeling disappointed that he hadn't had the same thought. Especially with a couple of his sisters still living at home. I shuddered at the thought of one of them accidentally over-hearing something.

"Ha!" I'd unconsciously burst out laughing. "Like that's ever going to happen. You have to _have sex_ for those kinds of embarrassing moments." I'd grumbled as I finally opened my eyes and saw just how much light was pouring through the curtains and filling the large, beautifully ornate bedroom.

Once again, I fell in love with Jesse's parents' - sorry, with Elena and Dante, as they have insisted I call them - home. I had a tour of it yesterday minutes after I'd arrived. And I was pretty much speechless the whole time! My favourite room had to be Alisa's though. Wow, that is every young princess' dream in there! Pinks; glitter, ruffles, dolls you name it, she has it. Jesse's family clearly spoil her rotten. '_And I don't really blame them_,' I thought with a smile as I recounted in my mind all the rooms and secrets Jesse told me as I walked through his family's home. Elena has made it so homely and inviting, with such a touch of class and comfortable elegance, I still feel like I can walk around in my jammies and not feel out of place.

Taking a deep breath, I could smell the freshly cut grass drifting on the breeze coming through the window, blowing the curtains into the room. I could have stayed in that bed all day, it was just too comfortable. But one glimpse of the bedside clock had that blissful thought disappear in a flash, followed by the covers getting thrown violently off me as I leapt out of bed. I'd somehow slept until eleven thirty . . . Now I _know_ that isn't possible with Alisa around. That's a luxury woman who go out with single fathers don't get. And I love every minute of that part, I really do!

But it's not every day you stay as a guest at your single parent boyfriend's home . . . and sleep in!

"Stupid idiot, Suze - as if his family aren't wary of you already!" I'd berated myself as I quickly made the bed and dashed into the en-suite bathroom to our room. It didn't occur to me that the house was still quiet and that I should probably have been questioning that. I was too busy trying to shower as quickly as I possibly could, while letting my mind wander to everything that'd happened the day before. The crazy _chaotic_ day before. Jesse had prepared me that it was going to be that way and I'd done everything I could to get myself geared up for it. But it still doesn't actually prepare you for the real thing - of meeting five completely different to one another, sisters. When it comes to looks you can tell they're all related. But personality wise . . .

I wasn't prepared for that!

Out of all of them, Mercedes is the one I've found I've got more in common with. From what she's said, she has a designer shoe collection that could rival mine and Gina's put together. My best friend would be pissed if she knew I was thinking that. But just looking at the six different pairs she brought for just a two day trip, I knew my shoe collection needed a severe over-haul. With a big shop to make me feel better for the epic fail. Finding we both had a love for fashion and shoes definitely broke the ice for us and seemed to make it a little easier to talk to the other four sisters. But there is definitely going to need to be some work done with them too. There is a very strong tension of protection for Jesse. And so there should be.

Watching them all swarm around him and Alisa told me even more.

But it was the family dinner that surprised me the most. I'd thought the first meeting of everyone and thereafter was hectic chaos. I was very wrong. The family dinner was much worse! I had to subtly keep wriggling my ear to try and help the blow it took when everyone started talking. Or shrieking in Mercedes case when a bee had gotten in through an open window - obviously attracted by the sweet smell of food Elena had made from scratch for everyone - had taken a liking to her in particular. And even though Liana is the smallest in height to her big sisters, she definitely makes up for it when getting her voice heard. By the end of the amazing home-made meal, when I managed to sneak away for some fresh air, I felt like I'd just stepped out of a rave.

Thinking about it, my ears are still ringing slightly, even now!

My shower was quick and hot. And the drying off and getting re-dressed was just as rushed as the bed-making and shower. I couldn't believe how rude I was being getting up so late! Fore-going drying my hair properly, I towelled it instead. Normally I'd be brushing it straight to get my silky shine through. But if it's one thing Jesse has taught me, it's that he doesn't care for that sort of thing and that I don't need to waste my time unnecessarily. I definitely wasn't going to argue with that. So I slipped some slippers on and padded out of the room and navigated my way through the house to downstairs. So tempted to have a deeper nose around along the way and somehow restraining myself.

It was only _then_ that I'd realized that the house was unnervingly quiet.

Reaching the bottom floor I'd worked my way down to the kitchen and the only sounds I'd heard since waking up. It sounded like Jesse cursing in his native tongue. Shivers rippled through me at the deepness from his accent and I let myself be swept up in the ache of sexual frustration pumping through my veins, making my hands ball into tight fists so I didn't react just to release some of the frustration.

One way or another.

Jesse had his back to me as I walked into the large, beautiful and welcoming room, and I stopped and watched with the fire hot lust for him, steadily building from the deepest pit of my stomach. He was surprisingly shirtless, his snug jeans clinging to his narrow waist in a tempting hug. His broad tanned shoulders rippled and moved as he chopped whatever was before him, his long-ish dark hair curling at the nape of his strong neck. My eyes traced him all over, covering every contour and line that wanted to be repeated by my hands and then my lips. My legs quaked with the need to be wrapped around his strong waist and gripped to place by Jesse's strong hands. My fingers twitched to creep around him so I could run them over his ribbed stomach, tracing the hair down to wondrous desirably territory.

"I can feel your eyes all over me, _querida_," Jesse had suddenly said, snapping me out of my foggy haze, my cheeks flushing with colour. "It's very distracting." He continued, his voice sounding strangely rough and hoarse.

Quickly getting my equilibrium back, I walked into the kitchen further and stood next to him. The heat was coming off him in waves!

"Where is everyone and why didn't you wake me?" I'd gently scolded, watching his long tanned fingers cutting up pieces of juicy fruit. My mouth watered and my stomach rumbled as the deliciously sweet smells reached my senses, my hands itching to reach out and nick a piece of strawberry.

Reading my mind Jesse had shot me a quirky grin and moved the bowl of chopped fruit out of my reach. "My parents and sisters have taken Alisa out for the day so you may have a day to rest and get used to being here," He answered to the chopping board and knife. "That is why I left you to sleep in; your body needs the rest, _querida_. And you will need it even more so soon . . ." He'd trailed off, his cheeks seeming to flush with a little more colour than their normal olive tan. It didn't take a genius to work out what part of that meaning was and my body instinctively moved closer to his, seeking warmth and the energy enticingly pulling me in.

Turning to face me with a luscious piece of strawberry clutched gently in his fingers, Jesse ran the sweet cold temptation across my lower lip before taking it away. His large dark eyes predatorily watching my tongue sweep the sweetness from my lip, a low quiet grown rising from my throat at the small wetness to my otherwise dry mouth. Raising the cut piece of strawberry again, Jesse by-passed my mouth entirely this time and chose to run it down my throat and across my collarbone in-stead. I gasped as the cold seeped into my warm skin and gasped again when Jesse's lips gently kissed at my throat, slowly drawing down with his tongue, taking up every drop of strawberry he had purposefully put there. My hands gripped on to Jesse's forearms, my nails leaving crescent moon shapes as I tried not to let my legs give way beneath me.

Finally . . . _finally_ we were getting somewhere past second base! And I was not going to let it be stopped or interrupted this time. I just knew it wasn't going to take us both long before we started to rip each other's clothes off. By-pass foreplay, head straight for go. Do not collect anymore sexual tension; just go straight for the climax! My body was screaming for it.

Automatically opening my mouth as I felt the delicious fruit that had started something and wouldn't be stopping until I was completely satisfied, I accepted the strawberry with my tongue, sighing with the burst of dewy sweetness erupting on my tongue and slipping down my throat. But it wasn't long before I was sighing with a different reason. Jesse's tongue slipped between my parted throbbing lips, sweeping around my mouth trying to steal the last juices from the fruit. He tasted like he'd been eating some of the fruit himself. It was strangely erotic savouring it on his tongue and lips, the tastes were assaulting as much of my senses as what Jesse's actions were. I couldn't control myself and I didn't want to. My hands slipped up his bare muscled back and wound into his hair, needing a hint of more of what he had to offer.

So, so much more . . .

I couldn't control my legs then - they were just about to buckle from the sheer weight of frustration bearing down on them when Jesse's hands gripped my waist and effortlessly placed me up on the marble kitchen counter, parting my legs to stand between them. Barely breaking the kiss that grew feverish and uncontrollable with every second that was passing between us. Every bit of need, lust and emotion leading up to this was pouring through every part of me, in every touch, moan and grope of Jesse's frame. I briefly thought about his family and of them coming home for whatever reason. But the thought didn't last long before I ignored it and gave in completely to my sheer overwhelming need of wanting Jesse.

We finally pulled away breathless, my lips tingling with the taste of the fruit and throbbing from being devoured so thoroughly by my incredibly sexy handsome man.

"Mmm, so sweet," Jesse huskily murmured his normal so in control demeanour totally vanished as it always does as soon as we start to get so lost in each other. It makes me grin knowing how different and predatory he is when it comes to our sexual liaisons. I sank into his eyes that were once again watching my tongue run along my lips, the darkness of his pupils devouring me even more. I wanted to stay locked in his gaze like that forever, but I had other needs that needed to be fulfilled first. And I selfishly wanted them. Even more when his hands gripped my top and lifted it off and over my head in one swoop. His hand was quick to unclasp my bra and remove that too. The cool air hit my bare skin instantly, my nipples aching to be touched by his warm hands.

Jesse was very quick to oblige what my body so heatedly pined for.

His rough hands strayed across my back and around to my front, lightly tracing over my ribs before reaching for my lusting breasts, his palm cupping and kneading, his thumb rubbing over my nipple making my back arch closer to him. His free hand curled around my lower back, pulling me across the counter so I was on the precipice and feeling just how turned on he was from what he was doing - before guiding me down to lay on my back across the cool marble. "Jesse," I murmured before it turned into a gasp as his warm mouth came down to my other breast, his lips and teeth applying a different kind of torture. "Oh my God, Jesse!" I called breathlessly, hissing between my teeth as he trailed another piece of slippery fruit down and across my breasts, his tongue and lips lapping up the trail as he slipped the morsel between my parted lips again.

I was biting them so hard I thought I was going to make them bleed. I was throbbing from how turned on I was and desperate to feel Jesse's manhood hot and hard in my hands . . . against my wet lips and deep in my mouth.

"You taste so _delicioso_,_ querida_," Jesse purred against my throat, nipping at my pulse point. My hands had slipped and gripped the counter for some kind of reality. But it was useless; I'd been lost the moment I walked in to the kitchen. "I want to make you mine . . . Susannah. I want you to belong to me. Make you call and scream only for me. I want you, _querida_. I have for so long."

Raising my shaking hands to cup his face, I started to rise with his help and looked deep into his eyes as I sincerely whispered, "Then take me, Jesse." His flashing eyes told me I'd said the right thing as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pressing my breasts against his chest, my hips moving to run against the bulge in his pants. He muttered something indecipherable against my lips before sweeping in for an if possible, even deeper kiss than before, making my mind swirl and go crazy with possibilities and excitement of what was coming. I thought I would pass out from the sheer frustration coursing like red hot fire through my veins, fuelling my clawing at his bare chest and back, more than ready to get the show properly going.

"_Oh Jesse_," was my piteous moan against his mouth as I hitched my legs higher up his hips, his erection grinding closer. My hard nipples grazed against the hair of his chest, my senses going into overdrive and threatening to go on meltdown like some nuclear reactor. I felt like I could have powered cities with the energy coming off us both, it was electrifying!

"Open your mouth, _amante dulce_,"

Jesse's voice was so fathomless and husky, his hands so teasing and demanding across my skin, I instantly did it. I felt the trickle of something warm and thick against my tongue first, before the scent of chocolate hit me. But beneath that chocolate was a sweet luscious taste that when combined, made my legs tighten on Jesse's waist and my head spin with the amazing aphrodisiac we definitely didn't need. The passion between us was so hot; it would have melted ice within seconds. It was so sensual it left me moaning when my tongue meshed the two together and slid down my throat leaving an insanely sweet, thick chocolatey flavour behind. "How does it taste?" He'd asked.

It was barely a second before I answered. "_Erotic_ . . ."

It was a heart-beat before he said, "_Bueno_." And then I felt the same warm thickness that had first touched my tongue, be trickled down the valley between my breasts and down my stomach. I reached out for his hair when I felt him hover over me, his rough stubbly chin rubbing across my breast, his tongue flicking to the lightest touch of my nipple. It erected to an even harder point, the pain and need to be touched overwhelming me until he started to lick up the chocolate he'd painted on me. I felt another strawberry be tempted into my mouth while he slowly made his way down my body. "I've never tasted anything so good." He told me as his hands gripped my hips and his mouth and tongue lapped me up.

"I've never felt anything so good," I'd whispered back.

My body felt more alive and wired than I've ever experienced. God, next to Jesse with his slow exploration, tasting every inch of me, his kisses driving me half mad, anything any guy had done to me in the past was wiped clean. It felt like Jesse was the only one. The only man that has ever and will ever appreciate and loving explores me the way Jesse was. I withered and keened beneath him, my arousal wetting my underwear. "God, Jesse, you're killing me!" I gasped when his tongue rolled around my nipple, tugging it and me into his mouth. I arched against him, desperate when he pulled me back flush up against him.

"Please," I pleaded against his neck, kissing and rocking my hips against him. I wanted his shaft in my hand, in me so badly it hurt. "Please, Jesse, I want you so bad."

He pulled my head up to kiss me hard, a groan caught on his breath, his tongue sweeping into my mouth, leaving me weak and boneless against him. How the hell had I ever been satisfied before I met Jesse? '_I never was properly_,' I thought as he un-hooked my legs and pulled me down from the counter. I was seconds away from collapsing to the floor when his arm swept underneath me and carried me out of the kitchen, holding me close to his chest. I saw the intent and desire in his eyes and kissed his neck and chest the whole time he carried me up the stairs and down the hall to his bedroom. I was doing a damn good job of making him nearly drop me when the sound of the door banging closed behind us broke me out of biting at his neck, like a starved vampire.

He set me down on the large comfortable bed, his lips fusing to mine in frenzy as he crawled on top of me. He just as suddenly pulled away to look at me, with eyes full of craving and devotion for _me_. No man has ever looked at me the way Jesse does. It wasn't just lust I saw. It was something so much deeper, yet hard to comprehend. He's a mystery to me . . . My sexy Spanish enigma. My breath hitched in my throat, my fingers dug into his arms and the room started to fade away from around us. I only saw Jesse and I only felt every sensation coursing through my withering body, my nerves frayed and on fire.

I let Jesse go long enough to be able to undo my jeans, while he'd pulled them down and off, only snagging my foot for a few seconds. It wasn't enough to interrupt us or distract from the moment. His lips came crushing back down on mine as his dextrous fingers rubbed and stroked me through the wet material of my panties, making me gasp with pleasure from his teasing. If there's one thing Jesse likes to do, it's to tease me. Most of the time it's fun and exciting, building up the pressure another notch or two. But right then, it was just making my frustration start to reach boiling point. And Jesse knew it. Seconds later my panties ripped in the rush of him tearing them off me, replaced by his fingers satisfying my greed.

"_Yes_!" I hissed, throwing my head back against the soft pillows.

Chuckling roughly, his hand was there again, toying with my sensitive nub between his thumb and forefinger making fireworks explode in my head. My body rose and moved against him instinctively; letting myself go to the pleasure I was so desperate for. "Oh, Jesse, _please_!" I begged, opening myself up further, moaning when his finger slipped between my slick folds. My hands fisted into the comforter, drawing it closer to me as I raised myself up off the bed like I was possessed. Just some limp puppet being played with by Jesse. He eased a finger in stretching and toying with me before slipping in another. I withered, moving my hips against him when he thrust in and out gaining pace more and more.

"Come for me, Susannah." He'd called through the haze.

"Oh God!" I sobbed; the last flick and rub of my sensitive nub finally taking me over the edge. My cry was muffled by Jesse's lips suddenly pressed to mine, his fingers working to draw my climax out until I sagged against the bed, my body dancing with passion and fever, my lips surrendered to Jesse's. His kiss was so loving and sexy; I could feel myself revving up again.

Taking him by surprise, I pushed at Jesse's chest until he backed off me and was standing again. "_Querida_," was all he said as I un-hooked his jeans button and pulled them and his boxers down without delay. I didn't want slow - I wanted to give Jesse what he'd just given me. And as soon as his erection sprung free, watering my mouth, my hand instantly wrapped around his shaft, touching and stroking him. I looked up at him under half lidded eyes before leaning forward, my tongue darting out to lick up the pre-cum. Just one little taste of that and I had to have more. I took him deep into my mouth, sucking and licking, drawing moan after moan deep from within him. His hands clutched my hair tight, moving me at a pace he wanted before pulling me off him completely and unexpectedly.

"Wha - ?" I was about to ask before I saw the obvious strain on his face. Smiling I stood and pushed him down onto the bed before climbing over to straddle him, tempting him and me - feeling his erection pressing at the apex of my thighs. I wanted him; I wanted Jesse so badly I couldn't wait and neither could I see could Jesse.

"Susannah," Jesse murmured as I rose and slid on to him with a pleasurable and shocking sigh from us both. My hands splayed across his abdomen, unconsciously kneading him as I closed my eyes, overtaken by the sensation of having his throbbing hot shaft deep within me. Jesse's hands slid up my thighs and rested on my hips, holding me, making me feel safe and invulnerable. And then his hands moved me, the same moment I started to rise and fall in a slow rhythmic motion. My senses going into uber overdrive from too much emotion and too much feeling. And _still_ I wanted more. Soon my pace increased as I became used to Jesse, the more he groaned and murmured to me in Spanish, the more I wanted to just lose myself wholly and completely to him. My hands clawed at him, while his grabbed and stroked my body and breasts. It was electrifying and sensual.

And amazing to feel so in control of a man who likes the roles to be reversed.

Of course as soon as I started to think and feel that, Jesse grabbed a hold of my hips stopping me. Glowering at him through foggy eyes, I was about to protest damn loudly when he slipped me off him and flipped me beside him. The loss of him left a physical ache behind that was just as quickly fulfilled when he was above and slowly pushing back inside me. The ache disappeared the deeper he slipped inside of me and the higher my legs went up and around his back, crossed at the ankle.

"_Todo lo que quiero hacer es hacer el amor con usted_," Jesse whispered against my lips before surprising me again, by kissing me with a completely different depth and sensual pleasure than his kisses had been since we started. Again my breath stilled in my chest, my body went limp beneath him and the frenzy and eagerness that had been rearing its sexy head for way too long, was creeping up from the yawning pit that had yet to be breached until now. It was more than rapture and passion - more than need and wanting. It had a whole different level to it that I couldn't describe or even try. It had emotion wrapped around it that I didn't want to question or try to understand. But scarier than anything, was that I was responding with the same kind of intensity and emotion as Jesse was giving me.

"All I want to do is make love to you, _querida_," Jesse said as he looked much deeper into my eyes than he had ever done before. But I didn't feel vulnerable or frightened; just safe and protected. How could I not have been, snug beneath Jesse's strong powerful body, connected to him physically and emotionally the way I was?

A body that had started to pull out from me enough to make me think he was going to leave me completely, before thrusting back into me in powerful, strong movements. I didn't say anything because I couldn't. All I could do was moan and whimper his name as one of his arms braced him beside my head and the other hooked my leg up higher, his thrusts moving me further up the bed. I clutched at him, trying so hard to keep my eyes open so I could experience it with him, instead of being overcome completely by the moment. But I couldn't help it, my second climax was building and getting closer and closer, and so was Jesse's. Sweat beaded across his forehead, his eyes so dark they were almost black. His thrusts became rough, frantic and just when I thought I couldn't take anymore I came, with Jesse just seconds behind me.

The fireworks that exploded throughout my body were like I've never experienced before. My body shook with the intensity, my screams of his name dulled out his calling me, "Querida," in my ear as he came. My mind was a bright mess of colour and thoughts, while my body screamed with satisfaction and fatigue. All I could do was lie beneath him; Jesse sprawled on top of me, barely managing to hold his own weight off me so he didn't crush my limp, sweaty body. We were both breathing hard and fast, his heart hammering in time with mine. My foot twitched and I could feel cramp creeping into my toes. But I didn't care and I couldn't. I was one hundred percent, fully sexually sated and all I could think to say was -

"_Finally_ . . ." breathlessly.

Jesse just nodded against me where his head was buried in my neck, before lifting himself up to look at me with hooded eyes. A whole conversation passed silently between us with his one glance. Words didn't really need to be said, because there weren't any. We had finally gotten the next step in our relationship we both needed; the step that truly meant no going back. Definitely not for Jesse, too much is at stake. And I guess what was in that one glance was also like a question . . . Is this right? My answer was to kiss him softly - on the cheek, his forehead and finally his lips. That was all he needed and all I had to do to reassurance him I was going no-where. Not from him and not from Alisa.

Then he was rolling off me with a groan and pulling me to lie half on him before falling asleep within minutes.

Typical, I'd thought with a smile before joining him, so sated and happy. Choosing to figure out what secret emotion was stirring between us and within me, another time. At the De Silva ranch, you have all the time in the world . . . So I've been told.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**_A/N:_** Bet you all didn't think you would being getting an update for this for at-_least_ a year, right? ;) I don't blame you if you did! I am sorry again for the long delays that have been coming out of this story for the past few chapters. I know this one has been a few months too, but I really do have good excuses! :) One of which is because I have recently moved out. With all that comes with moving out before, during and after is _chaos_! Worse than normal, anyway. :) But I've managed to write this and I hope you all enjoy it. It could be better, I just have a wicked headache from going back over this for hours and back-ache, so I'm putting up with this the way it is. :P

Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews for the previous chapter! I'm glad you all liked it so much! ;) And thank you also for the congratulations on my engagement. 'Cited! :D On with the chapter! Anonymous review reply's are up on my profile page and any new reviews are welcomed! _**Before I forget - first part POV is Mercedes. Second part is Suze. Third is Jesse.**_ Enjoy. :)

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**_Chapter Twenty Two_**

'_If this is bliss wearing these shoes, then I fully intend to stay this way_ forever!'

Twirling around in front of my full length mirror, in my bedroom still stuck in my teenage years - with posters of singers I don't find so hot any more, and my pink feather bowers and girly glitter splashed almost everywhere - I admired the lush Manolo Blahnik shoes comfortably surrounding my feet. Well, I wouldn't exactly call them _comfortable_. But they were definitely lush! My bedroom stuck in a time loop, not so much. Bleugh, if I was ever going to move back in - not that I am - I would definitely be bringing in a decorator to re-vamp the place up. Stick some gorgeous black and silver flowered wall-paper on the main wall. Add some cream and rip up the carpet . . . Oh yeah, I could make this room look fabulous with some well placed furniture.

"Shame I'm _not_, moving back in." I said before turning back to my gorgeous new heels.

Giggling I turned my ankles to see what was the best angle to flash their gorgeous style. _Mamá_ said I'd cripple my feet if I carried on wearing heels non-stop and not giving my poor feet a rest; which I do give them. I take them for regular massage and pedicures. They get all the best treatment my tootsies deserve wearing such expensive and stylish footwear. Slipping my new sexy shoes off, I gently placed them in the box they came in as if I was handling the Holy Grail. And they'd be treated that way until I found another pair I liked. Or a bag . . . Or a new coat. Who knows, a girl has to have options. Now if my other sisters could just see that, I would be getting somewhere with my sometimes fashionably impaired _hermanos_ - siblings.

I can't always understand why either. They're all beautiful just like,_ Mamá. _

I know when people look at me and hear me talk; they instantly judge me as though I'm some airhead bimbo or something. So I like my shoes and my clothes and I'm not always humble about what I have and how I look. But it doesn't mean I don't have brains and that I'm not aware of what's going on around me. I've just found that the easiest way to go through life is to let people believe and assume what they want about you. Then you'll be the one walking away with your head held high when they realize they got you completely wrong. So I don't go around telling people I'm doing a night course in Literature; that one day I'd like to publish my own book. Because they just assume I like shopping and that's it.

I can't wait to prove them wrong!

Shrugging that thought off, because I try not to let negativity into my life too much, I slipped my slippers on and had got to work on sorting my suitcase. I always try to bring something special along for Alisa to wear around the house when we're both here. She loves dressing up in my clothes and I love letting her. It makes me realize how much I would love to have a little girl. Or boy of course.

"_Jesse_!" I heard float down the hallway and through my open bedroom door. Followed quickly by flirty giggles that made my stomach roil. "_Come here_!" Suze giggled some more, followed by some noise.

"Oh gross!" I frowned, disgusted to hear that coming from my older brothers room. Especially as I knew Alisa was running around the house like a woman who'd just heard their favourite designer was giving away free clothes. "Hasn't anyone reminded them of a little word called, _discretion_?" I said to myself as I made my way out of my room and to theirs, preparing to give them a piece of my mind! I can't stand the thought of that going on when Alisa could so easily just run in on them. It's bad enough their bedroom is near mine and _I_ have to hear them doing . . . whatever it is their doing. _Ew_! I'm not going to taint my gorgeous little_ sobrina_ with their shenanigans too!

When I got to their door, I knocked hard once before storming inside, one hand firmly placed on my hip and the other with a finger pointed in the air, ready to give them some - what I thought was - well-deserved grief. But almost instantly I stopped dead in my tracks, my face flushing red with embarrassment and shame, and my words tripping in my throat as I quickly tried not to laugh. "Oops!" I shrieked in-stead, losing all dignity of walking in on an in-fact, totally innocent act of tickling between Jesse and Suze against a hysterically laughing Alisa.

Unsurprisingly I couldn't hear her over Jesse and Suze's laughing. And looking at Alisa I could see why . . . she was in the throes of the silent laughter she does where it looks like she's not breathing. When she's really having fun.

Cue my guilt of thinking of Jesse and Suze in that way. That I should have known better. _Especially_ of Jesse!

"Sorry," I laughed, winking at Alisa who was laying across Jesse's made bed, her face flushed and hair a curly honey mess, her voice finally coming back to her. Suze stood on one side of the bed, dressed and composed, and Jesse stood on the other side, his scarred eyebrow raised high in question. Thankfully he didn't look too surprised to find me marching into his bedroom uninvited.

"Hi, Mercy!" Alisa giggled, climbing down off the bed to come and jump into my arms. "I like your flower." She commented still a little breathless, gently touching the large hair accessory placed behind my ear.

"Thank you, darling," I kissed her cheek, holding her for protection as I looked at my brother. "Sorry to interrupt your, err, morning," I smiled brightly turning my attention to Suze. I knew I had to think up an excuse for why I'd just barged my way into their little 'family' moment and fast! So I said the first think I could think of. What they were expecting of me. "I was just wondering if Suze wanted to come shopping with me today. I can show you all the greatest places around here! Get some lunch . . . ?" I offered, trying not to swallow guiltily. Because frankly I had better things to do than take Jesse's girlfriend shopping; and it involved sitting in a hot bubbly bath with a good book before I prepared for a date.

Straightening up, Suze seemed to look interested for seconds that seemed to stretch on to minutes. Before she said, "I'm sorry I can't today. Alisa and Jesse are going to show me around your family's land and have a picnic," I breathed a sigh of relief at that! "Maybe another time?"

"Yeah, sure, no problem!" I smiled overly cheerfully, placing a wriggling Alisa down and backing up out of the door. "I'm always up for shopping, so, another time!" I babbled smiling my way out of the door and shutting it behind me. I blew out a massive breath as I heard Alisa saying how excited she was to go riding and have a picnic. "Idiot Mercy!" I whispered as I walked away. I _hate_ getting flustered. But I had truly felt like I was intruding on something then and not in a sordid way like I'd first thought either. I'd have been less embarrassed if it was! So I left the comfort of upstairs and went in search of my family in the kitchen to make me feel better.

I can always guarantee to find someone in there as it's one of the best places to be in our house.

As it was, I found Catalina and Liana in there talking.

"So what do you think of Suze?" I asked as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and leaned across the kitchen island, ignoring their twin looks of annoyance that I'd interrupted their conversation. I just grinned back and drank from my bottle.

They exchanged looks before turning back to me. It was Cat that started. "I don't know yet . . . I want to like her because Alisa obviously does. But then she's just a kid. Kids will like anyone who gives them enough attention and candy. So I'm right back to, I don't know," She frowned, seeming a little frustrated that she couldn't work out what she thought. This honestly took me by surprise. Cat is the quickest one of us to give her opinion and sometimes that involves her not thinking before she speaks. But this time, she looked unsure. "I want to dislike her because I don't think anyone will be good enough for them. But she makes it hard, you know?" She continued, looking from Liana and back to me for help.

Liana shrugged and smiled serenely. I was struck by how beautiful she is, just like I am every time I see her. And just like every time before, I felt jealous for a split second. Before it was wiped away and followed by pride that she's my sister; and that I can't stay jealous of her for longer than two seconds before I remember how much I adore her. We might not get to all be together as regularly as our_ Mamá_, might like. But we're all still really close with only the odd moment of rivalry.

"I don't think there is anything to _not_ like about, Suze," Liana started, captivating Cat and me with her opinion. "Jesse is clearly very much involved with her, in more ways than one. And we all know how hard it is for him to trust. So for him to have allowed it to have gotten this far says a lot about who Suze is and the dynamic of their relationship. As for Alisa, well she's the best judge out of all of us. Suze is great with her from what I've seen and heard. At the end of the day all we can do is hope that it's going to go the distance and be here for him as always, just in-case it doesn't -"

"Or slash her tires and make her life a living hell . . ." Catalina joked interrupting Liana and rubbing her hands together at the thought of doing some mischief and enacting revenge for Jesse. I couldn't help but laugh and agree.

"- But I personally think it _will_ work." Liana finished after rolling her eyes and smiling at Cat. "What about you, Mercy?"

Finding myself in the spotlight I stood up straight and posed, making them laugh. "Well I think . . ." I started trying to be serious. Before I realized . . . I really didn't know what to think either. "That the girl with the answer to everything has no answer this time," I lost my pose and went back to leaning across the counter-top. "It's tough, I want to hate her just in case something _does_ go wrong and then it won't be such a surprise, you know?" My sisters nodded back thoughtfully. "But it's hard, I want Jesse to be happy; he deserves it. I guess it's all too early to start questioning whether wedding bells would be struck. Thinking about it, we're putting a lot of unknown pressure on the girl," I frowned. "So we keep an open mind I guess . . ."

"That," Jesse said walking in to the kitchen, making me shriek and Cat and Liana jump from the boom of his voice. We had no idea he was there and how much he'd heard! "Sounds like a great idea, Mercedes. Something I hope you will _all_ stick to."

"You know we're just trying to watch out for you, Jesse!" Cat piped up in defence of us all.

Laughing, Jesse walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I know you all are and Alisa and I appreciate that. We are very lucky to have you all. Especially Alisa to have such protective,_ tías_. But you do not need to worry about us; we are going to be fine. And once you have got to know Susannah, you may realise why," He hugged Cat and Liana before coming over to hug me. I held on a little longer before letting him go. I forgot until then just how much I miss my big brothers presence. "Now if you will excuse me, I will see you all later for dinner." He smiled, picking up the rucksack on the counter-top and slipping out of the French doors just as quickly as he appeared.

To most people who didn't know Jesse they wouldn't have seen a difference in his demeanour. But we do know him and there was definitely something different about him and the way he was walking - with a jump to his step and a definite drop of tension in his shoulders. Obviously Suze was doing more for Jesse than we were giving her credit for. But I was still going to keep her at arm's length . . . for now.

"Guess that told us," I laughed shrugging off the moment and the topic. "Any-way I'm out of here. Got to get ready for a date!"

"It's like, ten thirty in the morning. What time's your date?" Catalina asked in disbelief.

Laughing even more I sashayed out of the kitchen. "Not until seven tonight. I have to prep you know." I winked, ignoring my younger sisters' groan of disgust. I wasn't going to tell about my plans of a tub and book. Just like I haven't told my family about my night course and hope to be a published author. Not until I accomplish both will I divulge that little juicy titbit. So saying I was prepping for a date is the best way to get left alone to enjoy the peace and quiet of being home.

_Bliss_!

xXx

I was standing outside in Jesse's parents' 'yard', surrounded by the most amazing peace and quiet with the hot sun shining down on my back, and all I could think was, '_How the hell am I supposed to climb on to that thing_?'

When Jesse suggested we go horse-riding and have a picnic I loved the idea! It sounded perfect and ideal. But I hadn't taken in to account how I was supposed to get _on_ to the horse. Let alone ride it! Of course I've seen a horse before; they ride around Central Park all the time. I've been in a carriage at winter and taken in the views of my city. But never have I ever wanted to actually try and ride it. The thought never occurred to me. And apparently it hadn't when Jesse had first suggested it, or when I knew we were coming to his family's ranch. That obviously _has_ horses! Alisa even has a pony of her own called, Buttercup. She's been riding it since she was tiny she's told me - with Jesse's supervision of course.

But me? I was looking up at the large, beautiful horse and sure it could smell my fear.

That and I obviously hadn't thought about just how _good_, Jesse was going to look dressed as a rancher and acting like one. How am I supposed to concentrate on not falling off the horse with Jesse looking like that? His jeans looked so snug low on his waist and made his derriere look squeezable and damn good! His checked shirt was open because of the heat, showing off his tantalizing abs and hard chest, with its smattering of dark hair. The gentle breeze tugging on it so it's pulled taut across his body and arms. I've never seen him wear a shirt like that around Carmel. Finished with his hard worn brown boots and he looked positively wild and rough. My knees were knocking together just looking at him! I'd be undone if I ever touched him.

This life most definitely suits him! Especially the way his longish dark, dark hair fell across his tanned forehead, giving him more charm than should be legal. I felt like I was melting from the inside out from just looking at him, in my white tank top and jeans. Who needs a blisteringly hot sun when you have Jesse?

"Are you ready, _querida_?" He asked, snapping me out of staring at him as he prepped my horse. Alisa was already up and ready on Buttercup, that didn't look so little. "It's very easy, I promise. All you have to do is relax and hold the reins. Aries and I will do all the work; he's a very calm horse, don't worry." I smiled wanly and walked over to Aries. He turned his long face to look at me before snorting and looking away. "See? He likes you." Jesse smiled encouragingly. I tried not to snort with laughter back; pretty sure that wasn't a grunt of pleasure from the horse. "Now lit your right foot and slip it into the stirrup, but not all the way. And hold on to the saddle, you are going to use that to help pull yourself up."

Doing as Jesse instructed, I held on to the saddle until my knuckles were white preparing to lift myself up. But before I knew what was happening, Jesse's large, warm calloused hands were holding my hips and lifting me off the ground. He all but placed me up and on to Aries before I could even blink and freak out! I just found myself instinctively slipping my other foot into the stirrup and tugging the reins gently to stop Aries from stirring at the weight suddenly placed on his back. I blinked a few times before looking down at Jesse's smug expression.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" He grinned up at me. My heart thudded hard in my chest and not from what had just happened.

"Thanks," I replied breathlessly, still feeling the pressure of his hands on my hips. It just brought back the memory of him lifting me up and onto the kitchen counter-top yesterday. Along with that came the very fresh, very vivid memory of all that happened following that and every other sexual experience with him since; including every lingering, tantalizing kiss. My face flushed with embarrassment and desire, trying to look anywhere but Jesse. That would just set off a whole new train of thought, especially seeing Jesse dressed like that too. "Geez it's hot out here." I mumbled to myself, trying to fan my face with my hand. Pointless as it was. I needed to move my body and my line of thought away from yesterday, before I did something stupid.

Shifting my weight until I was comfortable, I tentatively reached out and stroked Aries' neck. "We can do this, can't we? We can be friends."

He ignored me.

Swallowing my nerves I looked over to Jesse and felt my jaw drop. God, if he looked good just standing by a horse, imagine how amazing he looked _on_ it!

"Wow," I breathed breathless again, blinking through my haze I'd put Jesse in. He looked even bigger than normal if that was even possible sitting atop his massive black horse. He was talking to it, stroking his neck and mane, looking so calm and relaxed I felt myself relax too. I knew instantly that he was in one of his most favourite places in the world right then. I couldn't blame him once I looked around me. It seemed to put a whole different perspective on the world somehow. He looked powerful and sexy and safe, like nothing could touch him in that position. It brought a lump to my throat along with the thought that maybe Jesse would be happier here than in Carmel. That secretly this is where his heart is and will always be. That this is something I can't give Jesse and might possibly never be able to. I also wondered if I'd be able to touch him . . . if I'd be able to connect with him in this position. Would I be kept at arm's length to keep his security he seemed to be experiencing?

I quickly shook the thought away. I didn't want to think like that. It's not the Jesse I know and . . . care about.

Trotting over to stand beside me, Alisa reached and took my hand. "Ready, Sooze?" She smiled angelically, her innocence bright in her deep crystal blue eyes. "I love riding, Buttercup. She's wittle like me!" I smiled at her giggles, allowing her to unknowingly take my fears away and let me enjoy the scary but good experience along with her and Jesse. "I can show you our special tree." She said excitedly before moving Buttercup along to start the ride, anxious to get going. Jesse walked over to me while keeping a close eye on Alisa. "Let's go, Daddy!" She called to him.

Jesse imitated his daughter by reaching out for my hand too, squeezing it once. I stared up into his eyes, wondering if I would ever get over just how fathomless they seemed to be. But I saw the warmth in them. And the invisible security blanket he had wrapped around himself and Alisa, also stretch to fit me in there too. It made me feel stupid for what it was I was worrying about before.

"Let's go!" Jesse grinned, walking beside me as we started.

It didn't take me as long to relax as I thought. I also saw why Jesse enjoys horse-riding so much. He was in his element the whole way to our picnic spot. Pointing out all the places he used to go when he was young; telling me stories about him and his sisters. The games they used to play. The accidents they've had falling off their horses and tree climbing. The experience of bringing Alisa horse-riding the first time and his pride as she picked it up effortlessly. I could hear the love for Alisa in his voice. I treasured it and felt a pang of loss for my own dad at the same time. He and Alisa told me the fairy-tales they had made up; using the animals they saw on their rides and different places they went. They all seemed to have a classic _Disney_ twist about them that I loved. Alisa has recently re-introduced me to the classic films from when I was a kid.

There's nothing like snuggling under a duvet with some popcorn watching _Beauty and the Beast_, or _The Lion King_ on lazy Sunday.

The whole walk was all tempered with comfortable silences in-between their stories as I took in the most incredible scenery. Sometimes I would pull Aries to a stop and just stare. It looked like something that belonged in a painting. I never thought I would be seeing landscape like I was. The way the sun shone down on everything, bathing it with gold light. I was entranced by it all. It was breathtaking looking off into the distance and seeing the endless array of nature around me. Obviously I'm a city girl or beach girl at heart. But walking around Jesse's family's land, I could understand and see the appeal of just escaping to the lake we had stopped at, and paddling my toes in the water warmed by the sun.

Dragonfly's danced across the water and flew around Alisa making her squeal and chase them with her little pink net, trying to catch them. Fish leapt through the air deep out in the water, the droplets sparkling in the sun as they splashed back down causing ripples to lap against my bare legs. Other than the sounds of Alisa playing and the horses, it was so quiet and peaceful. I felt like I was in heaven for a while, with Jesse's arms wrapped around me as Alisa showed me their special tree. It was a large oak that Jesse had carved a large star, holding a smaller one inside. I traced it with my fingers, amazed again at the bond Jesse and Alisa share.

I made a wish as I traced that star, that I would find the same bond myself one-day . . .

xXx

The happiness I was feeling, with my back up against the large old oak tree, Susannah leaning against me with my daughter asleep in her lap, was like no other. The afternoon sun was half shining across the large lake surrounded by trees that I had quickly garnered as mine when my parents first brought the ranch; and the subsequent land that came with it. The dark blue water sparkled and shimmered as dragonfly's dipped and swooped over the fluid simplicity in a mating dance. I sighed contently as I felt how soft the grass felt between my calloused fingers, gliding across my palms. I felt the peace of the quiet seep deep into my bones and push away the years old weariness that has settled there. The majestic and large old oak tree lending me its sturdy strength and honour. I was home for now, and there was no-where else I wanted to be at that moment.

Other than where Susannah may be.

I glanced down at her, her head resting on my chest as she looked down at my daughter - absently stroking her hair as she slept. Her touch was gentle and soft, not disturbing Alisa's nap. The sweetness of the food my _Madre_ had prepared and exercise of running around playing with both Susannah and I, had taken its toll on my sweet little _princesa_, and sleep had won out in the end. It gave me the opportunity to enjoy watching her rest peacefully and admire Susannah's care with her, even whilst asleep. I instinctively tightened my hold around Susannah, pleasure filling my entire being as I felt her sigh peacefully. It gave me hope that she would be fine . . . that the grief and guilt wouldn't consume her.

I had wondered if I had done the right thing by bringing her to meet my family, especially as our relationship is still within the very early stages. But my fears had very quickly been squashed when I saw just how much my parents like her. I knew that my sisters would be a little harder to bring around; with the exception of Liana and possibly Josefina. But I have much hope that they will soon realise how good a person Susannah is. It was like music to my ears the night before, to hear Susannah be in the kitchen helping my _Madre_ prepare dinner. I know how stubborn she can be to not have any help. But the fact Susannah managed to work around that was an accomplishment in itself. Even if I do feel that my _Madre_ may have allowed her to, just to have some alone time with Susannah.

But the fact they have '_hit if off_', is a relief.

I am still trying to adjust to the rampant array of emotions coursing through my being while being with Susannah – the day before being of particular interest. I had not intended for it to have started that way. I was planning on taking her breakfast in bed and hoping it would have took a more sedate, relaxing passage to making love to her. Not that I was disappointed the way it had gone! By that point, just knowing I was alone with Susannah with no interruptions and no excuses, I couldn't restrain myself. Just the simplest touch from her ignited the desire running the deepest I have every felt it. Yes we certainly made up for the times we were unable. But it was incredible in a way I can't describe. The connection I feel with Susannah is . . . intense. Sometimes I feel I need to pinch myself to believe I am really awake and she is really here.

Just looking in to her eyes I feel myself sinking further into her. I feel our connection deepen a little more.

I rested my chin on Susannah's head, feeling her turn her face to kiss where my shirt had opened, her lips causing my skin to tingle and warm further.

"Do you like it here, _querida_?" I asked her softly, almost surprised to hear my own voice.

She didn't answer me straight away. In-stead she gently manoeuvred Alisa until she was lying across the bottom of the blanket in a patch of sunlight, where she continued to sleep undisturbed. She then settled herself across my lap and stared into my face thoughtfully. "Yes I do, it's beautiful here. I can see why you love it so much," She replied, turning to look out over our land. She seemed troubled and I soon realized why. "Would you . . . would you ever move back here – permanently?" Susannah questioned quietly, her hands and eyes focused on playing with the buttons of my shirt. "Not that I'd blame you! Like I said, it's beautiful and peaceful. I'm just still unsure about the horses." She laughed nervously.

It was my turn to not answer straight away, as I contemplated her question. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized what my answer was.

"No," Susannah looked up at me in surprise, her eyes dancing with curiosity and something indefinable. "As you say, it's peaceful. But . . . it's not my home any-more. Not like it used to be. Being around here brings back just as many harsh memories as it does good ones. I love to see my family; I love to ride across the land. But that is as far as I would allow it. I want to create my own life, separate from this with Alisa. Bring her up the best I can, with the best I have. We're happy in Carmel, Alisa is settled there. If she chose to come live here when she is much older, then that would be her decision. But I wouldn't join her."

I was almost as surprised by my words as Susannah appeared to be. But it felt right saying it. I could feel it deep within me.

"Oh," Susannah said, a small smile spreading across her lips. "I can understand that. I guess I did the opposite though. I moved out of Carmel thinking it was what I wanted. But after a long struggle I realized Carmel is my home and always will be. I may not have grown up there, but it's the only home I've ever really had. It's where the only family I've had has been. It took me a long time to realize it, but I wouldn't have it any other way," She gently stroked my face with her soft hand. "I guess it's good we have that difference about us. It adds some variety. As if you being a doctor and I just a lowly barmaid isn't difference enough." Susannah winked playfully, lightening the mood with her smile.

"You're hardly just a barmaid, Susannah." I rebuked gently, kissing her forehead.

She shrugged and settled against me again. "Tomato, _tomatoe_." She quipped.

Smiling I rested my hair back against the tree and tried to not let my thoughts stray to too many things. I just wanted to enjoy the quiet while it lasted. Before we had to pack up and ride back to the house to prepare for dinner. But I allowed my mind to wander for a while longer, feeling myself relax enough to sleep. Up until Susannah started to shift in to what I thought was a more comfortable position against me - before sitting up completely. I opened my bleary eyes to see what she was doing, watching as she went to paddle her feet in the lake again, like she did when we first arrived. Feeling me watching her she turned and sent me a smile.

Content she was OK and Alisa was safe, I closed my eyes again and let myself doze off into a light sleep. The most relaxed I have felt myself be for a very, very long time.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

_**A/N:**_ I don't really have a lot to say, other than I'm really sorry, from the bottom of my heart that you've all had to wait so long for this update. :) But I'm on a roll, so hopefully more updates for this and others will be coming along soon too. Keep your fingers crossed my muse doesn't do a runner on me! :) This chapter was originally supposed to be longer, but I decided to leave it the way it is. I don't want to scare the writing bug away!

Thank you all so much for your reviews for the previous chapter and the alerts and faves for this story. Don't give up on me! There are still lots more to come for this story. :) This is in Suze's POV and anonymous reviews are at the bottom. Enjoy, reviews are love! ;)

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**_Chapter Twenty Three_**

_'When I grow up, I want a house as big as Jesse's parents'_, I thought to myself wryly as I stood alone in their kitchen, catching a few seconds peace.

It wasn't long before I was picking up the large ornate salad bowl from the kitchen counter ready to take it out for dinner. That was until I turned around and almost dropped it on Alisa's head! "Oh cr - sugar!" I cried out surprised but proud of myself for covering up the curse before I properly said it. The last thing I needed was Alisa telling everyone I taught her a bad word, especially to Jesse's sisters and parents! Alisa giggled and covered her mouth with her little soft hand, her painted nails grabbing my attention. I wonder which aunt painted them such a bright pink? "Sorry sweetheart, I didn't realise you were behind me. Are you ok?" I asked, bobbing down to Alisa's level, sweeping her over head to toe just to check she was in one piece after I nearly bowled her over.

Nodding, Alisa smiled excitedly, looking around the kitchen to see if anyone was about or listening. I could hear everyone talking as one from the large dining room, so I knew we were alone. Satisfied Alisa turned back to me. "Daddy told me to come tell you that you're not s'posed to be in here and that you'll be in trouble with, _Abuela_ if she finds you," She giggled again, leaning in close as if telling me a secret. Her small voice dropped even more as she conspired to tell, "But don't worries, Daddy says I know how to use my joey eyes to get out of trouble."

"Your joe - Oh!" I exclaimed, confusion giving way to understanding. "You mean your _doe_ eyes?" I laughed, tugging lightly on one of her stray honey coloured curls framing her face. "I don't doubt it, sweetie. Shall we go back out in case we get caught?" I suggested, standing back up and offering my hand. Alisa nodded enthusiastically, her curls bouncing off her shoulders as she skipped along. I felt another rush of love for her as she pulled me out of the kitchen to join everyone again at the big long dining table, where nearly everyone was sitting, apart from Alisa, Mercedes, Jesse's Mom and me. I put the salad bowl down in the centre of the table and let Alisa lead me to my seat that was beside her; Jesse on her other side.

"Thank you, _Princesa_," Jesse said, kissing the top of Alisa's head before looking up at me. "Just want to keep you safe from my _Madre'_s tirade of you being a guest, meaning you are not to lift a finger, _querida_," He explained, interrupting me before I could say that I only brought a salad bowl in! Chuckling and reading my mind, he said, "I know it was only a salad bowl, but it would offend her none-the-less."

Raising my hands I conceded. "Oo-kay, can't say I didn't try," I shrugged, taking his offered hand out-stretched behind Alisa's chair.

Turning back to the table that was bustling with four of Jesse's sisters moving things around, their chatter carrying over each other, I watched them with interest. Jesse's father, Dante was sitting back, a serene smile pulling across his deeply tanned, weather worn face as he watched his daughters bickering and laughing together. Dante is the only person I haven't had the chance to really talk to since I came to stay. I never seemed to be able to catch him. Jesse told me not to worry that if his dad wanted to speak to me, I'd know about it. He winked as he said it, but I still swallowed nervously at the time.

It's his sisters I'm trying to get my head around though. They're all such different personalities; it took me longer than I wanted to figure them out. They're like Jesse when it comes to that, a closed book until they let you in. But there's one thing they all agree on and have in common and that's how much they dote on their beautiful niece. Can't say I blame them either!

I've had a bit of time to speak to all of them since coming to their family home, but I know it's going to take a lot more than a few conversations here and there to crack this family's bond. Out of all of them, Liana has been the most welcoming, with Josefina's the least. But they're all beautiful and striking in their own way. I've spent the most time with Mercedes and sort of wished she was here right now, so I knew I could turn to her and strike up a conversation without a problem. I know she likes me, because she said as much. She's a bit like Gina in she says what she thinks. Once I figured that out, I felt more at home, almost like I had Gina there to get me through it. Apparently once you're a friend of Mercedes, your there for life . . .

If she chooses to keep you there.

Something I don't think Jesse's oldest sister, Marta, follows. I was surprised she was so reserved. She's like a bundle of nervousness beneath the reserved, cool exterior. I've seen her stand back and let others speak before her, even if she's been spoken to. She might be the oldest, but she definitely lets her other sisters take the control. Weirdly enough, she doesn't seem to mind that either! I can't imagine being the oldest of five sisters and letting them all but walk all over me. Jesse said she's always been the shyest one of them all and I could see why if she gets overshadowed so much. She's no librarian, but she's not about to start flaunting herself around town like Mercedes either.

Snagged from thinking about them all, I caught Josefina staring at me from across the table, watching me. I didn't back down from her hard stare, but I didn't match it either. I wasn't about to start making an enemy of my boyfriends sisters!

Jesse had given me a run-down on them all on the way here and described Josefina as aloof. To someone outside of the family, they probably would have called her rude and intimidating. Apparently the most independent of them all, she's not a big visitor to the ranch and hasn't been since she moved out at seventeen. I respect her for that though, I know how hard it can be to strike out on your own and not turn to your parents for help. I'm hoping _that_ at least might form the base for a friendship with her in the future. Until then, I was happy to stay out of her way and just let her get used to me. She finally broke the stare down competition, her lips turning slightly at the edge with a wry smile. I hoped I'd just passed some kind of test with her. They'd all seemed to be giving me one since I arrived!

"Who would like to say Grace?" Jesse's mom, Elena asked as she set the last dish on the table in front of me, its delicious scent making me sigh in appreciation. She is by far one of the best cooks I've ever met. She definitely rivals Andy when it comes to making amazing home-cooked food.

Taking Alisa's hand and Elena's, I bowed my head and waited for Catalina to finish saying Grace before watching everyone dive straight in to the wide selection of foods spread out on the large table. It was like there was a routine to it as no-one clashed, but seemed to know when and what to pass to who at all the right times. It was like a dance between hands, no one was in a rush, and they all just smiled and passed the dishes around between them. Just like the dinners before this one, I sat back and watched in awe; seeing the blatant differences between Jesse's family and my own. But that just brought a vivid, strong memory to the surface that I couldn't hide from.

Suddenly sitting in front of me wasn't Jesse's family, but my own; my mom and me sitting one side of the table, Andy at the top and Jake the other end, with Brad and David opposite us. All of the men snatching whatever were on the plates in front of them before my mom or I even got the chance to see what was on offer, stuffing their faces as they chewed loudly, their plates cleared before I could even think about what I was going to eat first. There was no civilised calm to it like Jesse's family; just animalistic hunger every meal time.

Unfortunately along with that memory was the pain of grief that made my breath hitch in my throat.

Feeling the now familiar pang that comes with thinking of Brad and my family, I clenched my hands into fists under the table, hating myself for being so weak and breaking in front of Jesse's family. And then came the tears . . . I quickly excused myself from the table and disappeared back into the kitchen before anyone could say anything. I felt their eyes on me as I went, making me walk a bit quicker. I didn't stop until I was standing out on the back decking, taking in quick breaths of cool night air, trying to not let the tears over-take me. "Not now, _please_ not now," I sniffled, closing my eyes against the pain.

And the guilt.

I shouldn't have left my family so soon after Brad's funeral. I should still be there for them all . . . for David especially. He's been so clingy since it happened and I know why. I know it just brought all the grief he had for his mom back, just like it did for me with my dad. A sob ripped through my throat before I could stop it so I pressed a hand against my mouth. I'd been doing so well, stamping down the guilt and the grief, trying to act normal and push past it, pretending I haven't been tearing myself up inside. Jesse, Alisa and their family have been a great distraction . . . maybe a little _too_ much. And now I was paying the price for it. I was stupid to think I was moving on, the pain is still so raw and fresh, even if it is under control. But that one little memory . . . God it was my undoing!

I never thought I'd miss seeing my brothers - Brad - act like animals at a dinner table like I did right then.

"Susannah?" A soft luring voice questioned from behind me. Elena approached me cautiously, barely making a sound as she crossed the decking to stand beside me, her hand resting gently on my shoulder. "Oh, Dear don't cry," She soothed in such a motherly, tender and sympathetic voice that I automatically turned to bury my head in her shoulder and let her stroke her hand down my hair as I tried to stop the tears from wetting her silk top. I was mortified that I'd given in so easily to sympathy; so easily to the pain. But there's something about Jesse's mom that just exudes warmth and comfort that I was so desperate to have from my own mom right then, that I just gave in, because she was the next best thing right then. It didn't take me long to pull away and try to sort myself out though. "Here."

Taking the tissue she seemed to have plucked out of thin air, I said, "Thank you," blowing my nose in to it. She just stood there, her hand still gently stroking down my hair as she watched me calmly. "I'm sorry about leaving so quickly," I started, waving my hand in the general direction of the kitchen. "And for blubbering all over you. I hope I haven't ruined your meal or your top!" I eyed her silk top, wincing at the tear drop stains.

Laughing, she shrugged it off. "It's only a top, Susannah, it doesn't mean anything. You on the other hand," Elena started, making me swallow nervously. "Do. If there is one thing that has no place beside grief, then that is guilt. Believe me, it serves no purpose in your situation . . . you need to release it in order for you to move forward," I could feel my eyes well with more tears so I quickly pressed the tissue to stem the flow. It didn't stop me from looking at her questioningly though. She obviously knew what she was talking about . . . "Call it intuition with a little experience." She continued, answering my unasked question. At least I see where Jesse gets his mind-reading powers from now. But I was still so curious . . . and a lot emotional.

"I - I don't want to feel guilty, but it's so hard being here and enjoying everything about this place," I started, catching my breath, starting to calm the more I spoke to Elena. "While knowing my parents and brothers are back home, grieving alone and - and, I just feel so bad because I should be there for them, not pretending nothing's happened." I finished, deflated. As much as I hated to admit it, it felt good to actually say it aloud and admit it. I just wasn't expecting that the person I said it too would be Jesse's mom! And I hoped she didn't think differently of me because of it.

Smiling sadly, Elena stepped forward and encompassed me in a hug that I couldn't have broken free from if I tried.

"Susannah," She tutted motherly. "Jesse would not have brought you here if he did not have your family's consent to do so. Nor if he thought it would do you more harm than good. Besides," She pulled back but held on to my shoulders; one hand stroked the hair from my face. I could easily picture her comforting her daughters the same way she was me and took comfort from that. "From where I am standing, you are not pretending nothing has happened. You feel it here," She pressed a palm to my heart, her eyes so like Jesse's, yet full of something richer and wiser. "And you will for the rest of your life. You will never forget . . . but you will move on. You, along with your family, will move on . . . but you will never forget. Hold on to that thought and let your guilt go - it will do you no good."

Sucking in a breath, I blinked at Elena, stunned and surprised. I don't know why, this is Jesse's mother after all. But what she said . . . it hit home; hard!

"Now," She smiled, taking the tissue from my hand and wiping away my tear tracks. "Why don't we go back in and get some food, before Alisa eats it all?" She laughed, curling her arm around my shoulders and leading me back into the house. I didn't try to stop her, I just let her guide me. I got the impression it wouldn't have done me any good if I'd said no, anyway. When we walked back into the dining room, the chatter was still flowing, as much as the food was occasionally being passed around and I re-took my seat again, smiling at Jesse in a, 'I'll tell you later,' kind of way. "Don't forget what I said." Elena said to me quietly one last time before turning her attention to her family and her own plate of dinner.

Blowing out a heavy breath, I started to randomly reach for whatever was in front of me and putting it on my plate, not really taking any of it in. Sleep was what I wanted right then, not a heavy meal anymore.

"Where did you go, Sooze?" Alisa asked me, her young sparkling eyes looking up at me innocently. God what I would do to make sure that innocence stays there. "Do you not like, _Abuela_'s food? Do you want some ice-cream? That always makes me feel better when I'm sad." Her eyes seemed to get bigger if that was even possible. Laughing, I reached out and picked her up to sit her on my lap, needing a cuddle from her more than I needed food or ice-cream right then. "Cuddles make me feel better too. Daddy says they're even better than ice-cream! Don't you, Daddy?"

Nearly everyone around the table laughed some with a few curious looks as they watched me cuddle her. Jesse never mentioned her sitting back on her own seat, and I never made the move to put her back. He got what I needed right then and only moved Alisa's plate closer to her.

"You know what, sweetie, your Daddy's right," I replied, evading her other two questions and cuddling her closer. "Hugs are way better than ice-cream! Especially your hugs, right Daddy?" I grinned, looking up at Jesse. It was the first time since I'd come back in that I had really looked at him and the look in his eyes almost stole my breath away again. I've seen him watch Alisa and me loads of times. But there was something about the way he was looking at me this time that made me want to pull Alisa even closer still and soak up the happiness he was directing straight at us. Maybe it was because he was with his family and he was caught up in the moment. But whatever it was, I definitely wouldn't mind being on the receiving end of that look again!

The sound of someone dropping their fork to the plate loudly had me ripping my eyes from Jesse and straight into the chestnut brown of Catalina's.

"So Suze," She started, rebellion dancing in her eyes. 'Here we go,' I thought just as she said, "Have you been married before?"

And there it was. I'd been expecting something like this, but I wasn't sure what sister I was going to get it from. I definitely didn't figure Catalina to be the one, that's for sure! And although I was a little stunned by the question because it had come so far out of left field, I only blinked back at first; I definitely wasn't surprised. Someone was bound to give me some cringing questions that I wouldn't be able to avoid. Personally I would have chosen a night where my eyes _weren't_ bloodshot from crying and my barriers were firmly in place. But the floodgates had been opened; all I could do was wait.

"Cat!" Marta cried.

"Catalina, don't be so rude!" Elena remarked.

Josefina snickered and Jesse's father stared hard at his youngest daughter.

"_Young lady_ . . ." Dante rebuked, his voice cutting through everyone else. Jesse's father might be quiet, but he clearly knew how to handle his five daughters!

"What?" Jesse's youngest sister smirked, looking around at everyone's shocked faces, but determinedly ignoring Jesse's tight lipped stare. "Come on, it's just a question. So Suze, have you or not?" Catalina asked again. At first I thought it was being posed as some kind of challenge. But then I realised she was testing the waters with me, seeing how I would react. Jesse said she's fantastic for cutting all conversation dead with her shock tactics. Tonight I was on the receiving end of that, and all I wanted to do was, '_Can we do this another time? I don't like being kicked when I'm down_.'

Smiling wryly, I answered, "No I haven't. Not even close." I said truthfully. But then, she already knew that . . . they _all_ did.

"Would you?" Catalina fired back again. Everyone stared at her again disapprovingly, but she ignored them all and continued to just watch me.

Tilting my head to the side, I pretended to contemplate it for a moment. "Depends on the guy." I replied.

"What if that guy was, Jesse?" She shot back again. I felt rather than heard the ripple of shock that bounced around the room, hitting me from different angles. This time it was Jesse who said her name in a warning tone. Alisa had gone quiet in my lap, eating her dinner and watching everyone silently, hopefully too absorbed in her food to pick up on the different degrees the atmosphere kept dropping in the room. Icy . . . I saw Josefina raise her eyebrows from beside Catalina, her interest and everyone else's clearly piqued.

Stroking a hand down Alisa's curly hair, I shrugged and said, "Maybe."

Narrowing her eyes slightly, Catalina leaned forward in her seat. "What about kids? See those in your future?" The shock was a lot stronger than the first time around. Everyone's eyes kept ping-ponging between the two of us and I heard someone moan in defeat or embarrassment, I'm not sure which. Either way, I'm pretty sure you could have heard a pin drop in the room as everyone waited to hear my answer. I reached out across the table and took Jesse's stiff hand, squeezing it in reassurance. I felt him relax, but not once did I take my eyes off Catalina across the table.

"Yeah, actually, I've already got one in my immediate future and she's sitting in my lap right now," I answered coolly. Whether the question was supposed to come out that way or not, I'm not stupid and know that everyone around the table, even Jesse a little bit, wanted to ask me it since the moment I arrived. Maybe from someone else it wouldn't have been asked so abruptly, but then, that is apparently characteristically Catalina. "I knew what I was taking on when I got into a relationship with Jesse, if that's what you're asking. I'm not about to skip out on either of them if I can help it." I answered as honestly and to the point as I could. If they wanted a more defined and permanent answer then they'd all be waiting for a while.

I can't tell them my future with Jesse, when we don't know what it is ourselves. Jesse squeezed my hand this time, his warmth spreading up my arm.

Reaching across the table, Elena rested her hand on my other arm and patted it, making me tear my eyes from Catalina. "All we ask of you, Susannah, is to take care of them both," She smiled reassuringly, silencing the room again. "But it is obvious to us _all_ that you already do that, therefore nothing more need be said." Patting my arm one last time, Elena took her hand away and carried on eating as though the whole twenty questions never happened. Just like Dante, Elena obviously has the last say when it comes to certain things, i.e. Jesse and Alisa. But I still released the breath I didn't know I'd been holding during most of that.

"Good enough for me," Catalina shrugged, flashing me a dazzling smile.

"Ok," Josefina muttered, pushing her food around her plate.

"I'm glad Jesse brought you here, Suze," Liana, the quietest, most unobtrusive sister softly said from her place beside her father - smiling at me peacefully.

To be honest, a lot of the time I completely forget Liana's there! I know that's the way she likes it, the short times I have spoken to her. It'd be easy to think Liana is the oldest sister; she just exudes calm in waves whenever she does speak or make her presence known. She seems to have the better connection with Josefina too. She's always made me feel relaxed and at ease without really saying or doing anything. I think out of all of Jesse's sisters, Liana is the one I'll miss the most when I go home. There at least a friendship has been formed.

Jumping down from my lap, Alisa ran out of the dining room so I sat back in my chair, my appetite non-existent. Between the sudden crying on Elena's shoulder and Catalina's question round, I was suddenly exhausted. But I stayed where I was any-way and just soaked up the family atmosphere now everyone had gone back to normal. Feeling Jesse staring at me I turned to look at him. With just one look he asked me if I was okay, his worry that his family might have scared me off etched into the frown lines on his face. I flashed him my best smile and watched as his expression smoothed out. There was that handsome, heart-stopping face I could stare at for hours. I traced the scar in his eyebrow with my eyes, before dropping to stare at his lips and back to his eyes again.

Acknowledging deep, far down inside that I was in big . . . _big_ trouble.

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_**Anonymouse Reviews:**_

**_Miru-chan -_ **Hi there! Thank you so much for your review for the previous chapter! I'm so pleased that you liked his sisters different opinions of Suze. It wasn't easy to write, I deleted and re-wrote a lot of it, lol. But I finally settled with it. So knowing it went down well has given me some more confidence, lol! :) I hope you have been patient and still read this story, I have so much more I want to do with Suze and Jesse, I feel like I might burst with excitement, lol! There's only going to be one more chapter (I think) of them at the ranch and they'll be heading home. I'm looking forward to leaving Jesse's family there for a while, haha! But I really hope you enjoy this new chapter. I had more planned for it, but decided to put it in the next one in-stead, so a new update shouldn't be too long away. :) Thank you again for a brilliant review! It's very appreciated. :D Take care, love and hugs, Jax xoxox

_**Update -** _Hi! I am so sorry you've had to wait so long for an update from me with this story! I never intended on leaving it so long between them, but life has been crazy for me. It's just starting to settle, so I've taken advantage of it and got down to do some writing. :) I'm no where near finished with this story, so I've afraid an epilogue is a long way off, lol. Thank you for reviewing the previous chapter, I need pushes to get to write, so keep it up! :)) Thank you again, hun! Take care and I hope you enjoy this new update. Love and hugs, Jax xoxox

_**Poppy -** _Hi hun! Awww, thank you so much! Have you really read all my Mediator stories? You poor girl, there was some definite boring reads in there, lol! :D But I'm so humbled by your review, thank you so much! :D I should have kept re-reading your review, I probably would have tried to update a lot quicker for you. :) I'm so pleased you like my stories so much, althought it was years ago that I started writing in Fanfiction, I still have lots of ideas for Suze and Jesse, so I don't think I'd be able to quit anytime soon. Yay! :) Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for reviewing hun! I really hope you like this new update. :) Take care! Lots of love and hugs, Jax xoxox

**_Please -_ **Hey! Are you and **_Update_** one in the same? :P Lol! I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for an update hun, I really hope this makes up for it for you. :) I am going to try my hardest to write another update for this again soon, things are going to start to get a little interesting soon . . . ;) Bear with me please! Thank you for gently nagging at me though, I need it, lol! :) Take care and enjoy! Love and hugs, Jax xoxox

**_Bugs -_ **Hi there, Bugs! :) Aw, thank you so much for your very kind review! Mediator fanfiction has unfortunately seemingly started to pitter out recently, so I know what you mean. But although my first fanfic was years ago and longer still since I read the books, I still have lots of Suze and Jesse ideas spinning around my mind, lol. So hopefully I can keep my page alive with Mediator fanfiction! :) Aw, I'm sorry I made you cry for Brad! He's a character I have grown to love, so I'm still surprised with myself that I killed him off. ^_^ But crying is good, it means I hit the right chord. :) Hehe, Alisa is pretty incredible. I'm lucky enough to have lots of children around me for inspiration, so I'm trying not to let her down. ;) Thank you again for such an incredible review, it really has meant a great deal to me. :) I hope you enjoyed this new chapter and the rest of the story. :) Take care! Love and hugs, Jax xoxox


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

_**A/N: **_My endless apologies once again for the very long time between updates for this story. I wanted to wrap up another story so I could concentrate on this. Plus I'm working two jobs and trying to stay awake so writing hasn't been the priority it should be. But I hope I can find myself in a rhythm with it again soon. :) The good news is after this chapter I should be making strides forwards with this story! But thank you so much for having patience with me.

Thank you also for the reviews for the previous chapter, I'm so pleased this is still being read! :) I'm really sorry if I haven't replied to any reviews for previous chapters, I think I've missed some and I feel awful about it. So please know that I appreciate every single comment on this story and cannot thank you enough! *Love* Anonymous review for **_Poppy_** are at the bottom of the page. Please read, review and enjoy! :)

Catalina's and Jesse's POV's.

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**_Chapter Twenty-Four_**

"Shhh," I whispered to Alisa as we hid down behind the stable door that her horse Buttercup, stays in trying to hide from my brother and her dad, Jesse. "We don't want him to find us do we?" I reminded her gently, tugging lightly at her soft braid falling down over her shoulder. Her big beautiful eyes stared up at me with mischief and innocence. A conflicting combination that made me want to hug her tight and not let her go. But also show her all the tricks that will have her daddy eating out of her little hand. I see so much of me in her already and a hell of a lot of Jesse's influence too. She might not grow up to be as much of a handful as I am for my parents, but she'll definitely have my brother in a tailspin in other ways!

Personally I can't wait to witness it.

Nodding excitedly, Alisa did her trademark slapping her hand over her mouth to stop her giggles from being heard.

We both went quiet when we heard the sounds of Jesse moving around outside. His voice had us both going completely still, holding on to each other anxious to not get caught hiding out. It wasn't as if we were doing anything wrong of course! We were just hiding from Jesse so he didn't take Alisa and go back home already. We've all loved having them around for the past week and will feel it in a big way when they're both not here again. We get to see her a lot considering the distance between our homes. But still . . . I feel like I'm missing out on so much; even more now Jesse has a new girlfriend and I'll be going off to college.

Who knows how much of them I'll see of them.

"Alisa," Jesse called; his voice so close we shrank down into the straw covered floor even more. "_Princesa_, if you want to ride Buttercup one more time before we leave then you had better come out of hiding . . . You too, Catalina." Jesse said amused, sticking his head over the stable door and looking directly down at us where we were still holding on to each other, not doing such a great job of hiding from him apparently.

Letting go of me Alisa stood up, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. "I don't want to call her Buttercup anymore, Daddy. I want to call her, Maximus."

I pressed my lips together to stop the laugh bubbling beneath the surface at her stubbornness.

"Oh you do, do you?" Jesse remarked, quickly shooting me a mock glare before turning back to his daughter. Opening the stable door he stepped back and waited for her to walk out as I stood up and dusted myself off. "But Buttercup is a girl and Maximus is a boy's name," I walked out of the stable too, seeing Suze standing a distance away smiling and watching the whole thing clearly amused. "Why don't you choose another?" He cajoled as he walked her over to the subject of conversation, helping her put her pink helmet on and get her up and on to her pony.

Alisa shook her head so hard her braids whipped around and almost caught Jesse. I did laugh then!

"No, Daddy, I want to call her Maximus. Like 'punzel's horse," Alisa smiled sweetly at Jesse who just sighed and shrugged - giving in without too much of a fight. She definitely learned from the best. "Are you coming riding too, Sooze?" She called out waving to Suze as she walked over to them, stroking Buttercup - sorry, Maximus' - mane. She's come a long way since her first horse ride days ago. She doesn't look nervous to be around them anymore; not that she'll let them eat out of her hand yet. But I have to begrudgingly admit, Suze is not so bad. I can admit I like her.

"Not today, sweetie," Suze smiled, reaching up to adjust Alisa's pink helmet for her. It looked to be more of an unconscious gesture as she stepped back and took Jesse's hand. I've seen her do a lot of things like that for Alisa over the past week. Helping her cut up her food without being asked; tucking strands of hair behind her ear; looking around for her and not relaxing until she sees her. It tells me a lot about how she feels about Jesse and Alisa. I might be a lot of things - rebellious, stubborn and have a slight speak without thinking problem - but I'm also very observant and a good judge of character. This no longer puts me on the fence of what I think of Suze.

I nod to myself thoughtfully as I watched them talk and tease Alisa together until I was distracted by the sound of a very throaty and loud car coming up towards the front of the house; wheels crunching to a sudden halt on the gravel as the noise died as quickly as it came. Curious I turned towards the house, expecting to hear something about who the person in the car was. Maybe it was someone for Mercedes, I'd thought casually. It didn't take long for me to find out who it was though and I instantly felt myself blush and stammer at the sound of his voice.

Caden . . . the only guy I've ever had the slightest romantic thought for.

I sucked in a quick breath, aware my eyes were almost popping out of my head as I stared down at my dusty old clothes from where I'd been playing and hiding with Alisa in the stables. I was just patting down my hair when Caden strolled out of the back of the house - his limp barely visible anymore - wide smile lighting up his pretty boy face. I stopped myself from breaking out into a giggle at the sight of him - the only man to have also ever made me go all gooey and girly too.

"Alright guys and gals!" He boomed as he made his way over to us, my feet unconsciously took me closer to the little party, ignoring Alisa, Suze and Jesse's greetings of surprise and welcome. I just wanted to stare at him and disappear into my imagination of what it would be like to be with someone like Caden. An adrenaline junkie and prankster, we're practically cut from the same cloth - as my _Papa_, would say. I'm a complete opposite to girly Mercedes that other than looks you probably wouldn't believe we're sisters! So much so that I rarely get asked out at school because they mostly see me as the joker, like one of the guys.

But I don't want Caden to see me like that. For once I want him to see me as the woman I'm becoming.

"Hey kid," He winked at me as he came closer. Then time started to slow to a grinding halt as his heavily muscled and tattooed arm slowly reached out towards me, his bright eyes locked on mine so confidently I thought my legs were going to give out; his smile making his eyes vibrate with intensity. I held my breath, waiting for that soft touch to my cheek that . . . _never came_.

"Got straw in your hair," He laughed, pulling his hand away from my messy hair to show me the golden piece now floating to the ground. My embarrassment wasn't over though, because he just reached back and ruffled the top of my head in a brotherly fashion before turning away and answering something Jesse said. But I'd tuned everything out at that point, because I was riddled with embarrassment that made my cheeks burn so hot I thought I might burst into flames.

And then I got mad.

I was so angry I could feel hot tears pricking my eyes as I stubbornly forced myself to walk away ignoring them as I passed, my feet stamping hard on the wooden porch leading into the house. I was furious! With Caden but mostly with myself; for being so stupid and pathetic to have had such a reaction to him. I didn't let one tear fall until I got into my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I turned to my iPod dock and cranked my music up to as loud as I could stand it and just sat down on the end of my bed, where I finally allowed myself to cry with frustration.

When am I going to stop being treated like a little kid? _Nombre de dios_, I'm going to college in the Fall!

My 'romantic interest' in Jesse's best friend doesn't go any further than a simple 'crush'. I'm not in love with the guy, but I like him as more than a friend. We're so similar, what about him wouldn't call out to me? Not that he thinks of me as anything but Jesse's baby sister obviously! Caden ruffled my hair . . . _ruffled_ it! That isn't the action of someone who likes you back. I might not know a lot about relationships and if you know a guy likes you or not. But I do know that _that_, isn't a good sign.

Swiping the tears away I balled my hands into fists and stayed sitting on my bed, staring into the space; the music pumping around my room helping dull the hurt. It was so loud I didn't hear anyone come into room until they touched my shoulder and made me scream as I jumped off my bed. Spinning around, angry that I was caught upset I glared at Suze as she stood back, her hands up in surrender meaning no harm. Breathing hard, I shouted, "_What the hell do you think you're doing_?" My heart was racing at being surprised.

But Suze just shook her head moving over to my music and turning it down to a more 'reasonable' level. "Ah, that's better," Suze sighed, smiling awkwardly. "Sorry for just coming in. I did try knocking but your music was up so loud you obviously didn't hear me. I didn't mean to make you jump either. I just wanted to come and see if you're OK?" She asked, apparently concerned about me.

Shrugging I crossed my arms just like Alisa did to Jesse earlier.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" I snapped angrily. The anger wasn't because of Suze at all, but I directed it at her anyway. What I was really mad about is my own stupidity and letting myself get caught up in the rush of liking a guy. I need to learn to stick to what I know best and that's not being interested in a relationship. Turning away from Suze I snatched up my phone and threw myself down on my bed, dismissing her. "You can go now, I don't need a babysitter."

I didn't look at her as I said that, just stared blankly at my cell phone waiting for her to leave. I saw her turn away out of the corner of my eye, feeling guilty for being so mean but not able to help myself anyway. I soon looked up in surprise when I realized she'd only turned away to close my bedroom door and had come to sit on the end of my bed facing me, but giving me my space. I raised an eyebrow in question, ready with another snappy remark, even if I didn't want to be that way towards Suze.

I lost that the moment she smiled sadly at me though and said what I thought I'd kept very well hidden.

"I saw your reaction to Caden, Cat," She started, the silent seconds beating between us before she spoke again. "I'd know that look and blush anywhere. You really like him, huh?" She asked softly, not beating around the bush.

I went to deny it automatically but one look at Suze made me close my mouth again and just fall back even harder against my pillows, wishing the bed would open up and swallow me whole. Strangely I wasn't embarrassed that she knew though. If it was one of my sisters I would have been. "That obvious was it?" I muttered, looking down and picking at my nails distractedly. "It doesn't matter anyway, he doesn't see me as anything but Jesse's little sister. Why would a guy like him like someone like me, anyway?" I wasn't looking for an answer because I've been giving myself one ever since I first asked myself it.

I'm not smart enough; or girly; or giggly; or pretty enough; I put my foot in my mouth too much; I'm more one of the guys than seen as a girl . . . The list goes on and on.

"Actually you did a good job of hiding it back there. I just know what to look for. Jesse and Caden are clueless if that helps?" Suze said, scooting a little closer to me. "Besides, do you mean a guy who's pigheaded; stubborn; has Neanderthal tendencies; is mostly clueless to what a woman really wants and is such a _guy_ he forgets that he has a personality outside of all those things because he's too busy trying to be them?" She asked, a wry smile tugging at her lips.

You don't need to be Sigmund Freud to realize Suze has had some kind of run in with Caden from the way she said that.

"So not your best friend too, then?" I asked, laughing uncomfortably. Personally I had no idea Caden could be all those things. I've seen him be supportive to Jesse and a great uncle to Alisa. I've seen him go through a rough time coming out of the Military and try and piece his life back together after his medical discharge. But I haven't seen the other, less attractive sides to him.

"And a girl like you? Cat, _you're beautiful_!" She exclaimed. "So you don't wear make-up, or walk around in skirts and low cut tops. You don't giggle at every lame joke a guy makes and bat your lashes constantly. Believe it or not, not every guy is in to that sort of thing. There is _nothing_ wrong with being true to who _you_ are. It's the greatest gift you could give yourself. And if you can see through the crap most guys lay on then you're one in a million, hon. Never, _never_ let anyone make you think that you're not good enough, Cat!"

Blinking in surprise of the vehemence behind Suze's voice, I looked down at her hand holding tightly on to mine. She looked down equally as surprised and let me go. I didn't really know what to say because other than my _Madre_ and sometimes Marta or Liana, no-one has ever said anything remotely close to what Suze said and really made me believe it. I was reeling.

"You're only seventeen, Cat, you have loads of time to figure out what kind of guy you want to be with," Suze continued, bringing me round. "You know they say women are hard to figure out, but men are a lot worse, believe me," She laughed dissipating the heaviness to the air. "So Caden treated you like a kid back there, don't let him get to you. It just means he's either unwilling to admit you're growing up or he really is that much of a dumbass." We both laughed then, probably more willing to go with the last suggestion.

We fell silent for a while as I slipped into a thoughtful daze. I hate being treated like a kid; it gets under my skin in a really irritating way. I'm smart enough to know that if I stop being a pain for my _Madre_ and _Papa_, and stop getting into trouble at school that I'll be treated differently. It's been something I've been trying to work on for a while. I just have a really mischievous nature. My best friend, Dean doesn't help with that. He just encourages me.

Sitting up and crossing my legs I picked at a frayed thread on my jeans.

"You know I don't usually care about what people think." I commented to Suze, breaking the silence. I wasn't really sure where I was going with the conversation by saying it - maybe that I was giving her my approval of her seeking me out and offering some advice? Maybe that I'm not normally emotional over something stupid and trivial like having my hair ruffled. But she went along with it any-way.

"It's not always a bad thing to care about what someone thinks of you," Suze replied thoughtfully. "I used to hate being told what to do and had the same attitude to opinions of me. Until I started to realize that sometimes those opinions were what I needed to hear so I stopped hurting the people I cared about and started to open my eyes to the world around me. Sometimes they can be what help define you. Imagine someone saying they don't think you could ever be something as successful as a doctor. Because you are who you are you'll do what you can to prove them wrong and end up actually making a really good life for yourself in the process. And learn a hell of a lot about who you are along the way." She smiled.

I blinked in surprise at her. Suze had hit a chord with me and she knew it.

Getting up from the bed she started to head for the door, leaving as suddenly as she arrived.

"You can completely ignore everything I said of course and do the absolute opposite," She said as she started to walk out of my room. "But before you do make that choice try and picture how it would be to other people, especially the ones closest to you. It's not always a bad thing doing the right thing." She shot me one more smile, filled with understanding before closing the door behind her and leaving me alone, her words falling all around me.

I had to wonder how our conversation had gone from Caden treating me like a kid, to the choices and decisions I make. I've got no doubt Jesse had probably filled Suze in on my troublesome habits that have had my _Madre_ and _Papa_ sighing with disappointment at me more than I'd like to admit. I've not made great choices so far and I know they're concerned that's only going to get worse when I leave for college. My stubbornness doesn't help with any of my troubles. I hate being told what to do and a lot of people know that. But at the same time I could choose my battles better and maybe actually take some advice when it's being offered. Like Suze's. She obviously knows what she's talking about.

Sighing I sat back against my pillows heavily.

One thing Suze's pep talk had told me and that was things needed to change with me and soon. Otherwise my _Madre_ and _Papa_ will never be able to rest while I'm away. It's time for me to show them they can trust me completely. I started to pick at my loose thread again, realizing that there isn't really anything else in the world I'd like more than to have that from them, amongst other, maybe romantic things.

Yes, things have definitely got to change for Catalina De Silva . . . Before I make one bad choice too many.

xXx

Taking a break from packing the back of my truck with our luggage, I allowed myself to take in the beautiful woman standing next to me, her eyes closed and face up-turned towards the sun. The serene smile curving her full pink lips made something deep inside me turn over repeatedly. It had taken Susannah a few days to settle in to being at my family's ranch, but once she had I started to notice a difference to the woman I brought here, seven days ago. Going are the dark circles beneath her tired eyes; her shoulders have relaxed considerably, the great weight that had been resting there now gone. She seemed to be glowing with an aura of peace at last.

It gave me untold happiness to know my daughter, family and I are part of the reasons for this change in Susannah.

I only pray now that it continues.

"Are you sure you have everything, Susannah?" I questioned, bringing her around from her sun dazed stupor as I placed the last and largest bag into the back of my truck, slightly anxious to get onto the road to drive home before it got too late - though I was also sad to have to say goodbye to my family once again. "You have checked you have not left anything in our bedroom?" I internally cringed at the thought of Susannah accidentally leaving something personal behind at my family home, which my meticulous about house-cleaning, _Madre_, may find after we leave. Not that she would say anything coarse if she did, thankfully.

Standing up from where she was leaning against my truck Susannah looked at me with a soft smile that made me wish to take her into my arms and kiss passionately. To allow my mind to wander to far off places I dared not venture before now for the sake of my daughter and - I found it difficult to admit to myself - for me. When do I know that it is OK for me to at last let my guard down for that kind of commitment? How do I find the balance with my daughter and my possible love?

Tilting her head to the side, Susannah said, "Well if I have left something it gives me a reason to come back, doesn't it?"

Stepping away from organizing the bags I gave in to the urge to wrap my arms around Susannah's waist and pull her tight against me. "I don't believe you will need any kind of excuse to come back here again, _querida_," I replied, running my palm up and down her back soothingly. "My family have accepted you; the door is always open to you regardless." I kissed her to seal the unsaid promise, my senses instantly assaulted by all the sensations of kissing and holding Susannah does to me. I could feel a passion filled haze falling across my mind, warm and inviting . . . and tempting.

It took more willpower than it should to pull away from Susannah. But I am not so willing to be quite so open and intimate when in public, especially in front of my family and Alisa to some extent. Taking Susannah's hand I closed the back of my truck and led her over to where my family were starting to collect on the front porch, a very tired Alisa at the centre of attention. We stood back as I allowed all my sisters and parents to each hug and kiss her, before saying my own goodbyes.

Mercedes was the first to leap at me, ever the dramatic one. Smiling fondly I held her in a tight hug. "Don't forget about us, OK?" She sniffled into my shoulder as she squeezed me even harder. There may look as though there is barely any weight on Mercedes, but she is stronger than she looks as my ribs protested slightly to being hugged so hard. "Suze is great too, don't keep her away." She whispered quickly and winked as she pulled away. Rolling my eyes I nodded and moved on to Liana.

Her hug wasn't as tight as Mercedes', but it was just as comforting. "Take care of your-self," Liana murmured to me softly. "I really like Suze, thank you for bringing her to meet us. I know what that must have taken for you; I think you made a great decision." Stepping back she squeezed my hand and said no more. I've always appreciated how patient and understanding Liana is. I owe a lot to my dear sister for that . . . to all of them in their support one way or another.

"Thank you," I smiled before Marta stepped forward and gave me a silent hug and kiss to my cheek. I knew Marta didn't need to say anything that she hasn't already said. As long as Alisa and I are happy, then so is my family.

"I'm going to miss you both so much," Catalina sulked, twisting her pretty face into a disgruntled grimace as she quickly hugged me before letting go; her way of trying to punish me for leaving again. She will never change, I thought fondly as I grinned back, telling her that we would be back before she knew it. "Yeah right. I'll probably have finished college by the time you come back again." She grinned back, her sulking evaporating with the banter. I knew she was excited about college. But she also knew it wouldn't be too long at all before I came back for a visit.

"You know you are all always welcome to come stay with us too," I said to them all.

"OK, I'll be about next week so I can check out Suze's new club," Mercedes exclaimed, waggling her eyebrows at Susannah.

"It's a date." Susannah replied, returning Mercedes bear hug.

I kept a close eye on Susannah as she said her goodbyes to my sisters, seeming to have a slightly longer goodbye with Catalina that piqued my curiosity. Whatever they were saying to each other, it looked serious. But they were both smiling by the time Catalina - not liking to watch us drive away - walked back into the house. I was relieved that my sisters were as genuine to Susannah as she was to them in return. Even Josefina who seemed to be the hardest one to bring around to the idea of meeting Susannah had nothing but nice things to say to me as I said goodbye.

"I can't wait to see her again, Jesse. Don't keep her all to yourself." She'd said to me, half serious, half joking.

My _Madre_ and _Padre_ walked the three of us to my truck; Alisa curled up in her _Abuelo's_ arms tiredly. For my father's part, he didn't seem to mind. She rarely comes to me if she's tired when I'm staying at my family's ranch. If she has the option of her _Abuela_ or _Abuelo_ she takes it. I waited for my _Padre_ to put her in the truck. "I will miss you, _Abuelo_," I heard her say, sniffling a little. "Will you come see daddy and me soon?" She asked, unwilling to let his hand go.

"Of course we will _querida_. Look after your, _Papa_ for us until we do. We love you," _Padre_ replied, kissing her hair before letting my _Madre_ step in and say goodbye. My _Padre_ enveloped me into a bear hug, patting my back heavily. "It was good to see you and the little lady, _hijo_," He smiled, turning to address Susannah and hug her just as tightly. "It was very good to meet the woman who has made Jesse, so happy too. Don't be a stranger." With that my father - a man of few words - turned back to the house and strolled away.

Smiling patiently Susannah turned to my _Madre_ next, stepping forward to take her hands. "It was really good to meet you, Elena. Thank you so much for your hospitality and . . . everything else you've done for me. I feel - well I'm not completely out of the dark yet, but I'm definitely on the right track. But you've been so great to me, I can't thank you enough." Susannah reached out and hugged my mother suddenly and quickly before pulling away.

"Please think nothing of it, darling; you are always welcome here. Just take care of Jesse and Alisa, for me. I ask no more of you than that." My _Madre_ sincerely replied, holding tightly to Susannah's hands.

Laughing lightly, Susannah nodded. "I'll do my very best." With one last smile at each other, Susannah walked away and climbed into my truck, leaving me alone with my mother at last.

I held on to her for a very long time, reluctant to let her go, knowing she needed the comfort more than I did. She knew it was a big step for me to introduce Susannah to my family, especially with all that has happened in the past. Protective is an understatement for how they all are of me and my daughter. But I also know that they are just as anxious for me to be happy and settled for me and Alisa. I hope that Susannah is going to be the one who gives me that. It's still far too early to tell and I am still, to a small degree, wary of our relationship. But I am not stupid, I am also aware that this week alone has made Susannah's and my relationship a lot closer than before. Not just sexually, but emotionally.

I am starting to feel feelings I have not had for four long years.

I am trying very hard to not be frightened by that.

"Be safe driving home, call me when you get there," My _Madre_ said as she pulled away, kissing my cheek affectionately. "Take care." Just like my _Padre_ that was all my _Madre_ needed to say before she turned away and headed for the house. Aware of the time crawling away from us I got into my truck and started it ready for home. Alisa was idly playing with her doll in the back and Susannah was waiting patiently for me in the passenger seat. Reaching out, she rested her hand on my thigh as I started down the long gravelly drive away from my family's home, seeing them all in the rear-view mirror waving to us as we went.

Oddly I didn't feel as sad about leaving them behind as I usually feel. But something told me it was because of the serene woman sitting beside me, her hand unconsciously stroking my thigh in reassurance as she stared out of her window. The woman taking away brick after brick of the protective wall surrounding my daughter and myself, leaving us with next to nothing to replace that barrier.

I smiled in relief because it meant one thing . . . Susannah _wants_ to be with me - with Alisa. She is willing and able, no matter the obstacles that come with being with me. I have known it all along I realize with a start. I have always known in her defiance and stubbornness to see through my thick-headed belief that no-one would want to stay around or would manipulate and hurt us both. Susannah has shown me with her patience and obvious love for Alisa.

Can she love me too?

More importantly . . . do _I_ love, Susannah?

Looking over at her I know the answer without hesitation . . . I am starting to.

Suddenly I didn't feel so frightened at feeling feelings.

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**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

**_Poppy –_ **Hi hun! Aw I'm so sorry I did make you wait so long for this new chapter. It really hasn't been my intention to leave such long breaks. But sometimes I just don't have a choice. I'm going to work really hard at not letting it happen again. :) The story should be moving ahead at a better pace after this chapter; there's some exciting things coming up and I can't wait! :D

Thank you so much for your second review to go along with your first. I am so sorry to learn that your sister passed away. I wish there was something I could say or do, apologising seems so inaccurate and strange. But please know that if you need someone to talk to, or even listen, I'm here if you'd like that. :) Your sister is right about a good writer being able to make you laugh and cry at the same time, I am very humbled that you feel that way about my writing, thank you so much! Writing doesn't always come easily to me, but one thing I know I can do and that's put as much powerful emotion - good and bad - into it as possible. So for you to recognise that and have those reactions to my stories is incredible and means I'm definitely heading in the right direction! :)

Thank you so much again, hun, for such an inspiring and confidence boosting review! I only wish I could have responded to it a lot sooner than now. I really hope you liked this latest chapter and again...Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Take care, hun! Love and hugs, Jax xoxox


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

_**A/N:**_ Please don't hate me! I know I took a lot longer to update than I said I would but I have legit reasons. Not many people on this site know this, but I am actually a full time carer for my mum and have been for a very long time; as well as having a part-time job. Recently my mum's health has declined and I have been overwhelmed with trying to help her, plan my wedding and stay sane through all the stress and emotion at the possibility of her not recovering like she has in the past. So that being said, please bear with me with updates. My wedding is in May and the planning has gone into over-drive so my time is limited unfortunately. BUT, I have finally managed to finish this chapter and I really hope its good enough. :)

Thank you so much for all your continued reviews and support for this story! It means far more than you know. :D In Suze and Jesse's POV's. Anonymous review replies will be up on my profile ASAP! If you want to follow me on Facebook or Twitter, there's links on my profile. :) Enjoy!

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_**Chapter Twenty-Five**_

"There's no place like home," I sighed as I climbed the steps leading into my mom and step-dad, Andy's house.

It was the morning after I got back from Jesse's family home. I'd planned on stopping by the night before to see my family, but the minute I'd sat down on my bed after unpacking I'd fell asleep and didn't wake up again until the sun was coming up. Embarrassed I'd gone looking for Gina, but it'd looked like her bed hadn't even been slept in and she obviously hadn't been home at all. A tell tale sign that Gina's up is the strong smell of coffee drifting through the apartment. It's as much a staple for my best friend in the morning as having a cigarette is.

Only a little bit worried that Gina had probably slept at the club again, I'd gotten showered, dressed and dosed up on as much coffee as I could take before stepping out and heading for my moms. I'd spoken to her while I was away, but it just wasn't the same. As much as I'd love spending time in such an incredible ranch, I wanted some familiarity, the only kind I could get from being at home and seeing my family. Judging by the one car in the driveway though, my mom was the only one at home.

Not bothering to knock, I stepped into the foyer and just stood there for a few quiet minutes, taking in the familiar feel and atmosphere of the house. Feels like home. Looking down into the living room I thought about how I couldn't wait to get out of here as soon as I graduated high school. I wanted to be back in New York with Gina, I wanted the fast paced city life again. But now, I'm just relieved I'm not there in the chaos, where there's no soft sand to walk bare-footed on, or watch the sun going down over the clear blue water. California compared to New York is a whole different world and a whole different time. One I wanted back almost straight away after leaving.

The idea of leaving everything I knew behind to come to California - at the time - was a major dent in my ambitions and I was a little pissed. I was happy for my mom of course, she was happy. But, taking on a new step-dad and three step-brothers and a dog? Yeah, not what I would have called fun! Thank God I've grown up since then and can look back and appreciate the new life my mom gave me here. It was always this house that I thought of when I missed something stable in my life and was what spurred me on to coming back.

Only now there's a piece of it missing.

Breaking away from the thought of Brad before it over-powered me too much, I followed my nose to the kitchen where the smell of burnt sugar was making my nose twitch. "Mom?" I called out as I stepped up to the stove, sticking on an oven glove and opening the door to let out the smoke building up inside. "Geez!" I coughed, waving the smoke away towards the open patio door. I took the burnt cookies out of the oven and set them down by the sink. "Shame," I pouted, eye-balling the burnt cookies, my stomach rumbling at the idea of something sweet and crunchy.

"Susie?" My mom called out as I saw her head up the garden and come rushing through into the kitchen. "Oh Susie, you're home!" She cried, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tight to her. I tensed up for a second before relaxing into her hug and giving just as good as I was getting. We stayed there for a while, my mom stroking her hand down my hair as she sniffled in my ear. "It's so good to have you back, sweetie." She sniffled some more as she pulled away, wiping the escaped tears away from her cheeks. "Oh, look at me. So emotional!" She laughed, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue from her pocket. "How are you? What's Jesse's family like? Tell me everything!"

My mom guided me over to the small island and pushed me down onto a stool before going back to examine her burnt cookies.

"Hmm, maybe you should start leaving the baking to Andy, mom," I laughed, taking in her appearance while she wasn't paying attention.

It could have been a trick of the light, but I was sure I could see a few more streaks of grey in her hair than normal. She always tells me she's trying to age gracefully, so hasn't given in to dying it yet. She was pale and tired when I'd seen her last. But now she just looked a tiny bit weary. I relaxed in my chair a little bit more, relieved to see she was physically OK. Emotionally I couldn't tell. She's always been a little tearful when I've been gone for any amount of time.

Laughing she abandoned the cookies and reached into the freezer and pulled out some Ben & Jerry's, followed with two spoons before sitting down opposite me across the island. Grinning she opened the lid and set it down between us, letting me put my spoon into the sweet cookie dough goodness first. I was savoring my first spoonful before I answered her previous questions.

"My week was good. I guess I needed it more than I thought," I smiled ruefully at her, twirling my spoon through the ice-cream. She just twitched a perfectly manicured eyebrow at me in the way moms do, telling you she knows best. "And Jesse's family are great! Really, really nice. Alisa showed me her pony and the three of us went out riding across their land. It felt like I'd stepped into a different time or something." I thought, being surrounded by so much open space and silence. The nights were a completely different thing too. I don't think I've ever seen so many stars.

Reaching across my mom took my hand and squeezed it, but didn't let go.

"It sounds perfect, sweetheart. I'm glad you took the chance and went along." My mom expressed. I was half expecting her to start crying again, but when I looked into her eyes - a reflection of mine - I only saw the truth. No tears, no sorrow. Just a simple acceptance. I took that as my cue.

"What about you?" I asked, taking the chance while she had a spoon in her mouth. "How are you and Andy holding up?"

Taking her hand away from mine, she sat up and laid her spoon down on the counter, seeming to take her time with her answer. I wasn't going to push her; I just wanted her to be honest with me. No secrets, no lies. Just a bare truth so that we can move forward together. I don't want it to be like it was when my dad died. I don't remember us ever talking about how it made us feel, so I just buried my grief deep down and left it to fester and grow as I got older and understood it better. I don't want it to be that way again. I couldn't go through it . . .

"Andy's . . . coping. Better than I thought he would actually," She replied, looking at me without guarded eyes. It was almost like a sucker punch to my gut seeing how deep it all went. But I didn't look away, just took it in and listened. Did what she needed me to do. "We've been seeing Father Dominic a lot - you remember your old principal?" She carried on at my fond nod of Father Dom. "We've had Jake and David to dinner a couple of times, but he's been spending a little bit less time with them each day. He knows he can't watch them every minute of every day. But I think it's helped them all, he's sleeping better now too."

Smiling I said nothing but encouraged her on by holding her hand between mine.

Sighing she continued, slowly her shoulders losing the tension. "I feel . . . Well, I don't really know how I feel, Susie. I'm being as strong for Andy as I can be, doing whatever I can to help. As you've seen, my cooking hasn't been going so well. But, I think I'm slowly starting to feel better. I don't feel like I want to be sick each time I think of Bradley anymore. We've been looking through Andy's photo albums, it's been good. Therapeutic for us both I think. I'm . . . I'm going to be OK. We all are." She finished on a shaky breath, her hand trembling slightly beneath my hands.

"Yes we are, mom. We _all_ are." I repeated back to her, in absolute conviction.

I stayed with mum for a while longer, not talking about Brad and grieving and all the things that could make us both break down crying. But talking about Jesse and Alisa and where I fit in with them. I was expecting my mom to give me another warning, but she didn't. She just wanted to know everything, including dropping the L bomb on me. At that point I made a hasty escape as quick as I could. She tried to get it out of me all the way to the car, but I just pretended I couldn't hear her properly and blew a kiss to the stubborn shake of her head.

Besides, I had a legit excuse! I do still have a business to help run and need to get back to. Enough sitting around, time to make it a success!

I stepped through the doors of our new club and absorbed the massive sense of accomplishment I felt at just standing there and looking around the place. It was ours; we designed it, paid for it and run it. Smugly letting my grin split my face apart I ran my eyes around the place. It hadn't been easy and it sure as hell hadn't been cheap either. But it was worth every gruelling stressful second and every penny. So what if I didn't have much money for a while, Gina and I knew we'd make our money back and a profit if the club was successful.

Luckily it has been so far.

Sighing giddily I shrugged off my coat and strolled further in, making my way to the downstairs bar to place my bag and coat on the counter. I didn't get back from Jesse's family ranch until late the night before after hitting unexpected traffic on the way home. Alisa had crashed out in the back of his truck not long after we started out on the road, which just left Jesse and I in a sweet comfortable silence for most of the ride home. We were both happy to just sit and enjoy the quiet. I didn't want to let go of what we'd got from being somewhere so calm and relaxing for the past few days.

I wasn't stupid though, I knew I needed to bring my head out of the clouds and touch back down on reality sooner or later. I had to go and see my family, but remember to keep my grief tamed and closed behind the barrier I'd slowly learned to put up between me and the pain while with Jesse's family. I wasn't great, but I was OK; which was a lot better than I had been before I left. But I knew it was time to go back and see my family and start to help them again too.

I just have to remind them that it's OK to not be OK yet.

I'd caught Jesse staring at me every now and again on the drive back, catching me with either a dopey smile on my face because I was fantasying and memorizing every intimate moment we had while we were away. Or chewing my lower lip between my teeth as my mind spun to other things. Like helping my family and getting back to my business with Gina. And wondering how different things would be between Jesse and me when we get back. I was a mess of thoughts and feelings that eventually lulled me into a sleep with the help of Jesse's warm hand on my thigh. I didn't wake up again until we stopped at the front of my apartment complex, disappointed to be home already.

After a long, sweet kiss goodnight - that if Alisa wasn't in the car would have had me pulling Jesse's buttoned shirt open and my hands running all over his body - he helped me with my bags and said goodbye. I stood watching his car get smaller until it turned a corner and disappeared. I wanted to call and ask him to come get me and take me with them. After a week of waking beside Jesse, I dreaded sleeping alone. Turns out I was so tired it didn't make a difference. But waking this morning I still felt disappointed he wasn't there.

I have no idea what that means for us and I'm not ready to try and figure it out.

Picking up the cups of hot steaming coffee I'd picked up from the Coffee Clutch on the way over, I called out to the quiet space.

"Honey, I'm home!"

"Shit!" was the response I got back.

Following the sound of Gina's cussing all the way across the club and up the stairs to the higher level, I stopped dead in my tracks at the decorations that were definitely not there when I left to go to Jesse's ranch. Slowly stepping further onto the wide open plan floor, I took in the pink and red crepe paper hanging from the ceilings; the L plated helium balloons floating in the corners and the balloon arch high across the best seats, with 'Caution! Girls Night Out!' tape cornering off the 'VIP' area. Whistling I walked over to where Gina was precariously leaning off a ladder and trying to attach more crepe paper to the ceiling.

"Uh, Gina? Are you sure you want to be doing that?" I slowly asked, trying not to scare her off her high perch in case she fell. I got the feeling from her lack of coming home all night, that she wasn't going to be in a great mood, let alone making her break another bone. Putting the coffee's down I tentatively held the wobbly ladder still. "You should have asked Joe to do this; he'd have been able to reach no problem." I said, referring to our barman who was over six foot tall and our 'handyman' when it came to the club.

Huffing, Gina glared down at me. "And run the risk of getting sued if he fell and broke his big toe? No thanks," She grumbled, reaching up again until she managed to pin the crepe paper where she wanted it, hammering it in for good measure. I winced at the force she hit it, half expecting to see some plaster fall and hit me on the head she was banging it so hard. She was definitely pissed about something and the poor hammer was getting the brunt of it.

"So . . ." I started stepping away from the ladder as she made her way down it, still wielding the hammer.

"Can I smell coffee?" Gina mumbled as she pushed past me, heading for her cup.

"Hello to you too," I quipped as I walked over to where Gina had slumped on one of the leather couches, her legs sprawled out in front of her. She looked exhausted and rumpled. "Who got your panties in a knot on this fine day?" I asked as I sat down on the arm of the couch, taking up my own coffee and inhaling the rich scent before taking a sip and burning my lip and tongue. There's some things you just don't learn from I guess. I ignored the hard glare she shot me as she drank her coffee, not wincing at the heat of her look, like I had on the coffee.

"No-one's got my panties in a knot," Gina answered sighing heavily. She didn't seem quite as pissed off after that exhale. "It's just been a long night and now I need to get this all decorated before I can finally go home and get shut eye before tonight's Bachelorette party," She sighed again and rubbed at her eyes with one hand while I looked around the place. Considering she'd been doing it alone, she'd managed to get a lot done.

Waggling my eyebrows at her I grinned. "That's what you've got me here for now. The newly refreshed, less stressed Suze. Let's get to it," I cheered, making Gina groan at me when I jumped up and started to help wherever I could.

It took a couple of hours and some bickering, but Gina and I managed to finish decorating eventually. The caterers had been to drop off their supplies in our kitchen ready for the private party later. The extra male staff we'd hired had picked up their bow tie and wrist cuffs ready to topless deliver the finger food to the ladies. More helium balloons have been delivered and were sitting on each table along with all kinds of willy shaped things. It's what the bride-to-be wanted so it was what she got. Willy shaped straws and stirrers were sitting behind the counter along with inflatable willy costumes for the barman to wear.

The bride wanted a lot more, but we'd managed to talk her out of too much when she'd first come to talk about hiring it. Looking around, Gina and I were pretty pleased with the outcome. Even if it was a bit _too_ much.

"So how did it go with Jesse's family?" Gina asked once we finished and was sitting on the opposite side of the bar to me, drinking a cold Coke. "Did you two _finally_ have sex?" She grinned devilishly, leaning forward in her seat eager to know. I wasn't surprised by the question, I was expecting it. She's never been one to beat around the bush; especially about sex. Unfortunately I couldn't quite keep the smile off my face when the memory of a very naked, sweaty and sexy Jesse popped into my head. I reached for a cold Coke, laying it across my chest to cool me down. Watching me Gina threw back her head and laughed, before whooping and saying, "I want details, Simon. Now."

Tugging my lower lip between my teeth I tried as hard as I could to bite back my grin. There was no way I was going to be giving her any details about my sex life with Jesse. I know he'd be horrified if he knew I'd said anything. Besides, they're details I want to keep under lock and key to myself. Only if I've had a drink have I let slip a few details about my boyfriends past. Except for when I was with Paul. Something about him and me together never felt right and I spoke to Gina about it a lot. Best thing he ever did for me was cheat. It spurred me on to moving back to Carmel sooner than I'd planned; which led to me meeting Jesse and being for the first time, 100% fully satisfied in the bedroom.

Sure men have fulfilled some needs. But never in the way Jesse has. I can still taste the fruity chocolate kiss we shared before we made love for the first time.

I couldn't stop the blood rushing to my face.

And that is the difference between Jesse and every other guy I've been with. Jesse _made love_ to me. It wasn't just sex it was - it was so much more than that! The connection I feel with him is mind-blowing and crazy and I feel like a drug addict, I just can't get enough of it. I don't even have to touch him, just look into his eyes and its right there. Blowing out a breath I shook my head trying to get my head around what it was. I connect with Jesse in such a deep way I've felt like I've been walking on the clouds ever since that first oh so sweet time. I thought it would wear off, but we made love a lot more since and each time it's just made me sink deeper.

I feel hopelessly . . . screwed.

Whistling Gina sat back and looked at me. "Whoa, I haven't seen that look on you before. That good huh?" She smiled. Not in a devilish way this time. More in a genuine happy for me kind of way. It just made the fluttering in my belly go even crazier. If Gina could see something too, then it wasn't just my imagination playing tricks on my fragile state of mind.

"Gina it was . . . It was _amazing_." I sighed dreamily.

"Lucky girl," She winked, reaching out for my Coke I'd put down but didn't open.

Snapping myself out of the daydream I was in, I let the silence stretch between us for a bit before I stepped on to dangerous territory.

"So Caden stopped by at Jesse's family's ranch on his way out of town yesterday," I started, looking straight at her. "Said something about you wanted space or something . . . So what's going on?" Caden hadn't wanted to talk about it, so I figured I'd be up against the same thing with Gina.

"Nothing's going on, I cut him loose." She blandly replied. Just like that, without missing a beat.

"OK, why?" I asked, leaning forward on the bar. I had an idea but I wanted to hear it from her. I could feel my irritation itching beneath the surface, crawling around my skin. I love my best friend, I really do. But Gina can be a stubborn bitch when she wants to be. I've lost count of the broken hearts she's left in her wake. Two of my brothers included! I've just stood by the side and watched my frustration with my best friend growing more and more. Maybe a few months ago I would have just sucked the annoyance down and left her to it. But since meeting Jesse and losing Brad - I guess I just don't have the patience for it anymore.

Damn stubborn woman.

Watching me closely for a second, Gina shrugged. "He had baggage and brought drama, I don't like either one. Moving on." She commented as she got off the bar stool and stood silently looking at our decorating. Her whole body language was giving off warning signs to drop the subject. But I guess I can be a stubborn bitch too. "You remembered to book the stripper right? That's going to be fun trying to keep the rest of the woman in the club downstairs," Gina continued, carrying on with her diversion. I just stayed silent. "OK, I'm whacked and need some sleep. You ready to go?"

I moved out from around the bar and followed her down the stairs to the lower level, never taking my eyes off her rigid back. I let her take three steps towards the door before I said something that made her back go even more stiff with tension and anger. It looked painful.

"Gina, when exactly are you going to _grow up_?"

I heard her take in a deep breath and loudly exhale it before she slowly turned around to face me; her expression giving nothing away if there was a stranger standing in front of her. But I'm not a stranger and I could see the hot anger in her fired eyes. I didn't flinch or back down from her hard stare burning into me. A lesser person would have been quivering at this point, but I just took a step towards her. I love Gina, but sometimes I just don't understand her. Sometimes I just can't understand what makes her tick. Sometimes, I don't always like her.

For maybe five minutes.

What is this bullshit about he has baggage and drama? Yeah OK, he can be a tool. What guy can't be a tool and what girl can't be a bitch? But I have to give the guy props for trying with Gina. Romantic gestures with breakfast in bed; wined and dined; falls over himself to do something that would make her happy or laugh. Actually puts Gina first from what I've seen and genuinely does make her laugh. All things that most men haven't found easy to do for Gina. And she thinks he has _baggage_?! She needs to learn the meaning of the word.

The only problem Caden has that I know about is his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which he's in therapy for. Jesse didn't tell me that little bit of information lightly, but it explained a few things once he explained to me what PTSD meant. But come on, you couldn't swing a cat in the military without hitting a soldier with that and who could blame them?! As for the drama . . . the only drama between them two is that their _too_ similar, so they clash.

But hot damn they work well together.

This has to be the reason she's given him the boot.

"_What_ - did you just say to me?" She sneered. Her expression had started off neutral, but the longer the silence between us, the more her face distorted into an angry snarl. It just made me more annoyed; because one day Gina is going to push aside the wrong man and Caden might just be that one.

Crossing my arms across my chest I cocked an eyebrow at her. "I said 'when are you going to grow up?'" I repeated, licking my dry lips. You could cut the atmosphere between us with a knife it was that thick with tension. I was irritated and I wasn't backing down. "You know for years I've watched you walk all over good and bad guys; and some maybe deserved it. But there have been others that haven't and I've had to just watch you shove away your chance of actually having a stable, happy relationship. I'm sick of it; I'm sick of waiting for you to grow up and get past this stupid fear you have for no reason,"

Dropping my bag and coat to the floor I started pacing and throwing my hands around as I vented.

"You think Post Traumatic Stress is baggage?" I asked in disbelief. "I know you're not that shallow to think someone going to therapy is beneath you. Caden's actually doing something about it, he's trying to move past how let down he feels by the military, fight back his demons. What's weak about someone trying to get their life back together? Weren't you the same person who weeks ago cornered me and told me to start thinking about myself and stop pushing Jesse away? It was some of the best advice you ever gave me and now you think Caden trying to do the same is baggage!"

Stopping my pacing and arm throwing I stopped in front of a slightly shocked Gina and slumped my shoulders.

"Why can't you accept that Caden actually makes you happy and that you're good together? What's so wrong with that?" I asked, trying but failing to keep the defeat out of my voice. Closing my eyes I pressed the heels of my hands to them, trying to push away the headache starting to throb behind them. I spoke without opening them. "I'm sorry, that wasn't how I was planning on talking to you about this. I just - I just don't want you to give up on something that if it works out could be really good. I just want you to give him a chance."

Opening my eyes I saw Gina staring back at me, the anger gone from her eyes. It was just filled with some kind of anxiety I didn't understand. She attempted to crack a joke to cover it up, but it was too late; I'd already seen it there.

"Since when are you Caden's number one fan?" She laughed, bowing her head slightly as she stepped back from me and started to be the one pacing. I knew right then that I was experiencing an extremely rare moment of Gina letting her guard down, so I held my breath with anticipation. "Suze what if - what if I'm not good enough for him? What if I'm not enough to help him through his problems? I don't even know where to start or what to say . . ." Slumping down onto a cube leather seat Gina's shoulders dipped. "He told me about his therapy almost straight away. He's told me about some of the things he saw. You should see him after he wakes from a nightmare, it's like he sees right through me. You know nothing scares me, but that - seeing a grown man cry scares the shit out of me . . . What good is that to him?"

If there's one word I could describe my best friend as, it would be selfless. Gina, for the most part is stubborn and hard-headed. But when it comes to her family and friends, she always puts herself last. It speaks volumes of what she feels for Caden to be scared and unsure what to do. She has an answer for almost everything. A solution for everyone! But when it comes to what's good for her, she's completely blind to it. When she doesn't have a solution for herself, that's when she cuts loose and heads in the opposite direction.

Apparently Caden's no different!

Quietly sighing and letting go of all the tension making my shoulders ache, I walked over to Gina and crouched down in front of her. I could count on one hand the amount of times I've seen her have a mini-break down and each time is one of the hardest things I've ever seen. I didn't take her hand or try to hug her. I just looked at her, smiling softly, rolling my eyes at her uncharacteristic naivety.

"Have you tried talking to Caden and telling him that? No? Then maybe that's where you need to start," I slowly said. "Just give yourself a chance before you completely count yourself out. You two may be two of the most stubborn people I've ever had to meet, but it doesn't mean it's not _great_." A slow grin stretched her full lips in to a wide smile that told me exactly what thought had gone through her mind. "Gross!" I cried, jumping up to my feet and away from her as if she had cooties.

Laughing Gina stood up, looking more like the girl I'd seen a week before, and not the stressed out tired one I'd found a couple of hours earlier. It felt good to start having my life slowly return to normal again. If Gina's out of whack then so I am. Normal Gina means less tense Suze.

"Riiiiight, like you and Jesse aren't having just as much of a wild time as Caden and I have," I just blushed a little in answer. "Ha, thought so! Come on, I've had enough mushy stuff for one day; I've got a date with my bed. I need to look at my best for our sexy stripper tonight." Gina winked, sauntering towards the doors of the club.

Smiling I picked up my coat and bag and followed after her, feeling more refreshed than I had before. "And things are right with the world again." I sang lightly as I turned the lights out and followed my best friend. No one and nothing was going to bring me down from my high. Not when finally, things are starting to get back on track again.

xXx

"_Nombre de dios_," I muttered to myself as I sighed heavily and looked around at the clutter of paper littering the floor of my den. "I am in big trouble."

"And I want you to dress up like a prince too, daddy," Alisa continued excitedly, her small arms flying around her gesturing wildly. I tried not to groan at the idea of being dressed like a fairy-tale prince, as the little men whom have been invited to her birthday party have been asked to do. My house will be filled with fairytale characters. But the innocent look upon my beautiful daughters face squashed any kind of dread I felt at having to dress up. I would walk around in the most absurd costume possible if it meant seeing the same smile as I was looking upon right then.

It has been nearly a week since we returned from my family home and I had finally put off planning Alisa's birthday party long enough. For an hour Alisa and I sat on the floor of our den, discussing what she would like for her birthday party. Part of me wished I had never thought to discuss it so in-depth with her. But the father in me just couldn't help but be swept up in the many ideas she has had. One of which is that she wants it as fairytale themed as she can possible get it. This also means I am going to have a very pink, glittery and sparkly house for a couple of days once her party has passed. Thank Heavens for Susannah willing to help me.

"Will I have a cake?" Alisa questioned me. "Is it going to be a crown, with glitter and pink sweets?" She bounced around on the spot where she sat.

Laughing I reached over and lifted her small body up to sit her in my lap, kissing the top of her soft dark hair. "Of course you will have a cake, princesa. Only the best for my little girl. Susannah has said she will make it for you. Would you like that?" I asked, keeping my fingers crossed the hesitant look on Susannah's face when I had agreed to it, meant she would be able to pull off what my fairytale crazed daughter wanted. Alisa nodded eagerly, her hair whipping around her face. "Good, that's another thing to tick off the list; I think we are finished for tonight. Time for bed now." I said, quickly getting to my feet with Alisa in my arms before she fought me.

Unfortunately she started to protest straight away regardless.

"But we not done yet, Daddy! We still have lots to do. I gots to tell you what I want in my party bags!" She cried out as I walked towards the stairs, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck. "And the castle in the yard! Daddy, pwease, I don't wants to go to bed yet. I'm not tired." Alisa argued, contradicting her fight by rubbing her eyes roughly before giving me her best soft innocent expression; that changed instantly to a stubborn one the moment Alisa realized I was not falling for it this time. Eighty percent of the time she has me wrapped around her little finger. But I have complete control for the last twenty percent.

Shaking my head I carried her into the bathroom. "Not tonight, Alisa. We have a busy day tomorrow and you need your sleep. No arguments," I fought, standing back to allow her to complete her night-time routine of teeth brushing and face-washing. I was given strict instructions to go find her 'jammies' while she finished up. When I came back to the bathroom she was still wearing her stubborn expression.

"_Nombre de Dios_," I muttered again taking a deep breath before going in for round two with my daughter. "Where is your hair brush?" I asked while I helped her put her night clothes on, that seemed to take longer than normal as she dodged me repeatedly.

"Don't know," Alisa giggled before dashing out of the bathroom, barely letting me pull her top down before she ripped herself out of my hands. Grumbling to myself again I tried very hard to not allow myself to get frustrated. But it is not easy being the sole parent. Sometimes I wish I had someone else to re-enforce my point with Alisa. Some days I feel as though I am being too hard on her because I am trying to do the job of two parents. But other days I know I am being too soft and those are the days Alisa can take unintentional advantage. Either way I am realizing that the older my beautiful little _princesa_ gets, the more I am going to struggle alone.

The thought only brought more bitterness and anger towards her mother.

But this time, they were swiftly followed by the image of Susannah and growing warmth in my chest.

Snapping out of my round-about thoughts I followed the sounds of Alisa's voice back to her bedroom. "I don't wants to brush my hair," She cried the moment I walked into her room, from her position of jumping on her bed. Raising my eyebrow at her, she interpreted the look correctly and got down from her bed with a loud thump. She explicitly knows to not jump on her bed; which is the precise reason she did it. Crossing her arms across her chest Alisa's stubborn expression turned into severe grumpiness. "I don't want to go to bed."

"Would you like to not have a princess birthday party too? Because you are heading in the right direction, Alisa," I retorted. I felt guilty for threatening her with it the moment the words left my lips. But I could see where our evening was headed and I was certainly not in the mood to try and curb her tantrums. "This is not a game. It is past your bed time, you should be asleep by now," I coaxed, softening my voice slightly the moment I saw her eyes fill with tears. I knew she was over-tired; it is usually the cause of most of her tantrums.

"No! I don't want to," My _princesa_ sniffled, wiping her eyes with a sleeve. I felt my heart break a little seeing her tears. I hate to be the cause of them. Crocodile or otherwise. But I knew I had to keep it in perspective and not back down, lest she would be running all over me in seconds!

Furrowing my brows I opened my mouth to say something. But what I heard did not come from me.

"That is the strongest, whiniest tired voice I've _ever_ heard," Susannah mocked as she leaned against the door frame of Alisa's room, blocking the hallway light from entering her room. "And I would know, I can do a pretty good one too when I want to," Susannah continued as she raised an eyebrow at Alisa, defending me. I felt my heart thud painfully against my chest from shock and relief. Surprise that she was there and relieved that she had appeared at just the right moment. I fear I was either going to snap from my own weariness, or give in to Alisa. "Sorry I let myself in, I did knock."

"Thank you, I am very glad you are here, Susannah," I smiled down at her, squeezing her offered hand lightly. "Impeccable timing." I whispered as I leaned down to kiss her cheek softly; taking the opportunity to inhale her sweet perfume as I did so. As I pulled back I took in her glowing appearance, many different emotions warming my stomach like the beginnings of a mighty fire. The flames flickering and licking my nerves and growing with intensity the longer my eyes lingered on her. Fighting back my raging emotions I turned my attention to my most important task - my daughter.

"One last chance, Alisa," I said, not wanting to follow through with my threat of cancelling her party. I would never do that to her, but I would take away her privilege of coming to get the supplies if she carried on. She has had privileges taken away before, but simple things like no cookies after dinner, or a favorite teddy taken away for a few hours. I have never had to push it any further than that . . . _yet_.

Jutting her bottom lip out, Alisa dropped her crossed arms and pointed at Susannah.

"I want Sooze, to tuck me in," She sullenly whined, walking over to her bed. Her hand disappeared beneath the blanket on the end of her comforter searching around for something before she pulled her hand out with her hair brush. I mentally stored the information away for later, just in case she chose to hide things from me to prolong her not having to go to bed again. "Please, Sooze?" Her voice sweetened, any sign of stubbornness being replaced by sheer tiredness.

"Of course I will," Susannah answered before turning her back on Alisa to look up at me. "Why don't you go and make us a coffee and take a minute?" She softly asked, giving me the chance to walk away for a little why and catch my breath. Grateful she knew what I needed; I smiled my thanks and kissed the end of her nose. As I walked out of Alisa's bedroom I heard Susannah say, "Can I brush your hair before I tuck you in? You don't want to wake up with bed hair like Daddy's, do you?" She laughed.

I heard Alisa respond with, "What's bed hair?" before I slipped off down the hall, chuckling quietly to myself.

Once I reached the kitchen I put the coffee machine on before sitting down on a bar stool, sinking on to it with a heavy, tired sigh. Susannah's surprise visit could not have come at a better time. Alisa is my world and I would do anything for her, without question. But there have been days when I have been sitting alone late at night after a particularly tiring day with my daughter and wish Alisa's mother would walk back into our lives. I knew each time I thought it that it would be a big mistake, but the pain of loneliness would become so strong that it would be hard to not wish for it regardless.

But that was before Susannah had walked into our lives. Her timing then seemed to be impeccable too.

There are still nights I sit alone and ponder my life. But the lonely feeling has subsided to nothing and I no longer wish for something I do not want. Susannah has been all that I could have hoped for with Alisa and I could not have asked for a more understanding and patient lover. I know she cares deeply for Alisa; I see it each time she looks at her. I try to not wonder whether I should put some distance between the two of them - just in case. But I am also aware that what I have with Susannah is something I do not want to let go of. And if that means I have to risk the impact that has on Alisa, then I think . . . I think I am prepared for that.

This in turn leads me to question other things that I am just not ready for.

"One step at a time . . . for Alisa," I murmured to myself, shaking away the far too deep thoughts before scrubbing a rough hand down my stubbled face. I poured two mugs of coffee before heading back upstairs to Alisa's room to kiss my daughter goodnight. I could not hear any talking as I approached her room, so crept across the floor quietly - poking my head around the open door. It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room, but they softened the moment I saw where they both were.

Alisa was curled up under her bed covers, while Susannah was laying on top of them, both facing each other and whispering softly to each other. I could see Alisa's eyes were getting heavy as she struggled to stay awake while Susannah spoke to her. An unconscious smile spread across my face as I watched Susannah reach out to lightly stroke her index finger down the bridge of Alisa's nose as she snuggled deeper into her pillow. I could see the glint of white teeth as Susannah smiled at my daughter, a wistful look upon her striking features. Pulling her hand away, Susannah placed a gently kiss to Alisa's head before gingerly rolling off her small bed to tuck her in properly.

Releasing a shaky breath I did not realize I had been holding, it made Susannah aware of my presence as she gazed down at Alisa longingly.

Keeping my gaze strictly on Alisa, I walked across the room until I reached her bedside. She rolled slightly to face me, any signs of stubborn grumpiness now gone, thankfully. "Sowwy for my tantrum, daddy. I love you." Alisa whispered, stretching her arms up to me for a hug. Bending down I took my daughter into my arms and held her tightly, hot tears prickling the backs of my eyes at her apology and love. I felt my pride swell at my daughter, the hope that I would be able to raise her single handedly and hopefully do the best I can in doing so, starting to become more of a solid reality for me.

"I love you very much too, _princesa_. Have sweet dreams." I whispered back, reluctant to let her go as I stroked her hair. She relaxed into my arms enough for me to know she was close to sleep so I set her back in bed and tucked her in too. With one last kiss and adoring glance I left her room, pulling the door ajar.

When I finally looked up from where I stood in my hallway I locked eyes with Susannah, aware there was a fierce intensity behind them. She was staring at me; her back to the wall, hands braced either side of her. Without questioning whether it would be a good idea with Alisa sleeping in her room or not - no longer wanting to question my actions with Susannah and the repercussions they may, or may not have on Alisa - I closed the distance between us. I trapped Susannah against the wall and my chest, the feel of her soft body against mine fanning my desire for her. I had a brief chance to see the hope and surprise in her stunning emerald eyes before I dipped my head and captured her soft throbbing lips and gasp with mine. I felt her hands splay across my chest before curling into my thin t-shirt, pulling me close enough to press the hard length of my body to hers.

I felt crazed and over-come with so much emotion and passion, the more deeply I kissed Susannah, the more the feelings grew. I knew where they had been sparked from; they had appeared the moment I saw my _querida_ staring down at my daughter with such longing and love. It formed a picture in my mind that made me want to shower the beautiful woman in my arms with affection and devotion. I wanted Susannah to feel the intensity of my emotions for her and all she is and has done for me. She has kindled something so feral and dormant inside me, I feel as though I will fly apart if I do not act upon it.

Breathlessly breaking our kiss I leaned my head down to rest on Susannah's, her eyes danced with a frenzy mirrored in mine. Quickly lifting her up into my arms I carried Susannah down the hall to my bedroom and softly laid her down on my bed. "_Querida_," I whispered to her gently before leaning down to kiss her again, but softer and more tenderly. Carefully I undressed her before undressing myself. My eyes wandered over her soft perfect body, my hands trailing wherever they wanted to. Her heavy lidded eyes were cloudy with need and wanting, spurring me to move atop of her, settling myself between her legs. "_You are so beautiful_." I murmured, sealing my words with a deep kiss.

I made love to Susannah with all the agonizing depth I felt I would fall apart from. With such a need that it left us both exhausted and sated long after.

"Jesse?" Susannah sleepily questioned me where she laid half across my bare chest.

"Yes, _querida_?" I just as quietly replied.

"I . . ." She started before trailing off. "I think I'm in big trouble . . ."

Staring up at the ceiling of my room, my hand lazily stroked up and down her bare back, the intense passion from earlier lulling subdued beneath the surface for now. I felt Susannah's breathing tell me she had fallen asleep almost instantly after declaring her trouble to me.

"Me too," I sighed back, kissing the top of her silky auburn hair. "Me too . . ."


End file.
